Takes

Kobe Bryant retiring both numbers is the most 'Kobe' story ever

Kobe Bryant, they're going to retire both of his numbers. That is the most Kobe story I have ever heard... Kobe Bryant, they're going to retire both of his numbers. [Jordan] is one number. No, but it's two separate numbers in different locations. Different teams.

The NCAA will investigate LaMelo Ball for selling shoes

Yes, this is going to pique their [NCAA] interest a little. If you take any dollar out of the NCAA's pockets, they will come down on you. So yes, I think the NCAA will look into this.

Malcolm Gladwell would probably beat LeBron James in a long-distance foot race

LeBron got challenged by Malcolm Gladwell to a foot race... These fucking nerds, all they do is they go and find the biggest alpha on the block... they're like, hey, I'll challenge you to this sport that's not a sport and we'll make it really long distance so you get super tired. And I honestly can see Malcolm Gladwell winning. Nerds are always faster because they have to run from their bullies from a young age.

Dwayne Wade and LeBron James are definitely planning a team-up because they are 'going' to dinner

I would say that going to dinner is more intimate than meeting for dinner. Because going to dinner implies that you're going there... Every time you go to dinner, you have to meet somebody for dinner. But every time you meet for dinner, you're not necessarily going to dinner together. I think the act of going is way, way more intimate than just meeting... Not just friends. You don't just go to dinner.

LeBron James is only defending jersey burning to protect his future self for when he leaves Cleveland again

LeBron's statements are right. I'm always a players guy. The owners don't look out for the players. But this, to me, is classic LeBron looking out for future LeBron. Because he knows he's going to leave.

It is only socially acceptable to burn LeBron James' jersey

Any player that is a traitor to the town that he was born in and then leaves twice. That's fair. So LeBron James. It is now socially acceptable only to burn LeBron James' jersey.

Celtics fans have no right to complain about trading draft picks for Kyrie Irving

I don't understand Celtics fans that have been bitching and moaning about Danny Ainge not trading picks... and then when he does trade it, being like, well, we should have held on to that pick. Because you just got a guy who is [a] top five scorer in the NBA, a guy who can score in the finals of the NBA finals.

LeBron James will still leave the Cavaliers after the 2017-18 season

It does make a lot of drama, and I still do think LeBron is leaving. Although now it's sourced material from our friend Ryan Russell says LeBron doesn't know what to do because he hasn't decided if he hates Isaiah Thomas yet or not.

LeBron James is definitely going to the Lakers next year.

[Big Cat]: Where do you think [LeBron] is going? [PFT Commenter]: LA. [Michael Rapaport]: If you're a little pussy-ass bitch, you go to LA. ... Lakers. It's already set up.

James Harden and Chris Paul will not be able to get along on the Rockets because there is only one ball.

There's only one ball. No, only one ball. Only one ball. It's not going to work. No. No, only one ball. They're not winning shit. No. Houston ain't winning shit.

LeBron James is 100% leaving Cleveland after this season

Chris Sheridan said... NBA Source said today... this will be [LeBron James's] final season in Cleveland. He is 100% leaving. Relationship with owners beyond repair.

The Chicago Bulls' 'TNT Bulls' home winning streak is still alive because they weren't scheduled for any TNT games

The NBA has run away, cowards. They have not scheduled the Bulls, the Chicago Bulls, on TNT Thursday night this year... the record, the 20 straight home wins on TNT, you can't lose if you don't play.

I am the best defensive player of all time

No, I'm still number one. [Over Dellavedova]... Yeah, I think I was the best I've ever done it.

The 'Who wants to sex Mutombo' story is completely false

I have defended myself. I have splendid myself, and I continue to splendid myself. Nobody don't know where that story come from... That story is not true. And I always even ask Alonzo Mourning, where did you get it? He said, no, somebody told me too.

Coach K uses surgery as an excuse to take a break when his team is struggling

Coach K. He just gets a surgery every fucking day. ... Usually when his team's like, oh, maybe the number one recruiting class isn't so good. ... he's had every part operated on, so he doesn't really have any other excuses.

The Detroit Pistons 90s horse logo jersey is one of the worst ever

My number one was the Pistons throwback. Remember when the Pistons changed their logo in the 90s? The green and yellow and red horse. The worst jersey criteria is when the original jersey was great and the original logo was great. They're like, we're just going to make everything weird colors.

