Takes

The Steelers officially have a major problem with their rush defense

A hundred plus rush yards allowed in the first half by a running back under Mike Tomlin. First 234 games as a head coach: zero. Last three games: two. Steelers might have a rush defense problem.

The NFL should have a national bye week for the entire country in December

We should have a bye week for the whole country. This makes too much sense right around now. Have it be regular bye weeks, regular schedule, and then right like either this weekend or next weekend have no football in America. Everyone can go Christmas shopping. They can go see their family. They can sleep.

The Super Bowl should always be on President's Day weekend

We have the Super Bowl on President's Day weekend. So the Monday after Super Bowl is a national holiday. And then it's only two more weeks of winter till March Madness. That is the perfect schedule.

The Cowboys -4.5 at Washington is a 'rat line' and the Cowboys will cover

This week is a lot of rats. Therefore it's week routine Ratatouille and I'm just going to take them all... My favorite is the Cowboys minus four and a half versus the Washington Football Team.

The Titans will beat the Jaguars by 20 points in a 'clown fucking'

My favorite favorite is the Tennessee Titans minus nine and a half at home... I think this is going to be a clown fucking. They're going to put them [Jaguars] in red shoes and a big red nose... I might take an alternate line at minus 20. I think Variable's gonna put it on them.

Jake Fromm has a noodle arm and the Giants won't score many points if he plays

Giants either got Mike Glennon or Jake Fromm. [Fromm] hasn't started a game in the NFL yet. He's got a noodle arm. He might have a noodle arm... I don't think there's going to be many points there for the giants.

Jeremiah Owusu-Koramoah is a great linebacker who could win NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year

Jeremiah Owusu-Koramoah... That dude is fucking awesome. He's so much fun to watch and I think that he gets slept on sometimes... he wears number 28 at linebacker, so he looks small, but he's actually awesome. He's a great linebacker. He's like one of the fastest... I could see him making a case for rookie of the year.

Lamar Jackson is a limited passer who stinks at throwing short passes

I will say it with my chest. When I criticize his throwing short passes, he does stink at throwing short passes.

The Bears will not score any points and the Packers will win 35-0 this Sunday

I'm touching the bears. I'm touching the shit out of them... they're not going to score at all. And the Packers are going to beat them 35, nothing. I'm taking the under 43 and a half. The bears... aren't great on offense.

My Saints vs. Jets simulations predict an ugly 15-3 game and a massive edge on the under

Saints jets, 43 taking the under... thinking saints 15 jets three. That's what my models have. I did the simulation 30,000 times, 27,000 of those times, the total was under 35 points. This is an A-plus game of the week for me.

The Detroit Lions are going to start a winning streak this weekend

I love this game. Moneyline Detroit... I like them winning last week. I was right. You want a winning streak... Broke his seal, monkeys off their back. They broke the seal.

Babe Ruth would not even be a Double-A player in today's game

I saw a video, someone found a video of like 19-whatever the fuck he was born, he had a shitty swing. He looked slow and fat. If he was in today's day and age, he wouldn't even fucking be in AA. Who the fuck out of him put down field stands that I'm taking away his pinstripes. I'd probably strike him out.

Justin Fields will have a magical performance against the Packers at Lambeau

Wouldn't it be nice. If a little passing on the torch, Justin Fields went up to Lambeau his first trip to Lambeau, beat the Packers... I definitely deep down, I won't let myself say it in a serious tone because I don't want to be mocked... but deep down I'm thinking like this could be magical.

The AC Slater character in Saved By The Bell was likely a safety

I don't think it was ever established [what position he played]... I really don't. I mean, I don't know. I guess he'd probably be like a safety... AC Slater's an awesome safety.

Jake Paul is starting to become a real boxer and his presence is good for the sport

Jake Paul... he's starting to get to be a real boxer. I think it's good for boxing because it gets more people tuning into combat sports.

Combat sports are the purest form of sport because of the total vulnerability

It's the purest form of sport. There's no one to back you up. There are no time-outs. It's as real as it gets and you find out what you're really about. And I, and I love it. So I respect anyone that gets in there. So yeah, both boxing, MMA... there's nothing like that kind of energy when they get the guys come out of the tunnel and they're going to enter that ring.

The new iOS update notifications are too small for people with 'fat thumbs'

The new iOS update sucks. That's tough too. Fucking, the notifications are too small for my fat thumbs, so I can't get good press on them.

I am finally willing to admit that weather and wind exist in football

I've learned a lot over the years. I know some things, I don't know some other things. Before yesterday, I was steadfast in my belief that weather doesn't matter, wind is not a factor unless it's a tornado... but Bill Belichick, the wisest, smartest man in the history probably of this planet... taught me a lesson. I'm willing to admit... that weather does matter.

