Takes

Baseball faces a lack of interest if the 2020 season is canceled

If they stare each other down and nobody blinks and then the whole season dissolves in the midst of this... Like people are just going to say to baseball, hey, man, no one cares. We had nothing. You guys could have filled the void. You didn't because you fought about money. Now we've got all this other stuff. Have fun being over there and us not caring about it.

Roy Williams is only the second-best coach in the ACC

Roy Williams. Ty Lawson called him out. I mean, everyone knows Roy is a little bit suspect. It's not surprising. Second best coach in the ACC.

Andy Dalton is 80% of Dak Prescott

Is Andy Dalton 80% of Dak Prescott? ... Andy Dalton is the type of guy that with talent around him in the right situation which the cowboys have a ton of offensive talent... Why not? They'd have a good running game. You have CeeDee Lamb and Amari Cooper. Andy Dalton is a fine player for that situation.

I guarantee sports will be back in July

Sports are coming back in July. I guarantee it. ... Clip that. No, they are coming back. At some point in July.

I guarantee a victory on Sunday at Charlotte

I'll do it, man. I got a new set of paint scheme. We're thanking small businesses out there. So yeah, I'm in. I'm in on the guarantee.

I almost killed off Vinnie Chase in the series finale

I thought about killing Vince to end the show. ... Mark [Wahlberg] sat me down and goes, we're going to make a movie. We're going to make a Broadway show. We're going to make an animated show. You can't fucking kill Vince. So that ultimately was probably the right decision.

Tom Brady makes centers shove a towel down their pants to stop sweat

Literally the first conversation I ever had with Tom Brady after he signed with the Bucs was... straight to, hey, I need you to shove a towel down your ass so you don't get my hands sweaty. ... how much baby powder to put down my crack. ... hamburger style first and then, hot dog style and then, shove it down there.

Texas A&M's biggest rival is fun

I've always said Texas A&M's biggest rival is against fun. So it makes sense. Like, you know, you go to Texas A&M and you wear your class ring and you do trick shots.

The LeBron vs. MJ debate has evolved into whether LeBron would be a better #2 than Scottie Pippen

LeBron James has been Quoted as saying that he would like to have played with MJ not against them... now the debate has shifted to would LeBron James be a better number two than Scottie Pippen is. So now we're comparing that now we're saying would LeBron be a better number two than Scotty was to Jordan.

Mark Cuban made a mistake by not buying 10% of Big Cat's brain for $1 million

I'll go with Mark Cuban up buying 10% of my brain he's an idiot that was a dumb business decision I'm going to make I'm going to make that money back it was for a million dollars he regrets it 1 million dollars and he got all my lifetime earning from that day forward.

Queso is technically a soup because it's a liquid served in a bowl

I think queso's the soup... You use like chips, which are basically spoons. They're edible spoons. Yeah, it's bread. It's like the bread that comes with soup. I think queso's the soup.

The NBA would have been forced to change the rules if Shaq or Charles Barkley had taken weight lifting seriously

Can you imagine if Charles Barkley and Shaquille O'Neal would have took weight training serious? With Shaquille, they would have changed the rules. He was already – you know, you're talking about country strong? Him. But Charles Barkley, for what he could do, can you imagine if he would have took weight training serious? I don't ever – I could be wrong. I don't think Charles left a weight in his life.

Comparing the physicality of the modern NBA to the 90s is absolute nonsense

Stop the nonsense. Don't compare what's happening now to back then. What are you talking about? ... analytics right now. That's all they talk about. Analytics. Sprinkle some analytics in there. But all this, hold on. You know, my hat not getting hot. I'm just I almost got a migraine just then thinking about players resting.

Chris Webber, Derek Coleman, and Charles Barkley were all more talented than me, but I outworked them

I'm going to tell you three guys that have more talent than Karl Malone. Chris Webber, Derek Coleman, Charles Barkley. More talent. More talent. But they did not outwork me. I will never use the word he was better than me. More talented is different, right? I look and say, I can't do his position and he can't do mine... More talent? Yes. Worked harder? No.

Josh Allen has a rocket arm but he doesn't have the 'rocket science' brain to grasp complex offenses

Let's take a guy with a super strong arm, very athletic, but might not, all the intangibles, but might not, you can't really measure what's in the brain as of yet. Josh Allen. Careful. Billy. He has a very high IQ. Careful, my friend. You can have a rocket arm, but you might have a rocket arm, but you might not have rocket science. If you want to fly a rocket, you have to be smart.

Swag Kelly would have three Super Bowls by now if he had a coach talking in his headset 24/7

Swag Kelly, essentially. Like, if you put Peyton Manning's brain into Swag Kelly's body. I mean, we should have Swag Kelly to have someone talking in his brain 24-7 because he would probably have three Super Bowls right now. Just be like... Don't go into the house, Swag Kelly. Don't go into the house. Don't go back to the bar with an AK-47. Just don't.

