Takes

Zion Williamson shooting 80% in the preseason is incredibly impressive

Last three preseason games, 77 points in 81 minutes and 29 for 36 field goals, shooting 80%... 80% is pretty damn good, I would say.

The Rams, Ravens, and Cowboys moneyline parlay cannot lose

My can't-lose parlay: the Rams moneyline, the Ravens moneyline, the Cowboys moneyline. I think that's plus odds... I don't see how a single one of those losses. Grams... that is a hungry dog run fast... Rams need it. Ravens will not lose just put that one away to play the Bengals and the Cowboys will not lose their playing the Jets.

Notre Dame is officially back

I think that just showed the world that we [Notre Dame] that we are contenders, we could play anybody... like you said, we back now, we playing good now.

The 49ers are a 'good, good football team'

I think we need to actually give more credit to the 49ers. Yes, because the 49ers are a good, good football team. The difference between Kyle Shanahan's offense and Freddie Kitchens was like they were playing two totally different games.

Penalties occurring after a negated interception should not count

The rule that if you have like a excessive celebration or a, you know, Block in the back or something on an interception that gets negated. It shouldn't count. if the interception is negated everything after that should be allocated.

The Buffalo Bills will be at worst 7-3 heading into week 11

The Buffalo Bills are foreign one. The Buffalo Bills in their next five games have the Dolphins twice and the Redskins once. The Buffalo Bills are going to be at worst seven and three going in to week 11.

My 'Can't Lose' Parlay for Week 5 is the Bears, Eagles, Patriots, and Chiefs

The Can't Lose Parlay of the week. It cannot lose. Drumroll. The Bears, Khalil Mack, revenge game. Philly, they're not losing to the Jets. The Patriots, they're not losing to the Redskins. And then you get to just sit back and enjoy the Sunday night football game and have the Chiefs.

Storytelling is more important than stunts in a wrestling match

The story is what gets people... the perfect match to me is something that just builds throughout and you're engaged in the whole time and by the end of it, you're almost like emotionally drained. If the story is garbage. All those other things don't mean anything.

Chase Daniel has a higher floor but lower ceiling than Mitchell Trubisky

I think that chase [Daniel] has a lower ceiling but a higher floor... then Mitchell [Trubisky] does. He's not going to make mistakes. He's not going to lose you the game. But... if the Bears ever get into a game where they have to score and have to throw the ball downfield he's not going to be that guy.

The NFL is ruining football by calling too many holding penalties

There are way too many holding calls. I think we can all agree on that. Holding is the new fetch, and I'm sick of the NFL trying to make it happen because every single call is a holding call. It's like the old saying, you could call holding on every play. I feel like someone dared the NFL refs to actually do that this year.

The Chiefs will cover -6.5 against the Ravens

I will go with... The Chiefs, minus six and a half, because are we sure the Ravens are as good as they think? I don't think that we are sure. They beat the Dolphins, who stink, and they barely beat the Cardinals on the road.

The Packers and Broncos will hit the under 43

I'm taking the Packers and Broncos under 43. The Broncos last 10 games, 10 unders. And the Packers defense is good. I think that's going to be the easiest under of the week.

The Panthers will be much better than their 0-2 record if Cam Newton gets healthy

If Cam gets better, I definitely think the Panthers are much better than what the record indicates. But if Cam still is a problem, I mean, I've actually liked some things that I've seen out of Cincinnati. But I don't see a lot of upside there.

Uber should have a customer service phone number for when the app fails

These things like Uber... Would it be so terrible that there was a phone number to call if the thing wasn't working? There is no phone number. There is no one out there from Uber that has to respond to anything.

The Jets' season is already over after Sam Darnold's mono diagnosis and Trevor Siemian's injury

The point is the Jets' season is over. Luke Falk is not going to be the guy. I would assume he's not going to be the guy.

The Jaguars would be crazy to trade Jalen Ramsey

I think the Jaguars would be crazy to trade him. Crazy. I mean, he's really, really good. Really, really good.

