Takes

Shot charts are useless because any wide-open shot is a good shot

I see dudes passing up open shots in the mid-range... wide open to force passes to the three point line or force up bad finishes at the rim. Guess what's a good shot? An open shot. Shot charts are not for me.

Only the reigning World Series champions should be allowed to wear pinstripes

Pinstripes have become too prominent in baseball. Nine teams wear pinstripes and it sucks... Only the team that wins the World Series gets pinstripes for the entire next year. You have to beat the man to be the man and get the stripes.

The Washington Nationals are a wagon

The Nationals are a wagon. Especially, I saw this fact earlier, when they're wearing those blue... color rush uniforms, they're 20-1.

Bryce Harper should get a World Series ring if the Nationals win one

Bryce Harper should get a World Series ring if we win one. He got this whole thing started. He said, 'I'm here to bring a title back to D.C.' Bryce Harper, we're doing it for you.

LeBron James' statement on China was so bad he could have claimed it was 'Opposite Day' 10 minutes later

He actually – it was such a bad statement that if he had come back and 10 minutes later been like not or like opposite day, he would have been good. He would have been good if he was like everything I said, that was a joke. I meant the opposite of that.

The NFL should eliminate replay and HD cameras because they make officiating problems more obvious

My idea is they should just get rid of replay... I think that cameras, especially HD cameras, are making a big problem for viewers because it's great to see that we just either got screwed or won our bets in slow-mo. If they made the cameras worse, then just get rid of HD on replay. I don't need to see every blade of grass.

Perfecting NFL refereeing would destroy 90% of sports conversation

If they ever do get sky judge, if they do ever perfect refereeing in the NFL... Like 90% of our conversations, day-to-day conversations will be gone. Because if you're a sports fan, what are the things that you can blame your team on sucking? ... If you eliminate refs, now everyone's going to have to come to the realization that, hey, maybe my guys aren't my guys.

The NFL probably tells referees which teams should win or cover the spread

Number two is the NFL tells [the refs] which team should win or cover which spreads. Which probably not, but maybe sometimes it's happened. And gambling is just going to make this problem worse, by the way. When the outcome of the game is affected, but not the gambling math is yet, the small calls that get messed up, that's going to be something that adds on to all this controversy.

The NFL should pay referees enough money to make officiating their full-time job

Just pay the refs a shitload of money and have them have it be their full-time job and then also have their phone numbers on the back of their jerseys so we can all text them when they fuck up.

The Yankees would be an easier World Series matchup for the Nationals than the Astros

I'm rooting for whoever makes it easier for the Nationals. ... That would probably be the Yankees, to be honest. I would rather see the Yankees.

I am done with U.S. Men's Soccer after the loss to Canada

Just when you think it couldn't get worse, we lose to Canada. ... I'm done with the U.S. soccer until they start fucking just doing anything. ... I'm done being embarrassed. I want them to be good.

The Los Angeles Rams are just making up draft picks and trading them to other teams

The Rams are just making up first-round picks. It's actually genius. Who would actually check if the Rams traded the 2021 first-round pick twice? ... IOUs that say 'pick.' I think we uncovered it. That's the new 'Trust the Process' — just make up draft picks. Imagine if we had like a Ponzi scheme type of Madoff situation and Sean McVay, in five years, [we find out] he traded his first-round pick 17 times.

It is much better to be a shithead at 22 than to have your life together in your 20s and turn into one at 30

It's way better to be a shithead when you're 22 and you don't have any power, you don't have enough money to get yourself in serious trouble than it is to have all your shit together throughout your 20s. Then you turn 30, you're established, maybe you've got a couple dollars in your pocket, and then you turn into a shithead, you're much more dangerous at that point in life.

The worse a sports franchise is, the more music and zaniness they pump into the stadium experience

The more your franchise stinks, the more music and zaniness on the field in between plays. ... the fucking speaker, the shit they were pumping out [at FedEx Field] was literally playing Twisted Sister. ... It becomes like when you're in a bar and you're hitting on some chick and you're just screaming in her ear.

PNC Park in Pittsburgh is the best new baseball stadium in America

I'd have to say that the best new one that I went to is Pittsburgh. It's just the view of the bridges... It's just a shame their ownership is just running it like the Nestle Corporation.

Hockey is the best sport because it's a 'loner' sport that doesn't get mainstream respect

I enjoy hockey. That's probably my number one. ... I love it because it's also like it's never been the sport in this country. It's rogue. It's sort of outside. There's a loner sort of thing to it. ... It's more like a stand-up comic.