Sports teams should secretly tape games during the season to release during future pandemic lockdowns

My idea is every single sports franchise needs to, every single year, play a game that is secretly taped that we do not know the result of, and then save it in case of something like this happening again. Because could you imagine if we had even the NBA champion Mavs from that season playing a game against the Heat... and we broadcast it, and it's like, boom. You don't know what's going to happen. You can bet on it.

Business is the ultimate competition and much harder than professional sports

In basketball, you compete for 48 minutes. You practice a couple hours. You guys know in business, it's 24 by 7 by 365, and everybody's trying to kick your ass. Everybody's trying to come after you, and you got to battle all the time. Sports are easy, easy. Business is the ultimate competition.

Sammy Watkins is in a cult

My cool throne is Sammy Watkins being in a cult. ... As we've been speculating, we've been squatting on the take that Sammy Watkins is in the cult for like the last three years on the show. Sammy really... talked about all the weird stuff. ... So now he's happy that he's in a cult.

Darren Rovell is dangerously wrong for claiming NFL players get CTE with near certainty

Darren Rovell is here. All players will sign. (Parentheses. They already get CTE with near certainty). ... How about the simple fact that we can't diagnose CTE in living people yet? So to say anything with near certainty would be completely wrong and dangerous.

The famous Flu Game was actually a case of food poisoning from a pizza

100% it was food poisoning, 100%. But obviously it just sounds better to be the flu game than the food poisoning game... Nobody ate the pizza, but him, nobody. And there was no signs of flu, anything being sick before that. And then about three o'clock in the morning... he's literally curled up in a fetal position.

LeBron James is one of the worst teammates of all time because he takes all the credit and trades everyone else

LeBron James. Can't be fun to be his teammate. You're always, always in fear that he's like, if you do well, he's going to take all the credit. If you do bad, he's probably going to trade you off the team.

Kristin Cavallari is leaking stories to the press to make Jay Cutler look bad

Kristen Cavallari has now had like seven stories in the last week that she's leaked to the press. My quarterback has not said a word... she is going to have a reality show being like living through a divorce or some bullshit.

Elon Musk naming his kid a symbol will force teachers to learn code

Teachers are on the hot seat because this is going to start a trend amongst the nerd people community. Be like, oh, we don't even have to name our kids real names. We can just do symbols and codes. And so imagine being a teacher and getting an attendance sheet and being like, hey, Sam, Joe, X AE A-12.

Mountain Dew prevented me from getting cramps during NBA games

I was a full-blown addict, man, with the Mountain Dews... I used to have a liter, like, just in my locker... third quarter comes, bam, Mountain Dew, no cramps. Then fourth quarter comes, bam, Mountain Dew, get buckets. I hit game winners because of that shit.

You shouldn't own a Jeep Wrangler unless you actually go off-roading

Unless you live on the beach and are doing off-roading on a fairly average basis, you shouldn't have a Jeep Wrangler. If you have a Jeep Wrangler in Massachusetts... you're not getting the use out of it that you need to. You're just doing it for a status symbol.

Driving a Ford Ranger means you have no friends

The Ranger is good for nothing except helping your friends move. That's it. If you drive a Ranger, you're telling me, I don't have friends. I'm looking for play dates so badly that I will do your chores for you.

Murder Hornets are not a real threat because anything you can kill with a newspaper is not a problem

I'm officially done with being swayed by the Murder Hornet... fuck the Murder Hornet. If I can kill something with a newspaper, it's not a problem. It's not a problem. I'd rather be Mike Tyson's trainer or stuck in a room with one single Murder Hornet, I'd drive the Murder Hornet, I'd fuck the Murder Hornet up.

Soccer is boring because you cannot use your hands

Soccer... simple, just because any sport that you can't use your hands, that's like 50% of your body and the stuff that are much more important and you can't even use it. You're just running around, at most you're scoring one goal. It's boring as fuck.

Andy Dalton has had a better NFL career than Carson Wentz

Andy Dalton if the season ended today for both their careers Andy Dalton had a better career than Carson Wentz... His highs were better than Andy Dalton's [but] you can't put Carson ahead [of] Andy.

If you don't believe aliens exist, you are an idiot

if you don't think that aliens exist your fucking moron. What does it like that seems like such an obvious thing. I guess. He's more passionate about it, but I would say the people who are like, oh, yeah, there's no aliens there there the idiots.

Michael Jordan's switch-hand layup against the Lakers was completely unnecessary

The layup that Michael Jordan had in the finals against the Lakers where he jumps in the air and switches hands—completely unnecessary to do that. It's a cool-looking highlight, he didn't need to do that. You could have just done a finger roll with his right hand; he switched to his left hand because it looked cool.