Chris Bosh earned over $31,000 for every rebound in his NBA career

Chris Bosh totaled 7,592 boards, and on the court, he earned $239,063,622. Do the math. Bam. That's more than 31 grand per rebound. Not too shabby.

If a man finds an outfit that works, he should wear it every time

If you're a guy and you find something that works, you run that play until it doesn't work anymore. He got a girlfriend who feels secure enough in the relationship to introduce him to her family. That shit's working.

I am betting the Jets +6.5 against the Browns on Monday Night Football

I'm going to take the Jets on Monday night. Are you really? Yeah. Dude, this is a classic situation where everyone freaks out and everyone's like, oh, Sam Darnold's out. The Jets stink now. And it's six and a half points. And Trevor Simmons, he might not win the game, but he'll be good enough to keep him around.

The Bills will beat the Giants and cover -1.5

My favorite. I'm going to go with the Bills. Minus one and a half on the road. I like the Bills. I hate the Giants. I hate Pat Shurmur. I hate Eli Manning's stupid face in this game.

The Bengals will beat the 49ers and cover -2

I like the Bengals, minus two. I think the 49ers, a little bit of a fraudulent win week one. Their defense played well, but Jimmy Garoppolo did not... I think the Bengals, you saw it. They actually run a 2019 offense now... I think the Bengals are going to cover at home. Minus two.

Gardner Minshew is going to be a pretty good player in the NFL

I think he's going to be a pretty good player. And I saw the story that said that he used to do band workouts in the locker room naked... Yeah, he would, well, not really band workouts. Uh, there's a combination of dancing and running in place... He's like one of the most passionate players I've ever coached.

The NFL moving the Raiders out of Oakland is absolute bullshit

What the NFL is doing to the Raiders is absolute bullshit. I'm going to miss Oakland fans so, so much. Watching the black hole... the Raiders fans... just every single shot, every single camera shot to the crowd is art. It really is.

Tom Brady has a 'special power' that tells him who will be open on every play

I feel like Tom has like this special power and he like he like knows who's going to be open that play... just from all the practice, just from reading the guys being around them... that's what makes him so special and that's why he can get anyone open because he knows exactly where they're going to be.

Whenever Mike Vrabel is underestimated, bet on him

I am now making a new rule. Whenever Mike Vrabel is underestimated, bet on him. I feel like this happens every single time the Titans, we're like, the Titans stink, their offense is boring, and Marcus Mariota isn't the guy. They did it last year when they played the Patriots.

Nobody can ever truly achieve a first down because of Zeno's paradox

If you really want to get philosophical ... Nobody can ever truly achieve a first down because in order to get ten yards you first have to go five yards. And then you have to get five yards. You have to go two and a half yards and so you will never actually make it all the way to a down.

The Eagles, Seahawks, and Ravens moneyline parlay is a lock that cannot lose

The Philadelphia Eagles at home against the our words [Redskins] win. Seahawks at home against the Bengals. The Ravens in Miami. All the money line parley even money. How does that lose? It cannot lose.

The Seahawks will win the NFC West

I like the Seahawks out of the West before before Jadaveon Clowney got traded there just because I think the Rams still make the playoffs. But I think it's very hard to come back from losing in the Super Bowl. It's going to take a little time. I think the Seahawks are going to be a tough, tough team.

Novak Djokovic's shoulder injury at the US Open was real and only worsened as the match progressed

Because it [Djokovic's injury] got worse and worse as he lost the first two sets, idiot. You lose the first two sets, and then it's like, ow, my fucking arm really hurts.

Chick-fil-A would beat Popeyes if they released an extra spicy chicken sandwich

Develop an extra spicy chicken sandwich. If you go to market with extra spicy, that'll take all the buzz off Popeyes.

Climate change will cause the earth to fry in the next 100 years

Climate change is real and the earth is basically going to fry in the next hundred years... Or less. For sure going to happen.

Breaking Bad is the best show in the history of television

Breaking Bad movie following the season finale... I'm very excited about that. Very excited. Best show in the history of television.

