Takes

The Washington Nationals might not be as terrible as originally thought

The Washington Nationals might not be as terrible as I thought that they might be. There you go... I'm gonna overreact a little bit, but I still think they're not gonna be very good. But it's good having young players that are playing well.

The investigation into the 49ers substation being a health risk is not over yet

My who's back is first the 49ers substation because John Lynch came out and said that they hired an independent scientist... he basically said it was a big nothing burger. I feel like we're not gonna, this isn't the end of the story. Especially with the fact that he said that with nothing burger. Is that a scientifical?

If NFL players practiced for two weeks, they would easily beat the best professional flag football team

I think that if you gave the pros like a solid two weeks of practice with coaches that coach flag football, I think the pros could be better. Yeah. But it would take like... there are differences in the game. But yeah, if you gave them two weeks, they'd win.

The Lakers will lose 4-1 in the first round of the playoffs regardless of their current hot streak

What's gonna happen is they're like, they're good, but the other two teams above them are better and have been better all year and younger. Right? But again, what's gonna happen is they're like, 'They're good, but the other two teams above them are better.' ... When everyone tries to tell us the Lakers are gonna win the title, I'll just be like, 'Okay, cool.' They'll lose 4 to 1.

Phil Mickelson will win a LIV Golf event this year

Phil's gonna win one this year. Phil's gonna win one this year. They're getting him ready to... if you just say you want leave, they'll just give you a win.

The NFL will choose the Cowboys to play the Seahawks in the season opener

I'll go cowboys... I'm gonna bet that they just cowboys. They smashed the Cowboys button. They love that shit. Cowboys Giants Sunday night football. They love that shit.

Michigan got a major head coaching upgrade with Kyle Whittingham

It's bullshit that Michigan just like backed into one of the best coaches in college... Kyle Whittingham, that was, he's such a good coach. Michigan got a major upgraded head coaching... he's always had good teams at Utah. I think he's going to, with Michigan's money and recruiting, he's gonna win.

John Cena will return to WWE within the 2026 calendar year

I would say within a calendar year [of now]. ... Next calendar year, [John Cena] will be back. If it was his final match, he would not have lost.

Fernando Mendoza is a legitimate NFL quarterback prospect

I'm buying stock in Fernando Mendoza as a pro. ... I think he's got it. The way he nerds out about football... reading defenses. We're gonna lose Philip Rivers, but we're gonna gain a Mendoza.

Charlie Woods cemented himself as the future of golf after his hole-in-one

Charlie Woods is back. He got a hole in one on the third hole at Sawgrass today... Charlie Woods is the future golf. I think he cemented that today.

London should host a Super Bowl and it would be a cool event for the sport

The British ambassador of the US is pushing for a Super Bowl in London. I am down for it... I just think London would be a cool city for a Super Bowl. Better than San Francisco. It'd be a cool event, fun week.

I will cut my penis off if Rutgers is ever ranked #1 in football

I said when Greg Schiano was announced as the head coach of Rutgers, that if... Rutgers is ever ranked number one in football, I will cut my penis off. I feel good about that bet, actually.

Dustin Poirier will not stay retired and will fight again

I never believe it. Because then they, you know, they, they get arrested, they get healthy and they're like, ah, I could, I could do one more fight. I could make, you know, a nice payday doing another fight.

The Philadelphia 76ers will win the 2026 NBA Finals

I'm gonna match and double. I'm gonna say they're gonna win the finals. They're gonna win a chip. Love it.

The Gallagher brothers should break up during the Oasis reunion tour to stay true to their brand

I would be disappointed if they didn't break up during the tour. That means that they've changed. And I want the same Oasis. If you're buying tickets for this, part of the rush is spending all that money... not knowing if that concert's ever gonna go.

Wooly Mammoths will be cloned and brought back from extinction

My who's back of the week is Wooly Mammoths... There's a company called Colossal Biosciences and they just raised $200 million... to bring back and clone wooly mammoths... Willie Mammoths might be back soon.

I can successfully kick a 44-yard field goal with two months of training.

I think I can get to 44 yards if I give myself two months of training. Hank dunking, me kicking a 44 yard field goal. I'm gonna try to work the leg back up.

My botched dunk attempts will be 'technical dunks' involving a super-inflated basketball.

The way I'm gonna dunk, even if I am able to do it, it's gonna piss people off because I'm basically going to have a super inflated ball. I'm gonna throw it so that it bounces off the ground. I basically need to perfect bouncing a ball so that it lands basically bounces and lands in the hoop. I'm going to guide it on the way down. Tap it.

Mark Pope will succeed at Kentucky because nostalgia is a powerful drug

Kentucky basketball and Mark Pope. Yeah. I I'm with you. I think I'm be, I'm a believer in Mark Pope now. Nostalgia is a very powerful drug. Like I would just, if I were a Kentucky fan right now, I'd just be looking at pictures of Mark Pope and Rick Pitino and be like, this is, this is, we're going back. Sometimes you gotta go back.