Michael Jordan would amputate his own leg just to win a game against LaVar Ball

Michael Jordan is also so competitive that if LaVar responds to him, he might get his leg amputated just to play one game of basketball and beat him.

LeBron James is dead and Steph Curry murdered him

LeBron James is dead. D-E-D. Dead. Steph Curry murdered him. Kyrie backstabbed him, went behind his back. Very Shakespearean, this whole thing.

LeBron James will average 30-10-10 this season

LeBron is going to go on a rampage this year. He's like 30-10-10 for sure. Just mark it down. I mean, this is what happened in the NBA Finals... His numbers are going to keep going up.

LeBron James will lose early in the playoffs and leave Cleveland

He's going to gas himself out, lose in the first or second round of the playoffs, and then leave town.

I would bet on Stephen A. Smith in a fight against LeBron James

I would put money on Stephen A. Smith in a fight against LeBron James.

LeBron James is setting up excuses to leave Cleveland by blaming Kyrie and the front office

This is all setting up. You first have the GM situation. You have Dan Gilbert acting crazy as always. You have Kyrie asking for a trade. LeBron can now leave Cleveland and be like, it's not my fault. It was all on you guys.

LeBron James is triggered and definitely not enjoying his summer

LeBron James is triggered... When he hashtags 'enjoying my summer', hashtag 'you do the same', that's a pretty telltale sign he is not enjoying his summer. Because you know LeBron probably told someone to tell Stephen A. Smith, 'Hey, I want to beat Kyrie Irving's ass,' and then when it comes out, he goes to Twitter.

LeBron James' next social media move will be posting lion quotes to look like an alpha

This is going to end in a couple weeks with LeBron posting like an image of a lion that says 'lions don't concern themselves with the opinions of sheep.' His next post will be him in the gym just being like 'out here grinding, not worrying about Kyrie Irving.'

Derrick Rose signing with the Cavs is sad and marks the end of his relevancy

Derrick Rose just signed with the Cavs... He's going to be LeBron's little sidekick. Is he going to be Robin? It's very sad how his career has turned out. $2.1 million to play with a guy that he absolutely despised when he was in Chicago.

Kyrie Irving is requesting a trade to control his own destiny like LeBron James

I love it because [Kyrie Irving]'s basically pulling LeBron in LeBron's face. He's like, I want to control my own destiny just like you have. ... Kyrie's like, yeah, I don't want to stick around for you to leave next year and fuck me over.

Kyrie Irving is going to be traded to the Knicks for Kristaps Porzingis and Carmelo Anthony

Kyrie to the Knicks today. It's happening. ... Today, sometime this week, for Kristaps. ... We are hearing that it could be for Kristaps and Melo.

LeBron James is going to break Cleveland's hearts by leaving again

It's really, though, I'm sorry, I just feel bad for the people of Cleveland because LeBron's just going to break their hearts again.

Kyrie Irving requesting a trade proves he is a 'beta' player

So Kyrie, not an alpha, right? ... Well, there you go. So that means he's not an alpha. Current beta. He's currently robbing LeBron James Batman. He's self-admitting that he's a beta. ... By asking for a trade, you're telling on yourself that you've been a beta for the last five years.

Wally Szczerbiak and Keith Van Horn were going to be incredible NBA players

I thought that Nick Kaner-Medley, Wally Szczerbiak, Steve Wojciechowski, and Keith Van Horn would all be incredible NBA players.

Rajon Rondo is just one notch below Paul Pierce in Celtics history

When Rajon Rondo got traded to the Mavericks, I said he was a notch below Pierce, who was like a notch below Bill Russell.

Lonzo Ball's Summer League introduction was the sixth most popular post in NBA Instagram history

The NBA made a press release today saying that of all the posts that the league has ever put on Instagram... that Lonzo being introduced at Summer League, when they put that up on IG... That's the sixth most popular thing they've ever put up.

Lonzo Ball's terrible shooting mechanics will get stuffed in his face against real NBA competition

We could make [the NBA logo] Lonzo Ball and his terrible shooting mechanics that are going to get stuffed back in his face a million times when he plays real competition, not in the summer league.

