Takes

Robert Griffin III will definitely take pregnancy photos holding his girlfriend's stomach

Over under four and a half pictures of RG3 holding Greta's stomach on Instagram. [PFT]: Over. That's the easiest bet of all time. Smash that over... I would say like nine and a half is more like it.

Triple-doubles are actually a sign of a bad team and poor role players

20 of the 23 NBA players who recorded a triple-double have been eliminated from the playoffs. [PFT]: So, turns out triple doubles are actually bad. Really bad... These guys are jacks of all trade, masters of none. You need role players on your team.

Colin Kaepernick is being blackballed because his name is too difficult to spell

I actually think Colin Kaepernick's getting blackballed because his last name's annoying to spell. The whole A before E thing is very problematic. I mean, I always say cap because I don't want to spell it out and be wrong. So teams are probably like, you know what? We don't want all of our fans on Twitter to look like idiot fans by misspelling the quarterback's name.

The best way to die is choking on a good meal after the Super Bowl so you don't have to go to work

I think it would be cool to probably choke. I think choking on a good meal would be good... I want to choke the day after the Super Bowl before I have to go into work.

Avril Lavigne might have died in 2003 and been replaced by a body double because she hated the limelight

The idea of this thread was that Avril Lavigne in 2003... committed suicide. But because she was so famous at the time, her record company kept her alive by not saying that she died and then just using her body double as Avril Lavigne going forward.

The Capitals will never win anything with Alex Ovechkin

The Capitals continually disappoint you. You know that they're never going to do anything with Ovechkin.

D.C. is a loser town

Say what you want about Dan Snyder. They always compare the D.C. teams because D.C. is a loser town. I agree with that 100%. You can't really make an argument against that.

The Washington Capitals will be 2018 Stanley Cup champions

I might just go tonight and get a Washington Capitals 2018 Stanley Cup champions tattoo.

I am not confident about the Celtics playing the Cavaliers in the Eastern Conference Finals

I'm not really going to act like I'm super confident about playing the Cavs.

If a woman approaches me at a bar, she definitely has a hidden angle

I've conditioned myself to think that if a woman approaches me, she definitely, no matter what she talks about, she has an angle. It does not compute to me that a girl wants to talk to me because she's interested in having a conversation with me.

Professional athletes who are 'disability check fat' like Bartolo Colon are the best

Jim Brockmire's favorite is Bartolo Colon. Because you have to love any professional athlete that is very nearly disability check fat.

The Raptors, Bengals, Capitals, and Mets have a 'stink' that makes them destined to lose

I actually do think there is something to be said for a franchise just having that stink where you're like, no matter what, no matter how good we are, we're probably going to lose. The Cubs had that. The Mets have it now. The Raptors... they're a joke until they win a title. The Bengals have the best team in the league, and you should be like, come on, it's the Bengals.

A franchise's failure is caused by either a curse or a lack of the 'clutch gene'

It comes down to two things. It's either a curse or the franchise doesn't have the clutch gene. As an announcer, those are the two things that you have to talk about.

The NFL letting players take pain pills while banning weed is hypocritical

Good thing that they keep giving everyone all those pain pills and everything like that. There's a difference. Weed's addictive. [Sarcastic] You can only buy pain pills from large pharmaceutical companies who usually have the consumer's best interest in mind.

Roger Goodell punishing Josh Gordon by not letting him play for the Browns is actually doing him a favor

Telling a player that your punishment is that you don't have to play for the Cleveland Browns is probably a little bit misguided. So, like, hey, good for Josh. He doesn't have to be a Brown.

Derek Jeter is jealous of the massive business success of A-Rod Corp

I think that's the bottom of it, is that Derek Jeter is jealous of all of the business success A-Rod Corp has had... They've signed nonstop baseballs. They sold like 50 golf shirts... Meanwhile, Derek Jeter can't buy the Marlins. Derek Jeter, classic blogger... probably taking pot shots at real businessmen.

MJ is the greatest of all time

As much as I obviously don't want to get in the debate because I obviously everyone knows where I stand. MJ, greatest of all time.

