Takes

The urge for a glass of milk to wash down cookies is an unstoppable force that justifies breaking MLB bubble protocols.

If you get it in your head that you need a glass of milk, you have to go get a glass of milk. If you get in your head that you're thirsty and you need milk to wash down Oreos, guess what you're going to do? Come hell or high water, you're going to go get some fucking milk.

A baseball field is like international waters with no rules

As far as I can tell... a baseball field is like international waters where there are no rules.

Derek Jeter was only the second-best shortstop on the Yankees

Second best shortstop on that Yankees team. Behind A-Rod.

The Phillies losing Game 2 was a 'better way to lose' than a bad loss because they showed fight

I would much rather see go down like that than if they were to roll over. It's not a good loss. It was a bad loss... but the team showed enough fight to win that game. The Braves just played better in the ninth. I would rather see [that].

The Chicago Cubs are the most maddening and frustrating team I've ever watched

My fire fest is the Chicago cups. They're the most maddening team, frustrating team I've ever watched. They just want to toy with everyone's hearts and they win one game, lose one game, lose two games. Don't score for a week. Then they look awesome... I am at the point where I'm just I don't even know what I want anymore.

It is better to watch the Yankees lose late in the playoffs than in the Wild Card game

I'm going to disagree on the fact that you're glad they lost tonight because it's going to be so much better to watch them lose two games or three games.

Chris Davis's hitless streak is actually fun to watch

Do you feel bad for Chris Davis, who is now 0 for 53? [PFT]: No, because it's so much fun to watch. And if the Orioles were going to be a threat to do anything this year, then maybe I would be. But he's helping them.

Giancarlo Stanton will suffer a massive slump after winning the Home Run Derby

Thoughts and prayers for Giancarlo Stanton's swing. He won the home run derby. So everyone knows here comes the slump. You can't win the home run... sorry, man. You're going to have a really bad second half.

I don't watch the game if the ball is out of the infield because of my bad eyes

I don't sit in bleacher seats. That's what the common people say... I have bad eyes, so I can't see that far. If it's out of the infield, I don't see it. I have to listen to the crowd.

Major League Baseball is better when the Dodgers are disappointed

The Major League Baseball is better when the Dodgers are good. That's what people always say. I don't really believe that. I like Los Angelinos to be very disappointed in all their sports because they have everything else.

MLB's transparent pants are a clever way for the league to stay relevant

This was smart by the MLB. 'Cause we're talking about him. Way to stay relevant baseball. Just make some shitty uniforms that have everyone's balls showing.

I only enjoy watching baseball when my team is on offense

What I said was... I like when my team is on offense, and I don't like when my team is on defense. [It's because] in the short series, every [pitch] is so important. You lose one and you're just back that much.

Tim Tebow will be in the Major Leagues later this year

The Mets have such bad injuries that [Tim] Tebow is just going to be on the Mets. He's going to be in the major leagues later on this year.

Every MLB free agent contract is technically an overpay but it doesn't matter without a salary cap

If the roles were reversed, you would be so over the moon about this. And yes, every contract free agent contract in MLB history is an overpay because you're paying for past accomplishments and who cares? There's no salary cap. It's not your money.

A modern hitter will never hit .400 again because of the prevalence of specialized relief pitchers.

No, I don't think [hitting .400] is [going to happen again]. I think there's too much specialty in pitching... You've got a guy, a lot of the three, four, five starters, you get five innings... Then they bring in a guy that's making probably $6 million a year to pitch the sixth, maybe the seventh.

George Steinbrenner was the greatest owner in sports history

Best owner ever. I had the utmost respect because I don't think I've ever seen an owner that wants to win as much as George Steinbrenner wanted to win. Like, literally, we played 162 games. I really think that he wanted us to win 162 games, like not one loss.

A no-hitter with 19 strikeouts and one hit batter should be considered a 'perfect game'

I actually think that if you throw 19 strikeouts and you hit one guy and throw a no-hitter, that is the perfect game. [Big Cat]: I think they had a error as well. [PFT]: Unbelievable. For 19 strikeouts. Awesome.

The Chicago Cubs' 2025 trade deadline was a disaster with no clear plan.

Cubs Trade deadline recap... They got no plan. They got a bunch of rental arms. A super utility man. Which I like that. That's cool... But it feels like Kyle Tucker will not be resigned. The Cubs had, they, they traded a prospect, a really good pro prospect in Cam Smith for Kyle Tucker... And then they did nothing at the trade deadline. And they're holding onto prospects and then they're probably not gonna sign Kyle Tucker... it's a disaster.