Michael Jordan is better than LeBron James

[Gun to your head] I mean, you go with MJ.

LeBron James' career is an incredible feat given the spotlight he has faced since age 18

For what [LeBron]'s had to handle from such a young age... to have the entire world spotlight on you, expecting you to be great, and to go out there and to live up to all the hype that people have put on you. And also have a clean record off the court... that's incredible.

Lonzo Ball playing well in Summer League means the Showtime Lakers are back

The Lakers are back. Oh! The Lake Show is back. So Lonzo Ball's been playing pretty well in the Summer League, and so that can only mean one thing, and that's the Showtime Lakers are back.

You can't make Boston racism jokes about Gordon Hayward if he's coming from Utah

One first hot seat is people making Boston racism jokes and saying that Gordon [Hayward] went to Boston because he liked... casual racism. Guess what? You can't say that if he goes from Utah. Doesn't work that way.

Carmelo Anthony's 2 AM workout videos are laughable

Carmelo Anthony was working out over July 4th... it was so laughable that his own team actually laughed at it. I don't know if you saw that clip. No, there was a clip of the Knicks front office sitting at a summer league game watching the clip of Carmelo Anthony working out all laughing at him.

Swaggy P signing is irrelevant to the Warriors' championship chances

The Warriors' odds to win the NBA championship before Swaggy P signed, minus 163. After he signed, minus 163. So Swaggy P is literally irrelevant to the Warriors' chances to win. His wins above replacement is zero.

JJ Redick will sign with the Philadelphia 76ers

My first prediction, J.J. Reddick is going to sign with it... Philadelphia 76ers. [He] bought a condo in Brooklyn, and we're connecting dots. We're getting into the realtor information.

The Bulls will sign Andre Iguodala to a massive contract that will immediately backfire

I predict that Andre Iguodala is going to go to the Chicago Bulls for seven years and $300 billion because his knees are just about to blow up... He's going to play 20 games a season for the next four years, and everyone's going to be like, oh, why are the Bulls not able to sign big guys?

Phil Jackson's master plan was to get paid for screwing up the Knicks

Phil's master plan was to get paid for screwing up a franchise and he's getting paid. He's just like [fucking] the ground, having a good time, getting paid for it. He played James Dolan like a fiddle.

Chris Paul hated Doc Rivers because of the preferential treatment given to Austin Rivers

Chris Paul hated Doc Rivers ever since he brought Austin Rivers on and basically didn't yell at Austin Rivers and treated him exactly like his child.

The Bulls front office vote for Executive of the Year was a self-vote by Gar Foreman

Gar Foreman, he got a single vote for executive of the year. ... I still think it was himself I think it was himself it's like James Harden getting one vote for defensive player of the year yeah survey says it was himself

I can beat a 54-year-old Michael Jordan one-on-one

I mean, I always think of somebody who's a lot older than me. In the 50s, I have a pretty good shot of winning. ... No, I was just saying that because he's pretty older now. I think I have a pretty good shot at it.

I have better shooting range than Steph Curry

My confidence is in the all-time high, so I'm always going to think I have a better range, even though I don't. ... [I've] got better [range]. Period.

My career-high for points in an NBA game will be 59

59? [PFT: 59 points from Malik Monk. That's right in stone.] Yep.

Kevin Love is the perfect fall guy for LeBron James because he won't talk back

Actually we kind of predicted this, that Kevin Love was going to be the fall guy. Everyone knows you need a fall guy. Chris Carter told everyone, need a fall guy. Kevin Love is the perfect fall guy for LeBron [James] because Kevin Love's never going to say anything. He's not going to subtweet. He's just going to go about his business.

Bulls front office members Gar Foreman and John Paxson remain fuckheads

Gar Foreman and John Paxson remain fuckheads. [The Bulls] never even began, but yes, it is over. They're dead... You got trainers saying that they're worse than drug dealers. [Paxson], you choked out your coach, Vinny Del Negro, and punched him. Don't tell me that you have morals.

Lauri Markkanen is a bum who is soft and sucks

I find out they drafted... Lauri Markkanen from Arizona. I am now going to sell myself on this guy, which is going to be the greatest spin zone of all time, because we went to the Pac-12 championship game, and I think we said multiple times, this guy fucking sucks. He's a bum. He's soft.