Takes

Christian McCaffrey should not be drafted in fantasy football this year

Not taking McCaffrey at all... We're still not drafting Christian McCaffrey... I can't do it guys. I'm sorry. I can't do it.

There is a non-zero chance that Matthew Stafford died and has been replaced by a clone

A hashtag started Matthew Stafford died, or Stafford died weeks ago. And people are running with the theory that he's dead. And this is a clone because he finally was at practice on Monday. I'm not saying I don't believe it. There's a 1% chance I believe it.

The Super Bowl should be played in London to make it a bigger global event

It's a football field. It's the same dimensions, it's the same place. Hey, people are, have it so twisted where it's like, if we want this to be the biggest event in the world, we should have it in [London]... It's better for the sport. It's better for the show. It's better for us. It's better for everyone.

Europeans don't even have colleges

No, they don't have colleges in [Europe]. They don't have NFL teams there. But they have NFL games there. They don't play college games. Okay, actually they're universities.

Arch Manning is as close to—or maybe even better than—Joe Burrow

Arch [Manning] is as close to or maybe as good as Joe [Burrow] as I've seen. Really. And I've never said that about anybody. I watched his practice, and I'll say this conservatively... Arch is the real deal.

The Mona Lisa is an ugly, shitty, overhyped painting

We don't understand the hype of the Mona Lisa whatsoever. It's a fucking chick. And she's ugly. I don't get it... It's a fucking painting. It's so dumb. It's so hyped... It's a shitty painting. If you put that up in my house, it'd be like, take it down. She's ugly.

It would take at least 10 world-class UFC fighters to kill one silverback gorilla

A hundred of me will kill that gorilla. But we would need at least 10 [UFC fighters]. We would need at least 10. One guy is gonna have to sacrifice it, man. Yeah. You need one guy to sacrifice maybe two then you need one to be able to grab the back. I'll just keep on choking until it dies.

I will cut my penis off if Rutgers is ever ranked #1 in football

I said when Greg Schiano was announced as the head coach of Rutgers, that if... Rutgers is ever ranked number one in football, I will cut my penis off. I feel good about that bet, actually.

Caleb Williams missing throws in training camp is actually AI-generated

I did see another one [video] that got like no retweets of him actually nailing the drills. ... I sent [Ryan Whitney] the clip and he said, sick. He looks awesome, being obviously facetious. And I said, that's AI dude. ... But I got you to believe that for a second.

This Ravens defense has the potential to be the best ever.

I think this right here has the potential to be the best because we haven't done it yet. So it's untapped. So it's about, it's not about what's on paper, it's about what we actually do in person. I'm excited about the opportunity that we're gonna have as a unit because I know there's some damn good dudes on this team.

Jayden Daniels is a top five quarterback in the NFL

I'm the one who's saying [Jayden Daniels] is the top five quarterback. Without a doubt. No questions asked.

I will never be a better person than I am a golfer

I definitely fall short as a person... I think that's shit. I mean, it's like... I would say I have plenty of room to improve on the person front and, and definitely plenty of room and room to improve as a golfer as well. [Big Cat: There's no way you'll ever be a better person than golfer]. Yeah, I think that's, that's a fair option.

I had no intention of hurting Ruben Tejada during the 2015 NLDS slide

There was zero intention to fuck anybody up on that play... Obviously the outcome was different than other slides that I've had. I didn't anticipate actually hitting him nearly as hard as I did... I had no intention of hurting him whatsoever.

UFC would be a better sport if there were more KOs and no gloves

There should be more KOs. No gloves. Too much defense. There's too much defense. I want more. They should be standing up and just throwing fist. Be a much better sport.

Nikola Jokic will force a trade from Denver to the Chicago Bulls because of the large Serbian population in Chicago

I think Nikola Jokic is gonna force a trade out of Denver at the end of the season to the Chicago Bulls. Whoa. Number one Serbia population in America. Wow. That's just a wild one.

Every baseball game should be decided by a swing-off

I like the swing off. The end of game is great. I want everything decided by swing offs now. Regular season baseball games swing off... child custody hearings swing off.

Jayden Daniels is already a top five quarterback in the NFL

You know what, Jayden Daniels doesn't even need Terry McLaurin, he's still a top five [QB]. You could put Jayden Daniels out with any receiving corps in the NFL, he's a top five quarterback.

