Takes

Take all the unders in late-season NFL divisional games

I feel like late in the season divisional just take all the unders. I know that sounds crazy. I know overs are more fun. But these two teams know each other.

The Cowboys are going to kick the Eagles' ass on Sunday

I saw the Cowboys play last week and I think they're going to swirl... this feels like a Cowboys ass-kicking just like the first time they met.

I am putting a future bet on the Cowboys to win the Super Bowl

Before we tape this podcast, I put a future bet on the Cowboys win the Super Bowl. And it's really good odds. Yeah. I mean, we just saw it last week. So that's what's freshener mind.

The Chicago Bears will beat the Kansas City Chiefs outright

I like Chicago. I like the Bears to win outright. How do you think they will ya fuck with me? I that's my entire logic behind. This is to just give you a victory that you can't do anything with.

This is an off year for college basketball

It's an off year for college basketball. I love it. Now. They lost him at home [referring to Duke].

Colby Covington isn't a real fighter; he's a joke who made his career off bashing people for clicks

This dude has made literally his career because he he's not a fighter. He's made his career off bashing people bashing even the fans and this world over and over... you deserve what happened to you [getting jaw broken]. You deserve to be a fucking meme for all of eternity.

Fighters come back as better people after being sent to the Shadow Realm

If you get someone unlucky and Street Jesus baptizes you, you want [to go to] Shadow Realm my brother, but you could come back a better person from The Shadow Realm... most come back a better person. Look at Ben [Askren], some hard thinking back a better person.

Street fights are won by the person who doesn't give a fuck and keeps punching when the other guy gets tired

I never been knocked out. I never gave up... guys gave up because I got tired and I kept punching them in the face... in the street, you just go [until] somebody gives up. So in the fight game in the street. I've never lost an opponent. That's probably like 15 16 fights.

Always bet the 'Under' on bowl games played on Christmas

I always do Christmas unders. Got to go Christmas time unders although it's hot on the block right [Ben] Herbert, but I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Just the first game right? No first three games.

Tom Brady has the only records that matter because of the postseason

If I may step in and do your pod form and say that Tom Brady actually has all the meaningful records when you take into account the postseason as well. So really, this is just on paper.

Passer rating is the dumbest statistic of all time

Drew Brees was 29 for 30, 307 yards, four touchdowns, zero interceptions, and he was still 10 points shy of a perfect passer rating. Not good enough for me. It's the dumbest statistic of all time. Not only that, because it's dumb, but it's also someone can explain to me why it's still graded out of 158.3.

Drew Brees gets lost in the GOAT conversation because he never had a year where he was clearly the best

Drew Brees, though, is a classic case of a guy who just played in an era where there were one or two guys that were always just a little bit better than him. He's never won an MVP... Aaron Rodgers threw 45 touchdowns and six interceptions in 2011... 2013, Peyton Manning threw 55 touchdowns... there was never a specific moment in time where you were like, this guy was the best quarterback in the NFL because he also played against Tom Brady, too.

Jameis Winston will eventually be the all-time NFL touchdown leader

I think it's going to probably be Jameis' award eventually, right? They should just name it after Jameis already. Jameis being the all-time touchdown passing leader is going to be the greatest.

The Lions should just factor in getting screwed by the refs as a guaranteed loss every year

Being fucked by the refs as the Lions, you have to write that in. In your statistical analysis of how the Lions are going to go, their season is going to go, you have to put at least one loss of we're going to get fucked by the refs.

Shitting is an essential mental break during the work day

I feel like the art of going to the back, even in high school before I had a cell phone, I was still just like, let me get out of the class and go take a shit for 30 minutes. It's a mental break. So I don't even know that the cell phone thing would work as much. Like, people back in the day, before cell phones existed, were still taking long shit breaks.

Jim Boylen is the worst coach in the history of basketball

Yeah, he is the worst coach in the NBA. He might be the worst coach in the history of basketball... He called a timeout with 33 seconds left in the third quarter to stop a run. For people who don't understand, they stop the game in between quarters. So there is a timeout that's naturally there... He's such a fucking idiot.

