Takes

I am losing 25 pounds in 2023 for my 'hard body' year

2023 is a hard body year. I'm gonna get a hard body... I'm losing 25 pounds in 2023. Losing 25 pounds in 2023... January 1st, new me.

If you win only one Super Bowl, you actually have zero

He's won one Super Bowl, which we can get into cause I have the theory that if you win one Super Bowl, you actually have none.

Steve Harvey is the greatest game show host of his generation.

But I will say one guy who's transcended all of that and even surpassed Louie Anderson, who nobody thought ever could is Steve Harvey with Family Feud. America's host Family Feud. You know what I mean? I think Steve definitely did that.

Having a child is a completely transformative experience that non-parents cannot understand

That's one of those ones that like, if you don't have kids, and I'm not shaming anyone, but like when you do have a kid, you're like, oh fuck, this is completely different than anything else.

A best man speech should be three to five minutes long

I think you have to keep it like five minutes or less. I think anyone who goes longer than that is... it's three to five minutes.

You should never use notes when giving a best man speech because it ruins the heart of the message.

The biggest thing though, you can't have notes. I think the notes make you freaked out. The guy who goes up with—I've seen some really bad ones... I think no notes is the way to go because people will be like, oh wow, you really spoke from the heart.

Barry Sanders had bionic ankles

The whoop came from Barry Sanders... I think his ankles were bionic. Tommy [Jackson] and I both think this because he, there's no way you could swivel as a human being like this speeds.

No one circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills

I just cranked it out on primetime. No one circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills. And it became a war chant.

I quietly retired from the NFL and didn't tell anyone.

I did. I heard Hank mention that the other day and I appreciate that Hank, I have not touched a football since January. I quietly, I didn't tell anybody I retired. Probably just didn't tell anyone. So I guess you guys are kind of the first to hear it publicly.

Anything I do is immediately no longer considered cool.

I would agree that anything that I do is no longer cool. So like when I wear the, the plaid button down to week one, you know, it looks like I got it from Kohl's. But if Justin Jefferson wears that same plaid button down to next week's press conference, everybody in Minnesota's buying a plaid button down. So I'm fully aware of that and I don't wanna do anything to tarnish the Griddy.

I could start over 50% of the current quarterbacks in the NFL.

[PFT: How many quarterbacks in the NFL right now do you think that you could start over?] 50%.

Jack Nicklaus rejected a $100 million offer to join the Saudi golf league.

Jack Nicklaus rejected a hundred million to not go to the Saudi golf League. He rejected all that money because of his morals. So cool throne him.

Corn is botanically a fruit

Corn is a fruit. If you look it up, corn is a fruit. It has fruit qualities... the kernels of corn are fruit.

Coach K's legacy is tarnished forever because he lost his final game to UNC.

And Coach Mike Krzyzewski is dead. R.I.P. Coach dead. You had a hell of a run, but you're dead. His legacy is tarnished forever. It can't get worse than what happened. Everything he's done in his entire career has been wiped away.

Roy Williams is a better head coach in the state of North Carolina than Mike Krzyzewski was over the last 20 years.

I actually think that tonight's victory over Duke is the final feather in the cap for Roy Williams being a better head coach in the state of North Carolina than Mike Krzyzewski was in the last 20 years.

I could get Coach K sentenced to life in prison if I produced an investigative podcast about him.

I thought to myself, do you think if I started a serial type podcast and I did enough investigative journalism I could make, I could get Coach K in, in prison for life? And I was like, that could actually happen.

If you're down eight with two minutes left, just take the points

You kick a field goal there. Just take the points. Just take the points, that's it.

Tua Tagovailoa's marriage to his college sweetheart suggests he views college as the peak of his life.

Tua just got married to his, I think his college sweetheart. Oh. Which is weird. Like far outside of college. Like that just tells me that he's thinking like, yeah, you know what? College was the best time that I ever in my life.

Tua Tagovailoa is done and will be out of the NFL within two years.

Sell your fucking Tua stock. He's done. He'll be out [of the] league in two years. The divorce [is] coming.

I finished my career with exactly as many touchdowns as interceptions

I threw 161 TDs in the NFL and I also threw 161 interceptions. I came out even man.

Kirk Cousins is maybe clutch

I have a question for you off this game... Is Kirk Cousins maybe Clutch?

Justin Jefferson should be the NFL MVP

I think Justin Jefferson should be the MVP of the NFL. I'm saying that, I know it's not numbers based like Patrick Mahomes, it's always a quarterback... I think the Vikings have like four or five less wins without Justin Jefferson because he is always there for huge plays.

The Giants should not sign Daniel Jones to a long-term contract

I think most Giants fans would agree that like, this is a fun season, but let's not, let's not go making like long term future. Let's not get married to each other here.

Dan Campbell is the best loser in the NFL

That's another example of Dan Campbell being the best loser in the NFL. He's falling back into his own ways where every time he loses he's, he says or does something that makes us be like, 'fuck, he's cool.' ... If you kick his ass, he'll like slap you really hard on the back and say like, 'great job, you beat the shit out of me.'

Steve Wilkes has earned the right to be the Panthers' head coach next year

I think at this point, if you don't bring him back, I think the players that are here right now that are coming back next year are gonna be pissed off. I think they're going to be really upset about that.

The Panthers are currently a better team than the Buccaneers

I think that the Panthers are a better team than the Bucks right now. I would rather watch [the Panthers] play a game of football than the Tampa Bay Buccaneers play.

Todd Bowles might be a Nathaniel Hackett-level head coach

I tend to lean towards the fact that Todd Bowles might in fact be like Nathaniel Hackett level head coach just with a better roster.

