Takes

Lifting weights is significantly more effective for getting in shape than cardio

It's crazy how don don't know when we learned this as like kids what point we're like, oh yeah, to get in shape you gotta run. That's so wrong. Like cardio. Okay, fine... Dude. Lifting weights is the best way to get in shape. 'cause you just feel stronger and you start, your metabolism goes, it feels good.

I'm out on Boeing airplanes until the safety issues are addressed

Boeing airplanes... had an explosive decompressor at 16,000 feet... So if it's, I don't know what kind of flights we have planned soon. But if it's Boeing, I ain't going. I'm out. I'm out on Boeing anytime soon.

The passengers on the missing Titanic submarine are likely already dead

They're dead. This is one of those situations that it's captivated the internet because they keep being like, they have 50 hours of oxygen... they died. It's probably better that they died almost instantly. I would imagine they did. You don't, something bad happened and the sub broke and they died.

There will be a massive tick population this year due to the mild winter

We had a very mild winter. There's a lot of ticks. The winter didn't kill the ticks. There's gonna be a lot of ticks. Tick-borne diseases are no joke. Be careful out there. Do tick checks. Get a buddy, get naked.

Short people are crucial for conserving food and resources on our dying planet

Being short is better for the future... Not only do shorter people tend to live longer, but they're also crucial in conserving food and resources on her dying planet. The short are also inherent conservationists, which is more crucial than ever in this world of 8 billion. So basically if we were 10% shorter, we would save 87 millions of tons of food per year.

I will take Liver King back if he admits he used steroids and was just trying to recover from injury

If he just says like, yeah, guys, I'm 50 years old... I needed this stuff to like, you know, come back. Like if he basically does the, I was injured and I wanted to get back with the team real fast. Like, if he does that, I'll take him back. I'll be like, what? Fuck it, dude. Like at least you're honest now.

Nuclear-powered 'air cruises' are fake and would definitely crash

It's a plane cruise. Yeah. It's like a massive, massive, massive, bigger than whatever name like four aircraft carriers... 20 electric engines powered by nuclear fusion. I'm just going to say this. If this is real, I will absolutely laugh when it crashes and everyone dies. There's no way to test fly this until you actually make the real thing.

JNCO jeans are officially back in style

My cool throne is JNCOs. Yeah. And JNCOs are also back... there was a, a trend piece in the Wall Street Journal, you know, something's real cool when it's written about in the Wall Street Journal.

It is safe to stop wearing masks outside now

My hot seat is anyone who's still wearing masks outside. We're good. CDC said we don't have to do it anymore. Which I don't want to say not to brag, but I called it. But last week, my sunglasses were getting fogged up. And I was like, I think I'm done wearing a mask outside.

Heat Wave's bloodline produces the most delicious cattle of all time

You would know that the most tasty cow of all time is Heat Wave and Heat Wave's bloodline lives on to this very day. And if you buy a direct descendant you from the Heat Wave, the most Billy cow of all.

Asteroids are frauds and won't actually hit Earth

Asteroids do something, they're all talk no walk... Asteroids you're on my shit list and you're frauds. If it shows up to Earth it will probably fuck me up but you're frauds.

I started an OnlyFans for my feet called Billy Feetball

I actually have a confession to make. I have an OnlyFans. Ever since I wore my toe shoes, people actually started DMing me asking me for feet pics. They were offering money and I actually set one up. It's Billy Feetball. I've been making... around under $1000 but over... I've made $800 around there.

You get drunker drinking at home than you do at a bar with the same amount of drinks

I think you get drunker in your living room drinking alone or with friends than you do in a bar with the same amount of drinks. Like, I can have six beers in my living room, and I'll puke on myself, pee myself, and go to sleep. If I have six beers in a bar, it's like, okay, my night is one-tenth of the way done.

I will bike around the perimeter of Manhattan in under 3 hours and 15 minutes

The perimeter of Manhattan, it's a about a three-hour bike ride. Okay. Now there are some places. I don't know which streets to take exactly. So I'm going to I'm going to give myself three hours 15 minutes. Okay to get around the island of Manhattan.

I am officially done disrespecting the Coronavirus and now respect it

I actually I am standing up right now and saying I respect coronavirus. I'm done disrespecting. I'm not I'm putting a respectful thing to her fraud... I am respecting coronavirus.

Feral hogs are a legitimate national problem that needs to be addressed

Someone brought up a very actually the the like the most fair point that's ever been brought up he was like what about the 30 to 50 feral hogs that run in my backyard and terrorize my children... apparently they're a real problem they just run and just they will kill you they're mad they're insane so we need to do something about the feral hogs.

Cam Newton needs to offer $50,000 for a first-class seat upgrade, not $1,500

Cam Newton offering $1,500 cash to someone sitting in first class on a flight to France. No one ever would do that deal. You have to offer twenty thousand dollars, thirty thousand dollars. Cam Newton is going to make $140 million currently. He has to offer $50,000.

NASA's Mars Insight lander will find 'evidence of water' that we already knew about

They're going to maybe find traces of what might have been water a billion years ago. But the headlines are going to say evidence of water on Mars, which we already have.

Wisconsin cities are the Mount Rushmore of drunks

USA Today ranked the top 10 drunkest cities in America... seven [were from Wisconsin]. Green Bay is number one, Eau Claire, Appleton, Madison. They have all four of the top four. They are the Mount Rushmore of drunks.

Peeing in the sink is the most environmentally friendly bathroom habit

Peeing in the sink is actually the greenest way to go, so you're welcome. Instead of wasting 1.6 gallons of water on a flush, you pee in the sink. You then wash your hands in the very same sink, simultaneously washing down the urine and preserving nature's most precious resource.

Humans, not rats, were the true cause of the Bubonic Plague

My Cool Throne is rats... turns out they didn't cause the bubonic plague. Really? We've been blaming rats for the last, like, 600 years. Turns out we're way off. No, it's humans. We were projecting on rats.