Lambeau Field is the best football stadium

Lambeau. Lambeau and then also old Dallas Cowboys Stadium because I loved Tom Landry Cowboys when they were like [a] disrespectful franchise that did coke and banged hookers.

There is nothing better than having action on a game

There's nothing better than having action on a game. I can't understand people [who don't]. ... I got buddies of mine that if there's a game they don't give a shit about, they put money on it so they will.

NFL officials are individually better than ever, but overall officiating is worse

I think the officials from top to bottom are better, but the officiating is worse. And, you know, it's been created by replay. It's created by a system that's called 'O to O' Officials to Officials. They now have the replay guy in their ear. They have New York in their ear. It's easier to sit back and think that things are going to be corrected for you.

NFL pass interference replay rule won't return in its current form next year

I think it's impossible that the rule, the way that it is judged now, pass interference, the replay element, I think it's impossible for that to move on beyond this year. ... I think what is obvious to me is that the rule in its current form will not be back next year.

Jameis Winston is the funniest physical comedian in NFL history

This was, in my mind, the quintessential Jameis Winston performance. He is the funniest person I have ever watched in my entire life when it comes to physical comedy. His body makes no sense. He flails everywhere. He had five interceptions, fumbled on back-to-back plays, lost one of them. He started the game first play pick. Ended the game, last play pick.

It is over for Jameis Winston in Tampa Bay

I can't wait for him to be a backup quarterback, but it's over in Tampa for him.

Kyle Allen is a legitimate quarterback and has created a controversy for Cam Newton

Kyle Allen has played so well that it's legitimate to say this team, he hasn't lost... if [Cam Newton] comes back, will he be 100% healthy or will he be like – oh, he's 100% healthy, but it's clear that there's still a shoulder issue because if that's the case, then Kyle Allen may be a better quarterback than him.

Freddie Kitchens is the root of all the problems in Cleveland

I think that [Kitchens] is ultimately the root of all the problems that are going on out there in Cleveland.

The Houston Texans are officially for real

I am ready to say the Houston Texans are for real. They're for real. Okay. Yep. That's it... This road win in Arrowhead... I am officially saying I respect the Houston Texans, and I think they are very good.

The Kansas City Chiefs are a soft football team

I'm going to say it again. I did say it last week that the S word, I'll say it. They're soft... When you can just go into a team's home environment... and run the ball like the Colts did and like the Texans did, you get the soft tag for me.

The Eagles should trade for Jalen Ramsey because he fixes their secondary immediately

If I were the Eagles, I would trade for Jalen Ramsey just because he's the type of guy that can make everything better just by him being able to lock down one guy. And then now you don't have these guys getting picked on just – I mean – I think it was the second quarter when the Vikings just like we're just going to pick on their secondary.

I will remove the 'fraud' tag from the Ravens if they win one of their next two games against Seattle or New England

Ravens fans, I will take off the F-word tag I've put on your team. If you win one of the two next games, you're going to at Seattle and then you're playing at home against New England. If you win one of those games, I will now take the Ravens for real and I will eliminate the fraud tag. So those are personal prove it games for me.

The Los Angeles Chargers are officially done for the season

Chargers are done. Chargers are done. Did I done them last week? I didn't done them last week. They're done. They're officially done.

The Pittsburgh Steelers are going to win the AFC North

I said this to you, PFT, a few weeks ago. I think the Steelers are still going to win the AFC North... They'll just go and fuck around and win this whole thing.

The San Francisco 49ers are officially for real

I'm instead going to use this time to say... I believe in the 49ers now. I apologize to the 49ers. I picked against them almost every single week. Their defense is very, very good. And George Kittle is the best tight end in the NFL.

Kyler Murray was awesome and played with a college-style advantage against the Falcons

Kyler Murray was awesome defensively. And the Falcons, a quick update for you... there were many times where they would show the like a pass catcher, get the ball from Kyler Murray. And there wasn't a single defender in the screen. And that is the sign of a college football defense where you just – we call them college football plays where it looks like there just isn't a secondary out there.

The Falcons need to blow up their entire roster and fire Dan Quinn

The Falcons are, blow it up it's too it's just get them all out of my face... fire Dan Quinn and start over. Keep Matt Ryan, but everything else, just bring it down to the fucking bolts and just build it back up.

Matt Ryan is part of the problem and needs to be flushed along with the rest of the Falcons

Matt Ryan, his brain was broken. He's part of it. Like it or not, he's a talented quarterback, but he's part of the Atlanta Falcons, their descent into madness. And he might be the shiniest turd in the punch bowl... but you still got to flush him.

