Takes

LeBron James has the prototypical NBA body, not a super jacked one

LeBron's a big, strong guy, but he's not like... I feel like people think he's just jacked from head to toe, and I feel like he's got big shoulders. He's got the prototypical NBA body, like a smaller chest, skinny waist, and big arms.

People who think Michael Jordan is better than LeBron James have a real basketball mind

people that love Jordan, it makes it obvious that you're just into the memes and that sort of thing. And those are the people that side with LeBron. That's how I know who actually has a basketball mind. Oh, you're going to do that? Like LeBron. Yeah, if you think Jordan's better, that's cool. Listen, you're going to like Jordan. It just tells me where you're at intellectually on a basketball level.

If Kevin Durant and LeBron James switched teams, the Warriors would still sweep the Finals

I think the Warriors win the title and sweep in the finals.

If the Blazers had drafted Kevin Durant over Greg Oden, they still wouldn't have won any titles and KD would have left anyway

if they take KD [in Portland]... then they don't win any titles, and then he leaves. How is KD's situation in Portland any different than what it was in OKC? It wasn't. He still wouldn't have won any titles. He would have left. That's my two cents on that.

No one in sports has it better than Steph Curry right now

It's actually a perfect, no one has it better in sports than Steph Curry right now. [He invites superstars to his team], Philly will love Joel Embiid more than they will love LeBron. And LeBron will take all the heat if things go south.

Kobe Bryant is not the GOAT and he thinks he's too smart

I'm a big Lakers fan, but I don't think Kobe's the GOAT. Kobe bugs the shit out of him. He thinks he's so smart. That's what really bugs me, is he thinks he's really smart.

John Stockton was the hardest player I ever had to guard

He reminds me of when I played against John Stockton and I tried to do the same thing [trash talk] and John Stockton always overlooked me. And that was a big problem for me because he never paid attention. ... Him and Karl Malone was going through the pick and rolls. That's tiring for a guy to do that all night long and try to continue to guard him.

The 1996 Sonics were just as good as the 72-win Bulls

I don't think they [1996 Bulls] were the best team of all time. We was pretty damn good our goddamn self. ... I mean, we had won, what, they won 72, we won 64? ... I think that Sonics team, we won zero plus five years in a row yeah five years in a row.

Dikembe Mutombo has the worst feet in NBA history

You know, I used to watch his [Shaq's] feet a lot. ... have you seen the Dikembe Mutombo feet? That's the worst.

Chris Paul's shimmy was disrespectful to the game of basketball

When I say it was disrespectful, it wasn't disrespectful to Steph Curry. It was disrespectful to the game of basketball that he did it because they're friends. And so he did it like as a playful thing. I don't like that. I don't like playful jousting. You've got to hate the other men.

The Golden State Warriors are now Klay Thompson's team

It's Klay's team now. It has to be his team.

If Brad Stevens loses the series to the Cavs, it is one of the all-time choke jobs

I mean, if [Brad Stevens] loses the series, you've got to chalk that up as one of the all-time choke jobs, right, Hank?

James Harden looks like he is on designer drugs every playoffs

I don't understand how this is supposed to be different, and then [James Harden] goes to another playoffs and looks like he's taking some weird designer drug the entire playoffs... he looks like he's playing in quicksand.

The Cavaliers and Warriors series features the weirdest bodies in peak sports

If you had [the Warriors and Rockets] all take off their shirts you'd be like i don't know are these guys peak athletes... Eric Gordon has a full on gut and it, he has like the under armpit fat... Kevin Durant's got that body where you can't even press 135 pounds.

Brad Stevens and Danny Ainge are better than LeBron at coaching and management

Brad Stevens is so much better of a coach than LeBron. But at the end of the day, LeBron, like, you don't want to get into Game 7 against LeBron. But Danny Ainge is a better GM than LeBron... Brad Stevens and Danny Ainge are better than LeBron coach and GM.

