Takes

There is a conspiracy to prevent Americans from eating turkey eggs

I think that there's a conspiracy theory out there for us to not eat turkey eggs... It sounds to me like the most dangerous game. Like, it probably tastes better because it's so hard to get them. [Big Cat: They're rare.] Now I really want to eat turkey eggs because of everything this website has told me.

Derek Carr has officially improved and we need to stop thinking of him as mediocre.

There is definitely like an old Derek Carr thing that we have in our brain that we have to move past and be like, he's actually just good.

The Raiders are the team the Chiefs don't want to face in the playoffs and could make a run like the 2019 Titans.

The Raiders are, I would say, the team that the Chiefs don't want to face in the playoffs... they feel like a team that has enough going for them that they could make some—I'm putting them in my 'make some noise.' I could see the Raiders making a similar run [to the 2019 Titans] this year.

We need to stop making fun of Jon Gruden because he is actually a very good head coach.

John Gruden, it's time for us to forget about all the fun that we've made of John Gruden because he's actually like a very good head coach. I don't know [if he's worth 10 years, $100 million], but was John Gruden in his bag tonight? Yeah... He coached as good a game against the Chiefs as I think you can do pretty much.

Kevin Stefanski should be on the short list for NFL Coach of the Year.

Kevin Stefanski, I think, is on the short list for Coach of the Year. It's probably going to be Mike Tomlin to lose. But you should at least mention him because the Browns are sitting here with their best record, I think, since 2007 or something.

Carson Wentz is currently just a poor man's Taysom Hill.

I think that [Carson Wentz] is—here's the take—he right now is a poor man's Taysom Hill. Taysom Hill, yeah, they move similarly. Taysom knows his limitations, I think.

The Cleveland Browns are definitely going to make the playoffs this year.

I'm not going to say it because I don't want to jinx it for Browns fans... [PFT: Browns are going to make the playoffs.] Browns are going to make the playoffs.

Matt Ryan is the most sackable quarterback in the NFL; if a defender gets even close to him, he's going down.

Matt Ryan is just the most sackable guy in the world right now. He's just sackable. He's just something about quarterbacks that didn't have a ton of athleticism to begin with, and as they get older and they just become these beautiful sackable targets. That just, you know that if you get even close to him, he's going down.

The Saints' defense has all the components of a Super Bowl-winning unit.

The Saints defense has all of the bones to be a Super Bowl team. They have the bones to win the Super Bowl... they are rounding into form at the perfect time.

The only silver lining for the Bengals after Joe Burrow's injury is that they will likely draft a franchise offensive tackle like Penei Sewell to protect him for a decade.

They are probably not going to win another game. Guess what? A franchise level offensive tackle—Panay Suo [Penei Sewell] from Oregon who opted out this year can now protect Joe Burrow... you'll probably get a guy who's going to anchor your line for a decade to protect Joe Burrow.

Joe Brady will probably be the Bengals' head coach next year.

And then probably Joe Brady is going to be your head coach next year.

Matt Patricia should be fired after the Lions' shutout loss to the Panthers.

This is an absolute – and we never talk about another man's job, but this is a firing loss. You can't get shut out by a defense that's not very good in a game that you're kind of fighting for.

The Ravens are definitely still going to make the playoffs.

They're definitely going to make the playoffs... I think the Ravens have 10 wins in them, kind of no matter how it shakes out.

The Patriots' season is officially over after losing to the Texans.

Yes, I was wrong. The season's over. That was the towel throwing in loss because you had to beat the Texans.

Cam Newton is not the Patriots' quarterback of the future.

Will Cam Newton be their quarterback? I don't think so... I don't think he is their quarterback of the future.

I was right about 'Altitua' because Tua Tagovailoa was officially benched in the Denver altitude.

I was right about Altitua. It's a thing. So [Tua Tagovailoa] was officially benched not because of an injury... Brian Flores came out and was like, 'yeah, he sucked.'

I am officially retracting my support for Drew Lock because I realized he is a visor guy.

Drew Lock didn't look that good. I noticed that he's a visor guy too, so he's not going to win a Super Bowl, so I'd officially like to retract off Drew Lock because I found out that he's a visor guy.

