Takes

Clayton Kershaw is the greatest postseason pitcher of all time

Clayton Kershaw has the most wins in my book of any starter in the last 25 years since the wild card came around. So yeah, he's he might be the best postseason pitcher out there of all time.

I am rooting for the Houston Astros to make everyone angry

I'm a hundred percent rooting for the Astros. It would make so many people angry... so many Yankee fans angry and so many Dodger [fans]... it would make so many people angry that I think we have to root for that.

Clayton Kershaw will have an epic meltdown in the playoffs

Are you telling me that you're not going to root for an epic Clayton Kershaw meltdown in the playoffs?

Small ball needs to come back to baseball

There's they need to bring back small ball. Nobody's playing small ball anymore. I sound like my grandfather... You get on first base, it's easy to steal second base. You get a seeing-eye single here and there, bring that shit back. Small ball wins. That's what it's all about. You got to zig while everybody else zags. No more bunts.

I love Joe West because he thinks he is bigger than baseball

If you can't find the humor in Joe West stopping the game, telephoning up and kicking the GM from the suite out of the game, you got a fucking dump in your pants. ... I'm in favor of Joe West doing whatever the fuck he wants. In fact, I think Joe West has got a little soft in his old age. ... I would like to see more Joe West involved in these games.

Mystery teams in MLB trade rumors are never actually real

I don't think these mystery teams ever real. Swooping in last-second franchise mode... I guess the mystery team is now the front-runner.

The Cubs should win the World Series if they are the only team without a COVID positive

I feel like every single team has had positives actually except for the Cubs. Shout out the Cubs. They should probably win it if the Cubs are the only team that don't get a Corona positive do they win the title? Yes, right.

Rob Manfred has been a total debacle in handling MLB's return

Rob Manfred being like I'm gonna threaten you guys if you don't start following the rules, we're going to cancel the league... he just has to be Rob Manfred has to go to bed every single night... he pulls out his Roger Goodell voodoo doll and starts poking it with pins being like, please fuck this up Goodell, please fuck this up because if you fuck this up, no one will give a shit.

Mets GM Brodie Van Wagenen intentionally leaked that Yoenis Cespedes was missing to spite him

He knew that Cespedes packed up his shit and left because he was opting out but he used to be Cespedes's Agent and so he's pissed that Yoenis ended up signing with Roc Nation. And so now he's like feeding all this shit into the media... first thought if somebody just ditches the Mets you don't immediately suspect that they're dead.

The Houston Astros have to expect to be hit by pitches for a while

But if there were someone to get beaned in the head to be the Astros... the Astros also have to kind of expect if bad things are going to probably happen to him for a little bit of time.

I thought the Mets would be the first team to have a massive COVID outbreak

I would have bet my ball sack it was going to be the Mets that would have all their players infected in every other team be fine. So that's actually saying what about my ball sack? Yeah... I'm shocked that it's the Marlins.

The 60-game MLB season 'on pace' stats are going to be electric

The on pace oh I for the 60 Game season is going to be electric. It sucks though, because not as many people are doing the on pace tweets... like Bryce Harper's on pace for 350 RBIs.

MLB players will fight more this year because they can hear trash talk in empty stadiums

I think there might be more tempers flaring because you can hear every slight every you remark that is said in an empty Stadium. I really want the broadcast to turn off the pumpkin crowd noise when there's a manager argument with the Umpire.

Dr. Fauci's first pitch was almost good because of how terrible it was

I actually think first pitches either be terrible or be incredible. I don't think Dr. Fauci had incredible in him. Might as well just go terrible. It was almost good how bad it was.

There is no chance the MLB's plan for reopening works

I think it's time to have an honest conversation about MLB's plan for reopening. There's no chance that it works. I've reached a point where I'm just like I've given up.

Playing in empty stadiums will minimize the value of home field advantage

I think it's going to minimize the value of home field. Generally you get a lot of adrenaline and momentum when you're coming back in a game or when you're in a big situation and your home crowd is going crazy. So it's going to kind of level that out.

Scott Boras effectively runs the MLB players' union

He [Scott Boras] can plead ignorance all he wants... he makes all sorts of ridiculous claims about... it doesn't matter which agency you're actually with, I run the union [MLBPA] anyways, you're going to have to deal with me.

I am a better pitcher than Curt Schilling was through age 28

I find it really fun to just position a position where like you're [Curt Schilling] either worse than me or you have to admit that advanced stuff matters. I'm better than him with certain regular stats at this point in my career through 28 years old.

