Takes

The Masters course was 'on PEDs' because of painted roots and soft conditions

You could see the green spray paint on the bottom of the tree on the root system. So it looks like we were a little bit woke on that. The course is on PEDs. The course didn't show up this weekend... The course choked.

Ricky Fowler cannot win a major wearing a 'candy-ass' uniform on Sunday

I also feel bad for Sergio... I mean, we've long stood, you know, the Miami Dolphins, the Oregon Ducks. Teams that wear candy-ass uniforms in big-time moments, they just aren't as intimidating. And Ricky went with the creamsicle today, and I like Ricky. But I'm thinking maybe on Sundays in the majors, he needs to tone it down a little. You can wear the candy-ass uniforms after you bring home a title.

Tiger Woods played in an era with shitty golfers who didn't play defense

I think it's almost time to have the conversation of, like, did Tiger Woods just play in an era with shitty golfers? And now the new generation is way better than Tiger Woods ever was. Like you put Jordan Spieth back in the 2009 Masters... When the course didn't play defense at all. He played in the dead ball era.

The Timberwolves will upset the Rockets or Warriors if they make the playoffs

I got a take that if the Timberwolves make the playoffs, they're going to upset someone. Either the Rockets or the Warriors.

Getting called 'Big Dog' by a homeless person means you are losing weight

When we get catcalled by homeless people, usually it's 'big guy.' That's usually when you're at your fattest. 'Big dog' is a step below. And then when you get to it, it's just 'tall guy.' So I'm doing okay.

The opiate epidemic is much more harmful to the NFL player culture than marijuana

I do believe in the fact that the opiate epidemic is much more harmful to the player culture than marijuana would ever be. The continuation of them pumping players with opiates rather than finding some alternative is what is problematic to me.

NFL Draft prospects must understand they are CEOs of Fortune 500 companies

You've got to understand for the next, you know, four or five months, this is locked in time... You are going to be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, essentially. I never looked at it that way. Of course, I see it completely different now, and that's the way you have to look at it. You are the head of a foundation, of an organization, and you can be for a long period of time.

Josh Rosen thinks like LeBron James

He thinks like LeBron James thinks. He does. He loves football. He wants to be the best quarterback to have ever played, and what goes with that is most likely being in the biggest market, which could be the New York Giants. And that allows him for so many other business. He wants to be all that.

I would have been a bust even if I was drafted by the Colts instead of the Chargers

Do you think anything's different in your career if you go to the Colts instead of the Chargers? No, most likely not. It was me, right? It was my issue. So it really didn't matter geographically where I went.

The Malice at the Palace was worse for sports than Conor McGregor's bus attack

Peter King quote tweeted it and said, 'give me an example' [of things worse than the bus attack]. How about the time that the Pacers went into the stands and beat the fuck out of a bunch of fans? That feels like maybe worse.

Sam Bradford will lead the league in completion percentage next year

Tune in next year when Sam Bradford leads the league in completion percentage. After he's been traded for two first-round picks to the Jets.

The New York media is already getting to Giancarlo Stanton

Giancarlo Stanton, done or finished. Follow-up question, is the New York media getting to him? I love that Yankee fans are booing the fuck out of him... He's the first player in the live ball era to have two games with zero hits and five strikeouts in the same season. And he's done it in record time.

Rocks are squishy until someone touches them

What if rocks are squishy until someone touches it? ... Whoa. It took you a second but now whoa that's crazy that's like they're all just a bunch of squishy starfish and then you touch it and it's hard. It gets real hard.

Conor McGregor's rampage at Barclays Center was a real incident, not a work

I cannot figure out, a lot of people are saying it might be a work. I think it's real. I think it's absolutely real.

Conor McGregor is intentionally trying to go to prison to escape a bounty from the Irish mob.

Do you think that Conor McGregor intentionally is trying to go to prison to get away from the Irish mob? Because there's allegedly a bounty on his head.

Conor McGregor is bigger than the UFC

Conor McGregor's bigger than the UFC. That's really what it comes down to. I think Dana White actually has a problem here because he can't pay Conor McGregor what Conor McGregor is worth at this point.

Sergio Garcia has never won a major in his life and he never will.