Jameis Winston will start at least six games for the Saints this year

I have a bold prediction. I think Jameis is starting at least six games this year... I think Drew Brees is gonna get injured and miss at least six games this year and then Jameis would start those six games.

The gap between Tua Tagovailoa and Justin Herbert is massive.

The smoke of Justin Herbert jumping Tua [Tagovailoa] was making me so mad because Tua is so much better than Justin Herbert. No offense, Justin Herbert. He might end up being good but Tua is control good and the gap between Joe Burrow and Tua is miniscule. The gap between Tua and Justin Herbert is massive.

Aaron Rodgers will demand a trade following the Packers drafting Jordan Love.

As an owner of the Packers, I feel like Aaron Rodgers might demand a trade. I feel like he's the kind of guy that is going to want to get out of town as soon as possible because this is going to be disrespect to him. Either that or he'll tell Danica like give him one of those crystals you got from Chernobyl.

College football will not happen in 2020

College football's not happening. I don't think it is until the spring. How can you make kids who are not getting paid go and play if there's a pandemic?

Baseball should not outlaw spitting due to coronavirus concerns

Spitting needs to stay. It's the only place in America where a guy could just go outside and spit non-stop for like four hours and nobody says shit to him... isn't it better to be spitting all your germs out? If you have a handgun and you're constantly firing off rounds into the ground you're way less likely to accidentally shoot somebody. So we should actually be encouraging more spitting.

Anchovies are actually delicious and only hated because of Ninja Turtles propaganda

Anchovies are not that bad. They only get a bad rap because of cartoons. You were told from a young age [by] the Ninja Turtles... That's actually not at all what anchovies are. They are delicious. They just taste like salt... There's been a tremendous propaganda effort against anchovies and sardines for most of my adult life.

Animal style fries at In-N-Out are wildly overrated

Animal style sauce on fries at In-N-Out. I think it's wildly overrated. I really do. Animal sauce on the burger... that adds something. Animal sauce on fries just becomes disgusting and you're like what are we doing eating a bunch of soggy fries? It's a cool hipster thing to do.

Rob Gronkowski is not close to being in game shape or returning to the NFL

I don't think he act look when we were training at Unbreakable... he's waste are than he ever has been right? So we're even talking about what it would take for him to come back and he was never like hi. I need a new approach new program... he's not even close to how it was betrayed.

The Patriots will not trade Rob Gronkowski to the Buccaneers just to help Tom Brady

Also I don't see him going the bucks... the Patriots cologne is right? So why were they just be like, oh, yeah sure. They would trade them because they could get something for him no what I don't see that... I couldn't do that.

Mississippi is a miserable place and a no-brainer for Mount Flushmore

An absolute no-brainer a few years ago. I did a a college tour... every state had a great time in pretty much all of them. The only one that was a bad time. Just a miserable place to be Mississippi. Oh, wow.

Oklahoma is the JV version of Texas and robbed the world of the SuperSonics

Oklahoma... I don't really like the JV Texas. It's JV Texas tornadoes really suck. And also I'll be honest... I still feel like the The Thunder have blood on their hands for robbing the world of the SuperSonics.

A good portion of high-level winning college basketball programs are cheating

I think that if you let's say it's 300 schools. I don't know how many is division one... a good portion of the schools that are are winning at a high level are doing something and it doesn't necessarily mean that they're dropping bags off at someone's house. But you've got to get creative man. Like this is It's a blood sport to get talent.

If NCAA rules don't change, cryptocurrency will be used to pay college athletes

If instead of way rules don't change something is going to be the new thing because It is again. That's how it works. It has to happen... it wouldn't surprise me if that's the that's the move in the next couple of years if nothing changes.

Ben Roethlisberger is a top 6 quarterback of all time

Number six: Big Ben Roethlisberger. He has twice as many Super Bowls as Aaron Rodgers.

The NBA will not return to finish the 2019-20 season

Now I've come to the conclusion... I honestly don't see the NBA coming back. It's going to be hard... I couldn't see myself leaving my family right now to go and play in an isolated area in the bubble.

Rudy Gobert is essentially a savior for forcing the world to take COVID-19 seriously

Rudy was kind of like a bad guy, but he was almost like a savior... he possibly saved some lives by doing an immature act because after the incident, the NBA led the charge and shut down sports. From there it was a spiral where everyone else was like, 'it's time to shut down the world.'

Old school NBA coaches are becoming extinct

It's a different type of it's not like old school no more. Like these old school coaches are coming extinct. It's a player's league. You got to have coaches that's going to understand the players... I almost think that Gregg Popovich's time is almost, you know, he's done a great job, but maybe it's time for new change.

Donald Trump is a better golfer than Barack Obama

You've golfed with both Trump and Obama who's better? [Trump]. Trump's better, a little better. Yeah.