Takes

Brock Bowers is better than Rob Gronkowski and Travis Kelce

I can't believe how good he, like I, I think it could be, he could be better than Kelsey and Gronk... that guy's insane.

Jim Harbaugh had no knowledge of the Michigan sign-stealing scandal

I'm going with the theory that Jim Harbaugh had no knowledge of it and that Michigan is going to get sanctioned and Jim Harbaugh, 'cause he had no knowledge of it, has to recuse himself from Michigan and go coach the Chicago Bears.

The Jets are a better team than the Dolphins right now

I think the Jets are better than the Dolphins right now. ... I think the Jets play a style of football the Dolphins cannot play it. ... Good physical defenses is seems like it's [the Dolphins'] kryptonite. ... The Jets would maybe fuck up the Dolphins.

Julio Jones is currently 'Prime Julio Jones' again

I'm also fully back on Julio Jones... He's Prime Julio Jones... He said he is gonna dominate and if he says he's gonna dominate, then [I'm in].

Nebraska has an opportunity to win the Big 10 West and go to Indianapolis

We can win the Big 10 West and go to Indy... The West goes through Lincoln. We are holding the gun.

If the NFL hosts a Super Bowl in London, we should riot and reclaim England as a U.S. territory

If that happens, we riot. If we have to play a Super Bowl in England, we get all of England back as part of the United States. It's the Super Bowl. It's not the International Bowl.

Jalen Carter is already better than Aaron Donald

Jalen Carter will be back next week... [Big Cat: Jalen Carter's already better than Aaron Donald?] Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, okay.

NFL teams should fly to London earlier and use medically induced comas to acclimate

What should happen is the moment you get a chance, like maybe that Monday... you put your guys in medically induced coma, knocked them out, put them onto London time, get their body naturally acclimated, fly them over while they're all knocked out. And then you get there, you practice through the week. You use a copious amount of drugs to put them asleep at night and wake them up in the morning.

Bill Belichick is ruining the Patriots on purpose to make them easier to beat when he joins a new team

I think he's ruining the Patriots because he's gonna go somewhere else and then he'll make the Patriots easier to beat when he's at the next location. Vrabel to the Patriots Belichick to the Titans... Vanderbilt is where my dad coached Nashville is where I was born... It's coming home.

Brock Purdy is a top five quarterback in the NFL

My overly direct take... Brock Purdy this year is a top five quarterback in the NFL. I like it. Top five. I think he's number five in the NFL right now... If he gets to a Super Bowl, I'm gonna say it. Brock Purdy might be elite.

Drew Lock will eventually make five Pro Bowls

I still believe in Drew Lock. I think I had a take that he would make five Pro Bowls on this show. So you're never wrong about a take until you give up on it. Let that be a lesson to the Giants fans out there. Yes. I still think Drew Lock could possibly make five Pro Bowls.

James Harden will do something so egregious that he ends up in jail by the end of the week

I think that James Harden will end up in jail by the end of this week. I think he's gonna do something. He's gonna do something so ridiculous that someone in the front office is gonna call the cops on him. Like I think he may just like show up on the court naked.

I won't believe the Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce relationship is real until I see actual proof

The Swifties are at my door... for a clip on Monday that I, I said that I wanted to see until I, until I saw actual p and v, the relationship was not real to me. Let's just be clear, like it's similar to dinosaurs. Dinosaurs aren't real because I never saw them. So if I don't see, if I don't see sex, I don't think anyone's relationship is real in the world.

Soap doesn't actually work on your armpits

How come when you use soap, soap doesn't work on your armpits? Isn't that an interesting question? Take soap out of the equation. You're thinking about the soap. Take the soap out of the equation.

I would understand if the 76ers decided to trade Joel Embiid

It's not that I want to trade Embiid, but if we were to get like a very great offer... The Sixers are nowhere near [winning a title] right now... If that did happen, I wouldn't be like devastated. It would make sense to me.

The way to stop the 'Tush Push' is to physically assault the quarterback

How do you stop it? It's really simple. The defensive tackles have to get down very, very low and take out those offensive linemen. And then you have to have linebackers that are willing to come over the top with forearms and elbows and just go right at the quarterback. You have to physically hit the dude. If you bring bodily harm, then he'll tell his coach, 'Hey man, we might want to cancel that.'

