Takes

The Yankees are actually better without Derek Jeter

Kind of strange how the Yankees started winning after [Jeter] retired. Are the Yankees better without Derek Jeter?

Professional athletes who are 'disability check fat' like Bartolo Colon are the best

Jim Brockmire's favorite is Bartolo Colon. Because you have to love any professional athlete that is very nearly disability check fat.

Derek Jeter is jealous of A-Rod's business success with A-Rod Corp

I think that's the bottom of it, is that Derek Jeter is jealous of all of the business success A-Rod Corp has had... They sold like 50 golf shirts. He had lunch with his little girls the other day. Meanwhile, Derek Jeter can't buy the Marlins.

Barry Bonds is the best player that ever stepped foot in a batter's box

Barry Bonds is not even remotely close. Remotely close is the best player that ever stepped foot in a box. That guy, when the ball was an inch outside, he knew it. Steroids doesn't give you Superman eyes.

Wade Davis is better than Aroldis Chapman if he can stay healthy

Wade Davis is better than Aroldis Chapman if he can stay healthy. And I know that's a big if... if he can stay healthy, he is probably the best closer in baseball.

Clubhouse character and camaraderie are essential for winning in MLB

All of a sudden, [Dayton Moore] brought this culture in, and he wanted guys that came up through the minor leagues together... all of a sudden, character became very, very important. And I really believe that's one of the reasons that a team... all of a sudden, we go to the playoffs... next year, win the World Series. And so that's when I became a firm believer that character does play a role, the camaraderie in the locker room.

I would have hit 40 home runs in today's era with modern training

Do you think if you played right now and you had they had all the technology and how these guys train relentlessly... do you think you would have hit more home runs? Yeah. [Big Cat: 30 was your highest year... you'd say like mid-30s to 40 guy?] Oh, you know, I think it depends on what park you play in, too... Home run might have gone up.

The 1990s Atlanta Braves are a dynasty with an asterisk

The exception to this rule is if you play in a conference that you dominate for a long time but then keep getting your ass kicked in the finals. So I'll give you an example. I would say the Atlanta Braves 1990s team is a dynasty with an asterisk on it.

Closers in baseball are used incorrectly by only pitching the ninth inning

Closers are not used well today. It's stupid to only come in the ninth inning. It's because you have the statistic 'the save' that actually measures things badly. ... You should be using them in the most high-leverage situation of the game.

The MLB should use a radar gun to decide tied games after 13 innings

Just have a radar gun and just each team gets 10 throws. Fastest throw wins. Fastest combined average score. ... all nine players on the field have to throw. So whoever in the game... you get to see fun shit like first baseman throw and stuff.

Improvement in pitchers is less suspicious than hitters developing late-career power

With pitchers, pitching is such a funny thing that I kind of am not suspicious when a pitcher all of a sudden gets good... But for a hitter to suddenly develop power... It's definitely weird to see guys improving at age 36.

The Cleveland Indians should retire Chief Wahoo and just sell throwbacks for profit

I also don't know why they don't. They just get rid of it. Do the C. Do the block C. And then just sell it as throwbacks. You can still make money off it. Just like, you know what, guys, you're right. It's 2016. We need to do a better job with this logo. And then in a year, be like throwback night.

I am not a Hall of Famer by my own standards

In my Hall of Fame, no. I think I was pretty good. I think I was better than everybody in the history of the game in October. Was I a Hall of Famer? In my Hall of Fame, no.

Mike Mussina is not a Hall of Famer

[Big Cat: Mike Mussina?] Ooh. I'd have to look at his numbers... As soon as you pause, it's a no.

Modern starting pitchers are soft for only throwing 180 innings

Today it's going to be harder [for pitchers to get in the Hall] because they're doing less. You've got starters who go out and have a full season and have 180 innings. I mean, that's the equivalent of having a vagina... As a starter, your job is innings.

The biggest competitive advantage in baseball today is understanding players as human beings rather than just data

The ironic thing about that is it's kind of swung the pendulum back where I think the biggest competitive advantage now is actually understanding players as human beings, what makes them tick, getting the right kind of guys, building the right kind of chemistry, and then treating them the right way so that the team can take off.

