Takes

Tom Brady never processed 9/11 because he was such a psycho about football

He just had delayed onset grief. Anything that happened during his playing career, he never processed any of it outside of football. Tom Brady probably never processed 9/11. He was such a psycho, all he cared about was football. He probably found out about it like two years ago.

The Super Bowl halftime show is for chicks

The Super Bowl halftime show is—is—is for chicks... I don't think the average NFL fan is like, man, I hope this Super Bowl halftime show is awesome. I don't give a fuck.

Daily ice cream consumption can reduce diabetes risk by 50%

Ice cream might save the planet. The healthy fats in ice cream can protect you against so many things... 50% reduction in diabetes [from] one serving a day. I believe it.

The US government will confirm the existence of aliens this week

Aliens might drop this week. Like, like there's aliens might drop this week... [The White House] might confirm the existence of aliens as early as this week. And just be ready for the outcome of that.

LeBron James will announce his retirement at the All-Star Game

He's gonna announce he's retiring at the All-Star game. They're gonna rig it so that he can win the all-star MVP. It's in LA. And then he's gonna say, I'm retiring.

JMU isn't like Liberty; they will be competitive in the playoff

We're not fucking Liberty, dude. We have sex at James Madison University. It's encouraged, it's mandatory. ... If one of those teams keeps it competitive, they might not change the format too much.

Ed Orgeron will return to LSU as part of Lane Kiffin's new coaching staff

I think there's a high chance that he [Kiffin] puts Coach O on his staff... Why wouldn't you want Coach O on the LSU staff? You want him back.

Mike Tomlin and the Steelers are likely to break up after this season

My Hot Seat is Mike Tomlin and the Steelers. Because I actually think that he might, this might be it... they don't change anything. And it's, I mean, TJ Watt said it. I think the bills ran the same play 27 times on Sunday. Yeah. That's insane. It feels like this is finally [the end].

The 'Blob' weather pattern could mean the end of the world

B-Big Cat, We are Earth could be finished. We could be done... There's a world, the blob never goes away... I do wanna say you're right. I was being dramatic there. Blob will go away, but it's sinking its toes right now.

The New Orleans Pelicans are 'soft quitting' the season to relocate

The Pelicans are just like soft quitting and gonna probably be in like relocate... they have no promotional calendar for the season... no bobbleheads... they're just soft quitting the Pelicans.

Wisconsin Football is currently the worst program in Power Four football

Wisconsin football just because they're the worst team in college football, Power Four college football. It's an absolute joke what's happened to the program. They haven't scored a touchdown in two games. The culture's broken, the program's broken.

Baker Mayfield's poor performance was due to helium-filled footballs

The rational side of the internet and sports fans understand that this is an inflategate situation. Those balls were getting thrown high for a reason, and I think it might be helium based... I think a back room equipment room job might have went down.

Conor McDavid's team-friendly contract was designed to make him easily tradable to a contender

This seems like it would be very easily tradable. Very, very easily tradable contract. He basically, I mean smart by him. If in a year and a half the Oilers aren't competing and he can go somewhere for a year and a half and it doesn't fuck up some team's cap.

The Commanders' ceiling this season is a second-round playoff loss

I think at the best this team is going to be good enough to lose in the second round of the playoffs. That's the ceiling. I think that's the ceiling this year.

Brandel Chamblee is using bots to generate fake YouTube views for Bryson DeChambeau's content

I put him [Brandel Chamblee] on the Hot Seat because there's just no way Brandel Chamblee is this locked in... but he said, 'I have no doubt that bots are generating a lot of those views.'

The Buccaneers could make a Super Bowl run

My Cool Throne for today is the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Because after watching Baker go over to top to Buca and, you know, Buca didn't get a ton of yards, but he was fighting for every yard that he got. I keep watching clips and I keep, I keep having this thought in the back of my head. Like, we could just, we might, we could just make a run... it could go to the Super Bowl.

Terry McLaurin will sign his new contract today

I think Terry [McLaurin] is going to sign my prediction. My official prediction. I think he's signing today. Whoa. I think he's signing on Wednesday... The crazy bird inside my own brain is telling me he's going to sign today.

