Takes

Tony Romo will join the Denver Broncos

I'm going to go with the Broncos.

Customer service lines intentionally disconnect you when transferring to customer relations

Then when you start to talk about why you're calling, you know what happens? They'll say, oh, we're in the sales department. We're going to transfer you over to Customer relations, and then what do you think happens? You get disconnected. I've lived through this.

The Maple Leafs and Islanders will take the final two playoff spots in the East

I like the Leafs and the Islanders out of that [group]. The Leafs are really exciting. I think they'll get in. They got a great coach... and then the Islanders have just kind of turned things around with Doug Weight as their coach.

Short, tighter shorts are making a major comeback in college basketball

The bagginess has gotten way too far. It's getting in the way of the dribbles. These guys like to go between their legs a lot, you know, with these new players out there. So they're bringing back short, tighter shorts. A couple guys in Indiana are doing it. I've seen it across the Big East, too, I think. So we're going to see a major swing here. Get out in front of this. If you're a college basketball player, tighten those things up.

The NFL is still king and ratings aren't in real trouble despite the 2016 dip

I don't think the league's in trouble at all. I don't. I mean, it's still king. Even though when their ratings were down, any other sport would still take the ratings. And I think one of the things you look at is it was also an election year that hurts ratings. I think after the election was over, some of the ratings started to go back up.

The Houston Texans are definitely not better off without J.J. Watt

How could you be better without [J.J. Watt]? You know, no matter what people think about him off the field, on the field, he's a pretty darn good player. Now you put him with Mercilus and Clowney, it'll be interesting what happens. So to say the Texans would be better with him off the football field, I don't think is—that's just [the PMT] hot take.

Bill Belichick is the greatest coach of all time

I do think he's the greatest coach of all time. And, you know, any curve ball you get on Super Bowl Sunday, you might think it's, the hill's too steep, but, you know, guys were just conditioned to be able to go out there, hit the curve ball, keep rolling.

The Falcons choked the Super Bowl away to the Patriots

I think the Falcons choked it away pretty hard. I didn't realize how bad the choke was until I saw the Patriots should have lost in four different wins.

Tom Brady is the greatest quarterback of all time

That's why he's the greatest quarterback of all time. No, we can say he is the greatest quarterback of all time.

Roger Goodell is back after taking his medicine from Patriots fans

The boos that were rained down on Roger Goodell... He stood up there. He overdosed on his medicine. I think he's back. I think it's now fair's fair.

Michael Jordan is better than LeBron James because he has the clutch gene

LeBron is a fraud. He's a hot fraud. Michael Jordan's all that. He's an all that guy. Get your 32, 11, 6, bank it. More importantly, clutch gene.

Lady Gaga's Super Bowl halftime performance was stellar

Lady Gaga's halftime performance, which was stellar, by the way. Anyone who hated that, get out of my face. Stop listening to this show.

Grape Gatorade is the best value bet for the Super Bowl Gatorade bath

What color will the Gatorade be? I love this bet. When they pour it on the coach. Grape. Go grape. It's always tremendous value. It's a big underdog. But we're in Houston. Purple drink. Capital of the world. Grape Gatorade.

Super Bowl LI Prediction: Patriots 33, Falcons 24

Give us a Super Bowl prediction. 33-24 pass. Sorry, Atlanta.

The Super Bowl is played at a speed so fast it's hard to even remember individual plays

It is so fast that I could probably tell you in 14 years, I could tell you every game that I played in from a rookie to a third-year player... and I can barely recall plays from the Super Bowl. It's that fast. It's wait, wait, wait. ... and then all of a sudden, you're on the field, and it's like the final drive.

Tom Brady is a 'medical science miracle'

And Tom Brady's playing. He's 39. 39, right? And he's getting better. A medical science miracle.

NFL security is on the hot seat for letting PFT Commenter sneak into Media Night

Hot seat is is NFL security. The I mean, the all of the bands, the pronouncements that NFL makes and and PFT just waltzes right right in.

The Patriots will win Super Bowl LI in a high-scoring game

A high-scoring Super Bowl and the Patriots win a close game in the 30s. Take the over.

I hate that the NCAA is releasing top 16 seeds in mid-February

They are now going to try to drum up a little more intrigue to the NCAA tournament. So they're going to release the top 16 seeds starting mid-February... I hate that. Takes a little bit out of it. One of the great things about that tournament was I didn't have to spend any time thinking about it until that Sunday night.

Barron Trump is officially off-limits for comedy

Cool throne, Barron Trump officially off limits. Can't make fun of Barron Trump. Kids are off limits. No Barron Trump jokes. He's going to be—And the nice thing is, now that no one can make jokes about him, He's going to be a well-adjusted, normal adult. I think it's great.

I'm taking the Patriots minus the three points in Super Bowl 51

I'm taking the Patriots minus the three points in the big game. Patriots 36, Steelers 17. What?

Jimmy Butler is a top ten player in the NBA

How many players play on a basketball team? Five. And how many teams play at the same time? Two. Okay, so that's what? Ten. Okay, so the NBA All-Star Game rosters came out. Jimmy Butler was named a starter... that would make him a top ten player.

Touching things that are cold is objectively better than touching things that are hot

I'll say this touching things that are cold it's objectively better than touching things [hot]. Correct correct. If i could never touch a hot thing again i'd be happy yes.

The Steelers must start fast and take the Foxborough crowd out of the game to beat the Patriots

For one, it's going to be tough. It's one of the toughest environments I had a chance of playing throughout my career... they need to jump out fast. I mean, the first quarter or two, take the win out of the crowd. Once that happens, now they're on the playing field.