Position players are significantly better first-round draft bets than pitchers

The best bets in the first round are position players. They return, on average, about twice as much value as pitchers. If we were going to put our resources... we wanted to do it with position players.

Kyle Schwarber will be an average defensive left fielder

I think [the concern about his defense] is overblown. I think he'll be average out there in left. You know, he boxed those two balls against the Mets whenever everyone was watching. So everyone thinks he's brutal. So I'll actually probably surprise some people who haven't seen him play since then.

The Cubs would not have won the 2016 World Series without the Game 7 rain delay

I buy it. I don't think we win the World Series without that [rain delay], but you can't prove it. ... If you blow a lead late in any game, it's hard to then come back and win... our players were shell-shocked... and that rain delay... they rallied each other.

The Red Sox and Mets will meet in the World Series

I think the Red Sox and the Mariners are going to be in the ALCS... Cubs-Mets [in the NLCS]... Red Sox-Mets [World Series].

The Nationals will win the 2017 World Series

I've got the Nats and the Dodgers [in the NLCS]... and then I'm going with the Red Sox [in the AL]... Red Sox-Nats [World Series]. World Series champion? Nats.

The Cubs will win back-to-back World Series titles

I'm going with the Astros over the Red Sox in the AL and the Cubs over the Mets in the NL... Cubs over the Astros for the World Series.

Miguel Cabrera will win the AL MVP

I think Miguel Cabrera is going to be the AL MVP because he's in that nice spot. He's like 33, maybe getting up there in years, little steroids, getting a little second life.

Tim Tebow's lifetime of competition will help him hit a curveball

He was actually competing before he was even born because he was supposed to be aborted... He beat an abortion doctor. Yes. He's been winning for so long... And again, that will help him hit a curveball.

I would hit three home runs per game in a 16-inch beer softball league.

How many home runs do you think you would hit if you played in my 16-inch beer softball league? ...probably like three, so three a game. ...And the fourth would just be like a double?

Jake Arrieta's 466-foot home run was only possible because of the dry Arizona air

I don't know if you guys know how air works, but it's hot. A little dry heat. The ball carries... The ball carries in Arizona. So yeah. This is just a stupid little witch hunt that's been going on for a long time now.

Javi Baez is going to get a fastball in the ear hole for his showboating

I want to put one in Javi by his ear hole... and you better believe that he's going to get one in his ear hole soon. You see him he was like celebrating as he was tagging the other day... You don't go around another man's tag... Tebow's never been to—say what you want about Tim Tebow but he wouldn't showboat when he was getting to third base for the first time.

Tommy Lasorda is mentally sharp but his physical stature is overrated

Tommy's fine. He's upright. He's around. He's mentally very spry. Physically, he's not at the top of his game, but mentally he is... Overrated. He's sharp. You know when you get older and they have that row of 20 lines that they can go to in any situation, you can't beat them at anything? He's at that stage.

Stop talking about a Chicago Cubs dynasty; they've only won one World Series

Stop with this dynasty talk. Okay? The dynasty is happening. The dynasty is on. Red Sox fans became insufferable, and now it's the Cub fans... Just get in the tournament, win a game, and get back to me. You've never been in the tournament [Northwestern]. Do something.

Tim Tebow's performance in spring training proves he only knows how to contribute

He grounded into a double play, but he drove in a run... All Tim Tebow does is contribute. I think that's one of those things that you have to look at and be like, you know, this is one of these intangibles that we talk about.

Tim Tebow hitting home runs in batting practice proves he's a star

Is that an all-time record for home runs in batting practice? ... can he go deep? That's the question. ... He hit four home runs in five pitches. So there you go.

Sammy Sosa put Chicago on the map when nobody knew where it was

Sammy Sosa did an interview today... Sammy also said when nobody knew who Chicago was, I put Chicago on the map. So the third largest city right after Michael Jordan was the greatest player of all time. Sammy Sosa made people know, hey, Chicago's here. It's in Illinois.

Bryce Harper doesn't have the balls to turn down the Yankees for the Red Sox

Me and Hank had a little conversation about Bryce Harper... and we're hearing rumors... that he might be going to the Red Sox. [Hank]: There's no chance. That'd be awesome. But he doesn't have the balls to do that to the Yankees. He can't turn down that money to come to the Red Sox.