If you're going to have bad weather, it's better to have extreme weather than halfway bad weather

If you're going to have bad weather, I think it's better to have really, really bad weather than halfway bad weather. Yeah, it's—you're right, like the problem with the wind is the wind got tired out. We needed more wind to keep it crazier.

The Bills' season is at risk of falling apart with upcoming games against the Patriots and Tom Brady

It’s bad for the Bills right now because they thought this was going to be the year they're going to win the AFC East... now in a three-week stretch or four-week stretch, the Bills' season can sort of kind of fall apart here by having to face the Patriots and Tom Brady. Oh, you have to go up against the quarterback that as a team, [Tom Brady] is 32 and 3 against [them].

Bill Belichick will regret not winning the Patriots-Bills game with zero pass attempts

I actually think that Bill Belichick did not want to attempt a single pass last night. He was forced into it at the end and it would have been amazing. I actually that's, that's a regret that Bill Belichick is going to have. He's not going to have many of them at the end of his career, but he's going to regret not winning this game with zero passes, zero passes.

The 2021 Buffalo Bills struggle against physical teams and haven't beaten anyone impressive

The bills also in the words of a Paul Finebaum caller 'ain't beat nobody.' They beat the Chiefs, but that's before the Chiefs became the Chiefs... But yeah, the Bills, they, they struggle against good teams. They struggle against more physical teams. And that is embarrassing for defense.

NFL games should not be played in domes because weather variables make sports fun

The reason why playing outside and having to deal with the elements in December is fun. Is that you have games like last night... Being like every game should be played in a dome in perfect environment is like making it's arena football. You're making it completely sterile. You're making it all the same... The variables in sports make it fun.

NFL teams should build their rosters specifically to handle their home stadium's climate

I happen to enjoy when a team builds around the weather and they're like, 'Hey, we're going to run that.' ... You should have a team that can run the ball [in Buffalo] because that's what the Patriots have built. I love the element of every game is different and played in different circumstances.

NFTs are becoming more valuable than diamonds

Turns out there's a bunch of new diamonds that are fake, but no one can tell the difference... De Beers is totally panicking because now diamonds have no value. So Hot Seat: Diamond... NFTs are kind of more valuable than diamonds, I think about it.

NFL games should be played in domes to ensure the best version of teams win championships

I want to see the best version of the Bills against the best version of the Patriots. And I want the best team to win, not the best team in those conditions... I just, I don't want that stuff to dictate who wins these games and who ultimately, you know, creates history and wins championships. I don't want that to be the case... I'd rather play in a dome in every, every game that I play than anywhere else.

Warm-weather and dome teams have a massive disadvantage because it is impossible to mentally acclimate to the cold in one day

There is a mental component to playing the game... the mental component to going from a warm weather place to a cold weather place and having to deal with the elements and not knowing how to do that is a real thing. I can go to the dome in Arizona... and we don't deal with as much of a disadvantage as [cold teams] do having to come to our place because we're accustomed to [the heat].

Mac Jones is playing mentally as well as anyone in the NFL

I always look at the quarterback position... I look at it mentally and I say, does he know what he's looking at? Does he know how to make different throws? Does he get his eyes in the right place at the right time? And [Mac Jones] is doing that as well as just about anybody in the league.

Baker Mayfield and Kirk Cousins have reached their ceilings as 'playoff' guys, not championship guys

Kirk Cousins, another guy you're just like, come on, man. Like at some point we've got to turn this corner... [Baker Mayfield] may not be that guy. I mean, let's be honest, right? How many guys are there that you can build around with their right arm?... Then your next decision is, are we okay with the playoff guy? Are we okay with the guy that's better than what we've had, but we're going to settle for a team that probably won't ever win a championship.

The NFL quarterback market is broken because teams pay mid-tier QBs like superstars, preventing them from building championship rosters

It’s kinda messed up our league, I think, because it affects the ability to [win]... These teams get handcuffed paying a quarterback that's probably not that guy to carry them, and then they're stuck never becoming a championship team because they can't find that ratio [of pay to talent].

Matthew Stafford’s 'do everything' mentality from his decade in Detroit is hurting the Rams because he tries to do too much

Matthew Stafford is a really, really good quarterback... but he's been on a team where he's asked to do everything. His mentality has been, 'Matthew, you gotta make every throw for us.' If you have that mentality for 10 years... how hard is it to break that mentality? What I see with Matthew Stafford is he does a lot of really good things, but there's times where he tries to do too much, and when he tries to do too much, it's worked against them.