Charlie Woods is on pace to win 40 majors

Charlie Woods just won a tournament. Charlie won a tournament... right now he's on pace to win 40 Majors, which is pretty incredible.

Mark Davis hired Josh McDaniels to get Tom Brady's help with inheritance taxes

Mark Davis, we all know that he's probably not gonna be able to afford the inheritance tax on the Raiders... Do you think that he hired Josh McDaniels as the head coach to get Tom Brady involved in the ownership group so that Tom Brady could then contribute to the tax bill when the time comes?

The 49ers have already clinched a playoff berth after Week 3

The Niners have clinched a playoff berth. Congratulations to the San Francisco 49ers. That's huge.

Rupert Murdoch is 'going to die soon' after retiring

He's [Rupert Murdoch] going to die soon. He's like Choppa, you take him out of his job, he going to die... Rupert Murdoch, he's gonna fall down some stairs and die. I'm gonna call my shot right now. He's dead.

I believe I can win 12 majors in my career

I feel like I can get to 12. I mean, think how many, I've already blown like... I feel like I should have nine right now.

Alabama is washed

Alabama's washed. Alabama is so washed. Done. Nick Saban is so bad at coaching football Big Cat. He is one of the worst football coaches in college.

Justin Fields is not the guy and the era is officially over

It's over. It's over... The Justin Fields era. It's over. He's not the guy. It, it's, it's bad. He, It's probably the most disheartening, heartbreaking realization to be like, I put all my blind faith into this... I now officially think it's over. He doesn't seem like he's seeing the field well. I know the offensive line sucks, but again, it's Justin Fields. Like he has not made any of the steps forward that you wanted as a passer.

The Bears vs. Bucs game is the biggest in Bears franchise history

I was premature. The Bears going to Tampa Bay is the biggest game in Bears franchise history. I'll just say that right now. I was a week early on my prediction of biggest game in Bears franchise history. This is a must win.

Baron Trump will eventually be the first overall pick in the NBA Draft

How awesome would that be if Baron Trump was the first overall pick in the NBA Draft. We were right. It was gonna happen.

Zach Wilson's ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes

Come on, Zach Wilson, his ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes. That's a fact. If he plays to the best of his ability.

Al-Qaeda is the only one who could have written the Monday Night Football script

Running out with the flag... hard knocks... there was so much hope and hype. And, you know, talking about the NFL script, the only one who could have written that script is Al-Qaeda.

The Bears are going to suck for the rest of my life and the Packers will be good

This is probably the lowest I've felt in a very, very long time. Yeah, that was terrible. Terrible, terrible, terrible. I, it's the same as it ever was. I am, I'm living in the worst version of Groundhogs Day possible. I had all the hope, all the expectations. I knew the defense was gonna suck. So I'm not that surprised that Jordan Love looked good. ... but yeah, that was really, really bad. And everything I was hoping for, I know it's a long season, but it feels like it's, the Bears are just gonna suck for the rest of my life. And the Packers are gonna be good for the rest of my life and there's nothing I can do about it.

The Bears will finish 11 and 5 and beat the Chiefs

I do think the Bears are still gonna be good this year. And Justin Fields, he's, they're gonna open it up. They're gonna beat the Bucs. I'm now, I'm back. They're gonna beat the Bucs. And guess what? They're gonna be beat the Chiefs. They are. Chris Jones won't be playing still. The Bears are gonna be 11 and five this year.

The Week 1 Packers vs. Bears game is the biggest game in the history of the Bears franchise

I have said this on many platforms, but I do, it's a slightly hyperbolic, but I do think that this might be the biggest game in Bears franchise history. It feels so significant because it is the Packers, because it's Jordan Love's first real season, Justin Fields, big season hopefully coming up.

Justin Fields will have a better NFL career than Trevor Lawrence

I think [Justin Fields] is gonna be better. He's gonna have a better career than Trevor Lawrence. I'm gonna stand by that commitment. I said it for my balls one time last year. Not for my brain, but sometimes I'm fielding my feelings right now and it's coming from my balls.

