Takes

The MLB rivalry between the Padres and Mariners is called the 'Eddie Vedder Cup'

It's the Eddie Vedder Cup... The competition is named after Pearl Jam front man, rock and roll legend Eddie Vedder, who lived in both cities during his life and personally designed the trophy, which features a guitar.

The Yankees lost Juan Soto because they were disrespectful regarding family suites

The Yankees lost out on a generational talent just because they were disrespectful... The Yankees wouldn't budge on giving Juan Soto a suite in Yankee Stadium saying that if they don't do it for Derek Jeter, they're not gonna do it for him.

Juan Soto will sign a contract for a 'stupid amount of money,' potentially worth $700 million

I think he's gonna get 700 million... Yeah, no, I'd like to walk that take back. I think he's gonna get a stupid amount of money. But the fact that the way he's going about it just means that like, yeah, it doesn't, he doesn't give a fuck who's giving him this money.

If Tarik Skubal gets traded to the Dodgers, my Cy Young bet is in trouble

Tarik Skubal, who is the presumptive Cy Young favorite... is possibly gonna get traded... I bet it right then and there. So I have plus 400. I think he's like minus 125 now. But he might get traded to the Dodgers. If he gets traded to the Dodgers, I'm fucked. You don't want him in the National League. They only base their voting on what you did in your new league.

Fanatics MLB jerseys are complete pieces of shit

It's starting to bother me now that I'm watching a little more baseball. Just like not being able to read the pitcher's jersey. And it seems like every single night there's a new example of the jerseys just being pieces of shit.

The Blue Jays should be eliminated from the Shohei Ohtani sweepstakes for leaking their meeting

It came out that Shhe... visiting with the Blue Jays. And I think by Sho Hays rules, the blue Jay should be eliminated. See you buddy. See you. Blue Jays. What?

The Paige Spiranac bobblehead night saved the Brewers' season

The Paige Spiranac Bobblehead completely turned around the Brewer's season... on June 16th, the Brewers hosted the Pirates... they were 34 and 34. They beat the Pirates that night... and they wound up winning the NL Central with a record of 92 and 70. And they were 58 and 36 after the Paige Spiranac Bobblehead night.

Pirates shortstop O'Neil Cruz is the most electric player in baseball

This guy might be the most electric player I've ever seen in my life. 6'7" he's a shortstop. He ran 31.5 miles per hour. Hardest throw by an infielder in Major League Baseball this year, he threw a ball from shortstop to first 96.7 miles per hour. I am buying all my stock and O'Neil Cruz right now.

Reds fans should defecate in the Toyota Tundra at the stadium to protest the owner

A Reds fan posted yesterday saying... 'I will be scaling the wall to defecate in the bed of the Toyota Tundra.' I just liked that Reds fans are fighting back. This is how you fight... maybe it will make people go shit in their trucks.

Ken Griffey Jr. is still the sixth highest paid player on the Reds

The reds are on my cool throne, because they're, if you look at their salary this year, they have a hall of Famer as their six highest played player... Ken Griffey Jr. So yeah, the reds are, anytime you get a guy who's been in the hall of fame and retired for like 15 years as your sixth highest paid player, he's getting paid like $4 million till 2024.

The MLB season will inevitably be delayed due to lack of progress in labor meetings

The MLB and the Major League Baseball Players Association made little progress in their latest meeting, and a delay to the upcoming season feels inevitable.

Banning the shift would be awesome for baseball

He's considering banning the shift in the next year, which I think that'd be awesome to do.

Shohei Ohtani is the next Babe Ruth and exactly what baseball needs

Shohei Ohtani... he's doing it all. So he's in the Home Run Derby... then he's going to pitch in the All-Star game. And he's going DH in the All-Star game. And this guy, like this is what baseball needs. ... I'm pumped for Shohei Ohtani to be the next Babe Ruth.

MLB is incompetent for banning sticky substances in the middle of the season

The spider attack controversy that they knew about forever and decided, hey, we're going to now start punishing people. They went zero tolerance policy... Tyler Glasnow... is basically saying he got injured because of it... Good job, MLB. You really fucking did it again, you idiots.

Shohei Ohtani is a rare talent we must appreciate

Shohei Ohtani is one of those rare talents where I think you just got to sit back and be like, holy fuck, I can't believe this guy's doing this. ... Shohei is getting caught up [to Ronald Acuna].

Lenny Dykstra's reputation is so bad that it is now a legal asset

Lenny Dykstra, it was ruled by an actual court of law in the United States that you cannot libel Lenny Dykstra because his reputation is already so bad that you can't make it worse... He shot the moon with his reputation. It's become so bad that it's actually an asset.

The Mets' season is officially over after their 7-run ninth-inning collapse

My hot seat is Mets... They blow a 7-run lead in the ninth... it's clearly over.

Joe Maddon gave an Urban Meyer-esque answer regarding Addison Russell's abuse allegations

That's an Urban Meyer-esque answer, basically saying my internet doesn't work and my brain doesn't work and I forgot that I should probably read about my accusations that my players committed domestic abuse. Whether it's true or not, bad answer, Joe Maddon.

Christian Yelich will win the MLB MVP

It's Christian Yelich since appearing on Pardon My Take in July. He's first in batting average, tied for first in home runs, first in runs, first in RBIs, and first in slugging percentage. Many people are saying he's going to be the MVP.

The Yankees' protest against ESPN's scheduling is a power move using Aaron Boone's inside knowledge

It's also a power move because you know Aaron Boone knows the inside deal with ESPN, so he knows the leverage he has.

The Washington Nationals will win the World Series based on the Sports Illustrated cover logic

Actually, what this means is that in what, seven years the Nationals beat World Series champions? Because they predicted the Astros, the rise of the Astros. True. So whenever the first time that they picked the Nats was like eight or nine years from then, that's when they're finally going to win.

Scott Boras is on the hot seat because the MLB collusion against him is working

My other hot seat is Scott Boras. So Scott Boras, the number one MLB agent. He has had a tough offseason. He promised a lot of money to a lot of people, and he hasn't really come through... basically the entire collusion against Scott Boras has worked. And he's especially on the hot seat too because he's trying to convince everyone how he's doing well.

The 'white powder' Esteban Loaiza was caught with is definitely cocaine

Esteban Loaiza got busted with a shitload of cocaine and marijuana, allegedly... I was reading it because they were like, we got this huge bag of white powder. We haven't tested it yet, but we're going to test to see if it's cocaine. I think it's cocaine, guys. Unless he's a baker and we didn't know.

The Washington Nationals have a 100% chance of making the NLDS

The Nationals are officially Gucci... The Sabermetrics came out, and they have a 100% chance of making the [NLDS]. I don't know how they can calculate that just yet, but I'm not very smart.

The Cleveland Indians should retire Chief Wahoo and just sell throwbacks for profit

I also don't know why they don't. They just get rid of it. Do the C. Do the block C. And then just sell it as throwbacks. You can still make money off it. Just like, you know what, guys, you're right. It's 2016. We need to do a better job with this logo. And then in a year, be like throwback night.

The Indians logo is back on the hot seat because the team is actually winning

Hot seat, Indians logo. They're going to be in the ALCS, and that means the Indians logo is going to be on the hot seat again... If you stay bad, no one cares that your logo is offensive.

The Cleveland Indians' Chief Wahoo logo will be on the hot seat this year

We, this show, called the shot that the Indians were going to have a good year and the Chief Wahoo logo was going to be on the hot seat and people were going to all get upset. Well, guess what? They had a good year. They lost in the World Series, but they had a good year. They're back. Chief Wahoo still on the hot seat.