Takes

The NFL return of Kyle Long is a bad look for the Chicago Bears

Kyle Long will be returning to the NFL. Not to the Bears. But that's why they're on the hot seat, because he doesn't want to go back to them. I don't think it's a good or bad look. I think it's just the Bears.

Tom Wilson would have been suspended for a full year if he had hit Connor McDavid

If Tom Wilson would have done what he did to Connor McDavid, he probably would have got a full year sussy. I think it's getting to the place where they've got to really protect those guys.

The Buffalo Sabres are a 'broken organization' that needs to get worse to get better

It's just one of those organizations right now that seem a little bit cursed, and I would imagine that it's going to have to get a lot worse before it even gets better... They're a broken organization.

The NHL should adopt the 2-game baseball-style series format permanently

I 100% think they should adapt it, especially within teams of your own division... Why couldn't we just have banged out a back-to-back in Edmonton, saved ourselves the cost of fuel... I think they are going to adapt it moving forward.

The Toronto Maple Leafs will win the Stanley Cup this year

I truly believe with the pickups that they made and adding Joe Thornton's experience to maybe calm the young guys down... yes, I think that they're going to win the Stanley Cup.

The Arizona Coyotes will secure the 4th playoff spot in the West Division

I think the Yotes are going to get that fourth spot in the West. So, you know, who knows? Maybe they can knock off the big boys.

A 'black card' exists for elite Russian athletes given directly by Vladimir Putin

I have heard from a decent amount of people that, yeah, Putin gives out this special black card to a bunch of hardcore Russian athletes who make the country proud. Yeah, it could be a complete myth, but I think we should just roll with it.

The Bulls are one year away from being title contenders

Obviously, I wanted [Blake Griffin] to go to the Bulls, but I think the Bulls are probably a year away from being title contenders. Yeah, one year. One year away from being title contenders. And I still have actually enjoyed watching this Bulls team, and I have high hopes for them to make the playoffs.

Blake Griffin will dunk for the first time since 2019 this year

I'm really hoping that Blake goes there and then he can just immediately play like old Blake again. Change of scenery will be good for him. He's going to dunk for the first time since 2019. Mark my words. 2021 is the year of Blake Griffin dunking again.

Blake Griffin will dunk in his first game with the Brooklyn Nets

He's going to dunk in the first game. [2021] is the year of Blake Griffin dunking again.

Duke should look at firing Coach K right now

Over 30,000 people want Coach K fired. So I put up a poll when they were getting the shit kicked out of him by UNC. I said, should Coach K retire after this game or after the ACC tournament? ... I would look very hard at firing Coach K if I was Duke right now.

If Gonzaga doesn't join the Pac-12 in five years, they are on a fraud countdown

I'm setting the law down right now. If Gonzaga does not go to the Pac-12, actually, within the next five years, they're on a fraud countdown. Anything longer than that, and you're doing it for your Mickey Mouse game?

Replay review has ruined the watchability of basketball

Review in NBA and college basketball has ruined the watchability of basketball games because it just the last five minutes take forever. And they look at every little piece of the game and did it go off this guy? It was unwatchable. They need to dial it back.

There should be a shot clock on replay reviews

I want there to be a shot clock on reviews because not only would it speed it up and make it, like, if you can't figure it out within 30 seconds, stop, right?

I am officially woke on Cade Cunningham; he does laughably hilarious things on the court

I'm very woke about Cade Cunningham. Every game that I've watched of his... he does something where I'm like, well, that was laughably hilarious. I established my baseline take, and then every other time I've watched him, I've been like, prove me wrong. And he hasn't proved me wrong.

Baseball is the only All-Star game that actually works

I really don't understand like the all star games. They just don't. Baseball is really the only all star game that really actually works because you can't not throw hard. It's one on one. It's just like no one's even playing.

The NBA All-Star winning team should get extra salary cap space

What if it was East versus West again and the winning team got more salary cap room for the next year? Then people would play hard? They get one extra mid-level exception. One extra guy.

