Takes

Dungeons and Dragons is the universal game of imagination that everyone has already played

I like to say D&D is the game that everyone has played. Even if you only did it when you were a kid and didn't know it was D&D, it is just the game of imagination that we all play. And it's the, it is the universal game in many ways.

Stop comparing your boat to others and just appreciate your own boat

There's a lot of guys looking at your boat... that'd be enough boat for me. I think not to make this about life, but it's, it's just something to remember. There's probably somebody looking at your boat going that's that's good enough for me. I should stop looking at the other boats.

PFT Commenter is done dunking forever - retiring from attempting to dunk

My fire fest. I don't think I'm gonna dunk again. I think I'm gonna have to learn how to play below the rim. So I'm calling it quits on attempting to dunk anymore in my future.

Fasting is the worst thing ever

I realized I was such a bitch. ... Anyone who tries to tell you the fasting is the way to go. It ain't, it ain't the way to go.

The Chicago area will get three inches of snow that will be gone by Wednesday morning

I'll predict right now... I think we're gonna get three inches and it's gonna be gone by Wednesday morning.

Feral cats are a significantly larger threat to bird populations than wind turbines

Cats are responsible for an estimated 365 million to 2.4 billion bird deaths per year in the US alone. And then wind turbines are responsible for an estimated 140,000 to 680,000 bird deaths annually... Feral cats are a problem. That's my, that's, that's the conclusion I came up with.

Solo dates are the superior way to experience the movies

I went on, I guess what someone called solo date the other day. I thought it was okay. I thought it was like a rec, a super normal thing to do... You ever, you ever go to the movies solo? Yes sir. All the time. That's great. I think that's the best way to go to the movies.

I am donating all my 50/50 raffle winnings plus an extra $25,000 to charity

I am gonna donate all the money and then some... I'm donating all the money and then more, I'm, I, I wrote Lavante a check for 75,000, which will hopefully get them back on their feet. And I'm just doing it. I'm the 50 50 is the love of the game... it was never about the money.

A Bengal tiger would kill a Jaguar in a fight every single time

I just looked at AI and a Bengal would kill a Jaguar like a hundred out of a hundred times. A Jaguar does have one of like the the fiercest bites in the animal kingdom. The problem is the Bengal outweighs the Jaguar by like 200 pounds.

The 'Mega Bed' changed my life

I initially scoffed it because it was a long day of travel. I was tired. It was late. But then the next day I was like, you know what Zac, we got a mega bed. You were right. We mega Beded... mega bed changed my life.

Quitting a job you hate is the best feeling in the world

Our last pick, we're gonna take quitting. No better feeling. Quitting is so satisfying. It's the best feeling. If you ever quit a job you don't like, best fucking feeling in the world.

Complaining while doing a difficult job is a form of grit

The more grit you have, sometimes you just have to complain your way through it. But you still do it, right? ... I think it'd be gritty going on vacation and just complaining and hating vacation. That is actually a very gritty thing to do.

Grit is the ability to not care what happens to you and just keep going.

Grit is, I would say, you know it when you see it. It's the ability basically to not care what happens to you and just keep going... What doesn't kill me doesn't bother me. Like think about it—I'm not dead. You can't bother me. You can't get to me. I think that's the definition of grit.

I am officially retiring from participating in physical sports challenges

My fire fest is pretty simple. My body is broken. I'm, I'm too old for some of this shit. I did tweet that I was thinking about retirement, like not retirement from like this show, but retirement from our physical challenges. We played, we did six hour stream on Tuesday night... softball on Wednesday... oh my god, I can't walk right now. I think I need to retire from sports. I need to be a walking guy.

Opening Counter-Strike skin cases is officially back

My who's back of the week is going to be Counterstrike cases specifically opening them... They went CS:GO case unboxings, $590,000 in cases they unboxed. Unprecedented territory is what we're approaching there.

First dates should always start with drinks as a 'solos match' before committing to more

I was thinking we, we could run, we could run drinks if she's open to that. I like that Max, easy. Just happy hour. A few drinks. Nothing crazy. Maybe just one drink. We'll start with one drink. And then if it's good, then you go two.