Marcus Mariota is finished as a starter in the NFL

Marcus Mariota, it's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's over.

The Jets will win enough games with Sam Darnold that fans will pretend they were Super Bowl contenders

The Jets are going to win just enough games with Sam Darnold this year. Where if he didn't get mono, they would have made the playoffs. And then he's going to be good enough that in the offseason, everyone says Sam Darnold, Dark Horse MVP. And then he gets hurt next year or takes a step back.

Zion Williamson shooting 80% in the preseason is incredibly impressive

Last three preseason games, 77 points in 81 minutes and 29 for 36 field goals, shooting 80%... 80% is pretty damn good, I would say.

Wisconsin and Ohio State should play on aggregate like the Champions League

They should do it on aggregate, like they do in the Champions League... I've already convinced myself, PFT, that we have a two-game series against Ohio State. So, go to Columbus, get your recon in, maybe lose that game, but learn a lot, and then beat them in Indy.

The husband starting the magician restaurant is going to go bankrupt

Guess what? You're opening a magician's restaurant and you're putting all your life savings into it and your kids aren't going to college because their dad is going to be opening a magician's restaurant that's probably going to be pretty sweet until you go bankrupt like three months into it.

Clayton Kershaw is not a dominant playoff pitcher

I am starting to think that Clayton Kershaw is not good in the playoffs. Kershaw, yikes... He's not dominant Clayton Kershaw anymore. Still very, very good, but he's not like Clayton Kershaw of five years ago.

Clayton Kershaw should embrace Satan to fix his playoff struggles

There's only one more thing for [Clayton Kershaw] to do to try to turn this around and that's go completely satanic. Flip the script. Embrace Satan. Become goth Clayton Kershaw. Cornrows... mascara... black lipstick. Just like flip the script on God entirely. See if Satan will give you a hand.

Atlanta is the saddest sports city on Earth

Atlanta is truly the saddest place on Earth with sports... They gave up 10 runs first inning. I've never seen anything like that... 28 to 3 Super Bowl, which is the biggest collapse maybe in sports history... The Braves won 14 straight division titles and they had one World Series to show for it.

MLB changed the baseballs for the playoffs to reduce home runs

The baseballs are not going as far in the playoffs. There's a measurable wind resistance factor that was not there during the regular season... What they're saying on Baseball Prospectus is that they change the balls before the playoffs. Raise the seams... Get everyone to tune in for the explosive regular season and then they kind of have a sense of guilt like we're ruining baseball.

The Rams, Ravens, and Cowboys moneyline parlay is a lock

My can't-lose parlay: the Rams moneyline, the Ravens moneyline, the Cowboys moneyline. I think that's plus odds... I don't see how a single one of those loses.

The loser of the Broncos-Titans game will see their season officially end

Loser leaves town: Broncos Titans. Season is over for the loser of this. I think the Broncos season is already over... [but] if the Titans lose this game, it feels a little bleak. I think they're done.

The 49ers will struggle to maintain their offense without fullback Kyle Juszczyk

The 49ers lost a very key component to their attack in Monday night. They lost their fullback Kyle Juszczyk... they're going to struggle to fill that role because Juszczyk is really, really good.

The Redskins should never be favored by more than 3 points against any NFL team

The Redskins shouldn't be three and a half point favorites against anyone. And then you can make yours even if you lose and the Redskins win by 14 you'd be like: Guess what? I'd do it again.

The Eagles will cover against the Vikings because Kirk Cousins will be overconfident after beating the Giants

My underdog is Philly +3 at Minnesota. I love this. This feels like the Kirk Cousins wins a 'big game' but it's not really a big game because it's one o'clock on a Sunday so he can say well Kirk Cousins won the big game just to fool everyone a little bit more. He beat the Giants on the road... I feel like he's overlooking the Eagles at home.

Pro athletes often secretly root against their own team when they are benched or injured

This is a phenomenon that does happen. You're right. I'm just going to be honest... in pro ball you become an independent contractor... I'm thinking if they can lose this, it proves they don't need me. So I'm hoping that they lose. And also I was so miserable being in the dugout watching them [the 2010 Giants]. It was a nightmare.

Fastball torque is the primary cause of Tommy John surgeries

They just found out that fastballs are the main reason for all these Tommy John's now. It's actually not curveballs and sliders like they were talking about... They did this whole study on all these Tommy John's and they're saying it's fastball torque. So really I don't have to worry about that.