Takes

Kevin Durant will 100% return to the Oklahoma City Thunder

Kevin Durant is 100% going back to the Thunder. Yes. They're doing some trial balloons... it was a video narrated by KD talking about Chet Holmgren and the city of Oklahoma City... I'm absolutely for it because I think that would be a very cool, like if he won, wins a title with the Thunder. Kind of everything's forgiven.

Team USA will win every Olympic basketball game by 50 points

USA announced its Olympic roster for 2024 in Paris. And it is stacked. Yeah. They're looking to win every game by 50.

Alex Caruso should get the final open spot on the Team USA Olympic roster

It's gotta be Caruso. Gotta be Caruso. Needs to be Caruso for sure. We gotta get Caruso on this team.

Caitlin Clark should have returned to Iowa for another year instead of going to the WNBA

I still believe Caitlin Clark could have gotten a better deal for herself and a better deal for us sports fans if she returned to Iowa versus going to the WNBA. She's got a shot to change WNBA, but it's still a long shot.

Boeing whistleblower John Barnett did not commit suicide

There was a whistleblower... John Barnett... His body was found the morning of three nine dead. He was allegedly from suicide even though he told his family, if I die, it's not suicide. He was suicided.

Houston is on the Hot Seat because top seeds keep losing to teams with phallic names

The Hot Seat is Houston... In every Tournament since 2021, the top two seat has lost in the first round to a team with a phallic euphemistic name. 2021 Oral Roberts, 2022 St. Peters, 2023 Fairly Dickinson. Three times as a pattern. In 2024, Houston will face Longwood in the first round. I see two right next to each other. What about Moorhead? Yeah. Moorhead. And then Drake. Drake's very phallic.

Anthony Edwards missing the tip-off is a sign the Timberwolves aren't ready to win a title

Anthony Edwards lost track of time and he missed the tipoff of the Timberwolves game... This is the kind of thing that you point to when it's like, yeah, the Timberwolves are good, but your star player lost track of time.

The 2024 Masters will have an asterisk because Taylor Gooch wasn't invited

Taylor Gooch was interviewed... and he said he's going to be an asterisk. It's just a reality. Taylor Gooch will always remember as the Masters that didn't have Taylor Gooch.

Scott Boras is asking for an insane amount of money for his clients just so he can file a collusion lawsuit against MLB owners

Scott Boras is asking for so much money that he can then say they're colluding against me and then he can file a lawsuit against them.

The Broncos will beat the Lions because Russell Wilson will have 'baby bump' luck from his new child

Next on [the Lions] schedule is the Denver Broncos and Russell Wilson has the baby bump. [Big Cat:] Yep, yep, yep. He had a baby. [Jake:] Yes. So that's Saturday night.

You cannot leave an undefeated Florida State out of the College Football Playoff

If Florida State can be kept out if they're undefeated? I don't think you can... They won't leave out an undefeated Florida state. I'm pretty confident.

The Bills will make the Super Bowl and lose to the Cowboys

My overly direct take is that I think the Bills are gonna make the Super Bowl... And then lose to the Cowboys... I think they're gonna rally and and make a deep run.

Joe Flacco will lead the Browns to an AFC North title

My overly direct take guys, is that Joe Flacco will lead the Cleveland Browns to an AFC North Division Championship.

Jerry Jones wants the Cowboys to run the Iowa offense with an all-tight end focus

Jerry Jones went on radio and said something ridiculous... They asked him about getting CeeDee Lamb more involved and Jerry Jones said, 'I don't know about that. I like seeing the ball go to tight ends.' Oh, your star wide receiver? That is a mismatch. Nope. Let's go tight ends. Jerry Jones, he wants to run the Iowa offense.

The future of the Green Bay Packers looks bleak

I'm actually gonna go with the Green Bay Packers. Oh, I like it. Just strictly based on what we saw on Monday night.

James Harden will do something so egregious that he ends up in jail by the end of the week

I think that James Harden will end up in jail by the end of this week. I think he's gonna do something. He's gonna do something so ridiculous that someone in the front office is gonna call the cops on him. Like I think he may just like show up on the court naked.

I won't believe the Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce relationship is real until I see 'p and v' proof

The Swifties are at my door... for a clip on Monday that I, I said that I wanted to see until I, until I saw actual p and v, the relationship was not real to me. If I don't see sex, I don't think anyone's relationship is real in the world.

LeBron James will eventually find an excuse to not play for Team USA in the 2024 Olympics

This is just an ultimate future me problem. [LeBron] is making a promise just to make the promise. It's like Scott's Tots. And then next year he's gonna come around. He's gonna be like, yeah, but I just got done playing like full NBA season. We went to the playoffs maybe into the second round. Do I really have to play?