Justin Herbert will have a breakout season because he's dating Madison Beer

I agree. I think this is actually Justin Herbert's breakout season. Yeah. Yeah. I like this like getting the hot girlfriend. He's now he's around.

Baker Mayfield will be the #1 player in the NFL Top 100 next year

Baker Mayfield has made it to num number 50 spot on the NFL top 100 list... I not being on the list. So math tells me next year he's number one.

Twitch streamer Stable Ronaldo will go insane trying to beat Elden Ring in a padded room

He has locked himself in a padded room... Doesn't know what time it is until he completes Elden Ring... He's setting a pace for, for maybe insanity.

The USMNT will beat Mexico in the Gold Cup final but will inevitably disappoint in their next major tournament

The US is gonna play against Mexico in the finals. We're going to beat Mexico in the finals and we're all gonna be like US soccer's back. We're good. And then we're gonna blow it again in the next tournament that we play. It's the pageantry and the spectacle of the Gold Cup.

Within six months, humans will be unable to distinguish AI from reality

My Hot Seat is pretty much everybody on earth. We probably need to come together and realize that we can't tell anymore. No. There's like, and I thought this would be like a decade, 15, 20 years from now. It's, I think it's in the next six months where it's here, it's absolutely finished and there's no need in getting on the internet. 'Cause you have no clue what you're looking at.

Joey Chestnut will set a new world record at the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest this year

He released a statement yesterday saying that it was, he never lost his love for the dogs. He just entered into a partnership with a plant-based company last year... he's gonna smoke 'em. I wanna see an all time record... he is top dog.

A no-hitter with 19 strikeouts and one hit batter should be considered a 'perfect game'

I actually think that if you throw 19 strikeouts and you hit one guy and throw a no-hitter, that is the perfect game. [Big Cat]: I think they had a error as well. [PFT]: Unbelievable. For 19 strikeouts. Awesome.

Kevin Durant is going to be traded to the San Antonio Spurs

We also have the, the shams body language experts out being like, did you see what he, the look he gave when they mentioned the Spurs as a landing spot for Kevin Durant. So everyone thinks he's going to the Spurs.

Christian Yelich is going to win the MLB Home Run Derby

When I was in Milwaukee, all the brewers, like almost every single brewer when I walked by said, Christian Yelich is gonna win the home run derby this year. It's disgusting.

The winning score at the US Open will be over par because the course is impossible

Can we bet on the winning golfer to have a, a score that's over par? Yes... I wanna bet on winning score over par. I think this US Open is going to the course. Officially I've seen enough of the content where now I fear this course.

TJ Watt is unhappy in Pittsburgh and wants to leave

TJ Watt... he's gonna cost a lot of money. I think he's unhappy and I think he wants to go... I could imagine TJ Watt wearing a Green Bay Packers jersey.

Magnus Carlsen is no longer the GOAT of chess because I've only seen him lose for 48 hours.

I'm gonna say right now, Magnus [Carlsen] not the best. 'cause I have been watching chess religiously for almost 48 hours now. And all I've seen is Magnus lost.

Cal Raleigh should be a legitimate candidate for AL MVP.

We talked about Cal Raleigh on Monday and how awesome he is and he should be considered for the MVP.

LeBron James will announce that next season is his final year during the NBA Finals

I think there is going to be an announcement... this will be LeBron James last year. And he's gonna make us suffer through an entire year long thing. He might even do it during the NBA finals. I actually wouldn't be shocked if he does it during the NBA finals.

Tiger Woods' career as a competitive golfer is over following his Achilles rupture

My Hot Seat is Tiger Woods... I don't know, but it's clutch foot. It's just injury after injury. It's over. It sucks, but it's over. It's probably over.

The HBO show 'Hard Knocks' canceled its North Carolina season because fans were calling it 'Tar Knocks'

Do we think that the hit show 'Tar Knocks'—the naming of it—has maybe ended Hard Knocks at UNC?... Somebody from HBO listened to the show and was like, everyone's gonna be calling it Tar Knocks. We can't have this.

Rob Gronkowski is considering an NFL comeback with the Denver Broncos

Rob Gronkowski is considering a return to the NFL and that he would like to potentially play for the Denver Broncos... I'm told he loves Denver and Quarterback Bo Nix... He's gonna be a Bronco. There's no other way for him to do this than be a Bronco.