Baseball players' stupidity has become a charming part of the sport

I love how baseball players, it's become charming how stupid they are. I mean, it's just really, they're just a bunch of stupid people and everyone says, 'Oh, isn't this so funny?'

Mets spring training is essentially just a timeline update on Tommy John surgeries

It's also a.k.a. just Mets spring training. That's just basically all of Mets spring training is, oh, hey, all of our pitchers are somewhere in the timeline of Tommy John, so let's just update everyone on that.

Teams that have spring training arguments over who their closer is will lose 90 to 100 games

I have also written down the 'who's the closer' argument. Those are teams that don't have a closer and they're trying a bunch of people out. Those teams usually will lose somewhere between 90 and 100 games.

Vin Scully will die once baseball season starts or sometime in the middle of summer

He's going to die once baseball season starts. Well, he's going to—he has to do at least like one Vin Scully's back in the booth moment where it's like, oh, we have a special guest. Probably opening night. Then he's going to die.

MLB's extra innings rule changes are a David Stern-style publicity stunt

David Stern used to do this all the time in the middle of the summer when the NBA wasn't getting any headlines. ... I think MLB is trying to do something. Super Bowl just ended. They're trying to get everyone back into baseball season, get some people talking about baseball. So let's just throw a stupid rule out there that's never going to work.

Major League Baseball is the easiest sport to win money on

I would say Major League Baseball is the easiest sport to win. No issue about it. Because, again, think about it. The longevity of the cycle of the season gives you the advantage. Like college and pro football are the two hardest.

David Ortiz will return to the MLB in the summer of 2017

I agree with Hank. What do you think? Like mid season? You think he's going to come for the whole season? Summer. He'll take the cold months off and come back.

Benchining a player for being too fat isn't discrimination if they were already heavy when they signed

They accepted [Pablo Sandoval] as being a loud ass when they signed him. He was heavy. So they didn't discriminate in the beginning. And so they will accept him the way he was, but it turned out that he couldn't hit his weight. So that made him less subject to discrimination.

I am ground zero for sports celebrity for non-athletes

He [SI Reporter] said, you're the first sports star. I mean, what the hell is a sports star? Star for sports. You're the first guy to become a sports celebrity that wasn't an athlete. And it's really good. You pay it forward. You're really nice to everybody. You take strangers with you. And we have nothing to compare you to. You are ground zero for sports stars.

The Cubs will win a World Series before the Knicks win an NBA championship

Of course the Cubs are going to win one before the Knicks. No, I'm not saying it's this year, but here's the answer to your question straight up. As long as James Dolan is the owner of the Knicks, the Knicks aren't winning shit.

The ban on rookie hazing is killing masculinity in this country

Well, I see where Major League Baseball is coming from, but the fact that they're not letting guys dress up like girls is killing masculinity in this country. It's just sick.

Dan Haren is a genius for joining the Diamondbacks because their pitching can't get worse

Smart move for him to join that team because basically he can just go and fart and be like, oh, they're better. 30th ranked team. So basically, they can't get worse. He can just go pick his nose, fart, listen to Pardon My Take, and they'll, by just the law of averages, get a little bit better.

Bryce Harper will eventually sign with the New York Yankees

Bryce Harper is going to look great in pinstripes. ... If you look back over the course of history, this is the biggest prediction that everybody will get right.

The Red Sox championship window is currently two to three years

Yeah, it's like two or three years. ... Luckily, their third best pitcher [Rick Porcello] just won the Cy Young.

The MLB ban on chewing tobacco is an infringement on a player's right to get cancer

I think it's offensive to me. You should have the right to get cancer if you want it. And you're stealing that right from baseball players.

Chicago is the 'Parade King' city with the best fans in the world.

All I know is that we parade cocked everyone else... Chicago Parade Kings, best fans... Chicago one-upped it [Tampa Bay].

Steve Bartman should decide when he returns to the spotlight, not the media.

The media has a weird fascination with getting Steve Bartman back involved with the Cubs now. It's so stupid... Steve Bartman gets to decide if he wants to come back, not the other way around.