There is no athlete on defense equivalent to Lamar Jackson

There's never been one like Lamar and you know you can just you can tell I mean the defenses are outnumbered and that's the that's the idea... now you can't even, with Lamar, you can't even spy the dude because there's no athlete on your defense that's equivalent to him.

Analytics ruined the Cleveland Browns

You know, the analytic thing is obviously it's trending right now. We saw what it did for the Browns a few years ago. It ruined the organization because that's what they stood behind. But everybody's interested in that. And basically, analytics are all based on past, based on history.

The NFL should return to having only one week between the Conference Championships and the Super Bowl

There's only one week between championship game and Super Bowl. Last time [it happened in 1999]. There's always been two weeks. So could you imagine that happening now? I would love it... Why don't they do that? Bring it back to January 30th.

Modern NFL executives and coaches don't watch enough game tape

There's no substitute for putting tape or film or video... on and watching a guy play. There's no substitute, and there's not enough good people in the league that are studying tape. I would go on a limb and say there's executives in this league that don't know how to watch tape or would rather not watch tape.

NFL coaches are better suited for college recruiting than people think

Someone that says something along those lines with respect to a – directed towards an NFL guy that's looking at college I think is pretty simple-minded because as NFL guys, we're on college campuses all the time during the spring... the attraction to me with respect to the college game is to be able to go get a young man as he enters the university – before he makes some decisions that affect him later in life.

Most NFL players suffer from sleep disorders caused by their phone usage

Every player in the National Football League, I say every, but most of them have sleeping disorders. And you go, oh, they got sleep apnea? No, no. They just don't go to sleep early because they're on their phone.

I will fight anyone who is genuinely mad about John Rothstein wishing coaches good luck

If you have a problem with John Rothstein texting good luck and most of the time getting left just completely ignored by the coach, come fight us. If he's wishing good luck to both sides... he just wants everyone to play well. It's just so petty. People are coming after our guy.

Pitchers should be required to finish the entire inning they enter

I actually think they should go one further and a pitcher gets in the game and they have to finish the inning. Because it would be so funny watching a pitcher just die out there and give up a million home runs.

Jameis Winston is a Hall of Famer

He's a Hall of Famer. No one else has done that [throw back-to-back 450-plus yard games].

The Lions are the worst franchise in the NFL

The Lions are the worst franchise in the NFL. And I feel really bad for Lions fans, even though I root for a team in their division... They have one single playoff win in the Super Bowl era.

The Texans cycle perfectly between statement wins and statement losses

The Texans now have gone statement win, statement loss, statement win. And that sums up the Texans perfectly. They just flip-flop. They beat the Patriots on primetime, they laid an egg against a bad Broncos team, and then they go into Nashville against the hottest team in the NFL and beat them in their building.

The NFL should not schedule divisional opponents to play twice in a three-week span

I don't like when the division ends when you play the same team twice within the last three games. They should do it on aggregate, if anything, because you're playing the exact same team twice. Sometimes a team can be totally different at the start of the year than they are at the end... I like spreading it out a little bit.

Aaron Rodgers sucks now

I think Aaron Rodgers sucks. I think Aaron Rodgers sucks now. Aaron Rodgers looks like... a shell of himself... By Aaron Rodgers saying we're going to win ugly, he's getting out in front of the story so no one is drawing attention to the fact that he sucks now.

The 11-3 Packers are 'frauds' who will 'win ugly' all the way to the Super Bowl

My ultimate fear is I can see it. I can see into the crystal ball, and I am scared shitless because maybe the Packers do just win ugly. And maybe that's kind of what they do... I'm going to probably keep saying that until I'm in fucking Miami being like, the Packers aren't good, but they're in the Super Bowl.

The Chiefs are the forgotten team in the AFC and will be dangerous in January

It does feel like the Chiefs are kind of the forgotten team in the AFC... This is the team that I feel like we're going to get to January. I'm like, oh, yeah, remember the Chiefs? Remember they were the one seed last year and had the MVP? They're pretty fucking good.

Eli Manning should retire now after his win against the Dolphins

I don't think he should play next week or the week after. He should go out like this. He won. It felt good.

