Takes

Steve Harvey has surpassed Louie Anderson as the greatest game show host

One guy who's transcended all of that [Alex Trebek] and even surpassed Louie Anderson, who nobody thought ever could, is Steve Harvey with Family Feud. He's America's host... I think Steve definitely did that.

Bill Gates is a loser for using his hall pass on a woman his own age

Bill Gates is such a fucking loser. He could have any girl in the world. His wife gave him a hall pass and he fucked someone his exact same age... Money buys everything. [PFT: He might be the exception.] Instead he was like, yeah, remember that when I was 16 and we kissed underneath the bleachers... but she's also 70. You have no imagination.

The breakup of Chrissy Teigen and John Legend will be the greatest day on the internet

I can't wait for Chrissy Teigen and John Legend. It's gonna be the best day on the internet. Like all these people being like, what is love anymore? ... It will be the greatest breakup of all time... Their private life must be a horror show. John legend... that's the kind of guy that cheats as he gets older. He's gonna do it like in a classy way.

George Jetson was born on July 31st, 2022

My woe is on today... July 31st as we're taping it. This is the day that George Jetson was born on whoa. In the TV show The Jetsons. Whoa, whoa. That is whoa. And if you watch the Jetsons, we're like journeying throughout outer space, future conquering other solar... nothing's changed.

I only care about comedy and hate acting, even though I keep getting offered roles

I only care about comedy. Right? You gotta force me to act. Right. I don't, I'm saying this right now. And every time I say it, I get offered another gig. I don't like acting right. I'm bad at it.

Malcolm Gladwell is a guy who is just smart enough for dumb people to think he's a genius

Malcolm Gladwell is the, is the perfect case of a guy who's just smart enough that dumb people like ourselves think he's a genius. And then real smart people are like, no, no, no, no, this guy's full of shit.

The term 'glow up' was created by Chief Keef

The term glow up, came from Chief Keef when he was like 16 [with] Glo Gang and his friends... he created that, but now it's like a very mainstream term.

Hook is a top 50 movie of all time

I seriously think that. I think that movie ['Hook'] is a top 50 movie all time. That movie fucking rocks... I did a list. I think it comes in around the forties, but it's a top 50 movie of all time.

Dell Curry bringing Steven Johnson's ex-wife to the game was a purely spite-driven move

But then on Friday at the Celtics game, Dell was there with Steven Johnson's ex-wife. And he's dating her. He brought her to the game. So clearly he was... that was just purely out of spite by Dell. Like just straight up, just an absolute spite move.

The iPod is the greatest Apple product ever invented

I was talking shit about Apple products last week. This is probably the greatest Apple product ever invented, but they announced today that they're discontinuing the iPod.

The upcoming Drake and Taylor Swift collaboration will be played into the ground all summer

My hot seat is the charts, the radio this summer... Drake posted a picture with Taylor Swift, which means go, I'm going to be a song coming, which means it's going to get, it'll probably be a good song, but it will get murdered into the ground and just played in for it everywhere.

Will Smith is actually at his most employable right after a public scandal

I feel like now would be the time to get Will Smith. Everyone's talking about him. It's like the safest time to fly as after a plane crash. And so like, if you want Will Smith to not slap somebody, now's the time that you bring Will Smith around.

Step Brothers is one of the funniest movies and is aging very well

The other one that I think holds up is Will and Adam McKay's movie Step Brothers. I feel like that one is aging very well. Every time it's on you just can't shut it off.

The Will Smith slap of Chris Rock was fake because Will Smith taught a kid how to fake slap a month prior

There's a video out of will Smith a month ago, teaching a kid how to fake slap. I don't know if you guys see this on TMZ... I'm just saying, you know, it looks like a guy who's been practicing slapping.

Will Smith is a Scientologist

Will Smith's a crazy person and Jada Pinkett Smith's a crazy person. I'm pretty sure they're Scientologists... if you have to say, I'm not a Scientologist, you're a Scientologist. That's the test right there.

The Will Smith slap at the Oscars was a fake, staged event

When Chris Rock took the slap, he watched Will Smith walk up to him... the whole time Chris Rock has hands behind his back. And when he got slapped, you know, he was just totally open... honestly, I fall for a lot of fake stuff on the internet. And this is one of those ones where I'm just like fake.