Baker Mayfield will win NFL Comeback Player of the Year

I put a little future on Baker [Mayfield] Win Comeback Player of the year. And I, for whatever reason, I just think that I, maybe it's that game that he had on, was it Christmas? Yeah. The Christmas game sold me.

Miley Cyrus will perform the sexiest Super Bowl halftime show ever in Las Vegas

Miley's back, she's gonna play at the Super Bowl probably in Allegiant Stadium, which is the sexiest stadium in the world. It's gonna be the most boner inducing halftime show of all time. We can only hope and pray that Justin Timberlake gets out there and there's another Janet Jackson scenario.

The Buccaneers' depth chart 'OR' listing is bad news for Baker Mayfield

My Hot Seat is the Bucks. ... At the quarterback position they have Baker Mayfield or Kyle Trask listed as QB One. ... I feel like this is bad news for Baker. 'cause most people assume that Bake was gonna be QB one, right? ... This is telling me that Baker, they want Baker to be the QB one, but he's stunk in training camp, so they're like, well we can't demote him yet, so we'll just make it an or.

Carson Wentz is a bad backup quarterback

I still think Carson Wentz, even though he is better than a lot of backup quarterbacks, probably doesn't fill the backup quarterback role very well. ... You want your backup quarterback to be able to fill in for like one game. ... Chase Daniel is way better than Carson Wentz at the role of backup.

Northwestern football should be given the death penalty

As a fan of Northwestern, I think they should be given the death penalty. True. I think that as Northwestern goes, we're more than a football team. We're, we're an institution that develops and builds young minds and teaches them to be ethical... death penalty to Northwestern.

Davante Adams will be traded to the Jets at the deadline

Aaron Rogers took a $35 million pay cut. Right. Davante Adams... I'm very happy with the contract. I feel great about it on his contract. So hypothetically at the trade deadline, something were to happen. Like we have super teams now.

Joe Biden's dog Commander is just Major Biden with a different name

Joe Biden got a new German Shepherd. It has also bitten four people. There's no, that's Major Biden. I'm saying they didn't kick out Major. They just were like, 'yeah, we sent Major away. We got a new dog. Looks exactly like Major.' He just went on and just started biting everyone again.

Almost every NFL team would immediately fire their coach to hire Bill Belichick if he became available

How many teams currently would fire their coach to hire Bill Belichick? Everyone would love him. It would be everyone but maybe the Chiefs and the 49ers. It can't be more than like five teams total that wouldn't fire their current coach... that's why you don't fire Bill Belichick. He would get a job instantly.

Chief Aholic is a modern-day Robin Hood who we shouldn't be castigating

Chief Aholic is basically a modern day Robin Hood. Stole from the banks, gave to himself and we're, we're castigating him for it. We're throwing him in jail maybe for the rest of his life. It feels messed up.

The Times Square Margaritaville should be subsidized by the government and saved from closure

Margaritaville should be too big to fail. It should be subsidized by the government. Should be saved. Yeah.

Urban Meyer would be a great choice for the next Northwestern head coach

I think one thing we can all agree on though is a great choice for the next Northwestern head coach would be Urban Meyer. Ooh, yes. Let's get urban back in the conversation. Not afraid to get his hands dirty. The guy is a molder of young men and let's just get urban back into the Big 10.

The Rams at Saints game will be flexed out of Thursday Night Football

I predict right now Ram Saints, that's gonna be flexed.

Aaron Judge is cheating and stealing signs again

My other hot seat was Aaron Judge got caught cheating, stealing signs again, Yankees back at it again.

Dan Snyder should be arrested and put in jail for tampering with Andrew Luck

Just arrest Dan Snyder. And I think that would be fine. I think that would satisfy all parties. [regarding allegations the Commanders contacted Andrew Luck].

Dillon Brooks has talked himself out of the NBA

I really do think [Dillon Brooks] might've played himself. Like he talked himself out of the NBA. Well and also the lack of play... he talked himself out of the [league].

AI-powered robots will kill us all in less than a year

If you guys watch the episode metalhead [from Black Mirror], that's actually happening in real life... They gave Boston Dynamics robots brains and now they can do whatever they want. Think for themselves. I still think we got less than a year left. Yeah, we're done. We're cooked.

The Pittsburgh Pirates are actually a really good baseball team

Just tip of the cap to the Pittsburgh Pirates. Yeah. With the Sacramento Kings doing that nba, they've been made fun of. They've been bad. The pirates have been awful. And they're... the pirates are really good. The Pittsburgh Pirates.

