Takes

James Dolan getting involved again will ruin the Knicks

This would make me nervous as a Knicks fan because James Dolan, they're like little run here where they've gotten back to being a good team. Feels like James Dolan took a step back. Now he's maybe taking a step back forward and he's a shithead owner that will ruin something.

The reports of Bill Belichick's engagement to Jordon Hudson are fake news

I will wait until you know, Ms. Hudson and, and Mr. Belichick report this themselves. I do not believe, you know, the New York Times, fake news media. This is just a report as far as I'm concerned. ... I don't think Bill knows.

I am officially 'opting out' of ever playing Augusta National

I have opted you. You forget Big Cat like three years ago on this show. I said I don't want to play at Augusta. I'm not Augusta material. All right. Fair. I'm opting out.

It is more likely that Sydney Sweeney DMs Hank than it is for Augusta to invite him to play

You work on the, at the number one sports podcast in America. You think it's more likely that Sydney Sweeney [messes with] you than Augusta invites you?... I kind of agree with them. No one plays at Augusta. It's impossible. I kind of agree with them.

I'm officially a 'Crown' (NIT) guy and will be watching it all week

I'm actually jacked up for the Crown... I'm a Crown guy. I'm excited for the Crown.

Rory McIlroy taking a fan's phone during a practice round is incredibly soft

Rory McIlroy is the worst... he goes and takes the guy's phone and just starts walking off with him... That's soft. Hey. Yeah. It's, it's soft. That's insanely soft. Like what do, it's a practice round.

Shohei Ohtani is the best baseball player of all time

I'd say that this, he is the best baseball player of all time. Whether or not he'll have the best career of all time is kind of up for grabs. But we've never seen anybody that's doing what he's doing.

Allowing private equity investment in NFL teams will make the league 10% worse.

The NFL is considering approving private equity investment in teams... It means it's gonna suck. The league is gonna get 10% worse because private equity, they're gonna come in and they're just gonna try to figure out how to streamline everything. They're gonna fire all the mascots.

Caitlin Clark might be secretly relieved to be left off the Olympic team

I think Caitlin Clark might have been a little bit relieved because she probably wouldn't have played that much. And she finally gets a little bit of a break from the take machine... she's been going since the college season... she finally gets a break.

Dan Hurley's interest in the Lakers job was a calculated move to get a raise from UConn

This is a dream scenario for Dan Hurley if he was just trying to get a raise. Knowledge that your AD's back at home... I gotta double the check now. Of course if he does go back to UConn and that was the plan all along, of course you're gonna say, yeah, I'm very interested in this Lakers job.

I'm counting Anthony Edwards' dunk over John Collins as a real dunk even if the ball left his hand early

Was that a dunk? So all those dunks always inspiring. Yeah. When you, when you like zoom in, you're like, did the ball leave his hand beforehand, didn't touch the rim? I'm counting it as a dunk. Just 'cause I like cool sports moments like that where the world stopped to be like, did you see what Anthony Edwards just did?

Three championships in five years officially makes the Chiefs a dynasty

I think you can even zoom out and just say about the Chiefs if they win this game of Dynasty. Yeah. Because that's a rule, right? Dynasty talk. Three championships in five years. That's Dynasty. This is crowning them being the new dynasty.

Super Bowl LVIII is the worst possible matchup for Las Vegas Raiders fans

This is the worst possible matchup for Las Vegas Raiders fans because they have the Niners who they used to share a city with kind of... and they have an AFC West rival. It would be like if they did the Super Bowl in Philadelphia and it was Cowboys-Patriots.

I'm rooting for Travis Kelce to propose to Taylor Swift on the jumbotron to watch the internet break

The one thing I am rooting for is I hope Travis Kelce proposes Taylor Swift. That would be awesome on the field after... I root for it because all the swifties would have to do mental gymnastics to be like, that's so cute... I want it like to be on the jumbotron and then Swifties have to be like, that's so beautiful.

I am paying for Twitter Blue because I earned my checkmark as a journalist and don't want to lose it

I have no shame in paying for it because I earned it. We have the slogan of flags fly forever. I earned my check mark a few years ago, so I'm not just gonna let someone take away from it. I grew up on Twitter hoping to have a blue check mark and one day I got it. So like, here we go. I'm keeping it.

The Wisconsin head coaching job is better than the Nebraska job

I think I would rather, I would rather take the Wisconsin job than the Nebraska job. Nebraska fans will get very upset, but I agree. Nebraska feels like it's the entire job is poisoned... Really the only way that you can possibly succeed at Nebraska is to do what Bo Pelini did... which is to just make everybody in town hate you.