Will Smith and Chris Rock will host the next Oscars together

I think that Chris Rock and Will Smith will definitely be hosting next year's Oscars together. I also think that they're probably going to do like a little routine together. At some point they're going to be in a commercial.

Road House is the greatest movie ever

Road House, like you ever seen Road House? Greatest movie ever. All time. All time. There's so many good one-liners.

Moana is a legitimately incredible movie

That movie is awesome. I don't know if anyone's seen Moana with the Rock. It's a legitimately incredible movie. I'm at the point now where I'm like 'How about Moana?' and [my son's] like 'Nah, Mickey Mouse.'

I became bigger than the 'Van Wilder' movie

When I was young, I was like, I want to be bigger than that movie. So like, I wanna, I w I don't want that movie to be who people think I am. And I think I've gotten bigger than the movie. And so now it's like, it's a nice song. It's like a nice subplot in my story.

The Jackass crew is the peak of American culture

They are to me... I know people will say, this is like a sad statement. They're like the peak of like American culture to me. Like, I love everything about them. I think they're so fucking funny... it's like, it's genius. Everything about it is genius.

The world would have more in common if everyone sat down and watched Jackass together

I still to this day... I think that you could take Jackass, you could show it to ISIS and they would laugh their balls off. They would, it would actually bring the world together. If we could just have a set aside two hours where everybody in the world sits down and watch Jackass, and we'd be like, you know what? We got a lot more in common than maybe we thought.

Jackass Forever should be nominated for an Oscar for the joy it gives the world

Give Jackass an Oscar. Yeah. There's one of Nobel peace prize. It's ridiculous that those Hollywood phoneys have not given Jackass an Oscar yet. It should at least be nominated because the amount of joy that they've given to the world, it kicks the shit out of every other director and every other comedy group. Like it's insane. The work that they put in and they've sacrificed their bodies to make us laugh.

Five years is the official amount of time for a meme to become funny again

It's the perfect time for it to come full circle. Cause we've, we've predicted, we've had this conversation off air many times. Like when do you think Harambe jokes are going to be funny again? I think five years is now officially the amount of time when something can become fun again.

The Rolling Stones are the greatest rock band of all time

If you're asking me a rock and roll honest question would have to be the [Rolling] Stones. I just think I would, because they're still doing it. And the songs from the sixties, they still could come out today. They they're, you know, 'Under My Thumb'...

Harambe is officially back as a cultural force due to the Bengals' Super Bowl run

My who's back of the week is our sweet prince Heran bay. We obviously were very early on it in 2016... with the Bengals making this run, then being from Cincinnati it's of naturally happened... it went Facebook, super nuclear viral... it's back.

Emily in Paris is a genius show despite being terrible

Emily in Paris is the worst show ever by the way, never watched it... it is mind-numbingly bad, but it's one of those shows that's so bad. It sucks you in... It's a genius show. It's a genius show and it's terrible. But it's genius.

James Gunn maintains a 'no asshole' rule on his film sets

[James Gunn] also has a no asshole [rule]. And he puts together teams of people who there's not a bad apple in the bunch... I knew I was going to be surrounded by good people.

Madden: 2004 was the best video game of all time

Madden 2004 was probably the best video game of all time.

The AC Slater character in Saved By The Bell was likely a safety

I don't think it was ever established [what position he played]... I really don't. I mean, I don't know. I guess he'd probably be like a safety... AC Slater's an awesome safety.

Magic Johnson doesn't physically write his own tweets

I found out that Magic Johnson does not physically do any of the tweets, which may explain some of it. It's articulated clearly across the room or while he's doing 17 other things as a titan of industry. And then there is a woman whose job is to figure out what he's talking about and make it a tweet.

The movie 'Cars 3' is better than the original 'Cars'

I'm starting to think cars three might be better than cars one. Cars two is trash. I've watched way too many cars.

Ted Bundy is a wildly overrated serial killer

Ted Bundy is wildly overrated. I mean, I... Ted Bundy was overrated as a killer. He's just good looking.

The upcoming Game of Thrones prequel will be disappointing because it reminds fans of the original show's ending

The end of Game of Thrones sucks. And they're never making more Game of Thrones ever again. So even though if this is good, it's still one of those things where if you watch it, you're like, this is the best series ever. Can't wait to see what happens. That person is going to be disappointed. It's going to bring back feelings of just like sadness.