Riley Curry is a fraud for not facing the media after a loss

My problem with Riley [Curry] is she's always the first one to show up after a big win, and she never steps to the podium and faces the music after a loss... Like a fucking coward. Like a fraud. Riley Curry's a fraud.

I am a full-blown Manalytics guy now

I have to say, boys, I hate to do it, but I'm going to give a little hat tip to Colin Cowherd. Because I am a full-blown Manalytics guy now. It's all Manalytics in the playoffs.

James Harden needs to get in shape

James Harden, he played his heart out in the first half... when is that guy going to get in shape? Because he was running – he was doing what I do... When I get really gassed and I just pass the ball and then stand as far away from the hoop as possible.

Adam Silver is a narc for reporting email threats to the police

Adam Silver, he turns out he's a narc... Everyone thought that Adam Silver was the cool commissioner. But if he's so cool, how come he called the police on the guy that threatened to murder him? And had him arrested.

The Chicago Bulls would have won the 2012 NBA Championship if Derrick Rose hadn't gotten injured.

If D. Rose doesn't get hurt, I think we break through that year... We had a roster where we could play. I think we were like the number one or two defensive team in the league. We were top five in offense. I mean, we were a very complete team that year. And then, boom, Derrick Rose gets hurt. And it just... It took the air out of the balloon for us, you know what I mean? Because we all thought that was our year to win the whole thing.

Joel Embiid runs out of gas every 4th quarter and should stop talking trash

Joel Embiid, I get it. You're funny. You're good on Twitter. The Rihanna thing. Cool. I actually like your game a lot. I think you're going to be a great player. But, dude, you run out of gas every fourth quarter. You can't talk shit when you can't even speak. Stop talking shit and worry about breathing through your nose.

Michael Jordan is definitively better than LeBron James

I'm exhausted by the debate too, but guess what? I'll still stand here and say MJ's better. I don't care.

Brad Stevens is the best coach in the NBA

I mean, I think [Brad Stevens] is the best coach in the game. He's a mad scientist.

LeBron James intentionally makes his teams worse as a GM so he can stand out more

One thing, we can actually make the argument that LeBron James is at his worst as a GM, but I think that he makes his teams... I think he makes his teams worse on purpose, so that he's the guy that stands out. And it's like, oh, look at these shitty teams.

James Harden is officially on my enemy list

James Harden, he's got to be the most annoying player in the entire world to guard... He's infuriating to watch. You know what? I've turned the corner on James Harden. I used to like him. I don't even like watching him play basketball... I'm putting James Harden on my enemy list. There we go. I have a feud now.

Ben Simmons should be eligible for Rookie of the Postseason next year because he didn't show up for this one

Do you think Ben Simmons should be eligible for rookie of the postseason next year because he didn't show up for this one?

Brad Stevens is the perfect personality to be a head coach in today's NBA

I think the most important attribute you can have as an NBA coach is your personality. Most of these guys do understand X's and O's. But if the team doesn't listen to you, you have to do it in a way now where the guys don't totally shut you off. And [Stevens] has this unbelievable passive confidence that it's like the perfect combination of personality to be a head coach in today's NBA.

LeBron James is now the fourth-best player of all time

I am now moving LeBron to fourth best all-time, right ahead of Kobe. So that's big of me. I've seen enough. You've got MJ, Magic, Bill Russell.

Paul George is actually 'Playoff Passive' because he turtles in big moments

Playoff P was such a playoff P that, I mean, I've never seen anyone be more, it's actually playoff passive is what it stands for because he turtles in big moments. And the fact that he gave himself the nickname, playoff P after game one, is one of the most embarrassing things you could ever do.

Russell Westbrook is the most likely NBA player to kill a teammate

Also, you have to deal with Westbrook, who's probably the most likely to kill somebody in the NBA. I could see him murdering a teammate.

Brad Stevens is the best coach in the NBA

And then the Celtics are, I mean, we've said this before, but Brad Stevens is the best coach in the league.

LeBron James is the best athlete in world history

LeBron James is the best athlete in world history, as I've long said.