Russell Wilson really wants to be traded from the Seahawks

It feels like [Russell Wilson] really wants to get traded, even though he hasn't fully said he wants to get traded. But for someone who hasn't said, trade me, he's done everything else.

The NHL should thank Tom Wilson for making the league relevant right now

If anything, the NHL should be thanking Tom Wilson for making the game relevant right now because people are talking about it.

Joe Lunardi is secretly miserable because other people are catching up to his bracketology

I think Joe Lunardi is secretly miserable. Because in 2021, it's the Mel Kiper theory, right? ... Now there's a shitload of people who do draft stuff. I think Joe Lunardi is just constantly looking over his shoulder. Like, there's going to be a kid someday that comes and just nails it every single year. And if I slip up, if I put BYU on the 9 seed and they end up being a 10, it's curtains for me.

Walmart is the number one store for finding people fighting

Walmart's number one. Walmart, yeah, Walmart's definitely up there. When they try not to accept that 20% coupon that you have, that's like seven years old.

Mark Davis orders orange chicken and fried rice at P.F. Chang's

I know Mark. Mark's a wonderful guy. I think Mark would play it right up the middle. I think he would go orange chicken, chicken fried rice, egg roll. Right up the middle. I don't really see him diversifying it.

Throwing a no-hitter on LSD is the most impressive athletic feat of all time

He should try doing it on LSD like Doc Ellis did. If you want to talk about the most impressive athletic feats of all time, I'd say throwing a no-hitter on LSD is probably number one and number two.

The Washington Football Team paid for Twitter bots to praise Dan Snyder

I started to notice that over the last two days, there were a shitload of accounts that had been created in October of 2020 that were all tweeting things about Dan Snyder. It'll shock you to find out that there are more than likely hundreds of bots that were all created around the same time to just heap praise on Dan Snyder. Dan Snyder, essentially, somebody in the Redskins organization paid for a shitload of Twitter bots to just do nothing all day but tweet praise for Dan Snyder.

Big Ben Roethlisberger taking a pay cut is the ultimate 'hero ball' move.

This might be my favorite Big Ben move ever because he took a pay cut... He signed a big money contract knowing he was going to get paid like $40 million when he was very old... And now he's hero ball, going to take a pay cut on the contract that he signed to get paid a ton of money when he was really old.

Steelers fans should not be excited about Big Ben Roethlisberger returning for another year.

If I was a Steelers fan, I would not be super thrilled about another year of Big Ben.

The NFL salary cap doesn't actually matter.

Basically, [the salary cap] doesn't matter... teams will go from under $20 million over the cap to magically, oh, they have a bunch of cap space.

Aliens definitely exist, and I totally believe Baker Mayfield saw one.

Aliens exist. We all agree, right? Aliens exist... Baker Mayfield, you probably saw an alien. I totally believe you.

People who don't believe in aliens are losers.

People who don't believe in aliens are losers. Straight up. Why would you willingly convince yourself that aliens don't exist? It's like betting the under.

Jim Boeheim was wrong to attack reporter Matthew Gutierrez during his press conference.

Boeheim should not have gone after him... He was being a pro and being a good journalist. He probably was looking like a twerp, and Boeheim was just like, 'fuck you.'

The 'burner lifestyle' on Twitter is incredible and highly recommended.

The burner lifestyle is incredible. I highly recommend it to everybody... Sometimes you just want to tweet things. You don't even have to believe them necessarily. You just want to get it off your chest. It feels great.

The March version of the 2021 Arkansas Razorbacks would beat the November version by 15 to 18 points.

This current Razorback team playing in March would probably beat our November Razorback team by about 15 to 18 is what I would roughly guess. We're more confident.

The turnover battle is the most important factor for winning in basketball.

The number one thing for us offensively is don't turn the ball over. I love studying football coaches, and obviously in football, the turnover battle is such an important factor in wins and losses. In basketball, we want to try to have under nine turnovers in a 40-minute college game.

A basketball team that makes over 200 passes in a game is unlikely to lose.