Sergio and the fact that he's known for choking and that he'll never win a major. Ever... [Big Cat: He's going to put [the green jacket] on the winner, but he won't wear one himself... Because he's never won one.]

Eastern Conference NBA teams that wear red will lose early in the playoffs

Eastern Conference teams that wear red lose early in the playoffs. So I guess this year it would just be the Raptors, the Heat, and the Wizards are all going to lose very early on.

The Houston Rockets are frauds and will not win the title.

I am not a believer in the Houston Rockets. [Big Cat: I believe in the Houston Rockets because I just want fun...] I think they're frauds.

The 2018 NBA Finals will be the Sixers versus the Timberwolves

I actually got put on the spot today, and I said it's going to be the Sixers versus the Wolves.

We should harness the power of tectonic plates using 'Groundmills' for energy

Groundmills. We harness the power of the Earth's tectonic plates... We just put a windmill that moves. It's a giant blade. And so whenever the fault lines shift, it pushes this huge blade that makes electricity for everybody.

We could make money by starting fake death rumors for celebrities that claim they died the same week as David Bowie.

I feel like fake deaths could make a big comeback. And if we just anchor all of our fake deaths on saying, yeah, he died the same week as David Bowie, so no one remembered... Oprah died... two days before David Bowie. So no one got buried.

The Blackhawks will make the playoffs next year but aren't Stanley Cup contenders anymore

I think that this is maybe just a one-off year, and next year it could be quickly fixed. I think they'll get back to the playoffs. Contenders, that could be in trouble now.

The Capitals are finally in the right position to win because they've become a 'switch-flipping' team like LeBron James.

I personally feel that [the Capitals] are in the right spot right now. They're a switch-flipping team. Like LeBron James flips a switch when they go to the playoffs. The Caps are flipping the switch.

The Capitals will lose in the second round because they can't beat the Penguins

They have to play Pittsburgh and they can't beat them... Malkin won't lose to Ovechkin. So unless Pittsburgh gets upset in the first round, they're done. I mean, they will lose in the second round.

The Golden Knights will lose in the first round of the playoffs

I've stuck by my guns that they're going to lose in the first round. I'm just staying on it. I don't think they can match up with a team who has, like, a superstar.

The NBA regular season is a joke because the top seeds are so heavily favored that there is no value in betting on them.

The first round, the first one through eight, it's just a complete... You can't even gamble on it because the one seed's like minus 900 to take the series, so it's a complete waste of money... The league blows.

Nashville and Tampa Bay will play in the Stanley Cup Final, and Nashville will win

I have money on Nashville. I've had it for a while. They're my pick at the beginning of the year. Them and Tampa to play each other. Nashville is a wagon.

Gary Player suffered from diarrhea after eating the lobster paella at Sergio Garcia's Champions Dinner.

We stayed with our good friend Gary Player, who actually went to the Champions Dinner... he said that the lobster was hard to digest... So that's your headline. Gary Player got diarrhea from Sergio [Garcia]'s Champions Dinner.

Tiger Woods needs a 65 or 66 to win the Masters, which is unlikely

He's going to have to post like a 65, a 66 in there somewhere, which it seems from his game, it seems very unlikely that he can really go that low.

I'm off the Tim Tebow train until he learns a third skill

I'm off Tim Tebow until he learns another skill... Learn a third skill. He can hit home runs and he can circumcise babies. So learn a third skill.

Phillies manager Gabe Kapler is incompetent and trying to get fired

I don't think we've ever seen someone become a baseball manager that doesn't know what the fuck he's doing whatsoever... Everyone's got to follow Gabe Kapler because I think this is the first time ever where someone got a job they didn't want and they're trying to get fired.

Going to sleep is like a bed being a phone charger and humans being iPhones.

Juju Smith-Schuster, he tweeted this out... Y'all ever realize when we go to sleep, it's like the bed is the phone charger and we're iPhones?

Josh Rosen wants to be drafted by a New York team because there is a larger Jewish population there.

Stephen A. Smith said that Josh Rosen wants to go to New York because there's more Jews... Cleveland said, wait, we have Jews, and we're a full-blown Jew off... Stephen A. Smith is actually a sneaky genius because he just knows whatever he says about Josh Rosen will be front page news.

