Takes

Nebraska football made a mistake joining the Big Ten

I think we made a bad move going to the Big Ten... the belief is... your recruiting base and you kind of lose what you were... You're not playing in Texas. How are you going to get these Texas kids?

The internal culture of the Washington Football Team under Bruce Allen was not 'damn good'

Sure, you can watch that clip when [Bruce Allen] says the culture's damn good, but our culture wasn't damn good. It just is what it is... Top floor, bottom floor, all of it, it wasn't that good.

I would absolutely sign with the Washington Football Team again because the money is great

Oh, absolutely [I would go back to the Washington Football team if they gave me a contract]. Undercover. Money's still great... I loved that locker room. Obviously, it's not the same locker room, but there's a lot of moving parts in an organization to make a culture bad. But, yeah, absolutely, I would play for the boys again.

The Suns fan from the 'Suns in 4' fight needs a championship ring

The bottom line is if they [the Suns] win, if they win the NBA finals this year, that guy needs a ring. He needs a ring for sure. And he needs to do the pregame ceremony.

Nikola Jokic's ejection in Game 4 was total bullshit

The Jokic ejection was bullshit. It was bullshit. Having that be an ejection was so, so stupid. I don't know if that changes the game... but yes, ejecting the reigning MVP, that's going to have an effect on it.

'Same height parties' should be normalized.

Normalize same height parties where you show up and they measure you at the door. And depending on how tall you are, they give you these like lifts that you walk around in that bring you up to the exact same height as the tallest person at the party.

The Brooklyn Nets are still the best team in the NBA when at full strength

Obviously the Nets at full strength are probably the best team in the NBA and better than the Bucks. But at some point you do have to admit that Kyrie Irving, James Harden, those guys do get injured.

Game 5 against the Bucks is a legacy game for Kevin Durant

Is this a legacy game for Kevin Durant on Tuesday night? It's a must-win. If you want to jump to legacy... if he doesn't win this legacy game, there needs to be a new torch.

The Philadelphia 76ers are the best team in the NBA right now

The Sixers might just be the best team of these who are just kind of waiting or the best team in the NBA who were just waiting because they have sort of destroyed the Hawks the last two games.

The Colorado Avalanche were the greatest team to never win a Stanley Cup

The Avalanche were the greatest team to never win a Stanley Cup. Yep. I like that. I mean, lamed out... we were told the Avalanche were just going to shit-pump everybody.

I will move the Waterdogs if they go on a two-game losing streak

If we go on a two-game losing streak at any point, we're going to move the team. We're moving it... we'll fucking do anything. We'll stop paying the players if we have to make them play better.

Tampa Bay is a terrible sports town.

Bad sports town, bad sports town. Actually, it's crazy like Tampa Bay... they had no excuse to be this type of bad sports town until the last like two years now they're the epicenter of everything.

Jeffrey Toobin should own his scandal and become 'the jack off guy'

He should have been like, 'Hey guys, listen, I'm a guy. I jerk off.' You know what? You should trust me more because I'm just a regular guy who jerks off and guess what? This is my pledge to you. I will not do it in front of any more cameras. Lean into it. You have to own it at this point. Just become the jack off guy.

Anthony Rizzo's home run made everyone forget about his vaccination status

Anthony Rizzo was under fire on Friday because he didn't get vaccinated. But then he had like one of those 16-pitch at-bats where he had a home run... pretty much all is forgiven. And nobody's going to bring up the vaccination stuff after an at-bat like that.

The Suns are a team of destiny until Chris Paul inevitably gets hurt.

Do you think that the Suns are a team of destiny? ... I think so, until Chris Paul gets hurt, because that's going to happen.

I invented the wrap sandwich in 1981

A couple of the really school reporters up there decided that they'd get their friends at the Wall Street Journal to do a national search to find out who had a wrap sandwich on the menu before 1981. And guess what? They couldn't find anyone. And they said I invented the wrap.

The Houston Astros weren't just banging on garbage cans—they were using NASA technology

If the Astros got this technology from NASA that was going to steal these signs and relay them to the dugout on internet wifi... believe me guys, they wouldn't be banging on a garbage drum and give the hitter signal. It had to be very high-tech guys.