The 60-game 2020 season is Mike Trout's best chance to finally make the playoffs

Mike Trout feels like he might opt out... doesn't this feel like the one chance Mike Trout has to go to the playoffs a 16-game season [meant 60]... you could just get hot for a couple months and maybe go to the playoffs and now he's just throwing that out the window.

Taking deferred money like Bobby Bonilla is a better deal than a lump sum payment.

Bobby Bonilla has an awesome contract... the more MLB TV rights deals start to come in, the more you're seeing players push off and say, 'yeah, I'll take some deferred money coming down the line.' It's a good deal. It's like when that scratch-off 'Millions for Life' or whatever it is... I would absolutely take a deal like that instead of giving me all the money straight up.

MLB owners hide revenue by investing in ancillary businesses like hotels and RSNs

What each franchise does is somewhat of a secret... you have ancillary revenue streams that are being created that under the rules they do not them to be a part of Revenue sharing some investing in hotels and restaurants and casinos... I'll pay my team 75 million for that $300,000,000 right [for the RSN], I'll own the RSN and I'll keep that money at the RSN so I don't have to share with my other owners.

I am very concerned about the physical toll on relievers during a 60-game season

What I'm most concerned about is through the bullpen. Because the frequency of use, the demands on them... the starting pitcher has to come out earlier... they are the backstop they are the in line for whatever irregularities occur in a game and it is those men that I have the greatest concern about.

A 2020 World Series title for the Mets would deserve four asterisks

Mets huge huge asterisks for four asterisks for what if they win the World Series.

The new Rangers stadium looks like a cheap Home Depot shed

it looks like a cheap shed that you buy at Home Depot to like keep your garbage cans so that the raccoons don't get it... it looks like a toolbox that you would see in the back of your most sunburned neighbors truck.

Theo Epstein is a genius for not trading Kyle Schwarber because he knew a pandemic and 60-game season were coming

Theo Epstein is a fucking genius. He knew that we were gonna have a pandemic and then a 60-game season and that's why I didn't trade Kyle Schwarber in 2016.

Hitting a baseball is the hardest single thing to do in all of sports

Hitting a round ball going a hundred miles an hour feels like it's harder than hitting a tennis ball with the racket. You always hear... the hardest thing to do in sports is to hit a baseball. I've heard it enough that I believe it.

Barry Bonds is the greatest baseball player of all time, regardless of steroids

Barry Bonds is the best baseball player of all time. I have no problems on fine without I don't care if you want to throw in steroids, whatever you want to say that you can't erase that you can't take that away that he was... the best baseball player of all time 100%.

Jose Altuve was clearly acting shady during his 2019 walk-off celebration

I remember watching it... and Going something's and this is before any of the there was even a whiff of the cheating scandal and I thought something was really bizarre about his behavior after that walk off... Greatest moment of his career and he tells he doesn't want to take his shirt off because his wife is shy.

George W. Bush should have been the Commissioner of Baseball

There was a writer who suggested that they bring George W. Bush back to be the commissioner of baseball, which I think should have been his job from the get-go. He should have never gotten the ball. He should have just he would have dominated being a commissioner of baseball. There have been no fucking tie in an All-Star Game, there have been no lockout if George W. Bush was commish.

MLB owners should take a financial loss this season to save the sport's long-term future

The owners will be making money forever. If they had any kind of foresight, the idea here would be take a loss this season but save the baseball season and dominate the ratings. This is the Long play: lose some money this year, but keep baseball going... instead they're taking the short-term approach, the dumb approach.

A 50-game MLB season will result in an asterisk for whoever wins the World Series

I think we're all resigned to the fact that it's going to be 50 Game season, which will result in an asterisk on whoever wins this world series unless it's the Nationals or the Cubs or the Red Sox.

Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, and Roger Clemens should all be in the Hall of Fame

Everyone was doing it one, you can't tell me that Barry Bonds isn't a fucking Hall of Famer or Sammy Sosa isn't a fucking Hall of Famer, Roger [Clemens]—like all these guys should be in the Hall of Fame.

For many players, using steroids was simply a 'business decision'

This is a business decision and you've got to—you got to—you got to think about a few things here... am I okay with being able to look the man in the mirror... look my friends, family, fans, whatever. Can I look them in the eye and be okay with making that decision? And if at the end of the day, you can check all three of those boxes, that's a business decision regardless of who's in front of you.

MLB owners are stalling to play the smallest amount of games possible in 2020

We're going to play games so that we can get the TV money, but we're going to play the smallest amount possible. Because this is all about a business decision from the owners' perspective. So we're going to play the minimum available. 50 games.

