Takes

The Chainsmokers look more like podcasters than a successful EDM group

I say that the Chainsmokers, they look the most like a podcast of any massively successful EDM group. Two white guys. Yeah. Listen, I'm saying that as a podcaster.

I Show Speed is more famous than Tom Brady

Our conversation back here was Brady or Speed. I would probably go Speed. Brady's a big name though, he got a lot of rings, but I'd go Speed. I might take it back and go top one [most famous person at the field].

Timothée Chalamet can't win the big one after losing another Oscar

Timothy Chalamet. Yeah. Did not win... he's now in that like, can he win the big one? It's, it's I think it's his third time. Nothing. Can't win the big one. Nothing to show.

Directing animation is much harder than directing live action

I will tell you, having directed live action and having directed animation... it is a lot harder to do the second one. ... animation itself has not gotten any easier. It's, it, it still requires the human brain to make a judgment call every few frames with regard to what's right for the moment.

E11even is a club with strippers, not a strip club

The national anthem at E11even last night... E11even is not a strip club, it is a club with strippers. So let's just get that clear. Because a lot of people were upset about it and I'm not gonna stand for it. Put some respect on E11even. It's a club with strippers.

Liking chick flicks from the 2000s is inherently wrong for men

Liking chick flicks is wrong. They're gay. Yeah.

Logan Paul's $13 million Pokemon card sale is just a digital scam

I think a lot of it was digitally scamming. Not physical, not hard copy scams... it's like blockchain scam. So it's like deregulated scam.

A sniper's most likely hiding spots are a clock tower or a warehouse

That feels like the, the two most likely places for people in Texas to hide if they're a sniper.

Jordan Queen has already wrapped up Jordan of the Year in February by wearing an Orchids of Asia Day Spa shirt to the Duke-UNC game.

Jordan [Queen] was there [at Duke-UNC]... and she was wearing an Orchids of Asia Day Spa shirt. Unbelievable. Which is the day spa that Robert Kraft got jacked off in. Jordan of the Year is open and shut case... early February. Jordan of the Year has been wrapped up.

The NFL's 'Chief Kindness Officer' Dhar Mann is a scam artist

I asked this only because I saw a bunch of people. He, he, so he got, he got made kindness officer. And then all the entire reaction was, this guy's a scam artist. If you're this guy, why would you ever accept this? So, 'cause you know, like, you can't go, you can't take a position like this knowing that most people are gonna be like, dude, this guy's full of shit.

Every great record was unpleasant to make and involved band members hating each other

I think that every good record that I can think of was made—was unpleasant to make, you know, they all sort of hate each other. Fleetwood Mac... the White Stripes... Jack [White] couldn't get Meg to do anything... it's all kind of this struggle.

The Sphere in Las Vegas prioritizes spectacle over meaningful human interaction in music

People say that they like the Sphere, but everybody says the same thing... there's a tiny little person in this great big thing. So it's spectacle over... that human interaction. Yeah. And I don't really see it.

1992 to 1993 was the greatest run of movies ever

The 1992 to 1993, like the greatest run of movies ever. The Fugitive, Jurassic Park, all those. Best year of movies.

The Barstool Internet Invitational was the best piece of sports entertainment ever on YouTube.

I do actually think that that was the best piece of sports entertainment I've ever watched on YouTube. In the YouTube video format. It was the final round had like so many twists and turns in it. It had a lot of emotions.

The Italian race is essentially finished because they are too attracted to Latinas

He [Jersey Jerry] told me today that Italians were done in this country... because a lot of them are attracted to Latinas. And so then they have kids with Latinas and then there's no more Italians.

I am officially endorsing Rob Kardashian

I'm officially endorsing Rob. I'm officially endorsing Rob. [He's a] good guy. People forget about Rob and the time that he had to fly back from France because his suit didn't fit.

Dua Lipa and Callum Turner's 'same book on a plane' meet-cute story is fake

I just can't, I couldn't help myself but to bring up this story 'cause it's just so fake... He revealed that they were reading the same book the night they first met. We sat next to each other on a plane... it's too much. Fakest plane book story love story of all time.