Super Bowl Prediction: Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. New England Patriots

Let me go with Tampa Bay in New England. I just think it would be an unbelievable way to finish the season. And Tom got his last year and Bill has his chance with a young quarterback... I think it's possible, you know, and with the way both teams are playing, I think it's definitely possible.

I will knock out Jeff Nadu in the second round with a body shot

Game plan is to come out and put the pressure on right away and back him up and have him on the defense, the whole fight and run around the ring and cut off the corners... and just bodywork. And once he drops those hands, it's lights out... Second round knockout, second round knockout, a body shot.

Doing spreadsheets so fast that you sweat counts as blue collar work

I don't care if you're just like a little bit out of shape, you're doing spreadsheets. You're doing them really fast. I agree if you're so fast on the computer that it makes you sweat. That's blue collar for sure. A hundred percent.

The Chiefs' defense has completely flipped a switch and is now awesome

The Chiefs are my don't look now team... because their defense is now awesome. They've just completely flipped a switch at the start of the season.

The Chiefs are playing sustainable, renewable football that will carry through the playoffs

You know what I think the [Chiefs] are doing right now, they're playing sustainable football, Big Cat. Yeah. This type of football can play football. It's green. It's renewable football. This shit can be carried through throughout the playoffs.

It is time for an open and honest dialogue about Teddy Bridgewater not being a franchise starter

Teddy doesn't look great. And he's so easy to root for too because of the injury and all that stuff. And everywhere he goes, people seem to love him. But I think it's time for America to have an open and honest dialogue about Teddy Bridgewater. I don't think that John Elway is going to stick with Teddy going into [next year].

The Lions are not the worst team in the NFL despite their record

The Lions are not the worst team in the NFL, even though they are, they, it took them this long to get the win. Like if you look at point differential, the fact they've been in every game, all those things like the lines are not the worst team in the NFL. And finally they get a win.

The loss to the Lions is the point of no return for the Mike Zimmer era in Minnesota

It's over probably for the Mike Zimmer era in Minnesota. It's probably, I don't know what they can do with Kirk Cousins, but this did feel like the loss that like the point of no return in terms of losses.

At their peak, nobody in the NFL can beat the Chargers

If they're playing their best game, their best possible game, nobody can beat them. I think at their peak, they're better than any other team in the NFL, but the problem is they, it doesn't show up. It doesn't show up all the time, but when it does fall together, it's a beautiful thing to watch.

Matt Ryan would be a perfect fit for the Eagles next year

Matt Ryan next year, going home to Philadelphia. Kind of perfect... They have a good offensive line, they have some weapons... he's clearly not dead, he's not done, but the Falcons are not in a place where he should be their quarterback next year. So where like similar to Phil Rivers, similar to the end of the career of Brett Favre... Matt Ryan would be such a good fit in Philadelphia.

The Cardinals are a legitimate Super Bowl contending team

The Cardinals are good. The Cardinals are legitimate Superbowl contending team. I'll say that.

The Washington Football Team is the native American equivalent of using every part of the Buffalo with the game clock

We use every down, we're like the native Americans with the Buffalo and we suck the clock down and it's very frustrating to play against us.

The Jaguars traveling to New England on January 2nd will be the biggest quit spot of all time

If the Patriots have any meaning in that game, they need to win that game. That spread can not be big enough, honestly... That Jaguars team going to New England on January 2nd... that has to be the biggest quit spot of all time. Urban Meyer is going to get hypothermia on the sidelines.

Russell Wilson looked like himself again because he was finally 8 weeks out from finger surgery

It's so funny that we have like an exact perfect timeline of how Russell Wilson should have listened to his doctor... The moment that it was, oh, this is actually when your finger will be fully healed [8 weeks], he started [playing well].

The Ravens are predictable because they 'aggressively play analytics'

[Harbaugh] knew that it was coming because quote, they aggressively play analytics. So from that standpoint, they're predictable.

TJ Watt is the Defensive Player of the Year

TJ Watt is defensive player of the year. And I know there's a lot of guys out there that could probably win it. He had three and a half sacks today... TJ Watt now has played 10 games this year. He has 16 sacks in 10 games. That's insane... TJ Watt definitely has moments where he just completely takes over a game... There's my vote.

Cincinnati can give Alabama a good game in the playoffs because of their secondary

I'm actually already going to do it again because I actually think Cincinnati could give Alabama a good game because their secondary is that fucking good. And they have a quarterback that is like, just doesn't let anyone catch anything.

The NFL should expand the playoffs to 12 teams immediately

That's why we should expand the playoff. And guess who's the only one to blame for not explaining the playoff. Oh yeah. That's ACC... make it 12.

Taysom Hill is probably not the Saints' quarterback of the future

Yeah, Taysom Hill probably not, probably not the quarterback of the future, but he's still, I still like Taysom.