Construction workers are the groundwork of civilization and deserve more credit

So much infrastructure to the entire, everything that we do. This building, all of our homes, all, all of the establishments we go to. I mean, it's everywhere. The groundwork of civilization, all the construction workers is deserve so much credit.

Sports fandom is forged in tragedy, not triumph

it's about fandom... and really what it's about is about community and a community forged in tragedy because there can be only one at the end of each year in any, in every and any sport. And so there's something really beautifully human about that, that, that we are not forged in triumph. We're forged in tragedy.

Watching sports on the couch is better than being at the games

Honestly, getting to watch games on your couch is way better than being at the games usually anyways. sitting on your couch at home with your own snacks and your own food, it's awesome.

You should always go reckless in Dungeons and Dragons

When people that I run games for among the Awls, I ask them if they're going reckless. They always say, of course, like Norm. Yeah, I gotta go reckless. You gotta go reckless because they look up to Norm. I think 100% it, you gotta always go reckless. 100%. No risk, no biscuit.

The era of the 'Featured Barber' and high-priced haircuts is officially here

The barbers are up... you pull up, they only do the app appointments... they're like 60 to 80 dollars... then there's guys down a little bit further down the street doing featured spots... book your appointment now.

Winning is a band-aid that cures everything in sports, regardless of the problem

Winning cures everything. You know, winning is, it's a band-aid that, you know, it doesn't matter if it's a bullet hole, whatever, you know, it cures everything and you just kind of go play baseball.

Installing a soft serve ice cream machine in the office is a life-changing move

I reassessed my life and I realized that a life without constant access to soft serve ice cream is not a life I want to live anymore... I trade [shooting a diamond out of my dick] in a heartbeat. I mean a soft serve machine. It's like a, it's a gold mine. It's a dream of mine. It's the best. I love soft serve ice cream. It's so good. And it's good for you.

I am going to hire a dietician to help prevent future kidney stones

I think this one, I'll say this, I think I'm gonna start making some lifestyle changes. I'm thinking... I think I'm gonna to get a dietician. I understand. But I need someone to tell me what to do. I am not going to do that on my own volition. I need someone to basically be like, here's what you can and cannot eat.

The first SB2K spring break trip was better than the second one

The first one was better. It was 2016 because it was our first time and it was, I felt like the, the next year we went like we wanted to do it, but it was, it felt like we like had to... It took away the, the fun of the, you know, the debauchery of a, of a boys trip of just playing golf and just, you know, drinking beers the whole time.

Mouth tape leads to more restful sleep

I'm a mouth tape guy now. I do feel more rested with mouth tape. It just forces you to breathe out your nose.

Big men everywhere start dreading April because they lose the ability to hide under sweatshirts

We're getting to t-shirt weather. Do we have a plan? The first nice day where it's 70 degrees and you hold onto the sweatshirt and you're like, 'this is uncomfortable.' And you realize I'm gonna have to start wearing a t-shirt. It's the worst feeling in the world. I forgot that I couldn't just wear a sweatshirt for the entire year.

Borgs (Blackout Rage Gallons) are ratchet

My other, who's back of the week is... Borg. Blackout rage gallon. Foul... I've seen... people name 'em and stuff... it's so ratchet.

Prospects are defined by how they handle the biggest adversity they've faced

The best thing... is, hey, what's the biggest adversity you faced and how did you bounce back from it? I'm such a big believer just based on the course of things that have occurred... that even though the most challenging moments, they felt like the worst thing when you're in 'em, you look back on 'em and you're saying, I don't know where I would be without what those lessons and those tough times taught me.

I will be the governing owner of Jerry O'Connell's fantasy football team in name only

Governing owner in name only? That sounds fair to me... Blame me [if he is fired]. Everybody else does.

My Instagram algorithm is 80% golf and 20% tits

It's like 80% golf. No, there's some, there's some, there's some tits mixed in, but mostly golf.

A Dungeons and Dragons player who shapeshifts into an animal too early cannot be trusted

If you morph into something else already, how can you be trusted? Right. It's not even, especially if it's not even known yet. [I need to] fit in with like the rest of the crowd.

It takes two years for a wrist ligament injury to return to full mobility

Whenever you have a ligament injury, your joint is gonna take around two years to get all the mobility back and everything that you feel like you need.