Baseball players should never eat salads to avoid freak injuries

Dustin May, I'm happy you're alive, but this is why you don't eat salads. Never eat salad. Never touch the stuff. Never do it.

The Bears will beat the 49ers this week because they'll play hard for Thomas Brown

I actually think the Bears are gonna win that game. I think they're gonna play for Thomas Brown.

I am 100% confident the Washington Wizards will get Cooper Flagg

All I'm saying is I've never been as confident. I've never been as confident in my life of anything as the fact that the wizards are gonna get Cooper Flagg. I'm willing to tell you right now, I will stand on this hill and I will plant my representative banner to say that we're getting Flagg.

The Chargers at 45-to-1 to win the Super Bowl is an incredible value

I've decided to put a future on the Chargers to win the Super Bowl. They're 45-to-1. I don't think they're gonna win the Super Bowl. I do think we'd get in a spot where they get to the playoffs and we could potentially hedge. This is Jim Harbaugh's team. This is Jim Harbaugh's football team. I think they're gonna get to 10 wins.

The 'walls' at Barstool Sports say Christian McCaffrey might retire

The walls at Barstool Sports have been saying... Christopher McCaffrey might retire. Double Achilles tendonitis is not good... he's definitely not gonna play this season.

Adam Schefter will become the Ultimate Insider covering both NFL and NBA

Adam Schefter could be a candidate to replace Woj... In this scenario, Schefter would cover both the NFL and NBA as what a source called the Ultimate Insider... there's nothing you can do when someone says, Hey, you wanna be the ultimate insider?

The alleged celebrity lists associated with the Diddy investigation will never be made public.

The list never come out. They never come out. They tell you that there's a list and it's a distraction so that you can come up with your old, your own like fan fiction like lore universe that you make up... The lists never do [come out].

Ben Simmons is back to playing at an All-Star level and is set for a massive bounce-back season

Ben Simmons reportedly is in camp and or at least training. He says Ben Simmons is back to playing all star talent level basketball. Get ready for this boys big season loading. This is the year for Ben.

People will stop visiting Orlando entirely if the airport removes its Chili's

I am taking up a new fight. They're changing the Orlando airport and the Chili's is going to be gone in 2025. We're not gonna let this happen... I predict that people are gonna stop visiting Orlando, Florida entirely because of this. There's no amusement found in Orlando [without it].

You shouldn't stop printing money; you should print even more to solve inflation

You gotta go through the wall. So like when you're like, oh we printed so much money that it doesn't like it's not worth anything. That's when you print even more money. Right. You can't quit printing money. You gotta be committed to printing the money.

Kevin Durant is currently unhappy and looking to be traded to France

Maybe he's unhappy. Isn't that what we heard about Kevin Durant? Yeah. He could be. He's unhappy and he is looking to be traded to France.

The WNBA's momentum will be killed by its four-week Olympic break

My Hot Seat, coincidentally... The WNBA. They won't be playing basketball for four weeks. So imagine if, like the 1988 dunk contest. It was incredible. And then the NBA just didn't happen for four weeks. All the momentum they've gained, just nothing's gonna happen.

The Phillies are a lock to reach the NLCS

The Phillies would have to really fuck up not to be in at least the NLCS because the NL is trash... they will be in big playoff games... there's no way that they're not gonna be in big playoff games... it's a lock.

LSU should find a way to vacate Nick Saban's wins to be real haters

What I think LSU should do, find something that happened when Nick Saban was there, because Nick Saban is up for eligibility next year. And if they took away his wins at LSU... If you want to be a real hater, you could do that to a coach that left you and then came and coached for your rival.

Zach Wilson is genuinely in the mix for the starting job in Denver over Bo Nix

Zach Wilson is currently in the mix for the starting job in Denver. Which is crazy because Sean Payton, he compared Bo Nix to Peyton Manning and Drew Brees. So imagine how good Zach Wilson has to be to be competing to start over a combination of Peyton Manning and Drew Brees.

Michael Penix Jr. probably had an AARP card in his backpack during his scouting meetings.

An a a RP card. That's what Michael Penix had without a [doubt].