Kobe Bryant is the greatest of all time

But I think to avoid this debate, the stance of this podcast is just going to be Kobe. We're just Kobe guys. Kobe is the greatest of all time. Just so we never have to debate this again.

Athletes injured outside their sport should be forced to play that other sport until they get a 'sports-related' injury

I've always said that if you get injured in a manner outside of the sport that you play, you should be forced to continue playing the sport until you develop a sports-related injury... keep skating out there until it devolves into a massive hockey injury.

The Cavaliers and Warriors will meet in the 2017 NBA Finals

I think the Cavs and Warriors are going to play each other in the NBA Finals.

The NBA Eastern Conference is boring and predictable because of LeBron James

I haven't watched a single Eastern Conference game in full because it's so boring and it's so predictable and it's just going to be LeBron James ducking his head, driving to the hole... getting fouled, making the layup half the time, and the other time crying because he didn't get fouled.

The Golden State Warriors are unlikable because of Steph Curry, Klay Thompson, and Steve Kerr

I don't like Steph. He's a baby back bitch. Yeah, yeah. Klay Thompson's got a fucked up goatee. Steve Kerr's milking it. [With] spinal fluid. Yeah.

I love Draymond Green's evolution into a master troll

Draymond Green I'm really liking what he's doing he's become such a master troll not only with the Kelly Olynyk call out where he just randomly said he's a dirty player he also has been trolling jazz fans... I love players that just never forget rivalries.

Kelly Olynyk is a very dirty player

Kelly's a very dirty player. Well, he's dirty looking. I think that's what [Draymond] meant... He's the guy who, when you play pick up hoops, he's going to elbow you in the face getting a rebound.

The Capitals are so certain to beat the Penguins that I'm already planning my travel for the Eastern Conference Finals and Stanley Cup Finals

I'm so confident that I'm pre-planning out tonight's game with the Rangers and the Senators. I'm like, okay, so we've got to have the Rangers win. That way I can go to all the Caps games in New York City for the Eastern Conference Finals, and then we're going to skate through them... I might as well already be in Hollywood right now in my head, like visiting the Ducks [for the Finals].

Instagram Stories will kill Snapchat by the end of the summer

My hot seat is Snapchat. Instagram stories, specifically because of Boomerang, are taking over the streets. I think by the end of the summer, Snapchat's going to be, like, default.

Doc Rivers will be fired by the Los Angeles Clippers

My other hot seat is nepotism because I think that Doc Rivers is going to get fired.

LeVar Ball will eventually replace Luke Walton as the Lakers' head coach

In about two years when LeVar Ball gets Luke Walton out as a Lakers coach and takes over as coach. That's going to be great.

I would have beaten the Jazz if I hadn't injured my foot

Second, I probably was lashing out because it was probably right... I'm just assuming it was right after a Bulls loss. [Big Cat] Third... You were probably gambling on some of the games. [Big Cat] Because you guys were going to win that series against the Jazz if you hadn't stubbed your toe like you did. [Big Cat] I stubbed my foot.

Kawhi Leonard is my favorite player to watch in the playoffs

Favorite player in the playoffs? To watch, like, Kawhi, probably.

The San Antonio Spurs are a tougher matchup for the Warriors than the Houston Rockets

I can't not put my money on the Spurs. They're just like that team that always finds a way to get wins. Not saying they're going to win, but to get a win for sure, I think I'd have to go Spurs.

The 2008 Celtics are right to be upset with Ray Allen

I mean, it is a good point. I mean, guys that you've been with for a long time or that you've won with or lost with or struggled with and gone through those ups and downs, I mean, I think it is a good point to keep that communication and not just say, okay, well, I'm on a different team now, so I'm done.

The Cavaliers only won the 2016 NBA Finals because of Draymond Green's suspension and Andrew Bogut's injury

I really don't think Cleveland wins if Draymond doesn't get suspended and Bogut doesn't get hurt. So sometimes you've got to have, like, a little luck in the playoffs. Not to say that Cleveland didn't deserve to win. I think they did... But, I mean, it's just – you can't really decide, like, who's going to win the finals until you actually get to that point.