AI robots will take over and kill everyone within a month

I'm fully convinced, I figured I should just get it on record that probably within like a month, AI is going to build robots, take over the world and we're all gonna die.

Canadians run funny because they skate from such a young age and don't look like athletes when they are off the ice

The chaos are a team of Canadians and what's really funny is they all run funny because they're all Canadians and Canadians all run funny cuz they all played hockey. Yeah. So you see them trotting around. This is true... hockey development from skating from such a young age and they don't run. Right. This is true. I've never seen hockey players like play pickup basketball... they don't even look like they athlete off the ice.

The Cubs are 'sneaky' might make the playoffs this year

I also put a future on the Cubs at a hundred to one, but whatever. I think they're gonna... no, no. All right. Nevermind. That was a, I've talked myself into the Cubs being scrappy enough to make the playoffs. They're gonna be sneaky... I've now upgraded them to Sneaky might make the playoffs.

The Timberwolves are a solid bet to win the NBA championship at +15,000

I put a future on the Timberwolves. Ooh. 15 plus 15,000 Whoa. On these guys and they beat the Kings. ... No, I'm saying they win two series, then you can hedge out and make a shitload of money. ... All of a sudden I'm sitting on a gold mine over here.

Eric Bieniemy might be bombing head coaching interviews on purpose to stay with the Chiefs

I think he's bombing him on purpose. I really do. Because I think that being the offensive coordinator of the Kansas City Chiefs is better than being the head coach of like 20 franchises. So he's like, yeah, I'll just go through the motions bomb this interview, and then I'll get to go be the offensive coordinator of Patrick Mahomes and, and keep piling up Super Bowl wings rings.

Aaron Rodgers will come out of his darkness retreat and realize it's cool to just keep making $40 million to play for the Packers

Aaron Rods is doing his annual, I left the last game of the Packers saying, I don't know what's in the future. I'm gonna go into a four day silent hut and, and do drugs... congratulations Aaron Rods in advance for coming out of his retreat and realizing that Yeah. It's pretty cool to make 40 million a year to be the quarterback of the Green Bay Packers.

Tom Brady is not actually retired

This was my hot seat because I actually think it's hot seat. The Tom Brady retirement. He's not, he's spending an entire year off. He's basically admitting that he's not gonna start broadcasting games till 2024. He's not retired... This feels like he's just leaving the door a little bit open.

John Scheyer is officially on the hot seat at Duke

My hot seat is John Scheyer. I'm surprised that it's taken us this long as a podcast to put John Scheyer on the hot seat. But he's in ninth place in the ACC as Duke's head coach. And I for one, miss Coach K.

I could land a commercial airliner if the pilot became incapacitated

If I got behind the wheel or what the stick of a 737 and I was able to talk to air traffic control, I honestly do believe that I would be able to land a plane. It's pretty simple stuff. It's not rocket science, it's air science.

There are wooly mammoth bones and ivory worth millions in the East River

There's a bunch of treasure in the East River... wooly mammoth bones, tusks, ivory. It's treasure. Millions. Billions. The treasure is on East 65th Street next to the FDR Drive in the water... we're gonna try to go get it.

I am fading the Chiefs until Chiefaholic is released from prison.

Chief's Twitter went into a panic trying to find out where Chiefaholic was. ... stopped in Bixby, Oklahoma real quick as one does, robbed the bank, got caught, and now he's in, I believe federal prison awaiting sentencing. ... I plan on fading the chiefs until they release Chiefaholic from prison.

Charlie Woods could win the Masters right now if they let him in

Charlie Woods could win the Masters right now if you wanted to. Is there a way that if they let him in, he could win it? ... Charlie Woods is gonna be the greatest. He's next up. We've always said that on this podcast. He is now he's him.

Lionel Messi is the Chris Paul of soccer if he doesn't win the World Cup

My hot seat is Lionel Messi in Argentina because Argentina just lost 2-1 against the kingdom of Saudi Arabia... maybe the biggest defeat in the World Cup, some are asking is Messi a bust? Some are asking is Messi the Chris Paul of soccer? I think it's a fair comparison at this point.

The Powerball drawing is rigged because of the delay and lack of a live stream

Powerball rigged. So Powerball rigged. That's very suspect. Biggest Powerball in history... They delayed the drawing because officials need more time to complete protocols and they didn't live stream it.

I bet Tua Tagovailoa to win the MVP at 16 to 1

I made another bet—Tua [Tagovailoa] to win the MVP 16 to one. What's gonna, if Josh—this is, it is also based like, I hope Josh Allen's not hurt, but if he is hurt, Tua feels like he's got a lot of, lot of like people feel bad about the concussions. He's gonna have some, a lot of numbers.