Mike White will win more games as the Dolphins starter this year than Tua Tagovailoa

My spiciest NFL take is Mike White will win more games for the Dolphins than Tua Tagovailoa. I just did this the other day. I'm rooting for him [Tua]... I'll take that back. No, I'll stand by it.

Tom Brady will come out of retirement to play for the New York Jets

Tom Brady comes out of retirement. And he comes out of retirement to play for the Jets.

Iowa will score 31 points per game and win the Big 10 West

I'm on record. They're gonna score 31 points per game and I think they're gonna win the west. I think they are the best team. They're the one I have the fewest questions about.

Tom Brady will eventually return to play for the New England Patriots this season

I will Tom Brady back to the Patriots. ... Tom Brady has been linked to conversations coming back to New England Patriots this year per us.

I will cut off a testicle if the Miami Hurricanes lose to Miami of Ohio

My hundred percent lock. I I will, I will cut off a testicle if Miami doesn't win that game.

Donald Trump is the best golfer in the United States

Rick Re says that it wasn't actually 67. I don't be a hater, Rick. He says it was more like an 86... [Trump] is the best golfer in the United States.

Garrett Wilson will have 2,000 receiving yards in 2023

Garrett Wilson. 2,000 yards this year. Easy. 2,000. Easy.

Josh Allen, Joe Burrow, Jalen Hurts, Trevor Lawrence, and Justin Herbert are the top five quarterbacks in the NFL

Top five quarterbacks in the league right now. Sam Howell, Josh Allen—Sam Howell, no. Josh Allen. Josh Allen, Joe Burrow. Joe Burrow, Jalen Hurts, Trevor Lawrence, Justin Herbert, Justin Herbert. That's our five. Yep. That's our five right there.

Miley Cyrus will perform the sexiest Super Bowl halftime show ever in Las Vegas

Miley's back, she's gonna play at the Super Bowl probably in Allegiant Stadium, which is the sexiest stadium in the world. It's gonna be the most boner inducing halftime show of all time. We can only hope and pray that Justin Timberlake gets out there and there's another Janet Jackson scenario.

Bijan Robinson is the best running back of all time

Bijan Robinson is the best running back of all time. That was a great, great performance by him. That's, he's a clip monster.

Stetson Bennett is a future Hall of Famer

First, right off the top. Stetson Bennett, future Hall of Famer. Yeah. He looks good.

Birds are not real and are actually government surveillance plants

Birds aren't real. They're government plant. Have you ever seen a bunch of birds go onto... Have you ever seen them on telephone wires? That's them charging. You've never seen a baby bird.

The female orgasm is a myth created by 'Big Orgasm'

The female orgasm. Not real. Big orgasm has been lying to you guys. Girls don't come. They just do it because they like to make us feel bad for coming too quick. Exactly... let's be honest, let's get real honest here. That shit's not real.

Justin Fields is currently a better quarterback than Trevor Lawrence

I think Justin Fields is better than Trevor Lawrence. It might be the worst take. I might look back on this in two years and be like, you've said a lot of dumb shit on this podcast before. This might be one of the dumber ones that I've said.

Kenny Pickett might be the 2023 NFL MVP

Kenny Pickett might be MVP. That's another one... Mike Tomlin said that Kenny Pickett needs to play more than a seasoned vet and he was very good.

Shark attacks are not real and people just overreact to minor injuries

I don't think shark attacks are real. I just don't think they're real. I think someone hits their leg on like a coral reef or something. I don't believe them. I do not think they're real. I think someone... you're a bad swimmer. You probably stubbed your toe and then overreacted.

Nathaniel Hackett is future NFL head coach material

I think he's future head coach material. Just the way that you, it's, it tells you a lot the way that you can get along with a star quarterback if you have that trust that guy's a rising star... Once he gets that under his Belt, I think he's gonna, he's gonna turn some heads.

I could beat up Amanda Serrano in a boxing match

I said the one thing [Amanda Serrano] might have me on is cardio, but if I could... I'd keep her at bay with my jab. She would never get inside me.

Blow jobs are stressful and awkward

I find them to be—it's a lot of pressure. What am I supposed to say? I just feel like it's really a lot of pressure on me... then I just feel like I'm supposed to be making noises or something... if I had to sum up blow jobs in one word, I would say stressful.