Justin Herbert is the best quarterback in the NFL.

So Justin Herbert, best quarterback in the NFL. He's pretty good.

The Saints are currently the most dominant team in the NFC.

The Saints feel like the most dominant team right now in the NFC, wouldn't you say? And the team has put it all together, which, very weird, because they don't have their quarterback.

The Steelers will not finish the season 16-0.

My gut says no. I think... the Colts will be a problem game. And I think maybe at the Bills it's going to be a problem game. The Ravens at the Bills and the Colts. I feel like you'd want to lose one.

The Ravens have lost their identity of running the football and stopping the run.

The history of the Baltimore Ravens have always been running the football and stopping the run. They're not that team anymore. They've got to go into the draft, man, and get a receiver or go into free agency and get a real one.

Carson Wentz is not the guy for the Eagles and they should move on.

This is not the guy... You can't just try to justify because you made a mistake and paid him a ton of money, which you're going to probably get out of that contract as soon as you can. But you've got to be able to establish that team... You've got to get away from that kid.

Chris Godwin is a Robin, not a Batman, in the Buccaneers' wide receiver room.

[Chris Godwin] is not a one. He's definitely not a one. He's a Robin. He's not Batman, but he's a Robin.

Michael Jordan giving Gordon Hayward a $120 million contract is his worst free agent signing as a GM yet.

Michael Jordan, the GM... Gave Gordon Hayward $120 million. Which is probably his worst free agent signing yet.

Northwestern fans need to stop pretending to be a scrappy underdog and act like a good football program.

I just cannot stand Northwestern fans... You can't do the, we're the little engine that could. We're the scrappy underdog. No one cares about Northwestern... Stop pretending like every win is like, oh, my God, we fucking... shock the world and we beat you. You won the Big Ten West two years ago.

If the Maryland football team beats Michigan, they are officially respected in the Big Ten.

I am officially saying that if Maryland beats Michigan, they're into the Big Ten in football.

Jadeveon Clowney is no longer a good football player

Like Jadeveon Clowney in college, I was like, that guy's not going to be good at the next level because he wears number two. I was right. He's not good anymore.

Kliff Kingsbury is a 'mimbo' who doesn't understand late-game clock management

It was more of a, I think we're right that Kliff Kingsbury's kind of a mimbo. I don't really understand what Kliff Kingsbury was doing at the end of the game. I don't know why they were throwing to the end zone three times in a row when all they needed was to just keep moving.

Anyone who tries to fight DK Metcalf should be suspended for their own safety

If you try to fight DK Metcalf, you should be suspended just for your own health. Because you need to get your brain examined at that point. [Metcalf] is a scary big dude who's very, very muscular.

No NFL quarterback wearing a visor will ever win a Super Bowl

My second hot take was, I don't think that quarterbacks with visors will win a Super Bowl ever. Has a quarterback with a visor won a Super Bowl ever?

Anthony Edwards saying he likes football more than basketball is a red flag for a #1 overall pick

That story that Anthony Edwards brought his own food to Benihana was hilarious. Also, all-time weird interview for Anthony Edwards to be like, yeah, I actually like football more because you can celebrate and stuff.

Michael Jordan will make LaVar Ball cry when they finally play one-on-one

Oh, that is awkward that [LaMelo Ball] is going to Charlotte and LaVar Ball said that he can beat Michael Jordan one-on-one. I mean, they've got to play one-on-one. They have to play one-on-one. And Michael Jordan will make LaVar Ball cry.

Joe Judge has officially changed the culture of the New York Giants

So Joe Judge, just the idea that Joe Judge would possibly go at an offensive lineman, a former offensive lineman, now offensive line coach, means that Joe Judge has officially changed the culture for the New York Giants, and they are a goodish football team.

I could definitely beat up Bengals head coach Zac Taylor

The only people that are on the list right now [of coaches I can beat up], I want to say Zac Taylor. I think I could beat up Zac Taylor.

I could definitely beat up Matt Nagy

I could beat up Matt Nagy for sure. I'd just be like, dude, your play calling sucks.

