Takes

Steph Curry throwing his mouthguard at a fan is assault and battery

It's assault, right? Like, let's be honest. It's assault. Steph Curry, I mean, he's an NBA player... he's a professional athlete, probably has some sort of communicable STD, getting hit with that mouth guard. That is grounds for lawsuit. That's assault. I believe it's also battery.

David Stern is still secretly pulling the strings of the NBA behind the scenes

Adam Silver's not. Adam Silver cleaned up the league... Meanwhile David Stern is behind the scenes suspending Draymond Green and getting these ratings... he's the master puppet and I love it.

Draymond Green missed LeBron James' testicles because LeBron is on steroids

Draymond threw a punch directly into the groin and didn't make contact with LeBron James' nuts... steroids, common side effect, shrink the testicles. making them harder to hit, harder to locate. So I think that the fact that Draymond... didn't make contact... that is a major red flag. And if I'm Adam Silver, I'm personally walking a piss cup into the Cavaliers' locker room and making LeBron James urinate into it.

Steph Curry is playing poorly because he is addicted to opioids

I think that Steph Curry, he got hurt and he got put on some pain medicine... Now he's off the pain medicine. He's off the Vicodin and he's addicted to opioids now. And so like he can't – He's got like a vicious hangover. He can't find a stroke because his arms are shaking.

The Cavaliers will lose the 2016 NBA Finals in six games

The series hasn't started yet... real talk... they're going to lose in six.

The NBA will give the Cavs the 'David Stern treatment' with favorable officiating in Game 4

I think they're going to win game four. And I think we're going to get another David Stern treatment where they'll get some calls. And game five and six, the Warriors will punish them.

The Cavaliers are officially dead after Game 2 of the NBA Finals

The Cavaliers are officially dead. I feel confident about this time. I've done this before, and I had to eat some crow... because the Cavaliers have been blown out now two times.

The Golden State Warriors are better off without Steph Curry

I've seen enough and I know enough that if you take Steph out of the Warriors, they're just as good, if not better. [They haven't said his name] all series because he's been on the bench all series.

The Cavaliers are finished in the 2016 NBA Finals

Cavs, done or finished. It's looking pretty bad, man. I actually thought they were going to win tonight. It's looking pretty bad. I'm going to say they're finished.

LeBron James lacks grit because he peaked in high school

LeBron has no grit, but it's not from his own – it's not his own fault... I think that LeBron's just been screwed over. Like I said, the guy peaked in high school and... he was back in, like, 11th, 12th grade being put in the center of the universe.

LeBron James would be a better player if he had gone to college

I think maybe if LeBron James had gone to college, he would be a better player. What do you learn in college? You learn how to make new friends and how to trust other people. LeBron has some trouble with that.

LeBron James peaked in high school

I'll be the first to say it. LeBron James peaked in high school. There it is. Boom.

We need to stop talking about Shaun Livingston's knee injury because it was a decade ago

At what point can we just move on from the Shaun Livingston knee issue? It's been, I don't know, six, seven years. He's been totally fine for a really long time... I just want people to stop with Sean Livingston's stuff. He had a knee injury 10 years ago. Knees grow back by then.

Warriors in 7 over the Cavaliers

Warriors in 7. In a heartbreaker in Oracle Arena. It's going to be a heartbreaker.

Kevin Durant is the Dan Marino of the NBA

Is it fair to say that Kevin Durant is potentially like the Dan Marino of the NBA? You got to start having that conversation, though. Like, is he the best player that will never win a championship?

The Cavaliers will not lose another home game as long as I leave my wallet in the arena

The Cleveland Cavaliers have not lost a game since I left my wallet in the Q... My wallet's going to be in there until the end of the finals and then I'll get it back because I think my wallet has actually helped the Cavs. So if I keep the wallet there, the Cavs aren't going to lose a home game.

The Thunder will smoke the Warriors in Game 6

I think the Thunder are going to smoke the Warriors in game six.