Georgia's recent performance suggests they aren't the juggernaut people thought

Did we get a little bit duped by Georgia's dominance? Because we watched that 49 to three game against Oregon week one... and we're like, this team is insane. And I think they're obviously still very, very good. But the last two... games in a row where they've played down to their competition severely. Makes you start to say, Huh, maybe this isn't like the juggernaut we all thought it would be.

Vin Scully is the best play-by-play broadcaster of all time

Yeah, no, definitely. He is the best play-by-play broadcaster of all time. He has moments that you could put in a dictionary. Like you could fill a dictionary with just thousands of pages... If I could have 1% of the success that he had, that would be a successful career. He is the best ever.

Coming on Pardon My Take is the easiest way to add to your legacy

I would agree if you come on Pardon My Take you've added to your legacy. Boom. Just like that legacy complete.

Chris Paul's performance in Game 7 against the Mavericks was a 'legacy game'

Chris Paul had a major, major legacy post... He had like 10 points in that game seven where they lost by 70. That was a legacy game.

Albert Pujols shouldn't be in the All-Star game because he 'fucking sucks' and can't even walk

Albert Pujols being in the home run Derby, which is a crock of shit. But I'm also at the point in my life where I, cause he fucking sucks. He can't even walk. Albert Pujols he's, he can't even walk. He shouldn't be in the all-stars. He made the all star game... taking a spot away from someone who could [actually hit].

Bryson DeChambeau is acting like an eight-year-old by blaming his equipment for his poor play

Bryson DeChambeau though... he's having trouble with his driver. And afterwards he said... 'the driver sucks.' [Cobra's rep] said it's like an eight-year-old that gets mad at you. They might fly off the handle and say, I hate you, but then you go, whoa, no, you don't. We know as adults that they really don't mean that.

Mike Silver's hire by the Washington Football Team is a PR move to get guaranteed positive coverage

The Washington Football Team... pulled a masterful stroke, which is just hiring Mike Silver, the guy who will say—you don't even have to pay Mike Silver to say nice things about you. You just have to go out to steak dinners with him once every four months like Hugh Jackson. I would imagine that the Washington Football Team will have Hugh Jackson as a coach soon.

Giannis staying in Milwaukee is a major victory for NBA parity

I think this is actually great for the league. It's a win for the league because you have a little bit more parity. You have the small market teams like teams drafting a superstar and be able to hold on to them is important for the league.

I would only take a few hours of hanging out with Billy Football before I'd want to kill him

Remember that when you were a kid and you'd have like one sleepover with your best friend... it was the best night ever. And then by the end of the second night you just wanted to kill them. It's going to be like that [with Billy] except in the second hour.

Derek Jeter should be punished for the Marlins' COVID outbreak by being forced to play for the team

I say you punish Derek Jeter. You make Derek Jeter go out there and he plays. Tell me you wouldn't watch a game with the Marlins if it was just like Derek Jeter, Gary Sheffield, all the old Marlins superstars getting out there and just whipping on every pitch.

I'm starting to think the global pandemic was rigged so we would all be forced to watch soccer

I swear to God I'm starting to get to woke that this is all been rigged so that we all have to watch soccer... We're here, life is now just soccer with a little side of horse racing.

Jamal Adams is the new Antonio Brown of contract disputes

Dak Prescott and Jamal Adams to figure out whose contract is going to be... he is the new Antonio Brown. Not on the mental side, I'm talking about the fact that he is all convinced that he's a free agent when he's still got two years [left] that they can control his contract.

Joe Rogan is officially uncancellable

Twitter decided to go full send and I'm going to tip my cap to the cancel brigade because they went for the final boss, Joe Rogan, and failed... He is uncancellable because he would actually let's say that Twitter was able to get his contract with Spotify canceled, right? He would just take that wave of publicity, go back to what he was doing before and still make a shitload of money.

Kyrie Irving is right that the NBA's return could distract from the Black Lives Matter movement

The thing I don't understand—I actually Kyrie's statement, I actually kind of agree with. Like his point is if you're—if we're pushing for something to radically change, the one thing you don't want to allow is for people to be like, 'can we just get back to normal?' because like when you're back to normal, it's easy way of just saying, 'Oh well, like we'll deal with that later.'

Returning to normalcy after the pandemic will be a gradual process, not a sudden switch

We're also not going back to normal like a light switch. We're not gonna be like, 'Hey, there we go. Now everyone just go party and we're cool.' It's going to be such a weird gradual thing where everyone is scared of each other because of germs.

I could survive retirement if I were able to gamble on sports every night

I might never be able to retire because I'm like a worker bee that needs to be working... if I had the ability to still gamble on Sports at night? Would that keep me working enough? Because that just part that you have to pay your you have to pay your gambling debts... I think the answer is yes.