The USMNT must reach the World Cup quarterfinals in 2026 or it is a massive disappointment.

I'm still, I'm staying my prediction that we need to make it, if we don't make it to at least the quarter finals in the next World Cup. Massive disappointment.

Charlie Woods is going to completely transform the game of golf

I think when all is said and done, Charlie Woods is gonna be the guy that completely transforms golf. Agreed. Yeah. He's gonna break the, break the mold.

Victor Wembanyama looks like he's going to be the greatest player of all time

Victor Wembanyama has been playing in the preseason and he looks like he's gonna be the greatest player of all time. I've never seen anybody the way he plays basketball. He's crazy... He puts like a dome over the rim. It's insane.

I don't want to start a family because aliens will likely kill us all within five years

I like thinking that aliens are real because then it really is like there's no reason to do anything. 'cause like within five years, like the aliens are gonna just come up and fuck us off. ... Like starting a family. It's like, I don't wanna, I don't wanna have kids like aliens are gonna come and kill 'em all. Yeah. Like, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna keep doing my thing.

Aliens likely live at the bottom of the ocean

I think the aliens are from Earth, bro. ... I think they're from the bottom of the Ocean. ... The earth is really large and we haven't really investigated most of the oceans.

The next US Men's National Team World Cup cycle will be a failure if they don't reach the quarterfinals.

Next world Cup. It's our year. If they don't get to at least the Elite eight... I'm sick of it. That's it. They need to get to the quarter finals. If they don't then it's a failure.

The upcoming Harry Potter TV show will suck

The movie sucks. The show's probably gonna suck too. That's my take.

Luka Doncic should think about leaving the Mavericks

If I was Luca, I would think about leaving Dallas.

I will bet on Will Zalatoris in every golf major until he finally wins one

Will Zalatoris on the leaderboard. I was like, God fucking damnit. This is the year for sure. I will bet him in every major until he wins a major. That is a guarantee.

Charlie Woods has more natural ability and will be better than Tiger Woods

I love Charlie Woods. I think Charlie's gonna be better than Tiger. I think that even Tiger would admit, Charlie's got more natural ability than Tiger ever had in his life.

Coach Prime will win a national championship at Colorado

Coach Prime going to Colorado... How much does that really [matter if he has experience]? He's Gonna win a national championship is what you're saying? Yes.

Gonzaga will never win a national championship in college basketball

Fucking Gonzaga. They're never going to win shit.

Arch Manning is less likely to be a bust because he has actually lost games in high school

Is he a bust? Is Arch Manning a bust... To have the discussion. No, because he's lost in high school, which I think is important for a quarterback's progression... I know guys who don't lose in high school, they don't pan out.

Josh Heupel will eventually be an awesome NFL head coach

Josh Heupel, he better not get to the NFL because I love taking pictures of that guy's face. His neck goes on forever. He's my new Frank Beamer... He's going to be awesome. He's going to be awesome [in the NFL].

The world will end on February 10, 2045

The world's going to end—January? No, it's going to be after the Super Bowl, February 10th. When? 2045. Okay, that's my prediction... on my 80th birthday. 2045, I'm gonna go out with a prostitute and a bad batch of heroin. Boom.

Tekashi 6ix9ine's addiction to Instagram Live will eventually lead to his downfall

this dude is so good at self-promotion... But the only downside to it is he's addicted to going live. He goes live when he's about to commit crimes. And as somebody who's on the run from people that are looking for him, I think that's going to be his downfall.

Lane Kiffin will eventually coach at Alabama

He is he's gonna end up being like the coach of, Alabama... This is it feels like this is his second to last spot... he's very clearly looking at something else and I think that something else is Alabama.

Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith will eventually run for President together

I can see a world like 10 years from now, 15 years from now, where the two candidates for president are Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith. And then they run together. And then they're co-presidents.

The Manning family will have a quarterback in the NFL until the day we die

We're all going to die here. We're going to die before Mannings are out of the NFL. Like there are going to be Mannings in the NFL till the day we die. They're just never, they're going to outlast us as human beings.

The Minnesota Timberwolves will never win an NBA title due to the Ja Rule curse

The Minnesota Timberwolves will never win an NBA title. It has been declared. You just jinxed yourself talking to the God [Ja Rule] this way. You're cursed now. You won't win a championship for the next 30 years and [Karl-Anthony Towns] is leaving.

I will read exactly one book and visit one museum in 2019

I have literally read one book [as a resolution]. That's a lot. I know that's a lot. I can do that. I also read, go to one museum. I have to pay for a ticket and try to learn a couple things in one museum.

Predicts Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will get divorced

I saw a lot of people tweeting like, oh, my God... they love each other. I can't wait for them to get divorced. It's going to be awesome. I hope she takes them for all of Sussex.