Takes

The Capitals and Ovechkin should split up because their regular season success is too good

I do think I am of the mindset that the Capitals and the [Ovechkin] should just be like, you know, hey, maybe this thing isn't working out anymore. Maybe it's just, you know, we love each other. Maybe our sex is just too good. Our regular season sex is too good. So we got to split up.

The 2017 Stanley Cup Final will go seven games

Nashville was outplaying the Penguins. I think this is going to go seven. I think it's going to be a classic Stanley Cup final that only a million and a half people watch.

The Nashville Predators winning the Cup will be forgotten like the Hurricanes or Ducks wins

I'm rooting for the Predators simply because when teams like the Predators win championships with like their piss yellow uniforms and weird cities for hockey, people just tend to forget that that season never happened. So it's like when the Ducks won, it's like, I mean, did they win? I don't even know. I can't remember.

This is the year of the Nashville Predators in the Stanley Cup

The Predators, I feel like this is the Predators' year. People have been saying it for a long time. This is the Predators' year. Take out your fang claws. Nashville's number one hockey city in Tennessee.

The Capitals will never win anything with Alex Ovechkin

The Capitals continually disappoint you. You know that they're never going to do anything with Ovechkin.

The Washington Capitals will advance to the Stanley Cup Finals

I'm pre-planning out tonight's game with the Rangers and the Senators. I'm like, okay, so we've got to have the Rangers win. That way I can go to all the Caps games in New York City for the Eastern Conference Finals, and then we're going to skate through them... [I] will be using Upside.com for the Washington Capitals in the Stanley Cup Finals.

The 'Crosby Theory': A team gets better after losing its best player

I think it's fair to ask now if the Penguins are better without Sidney Crosby... If you lose your best player, but your team gets better, the Crosby theory.

Sidney Crosby was only injured because the Penguins lack an enforcer

The real issue is Sidney Crosby only got hit in his head like that because there's not as much fighting in hockey as there used to be... the Penguins, they're too big of pussies. And they have no enforcer, so they are the ones that got Sidney Crosby injured.

Marc-Andre Fleury is a 'snowflake'

Now, on the other hand, you have Marc-Andre Fleury. He's a snowflake. That's why they call him Fleury, because he's a big snowflake, and he got iced up.

The Capitals are fine and will beat the Penguins

I'm not pressing the panic button on the Caps. The Caps dominated that game. The only stat that didn't go in their favor is the score... I'm throwing the panic button out the window. I'm not going to press it... I'm not worried at all. No, if you watch the game, it was dominance by the Caps.

The Capitals have a great chance to win the Eastern Conference this year

Logan, is it the Caps year? You know what? They've got a great team. We don't really get to see the East as often, obviously. But if there's any team that can do it, I'd say I think so.

The 2017 Capitals are a different team and will get past the Penguins

This is our year. The Capitals, it's a different team. Everyone knows it.

The Capitals will sweep the Penguins in the next round of the playoffs

I've taken my fingers so far off the panic button. I've got ones in the air right now. I've got my finger in the air calling it. We're going to sweep the Penguins. Next round. I'm not even concerned with Maple Leafs anymore.

This is the year the Washington Capitals finally win the Stanley Cup

Caps year. Caps are next. Yeah, Caps year. Everything is... it's one of those weird, this is like the sign of the apocalypse.

The Capitals will sweep every round and won't lose a game in the 2017 postseason

I'm going to need to go to some Caps games. They're only going to be four per round because they're going to sweep. They're probably not going to lose a game this entire postseason.

The Washington Capitals will win the Stanley Cup this year

I would like to see you win the Cup. I have them [Capitals] winning the Cup this year.

It is officially the Washington Capitals' year to win the Stanley Cup

It is Wednesday, March 1st, and it is the Caps year... I'm even more irrationally confident now [after the Kevin Shattenkirk trade].

The Washington Capitals are the Atlanta Falcons of the NHL

They're kind of like the Atlanta Falcons where their franchise has just never won it. The Falcons have been to two Super Bowls. I think the Capitals have been to one Stanley Cup. Basically, it's a franchise of failure. You know, they have this great regular season success. Everybody gets excited. And then when it comes to perform, they're a pop shot.