Taylor Swift's new album is a flop

My other's back the week is Taylor Swift... heard it was a flop. From what I've seen, I, I would give it not her best... some are saying it's, it's chat GPT. It's it's, yeah.

Bill Nye and Weird Al are the two people whose cancellation would wreck my childhood

I respect Bill Nye just as a human. He would be probably top five for me in terms of if Bill Nye was canceled for being a scumbag... that would wreck my childhood. It's him and Weird Al. Those are the two big ones.

Jam bands are AI-proof because a robot can never replicate the human element of a live performance

A robot can definitely lay down some... but a robot, an AI can never play a sick live show... [Mistakes are] real man. It's proof that you're human.

Roddy Piper, Bret Hart, Terry Funk, Eddie Guerrero, Harley Race, and Dusty Rhodes are the all-time greats

I like to say six grandfathers instead of Mount Rushmore... Brett Hart... Roddy Piper... Terry Funk... Eddie Guerrero... Harley Race... Dusty Rhodes. Six with a bullet.

AJ Lee is the only free agent in pro wrestling who could top my return to WWE

If you look at the field of eligible free agents in pro wrestling, there's only one that could top what I did. And it was [AJ Lee]. It took a while to massage some things out and get it done, but to me, Wrestlepalooza is the celebration of wrestling.

Disney adults without kids should be sent to jail

I just think there should be two lines at Disney. One for people with kids and one for people without. And the people with kids get to go in the park and the people without get to go to jail, you have to go to jail. There should be a line right into a jail cell.

The Phillies fan who yelled at the man over a home run ball should be banned for life from Citizens Bank Park

I think she should be banned for rest of Citizens Bank Park... She should be banned from Citizens Bank Park... she almost fought somebody over a home run ball.

A Taylor Swift divorce album would result in incredible music

I want them to be happily married forever. A divorce album would rock... I'm saying if it happened, there would be incredible music. Right. Don't want it happen.

Zelda: Ocarina of Time is the best video game ever made

We are gonna go Zelda: Ocarina of Time... widely known as the best game ever... It's like known as being the best game ever.

Nick Mullen is the funniest guy of all time

Nick [Mullen] was a genius. He was the funniest guy of all time. No, I mean, it was incredible. It was so funny.

Taylor Swift Easter Eggs are stupid and overhyped

We're gonna take Taylor Swift Easter Eggs. Not Taylor Swift. The music, we understand the music... I, for the life of me do not understand when Taylor Swift just like matches a couple numbers... and everyone fucking goes full investigative journalism mode... it's fucking stupid.

Marvel movies are overhyped and cheesy for adults

I don't understand the hype as an adult is Marvel movies... I like good movies, but... the Marvel movies being like, you know, people like camping out for Marvel for superhero movies... it never made sense to me when they're like cheesy superhero movies.

Ryan Gosling is the hottest guy in Hollywood because he is a great actor who remains the 'guy next door'

I was gonna say [Ryan] Gosling just because I think he, like, not only can he play a character of a caricature of himself, but he also is like, I think just very striking, very, very guy next door. But he's also a really good actor, which I think is like a hard thing to do.

MGK objectively has bangers and I'm officially coming out as a fan.

MGK Dropped an album on Friday. It's good... I really dislike how much I respect MGK as an artist... He objectively has bangers. Yeah, I agree. He's, he's got good songs... I'm out. I'm officially, I'm coming out. I'm an MGK fan.

We have officially reached a sad point in society where 69 and 420 aren't the only funny numbers anymore.

Back in our day when 69 was the only funny number, 69 and 420 was all you needed. Really sad. Really sad. Where we've gotten to.

Little Big League is a better movie than Rookie of the Year

Little Big League I think is a better movie than Rookie of the Year. Little Big League is legit a great movie. ... I like Little Big League better.

Happy Gilmore 1 is the funniest movie of all time

I'm just gonna get mad. I wanna just enjoy a movie and Happy Gilmore 1 is the funniest movie of all time.