We found if we move the ball 200 plus passes, we're not going to lose many games. And then the games that we play really poorly offensively are usually our lowest passing games.

Coaches should adopt a fast style of play to increase their job security.

When I become a head coach, I want to be cosmetically pleasing. You know, maybe that lets you keep your job a little bit longer than if you walk the ball up the floor and play at a slower pace.

The new Space Jam movie isn't worth seeing because Lola Bunny is no longer 'thick.'

Lola Bunny is no longer thick. It sucks... I don't think I'm going to go see the new Space Jam. If I can't get aroused to a cartoon character in a movie about basketball, then I don't think it's worth my money buying a ticket.

Trevor Lawrence is just a 6'6" version of Tate Martell who has kept a 'mirage' going.

My take about Trevor Lawrence is that he is basically Tate Martell. But since he's taller... he's been able to keep the mirage up. Quarterbacks who get groomed like Trevor Lawrence in practice, they get as many reps as they want to get it right [but they aren't Tom Brady].

Mac Jones has the most promise of any quarterback in the 2021 draft class.

I think Mac Jones actually has the biggest promise out of all of them because he's not going to go to one of the top draft pick teams... He's going to go to a team that has a pretty good established team but needs a quarterback.

Illinois is the number one team in college basketball

Illinois is officially the number one team in the country according to my power rankings. What a night in college basketball. They absolutely kicked the shit out of Michigan... I want everyone to understand that the rankings are not predictive. They're reactive. So I reacted to the last week.

Teams should drop in the rankings if they go to overtime

The Baylor game, we can get to that in a little bit. But if you go to overtime, I feel like you should drop in the rankings. That should be reflected on the back end.

Gonzaga will probably win the NCAA tournament

And again, I think Gonzaga is, Gonzaga probably will win the tournament. They probably are going to win the tournament, whatever.

Missing the tournament is better for Duke than losing in the first round

I actually agree with that. I think that not making the tournament is actually way better for Duke than making the tournament and getting skunked in the first round. Just getting, like, blown out.

I'm blindly betting against the spread on whichever team has the lower free-throw percentage in the first round of the tournament

I'm just going to bet against the spread on the team that shoots better foul shots, like the team that has a higher percentage, just blindly in the first round. Because when it comes down to nut cutting time when it's a big game and if it's in the tournament, like nerves absolutely become a factor for the worst foul shooting [team].

JJ Watt signed with the Cardinals because they offered the most guaranteed money

J.J. Watt is signing with the Cardinals. I just assume it's the most money... it's the most guaranteed money. I know Kyler Murray and all this stuff. I think it's the most guaranteed money and he probably just didn't want to play in the cold.

The Cardinals won't be good because Kliff Kingsbury is still their coach

I just, yeah, I, their defense might be better. They still have Kliff Kingsbury as their coach so I don't believe in them.

Ted Lasso could coach the Jets to a 10-6 record

You can't convince me that Ted Lasso couldn't take the Jets to 10-6.

Tom Herman joining the Bears coaching staff is like being invited to the Titanic and asking for a first-class ticket

It's really a life comes at you fast moment for Tom Herman... four years ago he was the dream hire [at Texas]. And now he just got invited to the Titanic and he's like, 'Yes, first class, please.' I don't know why you'd want to join this coaching staff... you are signing up for a ship that is sinking.

The NFL will eventually expand to an 18-game schedule

My hot seat is the 16-game schedule for the NFL because it looks like we're going to 17. And my cool throw will be the 18-game schedule because as soon as we go to 17, we're going to go to 18. It's the greatest, like, sleight of hand that the NFL is doing here.

Vacations are back now that Israel is fully vaccinated

Cool throne would be vacations. There's going to be fully vaccinated out in Israel. Vacations are back.

I can still throw the ball 40 yards but would regret being hit

In a real life football game, you don't throw it 80 yards. You throw it, you know, two, three yards, five, 10, 15, maybe an occasional 40. But I can do that. I just – they can't promise me they're not going to hit me... I'm 51 years old... so going back to play, I could do it. But I think the repercussions would be – I would regret it certainly.