The Washington Capitals will finally win the Stanley Cup this year

The Washington Capitals, it's their year. I think this is the year they finally win the Stanley Cup. They certainly have all the pieces. They have all the pieces.

The Chicago Blackhawks will win the Western Conference this year

No, I actually think [the Blackhawks] are going to win the West. I love their team this year. I think that they're really deep. Kane and Toews will be there when it matters. I love their team. They've got a lot of young guys that are playing really well.

The Chicago Blackhawks will win at least one Stanley Cup in the next three years

I love their team. They'll be right there. I wouldn't be worried at all. They're right in the midst of that window to win a couple more. I think they at least get one in the next three years.

The Washington Capitals will definitely win the Stanley Cup this season

This is definitely the capital season to win the Stanley Cup... No, this is the one. This is the one. This is the one.

The Washington Capitals will win the Stanley Cup this year

I like Washington. I can't get away from it. Everyone says it's their time, I'm telling you... they're so deep and you can tell that they're kind of almost one of those teams [waiting for the playoffs].

The Ottawa Senators are a lock to hit the over every night

You need to start betting the over on the Ottawa Senators every night. I'm talking hammering. They're not great defensively, but they can score goals. They are commonly in like 4-3, 5-3 games.

Auston Matthews' 4-goal debut is suspicious and requires a 'witch hunt'

Austin Matthews... He had three goals on his first three shots in the NHL. He actually had four goals on the night in his debut... Hmm. Interesting. Maybe a frozen envelope... I'm just saying maybe these bullies just, hey, yo, we'll let Austin.

Hockey helmets have increased concussions because they evolved the human skull to be thinner

I actually think that helmets have done more to increase concussions in hockey than they've done to help because it's like evolution. It kicks in a little bit and your brain, your skull doesn't have to be as thick anymore. Like the way that we coddle these athletes, it's actually hurting them in the long term.

The Oilers will play the Panthers in the 2018 Stanley Cup Final

I got the Oilers because they probably have – they're going to somehow figure out a way to get like six more first-round picks between now and 2018. And the Florida Panthers.

The 'glowing puck' ruined the NHL and likely caused the 2004-05 lockout

The glowing puck, did they get rid of that because it was easier to play defense? I think they took the non-hockey followers word too seriously and kind of ruined the game. I really think that's probably why the lockout happened.

The San Jose Sharks will defeat the Pittsburgh Penguins in the Stanley Cup Finals

The Stanley Cup finals. Sharks eat penguins. Not to brag, but I called it. Yes, you did. Because it was the only matchup that could occur in nature.

Sidney Crosby is a less classy player than Alex Ovechkin because he touched the Prince of Wales Trophy

What I care about is that Sidney Crosby touched the trophy. He touched the trophy. Big no-no. You know who's never touched that trophy? Alexander Ovechkin. That's why he is a classier player than Sidney Crosby. That's why he doesn't have bad luck. That's right.

Canadians actually hate Sidney Crosby

Canadians hate Sidney Crosby. That's actually a fact... Everyone hates Sidney Crosby. It was just decided upon, and that's how it is. He doesn't have a man card.

The Washington Capitals would be better if they were coached by a 'junkie mom' figure

They never should have gotten rid of Bruce Boudreau... because he's a really shitty coach. ... the best analogy I can give is like if you have a mom who's a junkie. A lot of times the eldest siblings will step up their leadership roles and know that they have to look after the team. ... they learn a lot of accountability because they got to cover up for their drunk dad.

Capitals goalie Braden Holtby is using Adderall to play well in the playoffs

I don't follow hockey that closely, but I know that there's always one good goalie in the playoffs. And whoever that guy is this year. I want to go Holtby. Braden Holtby. Holtby is using Adderall.

If the Blues lose to the Blackhawks, hockey in St. Louis should be cancelled

If the Blackhawks do win tonight, Monday, they have to cancel hockey in St. Louis, correct? Every franchise has to move from St. Louis to L.A. It will be such an embarrassment.

The Anaheim Ducks will win the Stanley Cup this year

Man, I'm going to—who do I want to pick? I think Anaheim might get it right this year.