Takes

The Miami Heat will make the Eastern Conference Finals

In the PFT basketball prediction Market, I think the Heat are going to make the Eastern Conference Finals.

The PMT crew will perform a set of bench press before every single show

The bench press is finally fully operational... I say that we cranked out a set before every single show. I'm down for that.

The Iowa Caucus should be taken away from Iowa and given to Florida

Iowa basically fucked up and I think that Iowa's lost their going first privileges... I think journalists are going to take it away from them and give it to Florida because they'd rather go hang out in Florida during [the winter].

The Jaguars are only playing back-to-back London games to pay for a stadium renovation in Jacksonville

What's actually happening is the Jaguars are doing two games back to back just so that they can have enough money to totally redo their stadium in Jacksonville. Better Fan Experience.

Urban Meyer would go to Michigan State just to beat Michigan 'from the other angle'

How bad would it be if Urban Meyer went there [Michigan State]? Oh, that'd be so fun and beat the fuck out of Michigan from the other angle. Yes, you know the thought has occurred to him in the last six hours.

NBA ratings are only down on TV because younger fans are cord-cutters

NBA ratings have taken a little bit of a dip totally different right... cord cutters, right? If your shows on television a nobody watch it... our numbers are down primarily on TNT which doesn't have as much carriage and as much linked to younger audiences... our streaming numbers the really really good.

NFL games only have 12 minutes of actual action while the NBA has 48

The thing about football on TV... you only have to watch 12 minutes. There's only 12 minutes of action. In an NBA game, it's a little bit harder. Yeah, because you're watching 48 minutes of action, there's always something going on.

Major League Baseball is 'fucked' because they restrict highlights on social media

Major League Baseball because they are very strict about what you can post on social media. They're fucked like you can't you can't take a highlight... their logic is they want to monetize all those views through their own proprietary feeds. The NBA is the exact opposite.

Rugby will succeed in the US if the MLR can effectively sell and sponsor the sport

It's tougher to get going but it's as it turns out, Major League Rugby... George Killebrew just became the commissioner and so they're in good hands now. You got to get sponsors and you got to learn how to sell it... if it's going to happen, he's the guy to do it.

AI will allow podcasts to be seamlessly translated into native languages like Chinese while preserving the original voice

I got this company Synthesia right where we can just over we could take train a voice to put on anybody... it looks like I'm saying it right because it matches all up... if we get you guys sitting there and training it for like 20 minutes and you want to have it done in Native Chinese or native Spanish or whatever. So it looks like you guys are doing the podcast.

LeBron James is using his name to help the Knicks front office as leverage for his son's future

Rich Paul being the president of the Knicks... LeBron James being like hey use my name to get my son drafted... This is LeBron James being like hey use my name to get my son drafted... LeBron James never plays for the Knicks. No, absolutely no no chance in hell.

Peeing through your partner's legs into the toilet is a great way to improve accuracy and bond

It's a test of your accuracy. It's actually exhilarating... There's no downside to this. Zero only upside. For the environment, accuracy, bonding time. Think about it. You don't get to spend time with your significant other when they're in the bathroom. Now you do.

The best way to get a roommate to move out is to aggressively 'gas up' the next guy they date

What you really have to do is just encourage her to move in with whatever the next guy that she hangs out with is. You gas up the next guy she talks to. Gasoline obscene amount. Yes, and then boom she's moving out.

Patrick Mahomes will win many more Super Bowl MVPs

Patrick Mahomes wins his first of what should be many Super Bowl MVPs.

Tom Brady will be a Las Vegas Raider

But the story, and we'll get to the Chiefs, but the story for right now... Tom Brady will be a Raider. Holy shit.

General Managers and Owners should be allowed to call timeouts from the booth

By the way, I think that owners and general managers should be able to call timeouts from the booth. I think that'd be great, a nice little addition to the game. Just get in the game.

The 49ers offensive pass interference on George Kittle was a 'bullshit call'

The only thing that we should also mention then is that the George Kittle pass interference was kind of a bullshit call.

The 49ers would easily defeat the Chiefs if Patrick Mahomes were their quarterback

What if you just switched quarterbacks and you ran the exact same offenses? I actually think that the Niners would win with Pat Mahomes [at quarterback]. They would kill [the Chiefs].

Patrick Mahomes will sign for at least $40 million per year

Was it 45? 40 million a year? I don't know... I'd say probably around 40.

Patrick Mahomes will win 10 Super Bowl titles and 10 MVPs

Put this on a quote board right now because I truly believe this. I truly believe that Patrick Mahomes is going to end up being the first quarterback to have double digit Super Bowl titles and MVPs. 10.

The 49ers should trade for Kirk Cousins to replace Jimmy Garoppolo

Do they try to make a swap with Kirk Cousins and just say like, hey. [Big Cat: That is who Kyle Shanahan wants.] Originally, make a swap. Be like, hey, both these guys make a lot of money. It's not working out as well as we had hoped maybe.

Both the Chiefs and the 49ers will return to the Super Bowl next season

I honestly think that both these teams [Chiefs and 49ers] could very well be back in the Super Bowl next year.

The name 'Kyle' is too relaxed for a head coach to have a cutthroat mentality

I think we should have a discussion about Kyle Shanahan. Just the name Kyle. Is that too chill of a name? Too chill of a name to have that real cutthroat mentality.

Butts are officially back following the Super Bowl 54 halftime show

That was quite a halftime show. Very Miami, but quite a halftime show. I think butts are officially back.

Michael Wilbon's 'Lordy' tweet was just a way to hide that he was horny online

That Lordy is, I got my pants out. I got my pants off, and I'm cranking it right now. That Lordy means shit. Like, Michael Wilbon was undressed when J-Lo started bouncing her booty around.

