Takes

Professional sports teams are starting to incorporate Dungeons and Dragons into their operations

If anyone's been noticing the Chiefs recently ran D&D on my and like put it up on social media and stuff. All I will say right now is I'm talking to some teams.

Sam Darnold is officially confirmed as a franchise 'guy'

The Super Bowl was [Sam Darnold's] hundred and first game. So we do confirmed to have a guy. Todd Bowles saw it. Yes.

I lost a $40,000 bet on the Patriots money line in Super Bowl 60.

I did lose $40,000 today. Yeah, it's a lot of money. Dude, that's a car. I could get a sick car with $40,000. I could get a new El Camino with that.

I was the one who ran Kevin Durant out of Golden State

The one that is probably closest to the truth is I ran [Kevin Durant] out of town... Because I'm not begging anyone for this. I've worked too hard in my life to beg anyone for anything.

I am not retiring from the NFL

I am not retiring. I averaged 15 yards a catch last year, man. People don't retire off that shit.

The Seahawks are primed to win the Super Bowl because they eliminated the 49ers

Seven of the last eight teams to eliminate the 49ers have gone on to win the Super Bowl. That's kind of crazy. ... The Seahawks are primed to win the Super Bowl 'cause they have eliminated the 49ers.

Mark Sanchez has more career playoff wins than Justin Herbert

Mark Sanchez has more playoff wins than Justin Herbert. ... Significantly more.

Drake May is the worst quarterback in the NFL when facing third-and-six.

Drake May is the worst quarterback in the NFL on third and sixth. And it's not close Since, since he got, where did you get this? Since he got into the league... He's 36th in the NFL... five for 18. 27%. The league average, I believe is 40.

Matt Stafford is unreliable when protecting a lead in the second half.

Matt Stafford, when he has a lead at halftime, his record against the spread in the second half. The second half spread 35% of the time, he covers only 35%. Pretty bad.

If the Panthers beat the Saints, next week's game against the Buccaneers is for the NFC South

With a win over the Saints on Sunday, the Carolina Panthers can make next week's game a clinching game... If the Panthers beat the Saints this weekend in New Orleans, that makes next week's game, which I believe is in Charlotte against the bucks that would be for the NFC South.

Jalen Hurts without Lane Johnson is statistically identical to 2022 Justin Fields

Blind resume QB one [Jalen Hurts without Lane Johnson]: 17 games, 2,700 passing yards, 16 touchdowns, 13 interceptions, 78.2 passer rating. QB two [Justin Fields in 2022]: 15 games, 2200 yards, 17 touchdowns, 11 interceptions, 85.2 passer rating.

Colts GM Chris Ballard is on the hot seat because he hasn't won the division in nine years

My Hot Seat is Chris Ballard. I'm gonna put him back on the Hot Seat. The GM for the Colts... has been the GM for the Colts since 2017, nine years. He has never won the AFC South.

Younghoe Koo's terrible field goal attempt was a check swing, not the yips

It looked like the yips. I thought he had the yips... But when I heard his explanation after the game, I watched it again... it was his holder Gilliam, he caught it. And then the ball started to fall a little bit. And so at the last second, Younghoe pulled up... It was a check swing.

Drake Maye is not in the elite 300-yard passing club yet

Drake Maye is not on it. There's an elite club and all the players know about it. The 300 club, the 300 yard club... he hasn't thrown for 300 yards yet. What's up with that?

The Chiefs' 18% success rate in clutch situations is the worst of any NFL team in the last decade

If you make the criteria that if it's within eight points... in the final five minutes of regulation... the Chiefs... success rate is, I believe [Mahomes] is two for 10... That means they have an 18% success rate in those clutch situation plays. 18% would be the absolute lowest of any NFL team over the last eight years... the worst mark of any team in the last decade per the Athletic.

The Broncos are better than the Chiefs right now

Bo Nicks outplayed Patrick Mahomes... The Broncos are better than the Chiefs right now. Like, that's just a fact. And they are a legitimate threat and a really, really fucking good team.

Wind is less impactful on football games in Denver due to the high altitude

Did you know that at altitude mile high, the wind doesn't have as much of an effect because the air is so thin. So if it's blowing 20 miles an hour, 20 miles an hour in Denver is like 25 miles an hour down at sea level.

