Takes

James Dolan getting involved again will ruin the Knicks

This would make me nervous as a Knicks fan because James Dolan, they're like little run here where they've gotten back to being a good team. Feels like James Dolan took a step back. Now he's maybe taking a step back forward and he's a shithead owner that will ruin something.

Rory McIlroy taking a fan's phone during a practice round is incredibly soft

Rory McIlroy is the worst... he goes and takes the guy's phone and just starts walking off with him... That's soft. Hey. Yeah. It's, it's soft. That's insanely soft. Like what do, it's a practice round.

Shohei Ohtani is the best baseball player of all time

I'd say that this, he is the best baseball player of all time. Whether or not he'll have the best career of all time is kind of up for grabs. But we've never seen anybody that's doing what he's doing.

Three championships in five years officially makes the Chiefs a dynasty

I think you can even zoom out and just say about the Chiefs if they win this game of Dynasty. Yeah. Because that's a rule, right? Dynasty talk. Three championships in five years. That's Dynasty. This is crowning them being the new dynasty.

I'm rooting for Travis Kelce to propose to Taylor Swift on the jumbotron to watch the internet break

The one thing I am rooting for is I hope Travis Kelce proposes Taylor Swift. That would be awesome on the field after... I root for it because all the swifties would have to do mental gymnastics to be like, that's so cute... I want it like to be on the jumbotron and then Swifties have to be like, that's so beautiful.

Sam Darnold might be the most talented pure thrower in 49ers history

There was another great hot take out there in the world of football. Did you guys see what they said about Sam Darnold today?... He said Sam Darnold might be the most talented thrower of football that the 49ers have ever had... Most talented thrower. He didn't say best quarterback... basically what he said was, 'I wanna fuck his spiral.'

The Wisconsin head coaching job is better than the Nebraska job

I think I would rather, I would rather take the Wisconsin job than the Nebraska job. Nebraska fans will get very upset, but I agree. Nebraska feels like it's the entire job is poisoned... Really the only way that you can possibly succeed at Nebraska is to do what Bo Pelini did... which is to just make everybody in town hate you.

Georgia's recent performance suggests they aren't the juggernaut people thought

Did we get a little bit duped by Georgia's dominance? Because we watched that 49 to three game against Oregon week one... and we're like, this team is insane. And I think they're obviously still very, very good. But the last two... games in a row where they've played down to their competition severely. Makes you start to say, Huh, maybe this isn't like the juggernaut we all thought it would be.

Vin Scully is the best play-by-play broadcaster of all time

Yeah, no, definitely. He is the best play-by-play broadcaster of all time. He has moments that you could put in a dictionary. Like you could fill a dictionary with just thousands of pages... If I could have 1% of the success that he had, that would be a successful career. He is the best ever.

Giannis staying in Milwaukee is a major victory for NBA parity

I think this is actually great for the league. It's a win for the league because you have a little bit more parity. You have the small market teams like teams drafting a superstar and be able to hold on to them is important for the league.

The Bulls are back after hiring Billy Donovan

Your Chicago Bulls have just hired former Oklahoma City Thunder and Florida head coach Billy Donovan as their head coach... my darling Jake you have that Bulls are back.

Kyrie Irving is right that the NBA's return could distract from the Black Lives Matter movement

The thing I don't understand—I actually Kyrie's statement, I actually kind of agree with. Like his point is if you're—if we're pushing for something to radically change, the one thing you don't want to allow is for people to be like, 'can we just get back to normal?' because like when you're back to normal, it's easy way of just saying, 'Oh well, like we'll deal with that later.'

Novak Djokovic is the GOAT of tennis over Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal

I hate to say this but Novak's got to into slams in 2019. Federer has none. So he's better right now... he is the goat. All right, and he beat him in Wimbledon. No big deal.

The Monday after the Super Bowl should be a federal holiday

We all are in agreement, obviously, that the Monday after the Super Bowl should be a federal holiday. Correct. Move President's Day. Abraham Lincoln's dead. He won't care. I promise. He probably would have been a big football fan.

Teaching your kids to enjoy alcohol responsibly makes you a good father

Real take? I don't give a fuck. This is the most common thing ever... It's actually like teaching your kids how to enjoy alcohol responsibly is probably a really good father. So it's not like a novelty when they get to age 17 and they're just like butt funneling mad dogs.

You can't take a shit at a friend's house if the bathroom is less than 30 'bathroom feet' away

It's actually a formula that you multiply the number of bathrooms times the feet from the couch to the bathroom. And if it's anything under 30, then you can't take a shit there. So if there's a bathroom 20 feet away from the couch, but there's only one bathroom in the whole house, you can't do it.

I hate the new NBA All-Star Game captain draft format

They're now making the all-star game where two captains pick the teams, which I fucking hate. I hate when they do this. My brain can't figure it out. I can't figure this shit out when you switch it all, when you swap it all off. They did it with the Pro Bowl, and Pro Bowl's never been the same.

Wisconsin is a perennial threat to win the national title

As everyone knows, Wisconsin's perennial threat to win the national title. So that's probably Nick Saban just trying to take out his number one rival. Take out Wisconsin. Wisconsin Badgers.

Fat is coming back as a trend and Brooklyn will lead the way

Fat is coming back. And good news for you. The first place that it's going to come back, place at the forefront of all these trends, is Brooklyn. You know, like back in the day, if you were fat, it meant that you were well fed and that you could take care of yourself.

Golf does not belong in the Olympics

I'll tell you one thing I think is ridiculous is all this Olympics and golf... to me, the Olympics does – it's not golf. If you're a golfer... it just seems silly. You want to win the British Open, you want to win the Masters, you want to win the U.S. Open... nobody cares about the Olympics. It's track and field, it's weight lifting, it's swimming.