Takes

Jimmy Garoppolo's inclusion in the 2018 NFL Top 100 was ridiculous.

Jimmy Garoppolo threw seven touchdown passes and five interceptions last year, and he was in the [Top 100]. In some people, that's ridiculous.

The Houston Texans and Denver Broncos will both sneak into the AFC playoffs this season.

[One team in each conference sneaking into the playoffs] I put the Texans and the Broncos in. I had two of them in the AFC.

The Cincinnati Bengals have a chance to be a sneaky playoff team in 2018.

Don't sleep on the Bengals either, by the way. You're going to laugh when I tell you that. The Bengals have a chance. Because they've got young talent on defense... Lawson and Willis... and that offensive line... I think it'll be better with getting Cordy Glenn in there.

Kirk Cousins is not much better than the version of Case Keenum that the Vikings had in 2017.

I asked this question to some of the [Vikings] guys standing around. I go, is Kirk Cousins, as is right now, that much better than the Case Keenum you guys saw here last year? The answer is no.

Jon Gruden is going to be a disaster for the Raiders.

I think John Gruden is going to be such a disaster for the Raiders, but I am so excited to watch it. It's going to be three yards in a cloud of dust. They're going to get figured out by week three.

NFL owners should pay for their own stadiums without taxpayer money.

The owners should pay for their own fucking stadium. A segment that we'll throw out there... If the taxpayers pay for the stadium, they get to decide the rules. No laws inside the stadium. Anything you want.

The video of Chandler Jones breaking a blocking sled is a fake PR stunt.

I'm a little bit woke on this, too, because why do you have a camera that's filming this? It was at a cool angle, too. It was like a GoPro. He broke it... I'm very woke on it. I think I'm leaning towards fake on it.

Yankee fans holding a candlelight vigil for Aaron Judge's broken wrist is outrageous

This is outrageous for a fucking broken wrist. I think he [Aaron Judge] just got hit in the wrist and a little bone came off... I don't think Jose Fernandez got this type of tribute.

Snakes, lizards, and ferrets are 'pre-crime' animals that shouldn't be trusted

As if we needed another animal to not trust. Yeah, the pre-crime animals. Ferrets and snakes and all that bullshit. A lizard usually, yeah.

Ben Roethlisberger is the last person who should be giving anyone etiquette advice on how to talk to women

You've got Ben Roethlisberger giving etiquette advice, saying you don't ask a woman her age. If there's anybody that knows how to talk to women, it's Ben Roethlisberger.

Checking the actual source of a quote instead of just reading a Twitter headline is the next level of sports journalism

I'm trying really hard to make sure that I actually look at things more than just the sentence I see on Twitter... I realized that I basically just jumped to every conclusion ever, and then I look like an idiot.

I finally have a football game to watch every single week from now until the second week of February

We have finally gotten to the point where we will have a football game every single week until the second week of February. We have the Hall of Fame game on Thursday night. There will be a football game every single week.

Washington D.C. sports is a dynasty that will never lose another championship again

Washington, D.C. is back big time. Wayne Rooney... man of the match. The Capitals re-signed Tom Wilson... that's a dynasty. The Redskins won the offseason again... they're a dynasty at this point. The Washington Valor won the Arena Bowl... so Washington, D.C. sports will never lose another championship again.

The Cleveland Browns will win seven games this year

I have something very brave to say. I think the Cleveland Browns are going to win seven games this year.

The Cleveland Browns are going to win the AFC North

I think they're going to win the division. And you know what? They're going to be fun as shit. I'm dead serious. They got Pac-Man [Adam Jones] coming in at cornerback maybe? They will definitely win more than – I'm going to say, yeah, like they're in that – yeah, they'll be scrappy. They'll be upgraded to scrappy.

The 1990s were the last era where professional athletes could be out of shape and still succeed

The 90s were kind of the last era where guys were basically able to just be fat pieces of shit and go to the whole thing... There's some guy who in every single sport we can trace to. Like, who is the guy who's like, I'm actually going to train in the offseason? I'm going to lift weights.

Kevin Durant's social media sensitivity shows he is not at peace with his move to the Warriors

If people bring up him [Kevin Durant] going to the Warriors, he clearly is not at peace with that decision, even though it has worked out better than even he could have expected... It is because you're Kevin Durant, you're not supposed to respond to trolls in your mentions.