Michael Thomas is a terrible fit for Jameis Winston's deep-passing skill set

I can't think of a wide receiver that fits Jameis Winston's skill set less than Michael Thomas. Just running slants, just going as close to linebackers as possible. Bad, bad. Yeah, just tell him, I know that your captain slant runs straight downfield. Go deep, go deep.

Matt Patricia is the 'dumbest rocket scientist' in the world

I think that Matt Patricia is, without a doubt, the dumbest rocket science on the face of the earth right now.

The 2020 Steelers are a 'fun' offensive team, not just a defensive juggernaut

I'm starting to embrace the fact that the Steelers are fun... the Steelers are a fun offensive football team, and it's taken me probably two and a half years of them actually being electric on offense for me to accept that fact.

The Tennessee Titans stink right now and the Ravens will beat them easily

I actually think Baltimore wins, and I think they win easily because the Tennessee Titans, they just stink. Listen, I got a lot of shit for saying that back in September. I was wrong. I'm mad enough to admit that I was wrong about the Tennessee Titans. They stink right now.

There is no fix for the Seahawks defense because their personnel is simply bad

It's tough on that side of the ball. I really don't know if there is a legitimate fix because their personnel are bad. So I don't know really what you can do to fix your personnel issues.

The Ravens offense has become predictable because they don't allow Lamar Jackson to audible at the line

I do sense a little bit of the predictability... I wanted to see the start of the season, a little bit more ability for Lamar to come to the line of scrimmage and audible based upon how many men were in the box... But so often Lamar comes to the line and just, they just call the play that whatever's been called, regardless of how the defense appears to be matching up with them.

The Raiders are not a legitimate postseason threat despite their 6-3 record

The Raiders are an interesting team... I still don't think that this team is a team that's going to go far in the postseason, even though they're 6-3.

The Packers defense is soft and will struggle in the late season

I think that their defense—I know they get a couple corners back, but I think their defense is somewhat soft and finesse a little bit. I think that you can have some success on this defense... they probably will have a little bit of difficulty when it gets late in the season.

No NFC wildcard team will want to play the Eagles in Philadelphia once Carson Wentz simplifies his game

The other teams in the NFC playoffs are not going to want to go on the road... to Philly in the postseason when they're playing healthy... if you simplify life for Carson Wentz, reduce the amount of deeper drops where he's running all around in the pocket and trying to do all these complicated things just drop back and throw the ball.

Alex Smith will be more efficient if Washington uses quick drops and shorter passes to Terry McLaurin

Alex Smith... he's taken a lot of three and five step drops from shotgun. And those are very inefficient for him... The goal for [Washington] should just be to get the ball out of his hands quickly. It doesn't have to be deep balls down the field... get the ball out of his hands quickly to minimize the impact of his legs on the game.

Justin Jefferson must be the centerpiece of the Vikings offense over Dalvin Cook

You can't throw the ball too little to Justin Jefferson, too much to Justin Jefferson. This dude is a complete freak. And it just sickens me... to see this offense run the ball first down after first down with Dalvin Cook picking up three yards... Just throw the ball more to [Jefferson] and stop running the ball on first downs with Dalvin Cook.

Success is the only thing that separates a visionary from a fool

The difference between being a visionary and a fool is success. If it happens, you're a visionary. You're brilliant, right? Well, if it doesn't happen, you're an asshole.

Billy Football's 285-pound bench press max is embarrassing

Billy actually said hovering around 285, which means he doesn't bench 285, which 285 is embarrassing... for a guy that spent four years in a weight program in high school and then three years in a weight program in college.

A parlay strategy involving five underdogs has a 50% likelihood of profit

I plugged in 32 outcomes, and then once each outcome happens, you see how much money you stand on winning in that moment... this actually has a 50% likelihood of being positive.

Nick Foles is not a consistent starting quarterback in the NFL

Nick Foles... He's not good. He's not good at playing football. Like, he's not good at being a quarterback. It's just... Objectively, he's just not. He's just found himself in a couple good situations. Right. He's reached incredible heights, and he's had incredible moments. But, like, game to game, he is not a consistent starter in the NFL.