Mac Jones is football's Grayson Allen

Mack Jones, like... his body language, those plays, like twisting guy's ankles, hitting people in the balls and then, and then just screaming at everyone... He's football Grayson Allen.

Chris Jones is the defensive version of Patrick Mahomes

Chris Jones doesn't get enough credit for basically being the defensive Patrick Mahomes and he's not as good as Patrick Mahomes, but in a similar way where ... the Chiefs on offense will sometimes be like, 'all right, Patrick Mahomes, just do something cool and we'll score points.' Chris Jones is like, 'Hey, our defense isn't that great, just do something fucking sick and just beat everyone.'

Bill Belichick should coach the Browns to one-up Tom Brady's legacy

What's the only thing that Belichick could do that could one up Tom Brady's legacy now that Tom Brady went to the Bucs and won a Super Bowl? Winning the Super Bowl with the Cleveland Browns.

John Harbaugh is a top 3-4 coach in the NFL

John Harbaugh might be top three, top four coach in the NFL. We should recognize that every now and again... Harbaugh's just a very, very good head coach, like top three, top four in the entire league.

The Ravens are the team nobody wants to play in the playoffs

I'm upgrading [the Ravens] in my power rankings to team nobody wants to play in the playoffs because they are, they'll just, they'll ugly up any game. Their defense is really good. And if Lamar [Jackson] is back healthy ... they could beat anyone.

The Texans are a frisky two-win team

The Texans are like, are sneaky good. ... they are absolutely frisky. They're the riskiest two-win team you could get.

The Commanders starting Carson Wentz over Taylor Heinicke is a Dan Snyder move

Why are we getting rid of Taylor Heineke and going back to Carson Wentz, this is fucking torture... I know the real answer to this... This smells like Dan Snyder to me. I can smell him.

The 49ers are playing better than any team in the NFC

I think the 49ers are playing like the best of any team in that division or in that, excuse me, in that conference. ... I think that defense travels.

If Lane Johnson is back, the Eagles will be 100% fine

I came out of that game feeling better than I did going into it... If Lane Johnson is back by the second round of the playoffs, I'm as confident as I could be.

The Eagles will beat the Saints and the roster will be fully healthy for the playoffs

We're going to beat the Saints at home next week. Like that's just, that's just going to happen. And then you have, you're going to have three weeks for everyone to get healthy for the second round of the playoffs.

The Buccaneers suck and won't do anything in the playoffs

I'm actually sticking with my take. They suck. They suck. Like they just, they just had to go to overtime to beat Trace McSorley. They suck. They suck. They're not gonna do anything in the fucking playoffs. They suck. They're bad.

Aaron Rodgers and the Packers are going to run the table and make the playoffs

Aaron Rodgers is gonna do this again, isn't he? Packers 26. Dolphins 20. He's gonna do this again... I'm at least smart enough in my older age to realize when it's gonna happen and just start betting on the Packers.

Tua Tagovailoa's mental psyche is snowballing into disaster

Mike McDaniel after said on Tua's psyche, it's a challenge. Can't let things snowball... I don't feel the, there's not a lot of confidence that he'll get through that. It feels like it's snowballing and it's bad.

Russell Wilson is more at fault for the Broncos' failure than Nathaniel Hackett

Who's more at fault? Is it Russ or is it Hackett? ... I think that it's Russ. ... either [Todd Bowles] is the world's shittiest head coach or he knows something about Tom Brady's abilities right now that he does not trust.

Zach Wilson might be better than Russell Wilson

I had a thought in this game, which tells you how bad Russell Wilson is. Is Zach Wilson better than Russell Wilson? ... I actually was like, maybe Zach Wilson is maybe a little bit better because Russell Wilson can't even do the things that he used to do.

Sean McVay deserves Coach of the Year votes for winning 5 games with the 2022 Rams

For the Rams, I think we probably have to give Sean McVay a coach of the year vote because the fact they have five wins is crazy. ... I think you can just be like, 'yeah, I'm a really good football coach. I everyone got injured.'

The James Harden to Houston rumors are true

Harden says quote, 'I don't know where you found that report.' ... He was being so wishy-washy, but it was like, 'I don't know where you found that report.' And then it's like, yep, that's it. [The rumors are true].

Zach Wilson is completely lost mentally and is likely irredeemable

Zach Wilson is so bad. ... he can't, I don't think he, he's redeemable at this point because you've now benched him twice for two different quarterbacks. ... I think Zach Wilson is completely lost. ... he's, he's completely lost mentally.

The Jaguars are going to the playoffs

The Jaguars are going to the playoffs, like, I'm gonna say it right now, the Jaguars are going to the playoffs because they just went and they beat the Cowboys and the Jets back to back weeks... I think the Jaguars are going to the playoffs.

I could have made some of the throws Zach Wilson missed against the Jaguars

I was watching the fucking game and looking at concepts that I ran in high school that he was reading wrong. I'm serious. And I like my arm talent. It's not fucking pro arm talent, but I could have made some throws and just get it to guy to make play.

The Bengals will beat the Patriots because Matt Patricia is a demoralizing coordinator

This is entirely the Patriots. Our joke, there's season's over demoralized. Matt Patricia's still the offensive coordinator. ... So why not just fire him now? ... it literally cannot [get] worse.

The Patriots will win outright against the Bengals

I think the Patriots might win this outright. I that's what I'm saying. Yeah. It's a double look ahead. ... I like the Patriots a lot this weekend.

Russell Wilson has gotten fat this season

Is Russell Wilson fat? ... I think he's gotten fat. ... I think he's thick. He's fatter this year than he was last year. ... I think he's gotten chubby now.