The Warriors' season is over

The Warriors are dead. They're in the grave, man. It's done. It's done. Three to one. They're going back to Oakland. They're not looking like the same team.

You don't need an MCL to shoot a basketball

Last time I checked, you don't score with your MCL. You score with your hands and your eyes. What did they teach you when you were learning to shoot? Balance, eyes, elbow, follow through. It's not beef and call. There's no MCL in there.

I expect the NBA Finals to be Thunder vs. Cavaliers

I think it's going to be Thunder, Cavs in the finals. But if there's two teams that can disrupt that, it's the Raptors and the Warriors.

Steph Curry is too fragile for the NBA and needs to add 30 pounds

The scouts were right. He's too fragile to play in the NBA. Needs to add another 20, 30 pounds to his frame this offseason.

The Thunder are the best team in the league when Durant and Westbrook click on the same night

When they [Durant and Westbrook] do that, you can't beat them... They, at some point, will click on the exact same night, and they're the best team in the league.

LeBron James will eventually injure himself while flopping

He's going to flop at some point and do that extra thing that he does and turn his ankle during the flop. And at that point, is it a flop anymore? It's going to be amazing. That's all I'm rooting for now is I want LeBron to hurt himself while he's flopping.

LeBron James will dominate Game 4 against the Raptors and rip their hearts out

LeBron is going to come out in game four and he is going to rip the heart out of the Toronto Raptors... what he's going to do is he's going to step on their throats, and Drake is going to be crying at the bench... this is a LeBron James game, game four.

The Cavaliers are Kyrie Irving's team now

I'm going to go out on a limb and say the Cavaliers are Kyrie Irving's team now... Kyrie's awesome. He put up more shots, had more points. I think it's safe to say this is Kyrie Irving's team. And he is the missing ingredient that was not there last year in the finals.

The Raptors are a disgrace to basketball and to Canada

The Raptors are just a disgrace, disgrace to basketball, disgrace to Canada... I don't want to be in the Eastern Conference Finals if you get swept like this.

The Cavaliers will sweep the Raptors

It's going to be a sweep. I don't think the Raptors can steal one in Toronto even.

The Cavs vs. Raptors series is already over after Game 1

The series is going to be brutal to watch. Maybe the Raptors play close for four quarters in Toronto for one game, but I don't even give them that. It's I mean, the Cavs are locked in. They're on a different level right now. So this this is this series is over as far as I'm concerned.

The Phoenix Mercury will be very tough to beat and the Sky won't beat them if they meet in the finals

I do think that the [Phoenix] Mercury are going to be very, very tough to beat. If the [Chicago] Sky go up against them again in the finals, I'm not liking the Sky's chances.

The 2017 NBA Finals will be the Wizards vs. the Warriors, with the Wizards winning in six games

I got the Wizards because John Wall and Kevin Durant are going to be tough to defend. So I got the Wizards going up again. I'm going to say the Warriors make it back again. Wizards, Warriors, Wizards in six.

The 2017 NBA Finals will be the Cavs vs. the Lakers, with the Lakers winning in seven games

I got Cavs, Lakers, Lakers in seven. [Because] KD is going to the Lakers. And Dwight Howard's going back to the Lakers.

The 2017 NBA Finals will be the Celtics vs. the Warriors

I got Celtics and Warriors. Kevin Durant and Isaiah Thomas are going to be a serious force to be reckoned with.

Kevin Love is the best player of all time because he is 12-0 in the playoffs

People forget that Kevin Love is undefeated in the NBA playoffs... He's undefeated. 12-0. The Cavs literally never lost with Kevin Love. Kevin Love has literally never lost in the playoffs. He's maybe the best player of all time.

Does LeBron James have the it factor and the clutch gene?

My question is, does LeBron have the it factor? I don't think people are talking about this enough. He's won a couple championships, but the years that he won it, was he really the it guy? Did he really have that clutch gene?