The Green Bay vs. Atlanta NFC Championship will be 'Mickey Mouse football' with no tackling

Green Bay against Atlanta is going to basically just be first one to 50. The Big 12 is going to be playing the NFC Championship game. I could not be more excited. It's Mickey Mouse football. Yeah, no tackling. It's flag football.

The Chargers moving to LA is like a friend crashing on your couch for a couple years

The chargers didn't even tell the rams they just told twitter... 'whoops hey guys in the rams, we're gonna crash on your couch for a couple years is that okay? ... maybe we'd go halvesies on your apartment ... let us use your stadium. I'll buy you an In-N-Out burger on Friday night.'

I'm taking the Falcons over the Seahawks because this is Matt Ryan's MVP year

I'm taking the Falcons. I'm laying the points. This is Matt Ryan's year. High-flying offense. Matt Ryan, MVP guy. His year.

Andy Reid is the greatest coach of all time as long as he has a bye week to rest

Andy Reid off a bye is the greatest coach of all time. It's a classic fat guy behavior. You just need to rest a little. Just give me a minute to catch my breath, a week to catch my breath. And I'll mentally be ready.

The Capitals are regular season heroes who always look awesome in January

And I know not only is the Capitals year, but the Capitals in January, this is when they get hot. This is when they beat teams. You can count on the Capitals in the regular season to look awesome. Caps year. Ovi.

The Divisional Round of the NFL playoffs is going to be a 'tits party'

Preemptive who's back next week, because if you saw the matchups, it is going to be a tits party next Saturday and Sunday.

The Masters' theme music is the instant cure for insomnia

It's also just good for dads out there to have, instead of having to rely on Ambien or something to go to sleep, if a dad turns on the Masters music, he's going to fall asleep within five minutes. Best nap of the year. Instant cure for insomniacs.

Alabama will win the National Championship against Clemson

But I like Alabama. And the reason I like Alabama, and don't laugh, I've picked Alabama in every single game since the Iron Bowl in 2010... and that doesn't make me a homer. It just makes me smart.

If you are going on a boat party before a playoff game, you better win that game

This is a classic if you're going to go on a boat party. It's the old Tony Romo with Jessica Simpson and Cabo rule. If you're going to go hang out before a playoff game, you better win that fucking playoff game.

Alabama will win and cover the 6.5 point spread against Clemson

Six and a half is the spread. I'm going with Paul. Going Alabama.

Wild Card Weekend is the second-best weekend in sports, behind only Divisional Weekend

If we're doing a power ranking of sports weekends, Wild Card Weekend is in my top three. I've got Wild Card Weekend, I'll call it number two. Divisional Weekend's number one. And then the first weekend of March Madness, number three.

Michigan State quarterbacks are guaranteed to receive huge contracts

Well, he's a Michigan State quarterback. I feel like you have to give a Michigan State quarterback a huge guaranteed contract. That's how it works.

The Patriots will walk right to the Super Bowl

The AFC playoff picture is awful. The Patriots are going to walk right to the Super Bowl.

The Falcons are actually a good team

[The Falcons] are. If you go look back at their schedule, they could be anywhere from 16-0 or 0-16 if you just count the wins as losses and the losses as wins.

The Texans playing the first wildcard game on Saturday is an annual tradition like no other

The Texans are playing the first wildcard game on Saturday that everyone's going to hate and always features really bad quarterback play. Tradition like any other.

The tattoo has officially replaced the mustache as a symbol of American masculinity

Do you think that America lost its way when the mustache went out of style? [Dave Wanstead: Well, the tattoo probably replaced the mustache, you know?]

The Pardon My Take table read of The Office was better than the original show

That was better than the real one, I think. Yep. We crushed it. Everyone. Wow. Why didn't he just do prison mic in every scene?

Joe Flacco is elite because he has a Super Bowl ring

Is Joe Flacco elite? Duh. Obviously. He won a Super Bowl. Hello.

I have no problem with players sitting out bowl games because the system is corrupt

I have no problem with any of these guys sitting out any of the bowls... I like players taking care of themselves when the system is corrupt.

The Raiders are officially 'back' this year

The Raiders are headed for the playoffs. They've clinched a spot, and now it remains to be seen what they do with that opportunity... Of course they're back this year. They're back. Raiders are back.

If an apple smells like apples, do not buy it

If it smells appley, do not take that apple. If it smells appley, it's soft. It's like apple sauce. If it has no smell, then it's crisp and firm, and that's the apple you want.

Everyone should bet the over on the Boca Raton Bowl

Also, let's all bet the over for fun. Just together... Yeah, we're going to hammer the over. Hammer it. Big time.

You have to be a little crazy to be a professional goalie

All goalies are a little bit off. You've got to be a little bit off to do that for a living.

The 'Yates of Hell' nickname is the greatest for someone who can't back it up

Maybe the greatest nickname for someone who can't back it up because this is what happens with TJ Yates. You sell yourself on Yates of Hell, and you even bet on Yates of Hell, and then you remember that it's actually just TJ Yates and he sucks.

Hurdling over a center during a field goal is legal as long as there is no contact

So now you're getting these guys that are getting the running start and going over the top, and if they don't touch anybody, then it's legal. It's legal to hurdle. I just don't know what they could necessarily do other than to say that you can't jump over an opponent, and I just don't see them doing that.

Yellow colored gloves and cleats should be illegal in the NFL

Should be illegal. I'm going illegal with that. Because we don't want to offend dumb people like yourself.