Jesus is the chillest bro of all time because he took a three-day nap

He's just the chillest guy of all time. Turn the other cheek. Try to, you know, bring world peace to the world. Dude, bro. Took a three day nap. How chill is that?

If Christian Yelich wins the Home Run Derby, Pardon My Take is officially over

If Christian competes in the home run derby and wins the home run derby... you know that your job would be, you wouldn't have a job. Why? Because the show would end. The last scene of this show would be us eating each other's ass. We can't come back from that. It'd be over.

Patrick Mahomes might be washed

Mahomes might be washed. He just discussed, he didn't play great at the end of the year. They choked in the Super Bowl.

Jaden Daniels is the fifth best quarterback in the NFL

I watched an hour of his highlights in the 4th of July... I think he's five. I think just, yeah, he's five.

The Wizards should draft Caitlin Clark to sell tickets

Why don't the [Wizards] draft Caitlin Clark? I think she'd sell tickets. I think she'd sell tickets. Now is, is she at the ability level to be an NBA player? No. Obviously not. But sell tickets. She can go out there, there ball and hoop. She can hit a couple threes.

Aaron Judge should be ineligible for MVP because being 6'7" is technically cheating

Aaron Judge should not be eligible for MVP. I agree. He's a beast. It's actually cheating how tall he is. He should not be eligible for MVP. He's different though. And just so we're clear, if Aaron Judge ever comes on this show, we will tell him he's the MVP.

Game 7 is a legacy game for the Thunder and Thunder Princess

I'm calling it tonight. This is a legacy game. Game seven for Thunder and Thunder Princess. This is what it's all about. ... If the Thunder win this game seven, then they're gonna have to answer questions for the rest of their lives about how they tarnished their legacy with this NBA championship.

The Knicks are going to hire Rick Brunson as their head coach

There's a theory that they're crossing all these names off. They're gonna ask everybody get denied and then they're gonna go back with a Rick Brunson being the coach. That's a theory I saw out there.

I am officially the best bunter in Major League Baseball history because I am one-for-one

I do say this though. I do say I'm the best bunter in major league history... I had one bunt attempt got it down. So. Anytime big situations, I always say I'm the best bunter in major league history. You ready to, can't take that away from me. I'm one-for-one.

Connor McDavid is the greatest hockey player of all time

I just started running around the room... running around greatest hockey player of all time. I just started tweeting that like, it's just, it's incredible to watch him.

Magnus Carlsen is no longer the GOAT of chess because I've only seen him lose for 48 hours.

I'm gonna say right now, Magnus [Carlsen] not the best. 'cause I have been watching chess religiously for almost 48 hours now. And all I've seen is Magnus lost.

The 2025 OKC Thunder championship will be the worst title of their upcoming dynasty

We have gotten ahead of it and we think this actually will be the worst Thunder team to win a title in their dynasty run. 'cause you guys [Alex Caruso] are probably gonna win like six in a row. So you're saying this is the worst this year? Yeah. We just back where we'll be like, can you believe that team won?

The Carolina Panthers are destined for the 2025 Super Bowl because of the Ohio State/J-Lo divorce prophecy

2024 Ohio State wins the National championship. The Panthers have a losing record. Next year, 2025, the Panthers open up with the Jacksonville Jaguars... Jennifer Lopez files for divorce from Ben Affleck. It seems like the Carolina Panthers gonna be the Super Bowl.

Charlie Woods will win more than five and a half career majors

Charlie Woods over under five and a half career majors... Over, over. Smash. Easy. Smash it easy.

I agree with Jay Williams that 'cancel culture' is why American players haven't won an NBA MVP recently because coaches are afraid to coach them hard.

Jay Williams... blames cancel culture for Americans not winning MVPs. Because our coaches are too afraid to coach the players hard and getting canceled. How much of this do you think is cancel culture? I hear a lot of coaches talk about they don't feel like they can coach young kids anymore because anything they say could get used against them. I think I kind of agree with Jay Williams.

The Boston Celtics are statistically a better team without Jason Tatum

the Celtics record overall is 74%, but they're 80% without Jason Tatum. That leads me to believe that just by the numbers. And we are a Numbers podcast... they are literally better this year without Jason Tatum.