I would want to live to 102 if I owned an NFL team

Unless I own an NFL team, then I do [want to be 102]... Owning an FL team would be sick though. Like, you don't want to die if you're owning an NFL team.

Getting old is primarily about 'giving less of a fuck'

I think the number one thing is giving less of a fuck. That's the number one thing with age that is so much better. Where it's like, I don't start dressing better, but it's like, I don't care. I got kids. I got a good life. I don't give a fuck.

Minnesota is one of the most cursed sports cities in the country

Minnesota fans listening to this right now, you guys deserve credit for being one of the most cursed sports cities out there. The last time they were in a championship round was 1991 with the twins. They've had some really, really, like, they, the problem with the Minnesota sports is they're actually like good, but they're never good enough to win. And they haven't had a title in whatever it's Yeah. 30 years and they have all four major teams.

I will read one entire book in 2025

I'm also gonna read a book. I haven't read a book in a decade. I'm gonna read a book... read with my two eyes. It might take me the entire year. I'm going to fucking do it. I feel it.

Pour-your-own-beer bars are a terrible trend

Another trend that I fucking hate bars I can't stand... the bars that have the like pour your own beers. I hate that shit... The whole point of going to a bar is have someone like, you get to sit down... you feel like you're playing laser tag or some shit. Sucks.

I will not be able to shoot 20 three-pointers in a row

I misinterpreted what the initial discussion was. I'm not gonna be able to shoot 20 threes in a row. That's it... 20 for 20, which is impossible. I think 20 for 25 is possible. Obviously that's not what we discussed.

I have a broken pinky finger that I'm just going to leave untreated

I do think I have a broken pinky. I've had it for two weeks. I don't know what to do about it. I don't think you can do anything for a broken pinky... I think I'm just like a hurt hand guy for the rest of my life.

I would rather have a team that finishes fast than starts fast

If I had a choice between starting fast and finishing fast, I, I would choose finishing fast... I love finish fast... [The Eagles] getting out so good at finishing fast. It's actually one of my strengths.

I am having a midlife crisis at 31 years old

I feel like it's, I know the answer that it's a sign that I'm going through somewhat of a midlife crisis... I have been spending a lot of time thinking about selling it [my car] and then leasing a really nice car... Why not open a line of credit with good points, pay the lease off with that and have a nice car.

Jaden Daniels wearing a team jumpsuit on the sidelines counts as being in 'street clothes.'

I've always said that street clothes is, if you're wearing clothes that you would wear on the, like to the game... I'm defending my take that I know is wrong because there's something of deep, deep down that I want it to be true.

Memorial Day is the best weekend of the year

Memorial Day weekend's the best is the best weekend of the year. Hank knows start of the summer.

October is the clear 1.1 pick for best sports month

I'll take October first... October's one one... October's so good. October has, I've become everything. I've become more of an October boy.

Early morning workout routines are never actually fun, no matter how much you do them

How do people do it? How do you get up... Everyone, everyone, everyone who talks about getting up early, they're like, you just gotta get through the first couple of days. No. And it becomes routine. No, there's no way that, that they're wrong... there's still no way that it's fun.

The first few weeks of college are the best time of your life and you should embrace it

Every year, no matter what, it's these last two weeks of August when I see kids going back to college, I'm like, fuck. That was, that's it. It is the fastest four years of your life. So just embrace it and like close your eyes and live in the moment. September is such a joke in college. You don't go to any of your classes. You don't have to worry about anything.

Grit is the ability and willingness to do anything regardless of the circumstance

Your ability and willingness to do any and all things regardless of circumstance... It's a incredible honor for coach [Harbaugh] to view me the way that he does. But what I do know and what I've learned over time is, you know what I do like this moment. I'm right here, right now.

The ShopVac is the most versatile tool out there

The ShopVac is gritty. It is, yeah. Because you don't have to, like, you can, I mean, pretty much anything, you know, you can, you can suck up with ShopVac. I love it. I, you could say I love the, the versatility and I love the grit factor of the shop back.

As you get older, you grow into your instrument, not out of it

One of the things [Mickey] said that really stuck with me is, as you get older, you grow into your instrument, not out of it.