I should have stayed at ESPN instead of taking the Red Sox manager job in 2012.

I would've stayed at ESPN. They were ready to give me a multi-year contract and I was loving the job.

Being a manager and getting ejected from a game is theatrical work.

It's all theatrical work there... you didn't want to waste their [the players'] time if it wasn't a good act. So you had to have your stuff together.

I saw a UFO above Shea Stadium and another over the Colorado River

I saw a UFO once... I believe you. I saw one during a press conference. Yeah, and we stopped at Chase [Shea] Stadium. Everyone looked, everyone pointed. I said to the press, 'Did you see that?'... I think there's stuff up there.

The Colorado 'Rato Curse' is the price the city must pay to trade for Aaron Rodgers.

The Rato Curse... to not have a win, have two teams deep in the playoffs and not have a fucking win in the two weeks... It's the bargain with the devil that you have to make in order to get Aaron Rodgers traded to your city.

Calling off the Denmark vs. Finland match after Christian Eriksen's collapse was the right move.

They called the game off, which was probably the right thing to do... then Christian Eriksen gets on a zoom call... tells them, I want you guys to play the game. Then they went out there and played.

'Read the room' people on Twitter are the worst.

The 'read the room' people are the worst people in the world because I still can't for the life of me understand how being affected by something and then spending that time immediately after replying to other people to 'read the room' is you showing your lack of room-reading abilities.

Football is 'coming home' for England in the Euros

All I'm saying about the Euros, it's coming home. Yeah, it's coming home. Something just very special about pasty white English fans ripping off their shirts... Football's coming home. And then they're going to lose in tragic fashion.

If Novak Djokovic ties Federer and Nadal in Grand Slams, he is the GOAT

Once he equalizes with Federer and Nadal, I think at that point it's like, yeah, Djokovic is GOAT. And head-to-head he's dominated both of them, right?

Wide receivers wearing single-digit jersey numbers is wrong

Julio Jones, he's wearing number two in Tennessee. I'm still not comfortable on a personal level with wide receivers wearing single digits. It's going to fuck my brain up... Number two is a bad kicker or a slow quarterback.

The Waterdogs will lose both of their games this weekend against Chaos and Chrome

Today, Chaos versus Water Dogs. L for us. ...And then on Sunday, the Waterdogs take another L to the Chrome. NBC Sports Network, 1 p.m. Eastern.

The Bruins would have won their series against the Islanders if Tuukka Rask was fully healthy

I think [Tuukka Rask] was hurt, and I think if he was full health, they probably would have won that series.

Aaron Rodgers might move to Ecuador and go off the grid entirely

I think there's something telling me that [Rodgers] might just go off the grid entirely. Like Aaron Rodgers might just not show up on a football field ever again. He might move to Ecuador and go live out in the rainforest with Shailene Woodley.

A 12-team playoff will make the college football regular season matter more

The regular season, people will say, oh, the regular season doesn't matter as much. No, I think the regular season matters more because it used to be if you have one game that you lose, you're out. Now the game's at the end of the season. Teams jockeying for those conference title games, for higher seating. It all matters.

The Nets are a legit super team and are asserting dominance even without James Harden

I think the Nets are a legit super team. These guys are missing James Harden... and they are still crushing it with Kevin Durant, who has snapped back into pre-injury form. When Joe Harris, the best catch-and-shoot guy in the league, is your fourth option, man, you're a super team.

Don't bet against Kawhi Leonard in the playoffs

The last thing I'll say is don't bet against Kawhi Leonard in the playoffs. This dude came down from 2-0 in that first round series with one of the all time performances... he's really doing stuff that nobody else is doing.

Centers are relevant in the NBA again thanks to Jokic, Embiid, and Gobert

Centers are relevant again thanks to I would say three guys really: Jokic, Joel Embiid who are both leading the top teams in their conferences... [and] Rudy Gobert, the top team in the West. ...Centers are back.

The Brooklyn Nets are the best team in the NBA right now

They look like they're going to certainly come out of the East... they've coalesced at the exact right time and are playing, to my view, the best basketball in the league right now.