Steph Curry is the West Coast version of Joel Embiid in the playoffs

Some are saying that Steph Curry is the West coast version of Joel Embiid in the playoffs.

The Bears and Commanders will meet in the 2025 NFC Championship game

This is January 25th and it is the Washington Commanders against the Chicago Bears for the NFC championship. Wow. That is my game of the year. Putting it all on the line.

The Detroit Tigers will win the American League

I'll say this right now. I think the Detroit Tigers are gonna win The AL. I don't know if they can win the World Series. There's some good teams in the NL... in the last month, it's like [Javi Baez] recaptured something and, and, and come back to the world as, as what the electrifying Javi Baez was.

Jayson Tatum is not a superstar

Jason Tatum is not a superstar... He didn't play on the Olympic team. He didn't play.

Jayson Tatum has officially replaced Joel Embiid as the worst playoff superstar in the Eastern Conference

I guess that a super embarrassing that Jason Tatum has now taken the crown of the worst playoff performer in the Eastern Conference... Joel Embiid for a long time was known as the worst Eastern Conference superstar to play in the playoffs. And Jason Tatum simply has worst playoff stats than Joel Embiid. And that's a fact.

Jayson Tatum was carried to his championship and would be a loser on any other organization

Jason Tatum would also be a loser if he wasn't playing for the Celtics... He played horribly in that championship and was carried by the rest of his team.

If Steph Curry wins FMVP with a torn hamstring, he is ahead of LeBron James

If Steph Curry wins NBA finals, MVP by the way, with a, a torn hamstring. He has a, a torn hamstring I think... You gotta put him ahead of LeBron.

The horse Mystik Dan (Sovereignty) is a 'beta' and a pussy for skipping the Preakness

I'm saying I'm gonna prank call sovereignty. I we should harass this horse. This is a beta horse. This is what happens. It's a horse that's been coddled its entire life... accomplished one thing... This horse is a fucking pussy.

The Capitals are going to 'skull fuck' Paul Bissonnette and the Maple Leafs in the Eastern Conference Finals

Paul Bissonnette, you better hope that you get your ass kicked in the second round because I wouldn't like nothing better than the skull fuck you in the Eastern Conference finals. And I will, I will skull fuck you. Tom Wilson will skull fuck you.

If the Hurricanes beat the Capitals, I will never masturbate to Brandy Love again

If the hurricanes beat the capitol, I'll never jack off to Brandy Love again. Ball's in your court. Mr. Beast is wrong. Also says that Brandy love is from Dearborn, Michigan. But she's a Hurricanes fan.

Bill Belichick is likely having a baby with his girlfriend Jordon

If I had to give one piece of advice to Jordon, have a baby. No, no. With Belichick, with Bill. Have a—let's get a baby in this thing. Consummate this love with a baby. A baby in the mix of this would be one of the greatest stories.

100 dedicated humans could easily defeat one gorilla in a fight

I think a hundred friends could be one gorilla. Everybody just gotta be dedicated to the shit. And that sparked a debate across the internet... I am firmly of the belief that a hundred people could easily be go a fight.

Having a stomach bug is one of the worst things that can happen to a human

Getting the stomach bug is by far the worst thing that can possibly happen to a human I think. Cancer, I feel like stomach bug's gotta be up there. Just kidding, just kidding... you feel like you're dying though. It's terrible.

New Rule: If you win Game 1 of a playoff series by 50 points, the series should immediately end

If you win a game one by 50 points, a series should be over. Okay. 'cause when this game was such a blowout, it was like 30 points in half. How much more exciting would it be in the second half if the Grizzlies were literally fighting to keep the series alive... If you win the game one by 50 series over, we've seen enough.

Good riddance to Lee Corso

Good riddance [to Lee Corso].

Travis Hunter will be more impressive in the NFL than Shohei Ohtani is in MLB

You think Travis Hunter will be more impressive than Shohei Ohtani? Definitely. I'm gonna be vindicated. I welcome the hate when it came, but in two years' time I wanna be sitting pretty.

Jalen Brunson is the next 'Can't Win The Big One' guy in the NBA

How about this one? Hank, you're gonna like this one. Jalen Brunson. Mm. Does that do anything for you? Yeah. Not clutch at all... I'm trying to predict where the narratives are gonna go next... The Knicks were built to beat the Celtics this year.