Saquon Barkley misses out on easy yards because he tries to hit home runs

Sometimes he just doesn't get the easy yards. He's one of those guys. He tries to hit a home run every time. He tries to juke everyone out, like, just go forward, dude.

Urban Meyer would be a disaster as an NFL head coach and would be the next Nick Saban

Urban Meyer in the NFL makes no sense to me... He would be bad. He would die. Urban Meyer would be Saban in the NFL. No different. He's a control freak. He is a motivator who makes every game feel like life and death. You cannot do that in the NFL.

Miles Sanders is the Eagles' best skill player on offense

Miles Sanders is that guy now. He's their best player on offense... besides probably Zach Ertz.

Zion Williamson is a Duke bust

Might be out for the whole year. Jesus Christ, dude. Bust. Fucking bust. Another Duke bust.

The Browns are one of the most attractive head coaching jobs because the roster is talented and ready to win

Am I super crazy to think that the Browns still aren't that far away from being a good team? Take Freddie Kitchens out of the equation... I think that the Browns might be one of the most attractive head coaching destinations for next year. They have a ton of talent. They have a franchise quarterback. They're ready to go.

The Browns should trade Odell Beckham for offensive line help

I don't know what Odell Beckham's contract is, but they have to move on from that... If you could trade Odell Beckham for pieces that would make your line better, you'd have to do it.

Philip Rivers has reached the 'crotchety old man' stage of his career where he just plays recklessly

Philip Rivers, he's gotten to the old crotchety man point in his career... That's how Philip Rivers plays football right now. He just says, fuck it. I'm going to throw it wherever I want to throw it. I'm going to fumble whenever I want to fumble. He just throws it down the center of the field as high as he can, as far as he can.

Skyline Chili is disgusting

I hate that stuff. It's not real chili. It's just sauce... Cincinnati's going to hate me, but I hate that stuff.

Matthew Dellavedova is genuinely an elite and good player, not a joke

Everyone thinks it's a joke, but [Dellavedova] is good. He is good. I've been a Delly fan from the jump back in 2014... When Kyrie [Irving] went down in the 2015 finals, I was like, relax, Delly is going to come in and wreak havoc. He shut Steph Curry down in that first game.

I am hoping to run a 4.6 40-yard dash

I'm hoping to hit 4-6. That would be blazing for me.

Lamar Jackson is officially the MVP

Lamar Jackson passes Michael Vick in rushing for season for quarterback. He is the MVP. It would take basically Russell Wilson, like Russell Wilson probably gonna throw seven touchdowns every single game for last three games to surpass them.

Lamar Jackson is a lock for the Madden cover

There has never been a bigger guarantee in the entire world of sports: the Lamar Jackson cover of Madden.

Lamar Jackson should sit out for three years to get a big contract

Should Lamar Jackson sit out the next three years of his career so he can get that big contract? No, we're going to NCAA if we're gonna bowl gamify. That's also NBA-ify three seasons of the NFL's Anthony Davis being like 'I want to be traded now' even though I still have [time] playing under contract.

Kirk Cousins cannot win games in California

Cousins can't play on the Left Coast though. He is something like 0-8 in California.

Ryan Tannehill is peaking and will never play better than he is right now

We're in the process of watching Ryan Tannehill as good as he's probably ever as good as his body is capable of playing football. That's how he's playing. The best will ever get it's probably not going to get any better than this.

The Cowboys are the new Falcons: high talent, low results

I finally realized what the Cowboys are: the Cowboys are the new Falcons. They are a team with a ton of talent that we say 'well, they haven't played their best game, it's coming.' You can name all these guys on the team... They're just not good. They're average to below average throughout the season.

The Bears will beat the Packers because Hakeem Hicks is returning and the Packers aren't ready for cold-weather football.

Hakeem Hicks is back because it's cold. There was a big boy football this time of year for big boy football. And I don't know if the Packers are ready to play Big Boy football just yet... Hakeem Hicks being back I think is going to be [the difference].

The Rams are a lock to beat the Cowboys.

My favorite is the Rams. That is the Lockwood lock of the week. Jared [Goff] has found it. They have bounced back. They're going to be making that push.