Urban Meyer's wife sent him to the bar to get his charisma back

I think Shelly Meyer might win wife of the year... led me to believe that she was like, 'Urban, go out and remember why you're Urban Meyer. Go out and hit on some chicks and get that swagger back. Get that charisma back. Get that fucking confidence back.' I think she actually sent him out to be like, go out, pick up a chick. Don't have sex with her, but pick her up and remind yourself why you're the alpha.

Dog the Bounty Hunter will find Brian Laundrie before the FBI

Dog the Bounty Hunter is on the trail of Brian Laundrie... What happens if Dog finds him before the FBI? He absolutely will. He's Dog the Bounty Hunter. Like Brian Laundrie probably saw that clip and he's like, all right, it's over.

Rap is a young man's game and artists shouldn't try to look like they're 22 when they are 31

I'm 31. I don't need to be rapping like I'm 22. And hip-hop especially is such a young man's game. It doesn't mean that men can't age in that. But as far as trying to be like, look at me. I'm on TikTok doing a dance. Like, no, I'm not, motherfucker.

Muhammad Ali is the most famous and most loved person on the planet

Muhammad Ali is the most famous and the most loved person on the planet. I'd want to know, I'd want to know how that happened.

Wedding Crashers is a romantic comedy

I'll probably get some pushback with this, but game on, I think Wedding Crashers, that's a raw romcom. That's a romantic comedy... mostly a story about two bros increasing there... The main driver, the main yeah, the driver becomes yes. Owen Wilson not... when they're on the bikes in the fucking meadow and they're, you know, doing the whole scene.

The iceberg is the ultimate villain of the Titanic story

I'm going to go with the iceberg in Titanic. All time. Villain killed a lot of people... The iceberg fucking hanging out. It smoked like 4,000 people... The iceberg took a charge, right? The iceberg, the ball's going the other way. Worked didn't fucking move. Iceberg had position. That's a fact.

Capitalism is the true villain of the Titanic movie

Billy says capitalism is the villain and Titanic because we're trying to maximize profits instead of safety.

The boy from 'The Giving Tree' is a toxic friend and a 'real prick'

The kid in the giving tree... the kids a real prick... the tree is just honestly, a toxic friend. Is it like, he's a piece of shit. The kid takes every frame, everything from this tree until he cuts the tree down at the end and sits on his like, thank you tree for being here for me when I'm an old man... no you fucking prick. You just killed your best friend.

The Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez relationship is a fake publicity stunt

It's fake love because it's all publicity stunt. The fact that they're remaking old pictures, they don't actually love each other. Imagine doing this, imagine having a relationship that is all for the tabloids... it's disgusting.

Jackass Forever will be the start of a massive streak of movie hits.

Jackass Forever, the trailer came out... and I feel like it's just going to be hit after hit after hit after hit for the next few months because there's so much of a backlog [from the pandemic].

The internet trend of saying 'The Beatles suck' is objectively wrong

A decent amount of the internet is now just co-opted to take the Beatles suck and it blows my mind... You can say you don't personally like the Beatles... but saying they just suck is... the dumbest thing to say... Music that is occurring right now would not happen if it wasn't for the Beatles.

LeBron James is a terrible actor in Space Jam: A New Legacy

I have a couple of big bones to pick with LeBron James though. He's a terrible actor, number one. No, horrible. He fucking killed Bugs Bunny... LeBron, as an actor, was not great.

The 3D versions of Looney Tunes characters look gross and should never be made

I would also like to say that they should never make cartoons 3D. It's weird... It's never going to look good. And yeah, it's like, they're trying to make like the cartoon—it's like gross. You don't add that extra dimension to it.

Space Jam: A New Legacy would be a 10/10 movie if LeBron James wasn't in it

I actually think what this movie would have been way better without LeBron James. Oh, absolutely... besides all of the scenes that he was in. Good job LeBron. Yeah, that's probably the best way to review the whole thing. Outside of LeBron, this movie was a 10 out of 10.

The Sopranos prequel being a movie instead of a TV show is a mistake

The trailer for the new movie, it's a movie. I thought it was a TV show and the fact that it's a movie is a little bit worrisome... I just feel like it's going to be hard to—the TV show was so good because you know, you can extend the episodes... and they try and compact it all into two hours.

Fast and Furious is the best movie franchise to watch while stoned

I don't think that there's a franchise of movies that's better to watch stoned in your entirety than Fast and the Furious.