Losing the 2011 Finals to the Mavericks was ultimately good for LeBron James's legacy

The best thing that happened to LeBron, even though the way they lost was not great, the best thing that happened to LeBron was that Miami team losing to Dallas. Because it validated those other two titles. It made it seem hard... The fact that they had real adversity made the rest of the championships feel validated to the public.

LeBron James is objectively the greatest basketball player ever

Wouldn't change the fact that he's [LeBron James] objectively and obviously the greatest basketball player ever.

Local sports talk radio will survive because people always want a place to 'sound off' immediately after a game ends

I think local radio will be fine... there will always be the thirst for people the moment the Cubs game ends to sound off about it. No matter how good a podcast is, it's not on the air the moment the game ends where you can interact.

Tom Brady is the 'Greatest' quarterback ever, but Aaron Rodgers is 'Better' at playing the position than anyone in history

I think Tom Brady's the greatest quarterback ever, but I think Aaron Rodgers is better at playing quarterback than anybody... Aaron Rodgers is better playing quarterback than anybody ever.

Kawhi Leonard winning the 2014 Finals MVP was absurd because LeBron James averaged 28 points on 57% shooting in that series

Kawhi Leonard won the finals MVP, holding LeBron to 56% shooting. [LeBron] averaged 28 [points]... in that finals.

LeBron James intentionally put together a 'blame team' of flawed teammates for his first year in LA

LeBron James, the 2018-19 Los Angeles Lakers, he has put together the greatest blame team of all time. He's basically punted on this year... They have Rondo, JaVale McGee, Lance Stevenson, Michael Beasley. That team will get blamed and laughed at on Twitter every single night, and LeBron James will basically be like, well, what is he supposed to do?

The 2018-19 Lakers will be a 4 or 5 seed in the Western Conference

The Lakers shouldn't be very good this year, right? Yeah, I think probably like the four or five seed. Yeah, they'll finish somewhere around there.

There is an oversaturation of dogs on social media

I'm getting on the borderline of getting sick of the oversaturation of dogs on Twitter.

Braves announcer Joe Simpson is the ultimate 'old man yells at cloud' for complaining about batting practice T-shirts

Getting upset about guys taking batting practice in T-shirts... this is maybe my favorite like old man yells at cloud mixed with baseball... Joe Simpson, suck our dicks, dude. You'll never hear this.

Facebook is officially done as a relevant company

I'm calling my shot. I'm going to put the PFT death stake is going into Facebook right now. Wow. They're done. Have you been on Facebook recently? No. It's trash... it's all ants, trolls, and ants.

Ronda Rousey is likely the greatest female MMA fighter of all time

John Malkovich and a little someone called Ronda Rousey—probably heard of her. She's the best women's MMA fighter of all time, maybe, who knows.

Kevin Durant is thin-skinned but owning up to it makes him relatable

[Durant] can be a thin-skinned B-word, and he also can be very real and actually kind of owning up to the fact that he's a thin-skinned B-word, which I do respect. It makes him so much more relatable. The fact that he deals with the same problems that we deal with.

Kevin Durant should be the new 'White Whale' guest for PMT

People always ask our white whale once we got J.J. Watt. Now Kevin Durant's our white whale. It's got to be. Kevin Durant is now in a position where I really do think if he came on, it would be a win for him.

LeBron James would not be a good guest on the show

I actually don't think LeBron would be a good guest on the show. LeBron will never, ever do Pardon My Take. He would probably complain and let [his feelings] fester.

This is the year Ryan Tannehill finally takes the next step

The Ryan Tannehill knee brace, Tannehill 2.0. He is really leaning into this is the year that Ryan Tannehill takes the big step, the next step. I think it's awesome that wearable technology has gotten to the point where a quarterback can have their total QBR on their actual equipment.

Saquon Barkley is a bust for dropping a pass in training camp

Saquon Barkley dropped a pass from Eli Manning. Oh, no. Bust. Oh, no. Yeah. Ooh, that's pretty bad.

The best way to end a player holdout is to invent a disappointed child

It's a great, great way to just bend teams to your will is invent a child. For everybody else out there, just invent a kid and be like, my child is so disappointed. He was your hero. We gave him some matches. He's four years old and he just burned your jersey in the backyard.