Knicks fans hating James Dolan even during a global pandemic proves they still have passion for the team

I would actually be worried for Knicks fans if they didn't have that reaction. It means that they still have sports hatred in their blood. They can still feel passion about the man that has given them some absolutely nothing for the last couple decades.

Jordan Love is the perfect fit for the Raiders because he has the huge hands and big arm that the team loves

Mel Kiper said Jordan Love to the Raiders which would be awesome because Jordan Love is like the perfect huge hands big arm guy the Raiders like... still don't change much, keep doing you Raiders. Love it.

John Gruden is gun-shy about hiring any NFL player that has a prominent Instagram account

I think John [Gruden] is actually just gun-shy about hiring any single NFL player that has an Instagram account after what happened last year with Antonio Brown. If he hears the term social media around a player that he's evaluate. He's like, I'm out that social media. It's the devil's work.

The Stone Cold Steve Austin interview is on the Mount Rushmore of PMT interviews

Mount Rushmore. And I'm not even a huge wrestling fan. That was before my time, and I was still loving it.

I think Antonio Brown is actually going crazy and having a mental break

I actually think Antonio Brown is – I think there's something wrong with him. I think that he's, like, going crazy. He's had, like – an actual mental break that doesn't mean that like we can't joke around about the whole helmet saga because that is fucking hilarious but I actually think that there's something wrong with the guy.

You shouldn't be allowed to dress in tribute to Payne Stewart and then play slow as fuck like Bryson DeChambeau

You can't dress in tribute to Payne Stewart and then act like this Bryson. Payne Stewart would complete a round of golf faster right now than Bryson DeChambeau.

It is responsible to continue betting after your child is born because the baby might be good luck

It's actually responsible of you from a fiscal standpoint to continue betting, if not more so than you were before, because the baby might be good luck.

I'm throwing it out there that I have 350-pound dad strength now

I want to do like a full study on whether dad strength is a real thing. 350 probably. I'm going to throw that out there. 350. I'd say dad strength is a thing. Yep.

NBA draft workouts and team meetings are overrated

I think it's complete. The draft workouts and all that stuff, I think it's overrated. I kind of like that. Who knows? Maybe he's an awesome guy, and it's better to just not meet him.

The Monday after the Super Bowl should be a federal holiday

We all are in agreement, obviously, that the Monday after the Super Bowl should be a federal holiday. Correct. Move President's Day. Abraham Lincoln's dead. He won't care. I promise. He probably would have been a big football fan.

Teaching your kids to enjoy alcohol responsibly makes you a good father

Real take? I don't give a fuck. This is the most common thing ever... It's actually like teaching your kids how to enjoy alcohol responsibly is probably a really good father. So it's not like a novelty when they get to age 17 and they're just like butt funneling mad dogs.

You can't take a shit at a friend's house if the bathroom is less than 30 'bathroom feet' away

It's actually a formula that you multiply the number of bathrooms times the feet from the couch to the bathroom. And if it's anything under 30, then you can't take a shit there. So if there's a bathroom 20 feet away from the couch, but there's only one bathroom in the whole house, you can't do it.

I hate the new NBA All-Star Game captain draft format

They're now making the all-star game where two captains pick the teams, which I fucking hate. I hate when they do this. My brain can't figure it out. I can't figure this shit out when you switch it all, when you swap it all off. They did it with the Pro Bowl, and Pro Bowl's never been the same.

Driving under the influence on a Tuesday night is morally worse than doing it on a weekend

Is that really worse, to be driving under the influence on a Tuesday night? I think that it is, by the way.

Getting kicked out of NFL practice for fighting is a veteran move to get the day off

Once you get past like year four in the NFL, your role in training camp is to just see how little training camp you can do. We call that the Brett Favre. [Kyle Long] got kicked out of practice because he got into a fight... it's a vet move. You throw a punch, get the day off.

The Cleveland Cavaliers have the worst hair of any team in NBA history

It just occurred to me, the Cavaliers are probably the NBA team with the worst hair of all time, and they're matched up against the team [Warriors] with the worst facial hair of all time.

Booger McFarland could beat any professional golfer if given a couple weeks of practice

If you guys didn't know, Booger thinks that he can beat a professional golfer. If you give Booger a couple weeks practice, he can beat anybody in golf. I actually agree with that.

New England's musical culture is better than Atlanta's in a landslide

If you stack [Boston and Atlanta] up side by side, it's not even close in terms of musical culture. In Boston, you've got Stained. You've got New Kids on the Block. You've got LFO... In Atlanta, you've got Travis Tritt, and that's it... New England in a landslide.