Hitting a home run foul is a sign that the batter will likely strike out later in that plate appearance

If anybody ever hits a foul homer during that bat, they're fucked the rest of that bat. ... There's three options from that point on: it's another homer, which is like a small percentage, or a punch out or a walk, and the punch out is the highest percentage there. ... You're like, 'Damn it, that was my one chance. I'm fucked.'

The Yankees are actually better without Derek Jeter

Kind of strange how the Yankees started winning after [Jeter] retired. Are the Yankees better without Derek Jeter?

I side with Mets manager Mickey Callaway for trying to fight a reporter who made a passive-aggressive comment

I actually kind of side with Mickey Callaway here... the Newsday reporter said 'see you tomorrow,' which is the classic like 'oh half day move' that the asshole in the office pulls when you're taking it off early. You're being an ironic asshole. I think that would piss me off. I have Mickey Callaway's back there.

Playing in Houston, Boston, and New York takes a greater physical and mental toll on players than other cities

Games in Houston, Boston, New York, playing in the places like that, where you feel like the team's, the pressure's constantly on and the fans are on top of you and it's hot. Those take a little more outta you.

The 'Player to be Named Later' in baseball trades is enticing because it sounds like they could be anyone, even a Hall of Famer

But the player to be named later, it sounds really enticing. It's like, that guy could be fucking awesome. Could be anyone. Yeah, could be a Hall of Famer.

I have never been as wowed by home runs as I was watching Aaron Judge at the Derby

I have never been wowed by home runs like I was... Aaron Judge's home runs made me just sit there like holy shit. How can a human being look so effortless and hit the ball 500 feet?

Raimel Tapia is the one hitter who has completely owned me throughout my career

Raimel Tapia for a while. I think last time I faced him was 2023 maybe in Milwaukee. And I, I swear to you, I think it was like he's hitting 600 off me, like 12 for like 20... I'm like, oh, at least I'd never give up a home run to him. Give up a home run to him that day. So, considerable is an understatement, I think if you ask me.

Derek Jeter will be a successful executive if given five years to fix the Marlins, and I would not bet against him.

Give [Derek Jeter] five years before passing judgment because he walked into a very difficult situation. Here's a five-time world champion, a Hall of Famer—Jeter is going to be just fine. I would not bet against Mr. Jeter.

The Red Sox Apple Watch scandal is good for baseball because it fuels the Yankees rivalry

Baseball needs rivalries. Red Sox-Yankees has been simmering. This kind of brings it up a notch.

The new MLB rules have made baseball watchable again

Overall, I think that what they've done is they've turned baseball into a game that more people will Congrats. We did it. We made baseball watchable again.

Derek Jeter will not last five years as Marlins owner

I'm being told by some other people I know in baseball... We don't think Jeter lasts the five years. We think that the owners and investors have a pressure on him.

Removing human umpires from baseball takes away 50% of the reason to watch

I do worry as always that when you take away umps, you, you take away like 50% of the conversations guys can have with each other. And that goes for refs and, and everything in sports. If you can't complain about the calls, what are we gonna talk about? It'd basically be like putting a ban on no discussion about the weather.

Mark Walter might be the best owner in all of sports

This guy might be the best owner in all of sports because afterwards... Yamamoto was a good bet because of his age... He trusts the evaluations... I just tell them, yes. That's what an owner should do. He has really smart baseball people and he just says yes.

I want Brody Brecht to be the biggest bust in MLB history after he was selected for the All-Star game over Ranger Suárez

I now hate this guy. I now want this guy to be the biggest bust in MLB history. Ranger Suárez has a 1.94 in 13 games... How do you possibly look at that and be like, this guy is more deserving than Ranger Suárez? It makes no sense.

Hitting a home run is the ultimate way to beat the shift

You learn the rules of baseball because isn't hitting a home run beating the shift every single time? You just actually blew my mind. You beat the shift when you hit a home run over everyone.

The Rangers' hazing incident where a teammate was 'jerked off' is just standard locker room talk

I know that a lot of people are like, wow, that's horrific, but guess what? That's locker room talk. That's guys just jerking each other off. What else are you supposed to do? How am I supposed to know that you have my back when we're playing a baseball game if I've never jerked you off?

The Baltimore Orioles have the best color scheme and logo in all of baseball

Orioles sneaky have like the best color scheme in baseball... and logo.

Aroldis Chapman's ankle will be swollen and he will feel the injury in Game 7

Tomorrow it's going to swell. [Chapman] is going to feel it. He's probably, I don't know, maybe he's got some recovery water... but tomorrow it's going to swell. He's going to feel it.