The Popeyes spicy chicken sandwich is one of the best sandwiches ever

Unpopular opinion that Popeye's chicken sandwich is good. I'll die on that hill. No, it's really good. And I need to have another one.

Baker Mayfield is going to be a stud

I got to say, there's this running back named Nick Chubb... And we have Baker actually. By the way, he is going to be... a stud. Oh, a stud.

Justin Tucker has the most swagger of any current NFL kicker

Out of all the kickers in the game right now, which one do you think has the most Morton Anderson in them? Swagger? I would say Justin Tucker in Baltimore.

Hue Jackson stunk as a head coach

I'm just kind over the Hue Jackson, everyone should feel bad for me, woe is me. You stunk as a head coach. You could be a good offensive coordinator. You stunk as a head coach. I think that's okay to say.

No one in history has ever regretted getting a dog

No one regrets a dog. No, no ever that's facts.

Jon Gruden is the funniest coach in the NFL

Jon Gruden leads the league in being pumped... I fucking love them. I'm switching. We make fun of Jon Gruden. We make fun of the Raiders the whole hundred million dollar contract. I have switched. I want Jon Gruden to succeed because we need him in our lives for as long as possible.

The Antonio Brown helmet saga is officially exhausting

I am officially as well. So sick of Antonio Browns helmet. Yes, sick of the helmet but in love with the jumpsuit... just either find a helmet don't play with a helmet. I don't care. We might Riot if he continues to do the helmet stuff.

Joey Harrington was going to be an unbelievable NFL pro

I would have put my life my 20 no my 18 year old life on this guy being an unbelievable Pro Joey Harrington. I was convinced Joey Harrington was going to be so good... it was also like Oregon up-tempo. This is all new. Who is this guy? Joey Harrington, I was convinced I was going to be that dude.

Freddy Adu was going to save American soccer

I'm going to have to go with the goat Freddy Adu and we still don't know. He still could be great true... he was the first one I went to his very first game. DC United. I was there he got in after like I don't know 70 minutes. I was like if he's really good. He's probably be starting. That was my first clue. Yeah, but maybe he wouldn't be great.

Society will eventually reach a point where football is played every single day of the year

Eventually, we're going to get to a football season that just goes the entire calendar year, and I'm here for it.

Bill Walton should be the commentator for every sporting event televised

Bill Walton watching a baseball game is just, it's incredible. He should do way more games. I don't know why they haven't thought of this, but he should just do everything. When they do the Ocho on ESPN, it should just be Bill Walton.

Carolina Blue is the best shade of blue

I'll go Carolina blue. Who doesn't love that? Baby blue. Also, a.k.a.

Age 25 is the peak for physical strength in the human body

I'll go with 25. Peak strength. That is the human body's at your peak strength. [...] It's scientific fact. When you're 24 or 25, that's why BYU always wins games. [...] 25 is your peak strength.

Home Depot is the ultimate masculine experience if you don't ask for help

I successfully went to Home Depot and got what I needed without asking anyone. And there's no better feeling in the world. You feel like the manliest man that's ever walked Earth. It took me about 25 minutes to find the wood glue, but I did it.

I don't think you can put an age on leadership

I don't think you can put any type of age on leadership. I saw Sean [McVay] firsthand and I thought he did as good a job as anybody I've been around in terms of getting the respect and the command from the team.

The secret to the Stone Cold Stunner is doing it in a ring because the concrete has no give

The secret to the stunner is do it in a ring because you got a little bit of give. I hit my damn tailbone [on concrete] and every vertebrae in my back said, fuck you, don't ever do that again. So yeah, it works best inside a ring with a little bit of give.

You shouldn't be allowed to take three and a half minutes for a putt and then miss it

I'm pretty sure that you're not allowed to take three and a half minutes to line up a putt from eight feet and then miss the putt. If you make the putt, I think people overlook it. But if you miss that putt, then we're going to have an issue.

Eating raw cookie dough is worth the risk of salmonella poisoning

Eating raw cookie dough is worth the risk of salmonella poisoning... Dude, who gets salmonella from fucking eggs anyway? That's such bullshit.