Villanova is a basketball death squad

Villanova is a fucking death squad of a basketball team. There was a moment... when Michigan was up... and then Dante DiVincenzo showed up and basically... it's like that's it for Michigan. I'll tell you, you've never seen a team be up so fast so early and then know the instant the game was over even though it was still a tie game.

Jalen Brunson will not be a star in the NBA and will likely be a second-round pick

I still think Jalen Brunson is not going to be a star in the NBA. He probably is a second-round pick.

The Patriots will draft Donte DiVincenzo with the 31st pick

I think DiVincenzo's still going to be on the draft board when the Patriots pick at 31. Yes, so he might get snatched up.

The Masters is the best golf tournament and fans should be allowed to enjoy it however they want

The Masters are the best, and you just lay off. I don't care if you're a casual golf fan. All you hard-o golf fans out there, shut the fuck up. I'm going to enjoy the Masters any way I want. I'll say something wrong. I'll tweet something about a slice when it was a fade. I don't care.

The Oakland A's low attendance signifies that baseball is dwindling away

My hot seat is the Oakland A's and baseball in general. Oakland A's only managed to draw 7,000 people for their game against the Rangers last night. ... I mean, baseball, another sign. Baseball's dwindling away.

Drew Brees will have to play for several more years because he lost $8 million to a fraud jeweler

My cool throne is the New Orleans Saints. ... They're on my cool throne because Drew Brees is going to have to play for another couple years. Because it turns out he lost $8 million to a fraud jeweler.

The Yodeling Walmart Boy will eventually be found to be problematic

The yodeling Walmart boy. At some point, he's going to be problematic, right? ... I've seen this story play out on the internet enough. Someone in his family has a Confederate flag Facebook profile, and everyone's going to turn on him and be like, man, this kid is problematic.

If Villanova is a blue blood, one of the existing college basketball blue bloods needs to be shuffled out

Villanova is now getting called a blue blood. So maybe one less seat at the table. You can't only have so many blue bloods. Are we going to shuffle someone out? I don't know.

Josh Rosen's intelligence and outside interests are red flags for NFL teams

I think a red flag has been brought up for Josh Rosen that he's too smart and that he cares too much about things besides football. ... Teams should send scouts to the UCLA library and hang out there, see how many times Josh Rosen comes in... if you're reading more history books than your playbook, then it's going to be a real issue.

Professional wrestling is just as 'real' as professional sports because both are forms of entertainment that people become obsessed with

I think wrestling's real. So wrestling runs a lot of parallels with sport. People get lost and obsessed in sport. Sport is merely a game. ... And what we do is just an exhibition to try to drum up the same fanatical response.

If you want bigger arms, you should focus on your triceps instead of your biceps

If you want bigger arms first, I would focus on triceps because they're a bigger, meatier muscle. And you probably will do, like, more pressing movement, so you'll get bigger everything kind of.

Donte DiVincenzo's old tweets aren't problematic because he was only 13

Dante DiVincenzo... some of the tweets are deemed problematic. Now, I want to make it very clear. I don't think any of these are problematic. ... It's also a 13-year-old that, like, is stupid. And if you remember when you were 13, you were a dumb fuck, too.

Rob Gronkowski is increasingly likely to be traded because he's tired of Bill Belichick

The report is that the Patriots, the chances of them trading Rob Gronkowski are increasing because Gronk is tired of the... mental fatigue and physical anguish of playing football under Bill Belichick. ... I think the Gronkowski thing is real. ... Rob Gronkowski, he wants to have fun.

Tom Brady would lose his shit if the Patriots traded Rob Gronkowski

If he loses Gronk, Brady can't be far behind. If they were to trade Gronk, I think Brady would lose his shit.

Being the Little Spoon is the superior position because every guy just wants to be cuddled sometimes

Because being Little Spoon is awesome. ... Every now and then, a guy just wants to be cuddled. A guy just wants to feel like the world is a safe place.

Gino Auriemma is on the hot seat after UConn's second straight Final Four loss

We need to start asking the question if women's college basketball is bad for UConn because they're 0 for 2 in the last two years. Gino [Auriemma] on the hot seat? I think we should put him there.