Watching the Real Housewives and the OC is okay

I'm a little more grown up, I do happen to watch and enjoy from time to time the Real Housewives series. Only the New York. Atlanta? I like Atlanta. Crazy. Countess? Crazy.

Rosé cider is delicious despite being a 'chick drink'

Rosé cider. Kind of a chick drink, but it's just so delicious. I could drink it any day. Sometimes the ones in the can have a lot of sugar, though, so I try and go out of my way to find one with low sugar.

Brian Colangelo would have kept his job if he had simply leaned into the 'big collar' narrative

If [Brian Colangelo] had just leaned into the collar narrative a little more, I think he would have gotten away with it. Been like, hey, like worn just like a Pee Wee Herman sized collar at his press conference where he gets fired.

Being Canadian is a major advantage when traveling because people automatically assume you are nice

Being Canadian, it is nice when you travel, especially to other countries. Like already people are like, when you say you're Canadian, you already get the benefit of doubt where they're like, oh, you're Canadian, so you have to be nice. ... already have that negative connotation of thinking [Americans] might be a piece of shit.

A guy in a white Chrysler 300 is the breakdown of society

This guy in this white Chrysler 300 sedan... He now decides he's going to go back into the fast lane. I decided, you know, this is an allegory for a breakdown in society. All right? Here I am. I'm a very calm person. But when you abuse me like this, I'm not letting him in.

The 2018 Washington Capitals were a dynasty and perhaps the best hockey team ever assembled

The Washington Capitals. So the Caps year wins year of the year. Truly a magical run. A dynasty. Maybe the best hockey team of all time ever assembled. Great coaching, great executing, great fans.

Skip Bayless will blame LeBron James for destroying the American education system

Skip Bayless for saying that LeBron James is destroying the American educational system by making children stay up too late to watch West Coast games. Ruining America's future. He'll deputize himself to be the watchdog and guardian of America.

The Duke Blue Devils are definitely winning the national championship

The Duke Blue Devils are going to win the national championship. And this isn't a reverse jinx. I know you're thinking, Big Cat, you hate Duke. No, no, no. They're definitely going to win the national championship. You heard it here first. It's done.

Telling a woman you are a 'virgin by choice' is a top-tier dating strategy for men over 30

At some point in life, doesn't that become almost like a really good line to use, though? I think after you turn 30 and you say, like, 'I'm a virgin by choice.' I feel like there's an element that, like, the girl is like, 'I want to be the one. I want to be the one that, like, makes him switch over.'

J.J. Watt being healthy is the official sign that football is back

you know football is back because there's a lot of buzz about J.J. Watt not being injured... J.J. Watt being like, is this the year that J.J. Watt can stay healthy all year? That means football is officially back.

The Hall of Fame game becomes absolute dog shit after the first five minutes

I'm excited for the Hall of Fame game. My dumb brain tricks my dumb body into getting all amped up for the Hall of Fame game. And then I forget that after the first five minutes of the game, it's just absolute dog shit.

The Lakers have 14 players other than LeBron James who know how to play basketball

the narrative that LeBron James doesn't have any good teammates... super cool Michael Beasley said... you got 14 guys other than LeBron James that know how to play basketball. Also fact.

Tom Brady is allowed to have a dad bod because he is a father of three with multiple rings

he does have a dad bod. He is like 44 or something. Yeah, he's allowed to have a dad bod. I think once you get three Super Bowl rings. And you're married to the world's most successful supermodel. It's okay to have a dad bod.

I am the fashion icon who introduced the French Levi's shirt trend to America

I noticed, not to brag, I was over in France... everybody wears this Levi's shirt. It's like a really big fashion thing. And so it's going to come over to the U.S., and I'm calling my shot. I'm going to be the first one in the U.S. to start wearing it. So then when you see all these famous people wear it, be like, yo, PFT actually introduced that to the United States.

Aaron Donald is one of the top five players in the league and the Rams need to pay him

they have not given their best player and one of the top five players in the league, Aaron Donald, a new contract. So I feel like this is not getting – you've got to take care of that guy, right?

Kevin Love has the perfect career because he has a ring and now has zero pressure playing for the Cavs

I feel like Kevin Love has finally reached happiness... now he gets to just be on the Cavs and hang out and not make the playoffs and shoot the ball a lot... make a lot of money. Hang out. Put up stats. Live a good life. I kind of love it.