The Washington Wizards are a tougher matchup for the Cavaliers than the Boston Celtics

If you were on the Cavs, which team would you less like to face... I'd say probably Wizards. John Wall is so tough in transition. Isaiah is great, but John Wall is just so tough in transition.

Lonzo Ball will have a target on his back in the NBA because of LeVar Ball

Anybody that gets hyped up that much, if you're the number one pick or your top pick that's doing a lot of talking, you're going to have a little bit of a target on your back for sure... there's like that extra unneeded motivation that other guys will have now.

The viral photo of a man humping a shark was just 'guys being guys'

It was either him or me situation. For Jim McElwain or his doppelganger on that boat. It's like I either had to fuck that shark. Or the shark was going to die, so it died, so I fucked it... [it's] guys being guys.

The Eastern Conference is hilariously weak

The Eastern Conference is so hilarious. I don't want to say that it's a weak conference overall. [But] it kind of is. It always seems the teams that LeBron gets to play in the first two rounds are always those red teams... and they're the easiest teams in the world to sweep through.

The Raptors are a joke of a franchise

I got a little heat back from my take the other day that the Raptors are just a joke of a franchise. I don't mean it in a mean way. It's just facts are facts. When you think of the Raptors, you think of Vince Carter winning a dunk title and then getting swept.

The Celtics could beat the Cavaliers if LeBron James gets hurt

That's kind of what Hank said last week about the Celtics, that they could beat the Cavs if LeBron James got hurt. [Hank]: True.

An NBA series doesn't actually start until the road team wins a game

Everyone's going to win on their home court... The series technically hasn't started unless the road team wins. [Big Cat]: That's when the series starts.

The Rockets-Spurs series will go seven games

The Rockets-Spurs, it will go 6 or 7. It will go 7. I'm going to say it right now. It's going to go 7 because Hank's whole theory of teams only winning at home.

The Capitals will win Game 6 and then lose the series in Game 7 in D.C.

The Caps are probably going to win on Monday night. Of course. And then they're going to lose on Wednesday night in D.C. In a brutal fashion.

Sidney Crosby is going to destroy the Capitals

And Sidney Crosby, make no mistake about it, is going to be heavily involved in the destruction of the Capitals.

The St. Louis Blues will not win the Stanley Cup for the 50th straight year

For the 50th straight year, the St. Louis Blues are not going to win the Stanley Cup. That's a shame.

John Daly's career has been awesome and if you think otherwise you're a hater

My favorite take is when people say, oh, what a shame, John Daly's career. He really could have had it all. John Daly has had it all. His career actually has been awesome. If you think otherwise, then you're just a hater.

Bees aren't actually dying at an alarming rate

And people keep saying that they're dying at an alarming rate like you did. But I don't think that they are. I'm woke on the whole bee thing, the whole bee scare of 2016.

I don't care about PETA shaming; I'm going to keep loving horse racing and losing money

My who's back... is people who want to shame us for enjoying horse racing... horse racing is in fact bad. They're whipping the horses... I don't care. Keep trying to shame me. PETA people. That's fine. I'm going to lose my money. I'm going to have fun. And I'll do it all again.

The Volkswagen commercial with the grandmother and the ashes is fake and manipulative

Volkswagen... they're like, well, we'll just put a really sappy story where a bunch of kids cry and an old grandmother, and we'll put some Simon and Garfunkel behind it, and everyone will say, oh my God, Volkswagen, they're so nice. Don't fall for it.

80% of MLB players in the '90s would have preferred greenies over steroids

To me, if you ask guys in that era or ask guys now, would they rather have steroids or greenies, I guarantee you it would be 80-20 greenies.

Barry Bonds is by far the best player to ever step foot in a batter's box

Barry Bonds is not even remotely close. Remotely close is the best player that ever stepped foot in a box. That guy, when the ball was an inch outside, he knew it... I watched a guy one day go one for one with four walks and swing the bat one time and it was a homer. That shit doesn't happen. I don't care. Steroids doesn't give you Superman eyes.