Takes

The Bears will score fewer than 13 points against the Rams and the game will go under 47

My under is the Bears-Rams, 46 and a half. I don't think the Bears are going to score 13 points. ... Add all those so bads up, that's an under. ... Give me 47.

The Buffalo Bills will beat the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in the Super Bowl

And it's the Buffalo Bills winning it all, beating the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Joe Tryon will be the Defensive Rookie of the Year

I think defensively, I think Joe Tryon is going to be the rookie of the year. That kid's unblockable. ... of all the guys I saw in training camp, he was the most impressive rookie of all of them.

The Lions will have the number one overall pick in the 2022 draft

Which team will be picking first in next year's draft? The Lions.

The Patriots will make the playoffs because their offensive line and coaching are superior to the Dolphins

Dolphins or Patriots, one of those teams makes the playoffs, which one are you picking? Patriots. ... because I think their offensive line is significantly better. ... and Belichick knows defense ... they're going to be a playoff team.

The 49ers will win the NFC West regardless of who plays quarterback

I think the 49ers are going to win the division no matter who plays quarterback, and I think it's going to be Jimmy Garoppolo. It should be Jimmy Garoppolo. I think the 49ers will win that division.

Washington money line over the Chargers is my mortal lock for Week 1

Washington's winning it. ... That's actually my mortal lock.

You either have 'it' as a quarterback or you don't; sitting and learning doesn't help

You either have it or you don't. ... Everybody always says, well, Aaron Rodgers got the watch for a couple years before he played, and it really helped make him a better quarterback. No, it didn't. You either have it or you don't.

Alvin Kamara is going to have a monster year because Sean Payton will use the running backs more without Drew Brees

Kamara is going to have a monster year. I think they should give him more carries. ... If you go back and look at his history, when [Sean Payton] didn't have wide receivers, he used the tight ends in the running back.

Andy Dalton is a better quarterback than Mitchell Trubisky

He's better than Mitchell Trubisky. ... Because he is. He's a better player. ... [Mitchell Trubisky] looked good in the preseason, but there's some guys that when they're playing with as the starter, the pressure is too much for him.

Mitchell Trubisky is not worse than Andy Dalton as a starting quarterback

Andy Dalton's not better than Mitchell Trubisky as we currently sit here. ... Andy Dalton's not better than Mitch Trubisky. Right this second. You think Andy Dalton's a better starter than Mitch Trubisky? I disagree.

Washington will win the NFC East even if the Cowboys' offense stays totally healthy

Washington's winning it [the NFC East]. ... [Even if Dallas' offense stays healthy] because they still have defensive problems.

Justin Jefferson will be the best receiver in the league by the end of the year

Justin Jefferson is going to be the best receiver in the league by the end of the year.

Kirk Cousins will be benched for Kellen Mond for performance reasons this year

Do you think Kellen Mond plays for performance reasons this year? Yes. I'll just say yes. ... I think Kirk Cousins stinks.

Summer is officially over after Labor Day

Summer's over. Sorry, anyone who says summer lasts past Labor Day is a loser. We're so fucking pissed. Summer's over.

The first person to live to 200 years old has already been born

They think the first person to live to 200 has already been born. There have been studies that have been done. No, Big Cat, you didn't read the studies that I read.

Short people live longer because their hearts don't have as much mass to pump blood through

Short people definitely live longer. Yeah, because we don't have this mass to pump all the blood through. [We are] closer to the ground, better pad level.

Blake Bortles is an alpha leader because he convinced a quarterback room to fake their social distancing tracking

The fact that the entire quarterback room went along with it shows me that Blake is a leader. And so they were all looking up to [Bortles] as the alpha in that group, furthering the reasons why he should be on an NFL roster right now.

Professional boxers get charged with murder instead of manslaughter if they kill someone with their hands

When you register as a professional boxer, which I had to do, you technically do not get a manslaughter charge if you were to punch someone and they were to die. You'd get a murder charge.

A silverback gorilla could defeat an elephant by choking it out

I'm going to go elephant versus silverback gorilla. If the elephant can fucking get on his back and get him in a chokehold... [A] gorilla can tap out an elephant.

An elephant would defeat a rhino in a fight

I took elephant versus rhino. I like the matchup of the tusks and the horn. I think the elephant would win, but I would like to see it. They're worthy foes.

Rats are nastier than pigeons and would win in a fight

Just an all-out rat versus pigeon fight would be fun to watch. Just like who's the nastier animal. I think I got to go rats on that one.

I could probably choke out a teenage polar bear

[Big Cat: Billy, could you choke out a teenage polar bear?] I'd get pretty cut up, but maybe.

Spirit Halloween will have a massive year because of vacant retail space

I think also this is going to be a huge year for Spirit Halloween because we had so many businesses that totally went out of business over the last year. There's so much more retail space. There could be one on every single block.

Putting mayo on a turkey sandwich is the most American thing you can eat

A perfectly normal amount of mayo on a tuna fish sandwich or a turkey sandwich, that's the most American thing that you can eat.

Rap is a young man's game and artists shouldn't try to look like they're 22 when they are 31

I'm 31. I don't need to be rapping like I'm 22. And hip-hop especially is such a young man's game. It doesn't mean that men can't age in that. But as far as trying to be like, look at me. I'm on TikTok doing a dance. Like, no, I'm not, motherfucker.

Releasing music is the least enjoyable part of my career because audiences often misunderstand the intent

I actually hate that I have to release music. It's like a thing. I don't like releasing it because so many people don't get it. They think they do, or they want to say what it is or what it isn't and then it becomes this thing on Twitter.