The Golden State Warriors offense works better without Steph Curry

Now I'm starting to hear reporters out West saying that the, that the Warriors function in like a more smooth offense. Now that Steph Curry's gone... they're like, you know, there are elements of this offense that work better without them.

LeBron James has been doing steroids since the day he was born

Steph Curry's hurt, Chris Paul's hurt, Blake Griffin's hurt, you know who's never missed the playoff game? LeBron James. But LeBron James has always been huge. ... Always has been doing steroids probably since the day he was born. I've never seen a more clear steroid case in my life than LeBron James.

Russell Westbrook is an All-Star, not a NBA Superstar

Westbrook? All-star. I agree with [Mark] Cuban. Not a superstar. My criteria for superstar is a superstar has at least like 10 million Chinese people wearing their shoes.

Anthony Davis is a bum because he can't get a date on Tinder

Anthony Davis? He's a bum. He's a bum right now. Did you see him on the thing with Tinder? He was saying he couldn't get a date. Now let me ask this: does an all-star, a star, a superstar ever not be able to get a date? Anthony Davis is a bum.

Jimmy Butler is a bad leader and a bum

Jimmy Butler is an all-star, but he's also – he's got a couple bum qualities in him that have pissed me off. ... He's an all-star who thinks he's a superstar, which then makes that part of his brain bum-like. ... He is the leader of the Bulls now, yes, but he's a bad leader. ... All right, fine. He's a bum star.

The Golden State Warriors are better without Steph Curry

I think the Golden State Warriors are a better basketball team without Steph Curry. Thompson can really shine now.

Stanley Johnson is actually in LeBron James' head by making LeBron think he's crazy

So you're thinking LeBron has probably read this and was like – like laughed it off, like, ha, ha, ha, ha, Stanley Johnson thinks he's in my head. And then there was a quick pause, and he's like, uh – maybe he is. I don't know.

Matthew Dellavedova could make the roster of most NHL teams

I will say that Matt Dellavedova could probably make the roster of most NHL players, but he's probably the only NBA player that I think could cross over into the other sport.

The NBA's new hustle stats are just a way for Matthew Dellavedova's agent to get him a big payday

Basically it's like—it's Matthew Dellavedova's agent coming up with these stats to try to get Delly a big payday this offseason. Just being in somebody's face for a shot is now a stat.

The 2016 Warriors will win the NBA title

The Golden State Warriors won their 72nd game last night against the Spurs. So now they are an all-time team. Unless they don't win the title. If they don't win the title, then it really doesn't matter. But we all kind of assume they will win the title.

The UConn women's basketball team would be a 3-5 point favorite over the Philadelphia 76ers

I think that the – well, yeah, [UConn women] are going to win, and I think that the spread against the Sixers, they'd be like three to five-point favorites, depending if it was in UConn or if it was being played in Philly.

Villanova would beat the Philadelphia 76ers

So yeah, I Villanova, I'd take Villanova over the Sixers.

Matthew Dellavedova is a better player than Kyrie Irving

Deli is better than Kyrie. How does your starting point guard only have four assists when the team scores 124? Kyrie is more worried about his brand than actually winning.

Coaches collapse during games for motivation or to avoid accountability

Tony Bennett made the mistake of doing it when his team's up. You're supposed to do it when it's down so that even if you lose, people can't be like, oh, that coach sucks... I think that every single time my team got down big in a big game, I just collapsed... and then if you lose, everyone's like, wow, man, I can't believe like he just collapsed and he kept on coaching.

Ivy League schools shouldn't be allowed to participate in March Madness

All these rich pricks that think they're better than everyone they shouldn't get this experience. No, it's a state school experience only... You fucking Ivy League kids should not get to participate in March Madness.

Cincinnati will beat St. Joe's because they are too big and physical

I think Cincinnati, too big and too physical for St. Joe's. St. Joe's wants to play on the perimeter. Cincinnati will beat you up physically. They're not going to wow you with their jump-shooting ability, but I think they'll be able to get easy buckets. So I like Cincinnati in that game, laying the 2, 2.5.