Happy Gilmore 2 was just a nostalgia blast rather than a good movie

I thought it was exactly what I expected going in and that it wasn't the best movie. It was nostalgia. There was a shitload of cameos. I laughed a few times and I went away being like, okay, that was fun.

Happy Gilmore 2 would be the worst movie ever if you hadn't seen the first one

Now if you haven't seen Happy Gilmore and you just watch Happy Gilmore 2, it's probably the worst movie of all time. If you've never seen the first one... they didn't try to make a brand new movie. They were just like, we're gonna make a funny, silly movie that is basically all head nods to the first one.

Bad Bunny was incredible and the funniest part of Happy Gilmore 2

I laughed out loud multiple times at Bad Bunny's parts [in Happy Gilmore 2]. He was really good. Very funny. Very funny.

Hulk Hogan is one of the top American exports of all time

Maybe Top American export. The world knew who Hulk Hogan was.

Coldplay staged the viral Kiss Cam moment for publicity

I feel like Coldplay might have set this whole thing up because we're talking about Coldplay online. Coldplay's getting talked about more than they've ever been talked about so much.

Jerry O'Connell is using his separate finances as an excuse to avoid paying for the PMT fantasy league

He's throwing us a song and dance about how he only could pay for a third of the leak. He's, he's saying a lot of things about how he has to explain things to his wife. No, I I it's more I'm disappointed. Yeah. Like he, he's taken us for a ride.

Con Air is a bad movie because the plot is ridiculous

Our first pick is going to be Conair. Mm. I feel like that's a good movie. It's a really, but you think about the plot of the movie. It's bad.

The next season of Always Sunny in Philadelphia will be the funniest one in a decade

I think that this season that's coming out today or tomorrow is the funniest season, maybe the funniest season we've ever done. That's a pretty high bar, but definitely the funniest of the last like, decade.

You are naturally less funny the better shape you are in

the better shape you are in, the less funny you are just naturally. ... Unless you tell your friends in the show, I did this for you. And the friends are like, what the fuck are you talking about? Why? And he did it just to like impress them, but they're not impressed by it.

Michelangelo is the best Ninja Turtle because he is the only true 'party dude' and stays chill

Michelangelo Ninja Turtle party dude. Party dude. He literally just eats pizza and parties. And I think extremely true. I think as much as Raphael wants to fuck April O'Neal, I think, I think Michelangelo is what? April? O'Neal. Lusts after... He's a part, literally is a party dude. He's always trying to keep everyone chill.

I look hot in my Britney Spears Dungeons and Dragons costume

I'm Brittany Spears. Zac said he didn't realize Brittany Spear gonna be a women's costume until after he bought it. So I got bell bottoms and a wig. I actually, I think I look hot.

Winning a Dungeons and Dragons game with artificial heals from a teammate is an asterisk win

I actually don't want to beat the dragon if we're getting artificially healed from you. Right? It's like that's asterisk peds.

A Dungeons and Dragons victory won with artificial heals is not a 'bubble game'

It can't be a bubble game. ... We gotta kill this dragon. So we'll go Norm.

E11EVEN in Miami is the #1 place in the world to celebrate a sports championship

Crowd surfing with the Stanley Cup at 11. If you've been to 11, it is quite something. That might be the number one place to celebrate a championship. It's, I don't even understand how 11 exists. It's a club that's also a strip club, but not a strip club.

Aaron Rodgers has moved on from Ayahuasca because it is too mainstream now

I think Aaron's probably moved on from Ayahuasca. I think he wanted to blow it up and, and he, you know, he took his ayahuasca trip... but now so many people are doing it that Aaron's like, this isn't cool anymore.

Modern music fans have a high 'bullshit meter' and can easily perceive when an artist is being inauthentic.

I think authenticity right now is so permeable and perceptible. If something's bullshit, it screams bullshit. Especially on the feed, you're like, oh man, that's a real dude that, oh man, here's horses shit. You know, like, it bleeds in your hands.