The 2017 Warriors were better than the 2021 Nets because of defense

I don't think so. Those Warriors teams... were defensive juggernauts and offensive juggernauts. I'll take pre-injury KD over post-injury KD... and I'll take Steph over Harden by a narrow margin.

The Nets could win the title if every starter had to score the exact same amount of points every game

I really think they could do it... they're all running plays for Joe Harris in the third quarter. I think they could probably do that. That's how good they are.

Car dealerships are all bullshit and haven't changed in years

The car dealerships have never changed. They advertise what they do, but it's all bullshit... I really believe if I went into one of these dealerships, not so much that I could sell cars, but I could show them what the fuck is wrong with what you're doing.

Bryson DeChambeau has a weak legal case for 'mental harm' regarding the 'Brooksy' chants

I think, you know, it's like any case that there is, I think it's a weak case that he has... How does he prove his damages? Does he go and see a doctor and say, doctor, because of these assholes in Pardon My Take, I can't play anymore?

Dave Portnoy was a fast athlete in his youth but he has lost all of his speed

When David was younger, he had speed. And you know that expression in sports, speed kills. You can't teach somebody to be fast. ...David had it no longer, obviously.

In the future, the 2021 MVP will be a difficult trivia question

He's going to be a trivia question down the line. I'm telling the audience right now, there will come a time in your life when you are asked who the 2020-2021 MVP was. And you're going to need to remember this moment when I'm telling you that it's Jokic because it will win you money.

I have no problem with bandwagon fans

I know we don't like bandwagon fans. Actually, I have no problem with bandwagon fans. I always thought it was so stupid to be like, more people are buying this stuff and the city is more electric. It's actually awesome. It's like movies. Everyone's getting pumped about it.

Guy Fieri should be America's mascot

[Guy Fieri] is everything that we thought the bald eagle would be. I just think if you're cheering against whatever team Guy Fieri's cheering for, then you're essentially rooting against Flavor. He's Drake's Wario. He's the good version of a bandwagon fan.

The 76ers will win their series against the Hawks

I do think the Sixers are going to win that series. But I've been wrong many, many times before. 40 points for Mr. Suck It [Embiid], he's out. I guess Triple H, he's out. Mr. Suck It, he's out.

The Nets are so much better than the Bucks that Giannis Antetokounmpo looks like a Robin at best

The hot takes now are... Giannis is no more than a 1B. He can't ascend to the next level... I tend to believe there's some truth in that, but it's more that the Nets are so much better than we're giving them credit for... he is really just a Robin at best.

The Nets could beat almost any team if all five starters had to score the exact same amount of points

How many teams do you think that the Nets could beat in a seven-game series if... All five of their starters had to score the exact same amount of points... It's like everyone has to score exactly 14 points. [With Harden healthy], I think they could beat almost everyone.

Kevin Durant is the most 'regular' superstar of all time in the NBA

I also think he's... the most regular superstar of all time in the NBA. He's as close as you can get to normal. He's just like a regular dude, and he thinks like a regular person would, realizes this absurd situation that he's in where hundreds of millions of people have opinions about him who he will never meet in his life. And he's better at basketball than all of them.

The Brooklyn Nets will be considered one of the greatest teams of all time within a month

I feel like we're going to be, in a month, the conversation is going to be like, are the Nets one of the greatest teams of all time? If they keep playing the way they have in these first two games, they deserve it because it really is like they just fucking jump on you.

Blake Bortles could be the starting quarterback for the Green Bay Packers this year

I have a prediction, Big Cat. I'm in the prediction business. I think that Blake Bortles could be the starting quarterback of the Green Bay Packers this year. Right now, Jordan Love, it seems like he's more valuable to the Packers as an asset.

Arch Manning is already the best Manning to ever play football

That ball flip was sick, though, wasn't it? When he did the pump fake, and then he flipped it. I think he's already better. I think he's already the best Manning to ever play football.

NFL teams should start tanking for Arch Manning right now

Teams should start tanking right now for Arch Manning. You need to have your shit together. You need to just be absolutely dog shit in the NFL for the next three years.