I hate the NBA and the entire league is disgusting

The whole thing is disgusting to me. I haven't changed my opinion on any of it. I hate the NBA.

I'm officially canceling Russell Westbrook

I've canceled Russell Westbrook. He's canceled. He's done. I, white girl, can't even with him anymore. Dude, you know how lame you have to be to get owned by Mitt Romney? I mean, and Mitt Romney owned him. He showed him how many fouls he had.

The Timberwolves are the saddest team in the world

The Timberwolves are the saddest team in the world. They are pretty bad. There's no really redeeming quality to watching them play.

Brad Stevens is the best coach in the NBA

Brad Stevens is the best coach in the NBA. He is a wagon. I expect anything from a Brad Stevens coached team. They just play so much smarter than everyone else.

LeBron James was the hardest player to guard in the NBA during my rookie year

I'm going to go LeBron [James]. [Hardest guy I had to guard].

LeBron James lost Game 1 on purpose to pad his all-time stats

LeBron actually lost this game on purpose so he can pad his all-time playoff stats.

LeBron James needs to get back on social media to play well

I think Zero Dark 23 is actually bad for LeBron because he's such a millennial. He needs to be hooked up to his endorphin stream that comes from his Instagram account and his tweets. He needs to get back on social media.

The Celtics are the most likable team in the NBA playoffs

I think that the Celtics are the most likable team in the NBA playoffs right now.

Russell Westbrook is LeBron James's motivation for getting triple-doubles

Skip Bayless is basically saying that LeBron James just started to get triple doubles because he saw all the attention that the media was paying to Westbrook, and not because he's really good at basketball or anything.

Gregg Popovich is an enormous dickhead

I think Greg Popovich is a... Enormous dickhead... He's gotten so much positive reinforcement for being an asshole that now he's just like, it's good if I'm an asshole.

Kevin Durant can beat LeBron James one-on-one

I'd say [Durant] is the best player in the NBA right now. At his peak, I think he can beat LeBron. Yeah, I just said it. One-on-one.

Kevin Durant is the softest superstar of all time

But he [Durant] has to be the softest superstar of all time. LeBron does not get triggered. Kevin Durant had a burner account fucking responding to his own tweets. He literally goes on these podcasts and sounds so angry about everything... stop being such a baby all the time.

Charge calls are the worst part about basketball and should be banned

I don't understand what's a charge and what's a block anymore, so you've got to just get rid of one of them, and you're not going to get rid of the block call. [Charges] are the worst part about basketball in general.

Kobe Bryant is the GOAT over LeBron and Jordan because he won an Oscar

Kobe Bryant, our supporter, just won an Oscar. MJ and LeBron trash. He's our GOAT. And this proves it. How many Oscars has LeBron and MJ won? That's right. Zero.

James Harden didn't just break Wesley Johnson's ankles, he snatched his soul by making the shot

It's so cocky because I think we all agree, if James Harden misses that shot... the soul-taking doesn't take place. It's just an ankle-breaking. When you make the shot, it's a soul snatch. And so James Harden was so cocky and just like, I'm just going to stand here for an extra beat.

Kevin Love is reading The Godfather to try and bond with LeBron James

Kevin Love is reading The Godfather... He's getting on LeBron's level. They're going to have a lot to talk about. They're going to sit next to each other on plane rides and just talk about Fredo.

Zaza Pachulia is the biggest threat to the NBA's health because he hurts superstars

The NBA is probably the healthiest league overall when you think about growth. Zaza Pachulia is the one thing that could break it all down because he just hurts people left and right... He hurt Kevin Durant, his own player. He hurt Kawhi, the Spurs... The guy is a menace.

LeBron James' tears after winning the Cleveland championship were fake

I'm not a huge LeBron fan. I feel like he's very calculated. I felt like when he cried after he won it for Cleveland, he felt like he had to cry because MJ cried when he came back and did his thing and it made it emotional. Fake tears.