Tom Brady will return to the Patriots on a $30 million per year deal

He said he's not going anywhere in the advertisement, and then a report came out today that the Patriots are willing to pay him $30 million a year... I feel good about Brady coming back.

Kyle Shanahan is officially a choker

I want to be the first to say that I'm going to resist the 'Kyle Shanahan isn't clutch' movement. I'm going to be the first to say that I will embrace the 'Kyle Shanahan is a choker' movement.

The Miami Hurricanes are officially back because of Ed Reed and the Super Bowl

Either way, the U's back. Danny Boy Cane's got them covered... Recruits see that night game at Hard Rock Cafe Stadium in Miami Gardens, and they think the U might be back.

Mike Leach will be successful at Mississippi State because you have to do something different in the SEC

I always thought, like, at Mississippi State, Ole Miss, you have to do something different. Because, like, you're not just going to line up and beat Alabama or LSU. Like, you're just not going to have the talent there. So I think it's a good fit.

Coach K yelling at Duke fans is a great example of leadership and loyalty

I think it was a recruiting thing, and I think if you're a prospective player and you see that, you see a coach that fights for his guys, even if they're on the other team, that is a great leader. It was because of loyalty. It's a brotherhood for life, and that's a great example of showing that.

A truly great fullback is one whose name is unpronounceable

That is a mark of a truly great fullback if you can't pronounce his last name. That means he's done just enough. He's adequately polished... not enough to really make me be able to pronounce his name correctly.

The 49ers will win Super Bowl 54 because they have been the best team in the NFL all year wire-to-wire

I actually think the 49ers are going to win this game... I just think that the 49ers have that. They've been the best team all year. I think we forget that they have pretty much wire to wire been the best team all year.

The Chiefs will win Super Bowl 54 and Tyrann Mathieu will have a turnover

I'm also taking the Chiefs. I have a lot of conviction in that bet... The Honey Badger is making the difference in this game. He's going to have at least one turnover. He has been the key to the Chiefs defense stepping up.

Deebo Samuel will score the first touchdown of Super Bowl 54

I'm also going to make a bold prediction. I think that the Niners are going to hit them with a play-action bomb on the first drive... It's going to Debo [Samuel]. He's going to Debo for six. First score Debo Samuel for six points.

The Chiefs will win and the game will go under the point total

My official prediction is basically a repeat of last year. The old-timer is going to beat the new guy. Under and the Chiefs.

Jennifer Lopez will start the halftime show with 'Jenny from the Block'

Jennifer from the Block. Put it in the bank. I think she's headlining.

Christian McCaffrey is a future Hall of Famer

I think you're a future Hall of Famer. [McCaffrey] is 23 years old now... one of three guys to do 1,000 yards receiving, 1,000 yards rushing in a season. I think you're a future Hall of Famer.

Jameis Winston is a future Hall of Famer

Can we call you [David Baker] up and be like, hey, David Baker, can we say this guy's a future Hall of Famer? Are you allowed to do that? Jameis Winston. Jameis Winston could be. We'll take a 'not no' for Jameis Winston.

Tom Brady will sign with the Tennessee Titans in free agency

PFT's fire fest is he has to be the one to break news to you that Tom Brady's going to the Titans. Giselle was allegedly touring a school, an all-boys high school in Nashville, Tennessee. Connecting the dots.

I will get Kevin Durant on the podcast before my 36th birthday

I will say if we don't get Kevin Durant on this podcast in our age of 35, cancel my birthday next year. I'll just stay 35 forever.

Philip Rivers will play in 2020 because he needs a break from his nine children

Phil is addicted to blood... he is going to be faced with a choice of staying at home with nine kids... or going to work and getting a break from those nine kids. I think he's going to go to work.

You aren't in your mid-30s until you're 36

I'm just going to make a motion that your mid-30s doesn't start until you're 36. You're in your early 30s when you're 35.

I would like to make a motion for the show to come out firmly against the coronavirus

I would like for us motion to come out firmly against the coronavirus. Anti-coronavirus. Someone asked for my comment on coronavirus today. I said, not good.

Lanyards are the key to getting into any event

When you have a lanyard, people think you mean something. Like that was really the big key because I flashed it. When you flash a lanyard, people are like, well, that guy knows what he's doing.

I wanted to be 5'10" in an official police record so I could be officially 5'10" forever

All I wanted from that interaction [with police] at the time was just to have my information put in an official police record That says that I'm 5'10"... Because at that time, from that moment on, I am officially 5'10".

I am counting my removal from Media Day as my third official arrest

I'm definitely counting this as my third full arrest. Counting last time's media night and the dog show. So I've been arrested three times in podcast form.

Dante Scarnecchia's retirement makes Tom Brady less likely to return to the Patriots

Dante Scarnecchia, the Patriots offensive line coach, legend of the game, retired today. [If we're doing percentages], I would say that Dante Czarnecki retiring takes that percentage [of Brady returning] down.

Michael Bloomberg's dog handshake is a major red flag

Michael Bloomberg... has been pictured twice now greeting dogs on the campaign trail by grabbing them around the top of their mouth and shaking them like it's a handshake... hand inside the mouth. And then going that's a handshake to the dog.

Brad Davison has taken the mantle of most hated player in college basketball from Duke

Wisconsin basketball is officially more hated than Duke this year. Brad Davison up to his old tricks with a nut shot last night. I think Brad Davidson has taken the mantle of most hated college basketball player this year, which usually is reserved for the whitest guy on Duke.

I would consider playing for the Jets if Sam Darnold got mono again and they offered $20M

$20 million, one year, New York Jets quarterback. Gosh, that's a lot of money. We'd have to have a conversation. [Breaking news], Jay Cutler, considering playing next year for the Jets In the case of Sam Darnold getting mono again and them throwing a ridiculous amount of money.