Gillie Da King could run a sub-5.0 second 40-yard dash

I think he could break a five-flat 40. I really do.

Shedeur Sanders deserves a B-minus for his Jackson State debut

I give him a B-minus. Because he, you know, two fumbles. He told me at the halftime... 'I realize that I'm not Lamar Jackson.' And we just bust out laughing.

The Packers, Ravens, and Chiefs are my favorite teams to watch this NFL season

I'm really liking Green Bay. I'm really liking Baltimore for some reason. I'm really liking Kansas City because they're upset and they're going to be a lot more focused.

Terrell Owens would suit up and play in a Jackson State game if allowed

[Terrell Owens] would do it. T.O. would do it.

I'm not getting off the Graham Mertz train

The Badgers fell on their face. I'm still going to believe in Graham Mertz. I'm not going to get off this train. That sucked, though.

College football should go back to starting with 'cupcake' games

My only real takeaway is like the first game change that they've made where you have to play conference opponents sucks. I don't like it. I really liked starting the season against like South Florida or UNLV or Akron or someone and putting up like 60 points and not even having to turn my brain on until like the third or fourth week is September. I don't like this. I want the cupcakes back.

I am convinced CJ Stroud will always suck at quarterback and I will not get off this take

I'm convinced, no matter what, that CJ Stroud will always suck at quarterback just because of how poorly he played in the first half... trust me, I will not get off this take. It's burned. It's seared into my brain. He's bad.

It would be a shame if the US soccer team misses the World Cup again

I just wanted to say it's a shame. Just so that I'm on the record. I feel like some people think I'm trolling. I'm saying it's a shame if we don't make the World Cup again.

I'm boycotting the 2022 World Cup in Qatar unless the US makes it

I'm boycotting the World Cup. I'm boycotting the World Cup unless the U.S. makes it, in which case I might still boycott it. I think it's actually beneath the United States to play in a World Cup in stadiums that were built by little slaves.

The Whipsnakes are cheaters and I hope they never play lacrosse again

Fuck the Whipsnakes. Whipsnakes are cheaters. Everybody knows that... I root for two teams: I root for the Waterdogs and whoever's playing against the Whipsnakes. Fuck the Whipsnakes. I hope they all lose and never play lacrosse again.

Josh Heupel will eventually be an awesome NFL head coach

Josh Heupel, he better not get to the NFL because I love taking pictures of that guy's face. His neck goes on forever. He's my new Frank Beamer... He's going to be awesome. He's going to be awesome [in the NFL].

Chip Kelly has UCLA rolling and they can beat anyone in the Pac-12

I think [Chip Kelly] does. I mean, if they can do that to LSU, where the talent gap is pretty big between UCLA and LSU, there's nobody UCLA is going to play in the Pac-12 that has that kind of talent. UCLA can beat anybody in the Pac-12.

Coach O could face a Gene Chizik-style quick firing if LSU doesn't improve

Let me remind you of a name, Gene Chizik. Gene Chizik won a national title in 2010, went undefeated, was fired in 2012. So it is possible that this happens [to Ed Orgeron]. And what was disturbing about LSU was the defense... They're either going to get this worked out... or we're having the Gene Chizik conversation midseason.

Iowa is going into Ames and beating Iowa State because they're legit

I got a feeling Iowa is going into Ames and beating Iowa State. And that's not a knock on Iowa State. I just think Iowa is going to be really good. Iowa certainly crushed Indiana [in Week 1].

Tulane's powder blue and green uniforms are the best in college football

The Tulane uniforms, those are maybe my favorite uniforms in college football. The ones they wear are so good. Those powder blue with the green and the weight, like incredible uniforms.

Florida is using the USF game to decide if Anthony Richardson should start over Emory Jones

Anthony Richardson... he's massive. He looks like Cam Newton and he runs like Cam Newton. They have to figure out which of those two gives them the best chance to beat Alabama. I wonder if they were trying to figure out, all right, how well can [Richardson] throw? Because we need to know this and decide before Alabama week starts.

Mayonnaise is objectively delicious and hating it is a media trend

I actually think that mayonnaise recently has gotten a bad rap in the media because it's become cool for people to be like, ew, mayonnaise... Mayonnaise is objectively delicious. Don't overdo it. Don't eat gobs of it. I'm here to be a mayo stand.

Mayonnaise makes the most moist chocolate cake

I had this chocolate cake once in Mississippi... Mayo. It's mayo. It makes the most moist chocolate cake you've ever had in your life.

Having Big Cat and I as caddies will be a huge advantage for Brooks Koepka

I think having me and big cat on the bag is going to be a huge advantage for [Brooks Koepka] for at least like the first hole until Big Cat and I get too tired.

US Soccer will make the World Cup this year

I'm not down with the negativity from Big Cat. I'm not negative. Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa. When was I negative? I said it would be a shame if we didn't make the World Cup. I think that this is the year. This is a year for US Soccer to... make the World Cup.

The art of parallel parking has been completely bastardized by backup cameras

I do think that parallel parking, the art of parallel parking has been completely bastardized by these cameras now. It sucks. It's not the same... It was always awesome when it was like no cameras, just fucking crushed it.

Smoking an analog cigarette is cool as fuck

Smoking a cigarette. Yeah. Smoking a cigarette looks cool. Very harmful. I don't care if it's vape these days, but smoking, smoking, smoking an analog cigarette is cool as fuck. It's cool. It is.

Kansas is the worst Power Five team in college football

Oh, that's a good question. But it's Kansas. [The worst power five team].