Feral cats are a significantly larger threat to bird populations than wind turbines

Cats are responsible for an estimated 365 million to 2.4 billion bird deaths per year in the US alone. And then wind turbines are responsible for an estimated 140,000 to 680,000 bird deaths annually... Feral cats are a problem. That's my, that's, that's the conclusion I came up with.

Ohio State's defense is one of the best in the last 25 years

Ohio State has absolutely just dominated their way through this thing because they play smart football and they got the best defense. They got one of the best defenses we've seen in the last 25 years in college football.

Yamamoto is the first pitcher to win 3 World Series games since Randy Johnson in 2001

Yamamoto is not human. ... Denny comes back and pitches game six and then he comes back and wins game seven. It's insane. ... Randy Johnson in 2001, Mickey Lolich in 1968, Bob Gibson in 1967 and Lou Burdette in 1957. ... He won three games in the World Series, hadn't been done since I think Randy Johnson.

V.J. Edgecombe's NBA debut was the best since Wilt Chamberlain

VJ Edgecombe. Absolute beast. That's how, that's how you rebuild right there... Best NBA debut since Wilt Chamberlain. Wow. It's crazy. It's a crazy stat. Most points in his NBA debut since Wilt Chamberlain... 34 [points] in a win over the Celtics.

I was banned from my fantasy league by a corrupt commissioner

I was canned mid midweek last, last week by some what some are saying is maybe a corrupt commissioner. I was kicked from the league... He just like, sorry, had to drop you and because you didn't set the lineup how you should have set the lineup... The commissioner, coincidentally seventh place. I also wanna say commissioner, coincidentally first guy to make trades with the team.

The Eagles are not currently trading AJ Brown

Right now, I will tell you 'cause it just was something that I was part of the last few hours. They they are not trading [AJ Brown].

I am donating all my 50/50 raffle winnings plus an extra $25,000 to charity

I am gonna donate all the money and then some... I'm donating all the money and then more, I'm, I, I wrote Lavante a check for 75,000, which will hopefully get them back on their feet. And I'm just doing it. I'm the 50 50 is the love of the game... it was never about the money.

Jalen Hurts is in the elite company of Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers with 18 straight wins

Jalen Hurts has now won 18 straight games that he started and finished. And the only other guys who've done that are Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, and now Jalen Hurts.

Jalen Hurts is a winner who doesn't care about anything but the final result

Jalen Hurts in games that he has started and finished. He's 18 and oh in his last 18 games that he started and finished... The, the Eagles. And he doesn't give a fuck about how they just keep winning.

A Bengal tiger would kill a Jaguar in a fight every single time

I just looked at AI and a Bengal would kill a Jaguar like a hundred out of a hundred times. A Jaguar does have one of like the the fiercest bites in the animal kingdom. The problem is the Bengal outweighs the Jaguar by like 200 pounds.

Rajon Rondo is currently the number one ranked flag football quarterback in the nation

He is the number one ranked flag football quarterback in the country right now... there's all the basketball aggregators being like Rajon Rondo is currently the number one ranked flag football quarterback in the nation right now.

Aroldis Chapman is officially unhittable again

I didn't know Aroldis Chapman was just like Unhittable again. ... He's like truly unhittable again. ... 0.33 ERA over his last 30 appearances. That's insane.

A quarterback with long hair will never win a Super Bowl

If you have long hair, you can't win a Super Bowl as a quarterback. Never been done.

I got faster as a runner between the ages of 20 and 27

I got faster somehow. I'm not gonna lie, but is it really did I get super, did I get that much fast from 20 to 27? I wouldn't say now I just, I just got more efficient with my movements and there's no secret to it... when I'm here training, every Thursday I'm hitting high speeds.

Sundays are easier than training camp because I don't have to face Lamar Jackson.

Sundays are way easier. Like, and sometimes when this dude, some of the stuff he be doing at practice, I be like, bro, I'm glad I'm not going up against that because nobody else in the league can do what he do... Lamar makes it easier going up against even other dual threat quarterbacks.

I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before pretty much every game of my career

I would eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before the game. I started that in the minor leagues... and I stuck with that even in the big leagues... pretty much every game [for 1,937 games].