Managing will be more important than ever in a 50-game season

This will be interesting because this will probably be the hardest season for a manager and the most that managing will come into play a game to game because like you said, first sign of trouble we got to win this game. It's not going to be like a Sunday in the middle of July where you hey, we can let's get the fuck out of Cincinnati we can lose this game and recoup tomorrow.

Baseball fans who claim they are done with MLB are lying and will be back next summer

I see people saying that if baseball doesn't happen, they're going to lose me as a fan. How? I'm still going to—you gonna do next? I'm gonna be pissed off, don't get me wrong... But what are you going to do next summer? Like there's nothing you could—Hank's doing the crossing. I love when people make this Line in the Sand where like they lost me at '94, they're going to lose me again. What are you gonna do in July?

A 50-game MLB season is too short to weed out the bad teams

I think 50 would be exciting, but it also would be maddening to watch a team... 50 games is tough. 70-80, I think you can weed out. You'll still have a couple teams where you can point to and say there's no way they would have lasted an entire season.

Lenny Dykstra's reputation is so bad that it is now a legal asset

Lenny Dykstra, it was ruled by an actual court of law in the United States that you cannot libel Lenny Dykstra because his reputation is already so bad that you can't make it worse... He shot the moon with his reputation. It's become so bad that it's actually an asset.

MLB owners are bluffing about canceling the season to force a better deal

I keep going back to the fact that it feels like the owners are okay threatening this year not having baseball, and that tells you everything. Because if they are, that means that they're probably not losing as much money as they're claiming they're going to lose. They're just trying to get a good deal.

MLB players are right to stand by their collectively bargained contracts

I don't expect you to have pity for the players. This isn't about pity, but it's still about right and wrong. And if we have a contract and the contract has been collectively bargained... All right. Well, I already gave you half of it back [for games not played], and now I'm going to go honor my contract, and you want me to take half less again. Well, that's bullshit.

Baseball faces a lack of interest if the 2020 season is canceled

If they stare each other down and nobody blinks and then the whole season dissolves in the midst of this... Like people are just going to say to baseball, hey, man, no one cares. We had nothing. You guys could have filled the void. You didn't because you fought about money. Now we've got all this other stuff. Have fun being over there and us not caring about it.

Billionaire MLB owners should pay for their own rosters instead of asking for player concessions

Billionaires should pay for their own fucking rosters. It's also crazy because... there's no salary cap in baseball. So now you're saying there's going to be a salary cap for one year? ... I'm not going to be someone who being like, players, you have to take less just because the guys are saying that they're, the people in charge are saying they're losing money, even though they won't tell you how they're losing money.

The NC Dinos are officially the podcast's KBO team

So the NC Dinos, that's going to be our team. They actually have a nice logo, too. Some good colors... we got in on the ground floor here. We are the number one NC Dinos podcast.

I want the 2020 MLB season to be as weird and different as possible

If this season is going to be weird make it really fucking weird... I love this idea that they're going to restructure how the divisions are... it would be so disappointing if they did a shortened baseball season and nothing was different.

Baseball should not outlaw spitting due to coronavirus concerns

Spitting needs to stay. It's the only place in America where a guy could just go outside and spit non-stop for like four hours and nobody says shit to him... isn't it better to be spitting all your germs out? If you have a handgun and you're constantly firing off rounds into the ground you're way less likely to accidentally shoot somebody. So we should actually be encouraging more spitting.

MLB should use completely random divisions if they play a shortened season

I'm actually all for this because it's going to be such a weird season anyway. If they play a shortened season that why not have just completely random divisions and have it beat something totally different where we always look back and I'm like, oh, yeah, that was the season that the Cubs were in the same division as the Giants.

A-Rod used to buy three custom suits for every rookie on his team to teach them how to dress in the big leagues

A-Rod every year would buy every new player on the team, every rookie who was coming up, three new custom-made suits... he'd take them to his tailor, he'd buy them three suits and say 'this is how you have to dress, you're in the big leagues now kid.'

Chris Sale's Tommy John surgery timing is actually good for the Red Sox

I feel like it's a good thing because the MLB season probably never going to happen. So he's going to be able to basically get a free year. He's going to get all the rest and recovery he needs.

The Milwaukee Brewers logo is the best in sports because of the hidden 'MB'

My favorite logo and all sports is though. It's a little bit more complicated the Brewers logo... It's got the middle. In there. Yeah. It's got the letters m and b hmm that blew my mind.

Any competent MLB team should sign Tim Tebow as a lucky charm mascot

Any competent major league baseball team would know that they need to bring Tim Tebow into their Clubhouse for their Major League Squad... He's like a walking breathing circumcising rally monkey.