The Indiana Pacers were a physical and sneaky aggressive defensive team in the 2025 playoffs

I knew what it was going to be like Indiana, we knew how fast they were going to play and they were sneaky, aggressive defensively through the playoffs and nobody was really talking about it. But they were really physical.

The Home Run Derby's current timing format is too exhausting for players

I don't think people appreciate how exhausting it is for the players to take that many swings that fast. So it's something we will talk about with ESPN regarding changing the format.

I turned down hosting The Price Is Right despite a $10 million offer

I get a call out the blue and said, 'Hey, we're interested in having you host Price is Right.' And they said, Bob Barker signed off on you... I just didn't think I could do it well enough. It was $10 million a year [in 1999].

I am not an intercourse guy

Not much of an, not much of an intercourse guy.

Ben Simmons hitting threes in a wide-open gym is the official sign of summer

We have the first sign of summer and it's Ben Simmons in a wide open gym hitting threes. He looked good. He looked so good... That's, that literally means summer's here.

The Celtics are rebuilt but no longer the same core

The real NBA news though, is Hank your Celtics, the championship team that you were on a duck boat with... is no more. Kristaps [Porzingis] gone. Jrue Holiday gone. Are they done?

I am the undisputed greatest chess player of all time

I'm not sure I'm the right person to, to ask really, but I don't mind. That's that's completely fine by me... I feel like I'm, I'm getting there. So, that's all I can ask for.

I am currently the best at every single format of chess

At the moment I would say that I, I'm definitely the best at every, at every format that we we play. And honestly, my closest competitors are still the, the old guys, guys around my age. So yeah, the kids, they're good, but they're, they're not quite quite there yet.

The 2025 NBA Finals is the 'Paul George Finals'

These are the Paul George Finals. Paul George was traded for, I think it was Sabonis and Oladipo. And then Sabonis became Tyrese Haliburton. And then also Paul George was traded from OKC that became SGA. It's the Paul George finals.

The 2025 NBA Finals is effectively the Paul George Finals because he built both rosters

We may be headed to a finals where both teams were built on the back of trading away Paul George. The Indiana Pacers traded Paul George to Oklahoma City for Oladipo and Sabonis. Sabonis developed as a player and then they traded him for Tyrese Halliburton. The Thunder meanwhile traded Paul George for SGA and seven pick swaps, one of which turned into Jalen Williams. It's the Paul George Finals.

Jim Irsay was the first NFL owner with the 'balls' to stand up to Dan Snyder

I will never forget the fact that he is the first owner to have the balls to say fuck you to Dan Snyder when Snyder threatened to blackmail every other owner. And he goes, yeah, try me. 'cause everything that I've done is out in the open.

The 2011 Miami Heat lost the Finals because they hadn't learned to sacrifice yet

After we lost in that finals, that's humbling. We all was very, we all got some humble pie very quickly... We realized we was trying to show that we could play together and we wasn't sacrificing at first, we were hooping.

NBA parity is officially back with seven different champions in seven years

Parody is back. NBA parody is officially back this now with the thunder beating the nuggets in game seven. There are going to be, it's guaranteed seven different champions in seven different years in the NBA. And we also have the chance for two franchises who've never won a title in Indiana and Minnesota.

Nikola Jokic is the best basketball player in the world and was since his rookie year

I thought he was the best basketball player in the world... I watched it and at the end of the practice they asked me, said, what'd you think? I said, I don't know who that fat kid is over there, but he's your best player. And it's not even close.

Jordan Hudson has appointed herself as Bill Belichick's agent and media manager

It turned out that she had appointed herself Bill Belichick's agent and was the one negotiating with Ben Affleck and Matt Damon... She was the one, or at least she had a very controlling interest in saying, we can't do North Carolina because we're doing that for something else... she was CC'd on every single email at Carolina by Belichick's request.

I gave my NBA MVP vote to Shai Gilgeous-Alexander

I actually voted for Shai. And it was a very, very, very hard vote... The Thunder had 18 more wins than the Nuggets. Right. At some point I don't always vote for the guy who's the highest in the standings, but at some point that matters. Right.

A prime Secretariat could not win a race with a 235-pound Big Cat in the saddle

No shot, Big Cat, no shot. I'm sorry to tell you that. [You would finish] probably dead last. Even if you were an accomplished equestrian, at that weight riding Secretariat? No. He'd be up the track.