Takes

Dan Campbell will get at least three years as the Lions head coach

He gets three. I agree with that. Three feels like he will get at least three Dan Campbell.

The Buccaneers can beat the Packers at Lambeau Field

I have talked myself into the Bucs being able to beat the Packers... I have fully talked myself into it. I don't know. I just have talked myself into it. I have talked myself into it.

Aaron Rodgers will eventually become the full-time host of Jeopardy!

I actually think that Aaron Rodgers is going to eventually be the full-time host of Jeopardy. I think he's going to be, after he retires, I think he will. I think Aaron Rodgers is going to like doing it too much, and it combines all his favorite things: mustaches, being smarter than everybody, and letting everybody know that you're smarter than them.

The Bills will win the AFC Championship, possibly convincingly

I said it on Monday, and I'm sticking with it. I think the Bills are going to win, and I wouldn't be surprised if they win convincingly.

The NFL will let Patrick Mahomes play in the AFC Championship regardless of his concussion status

I forgot that Roger Goodell was in charge of the NFL. Yeah. You thought for a second that we actually cared about player safety. Roger Goodell probably would delay the game by week... just to make Patrick Mahomes play... their star player is going to play and they'll find any way to spin it that it wasn't a concussion.

The Bills defense is good enough to prevent the Chiefs from 'flipping the switch'

If they spot the Bills 17 points, that's going to be very, very difficult. It's not the same as playing against a Texans defense that can't stop anything or a Titans defense that was slightly fraudulent.

Julian Edelman is not retiring from football yet

Right now, we're being a dad right now, and we're sitting back, and we're training, getting our body ready for the next year... We're not there yet [on retiring]. Right now it's the time, like I said, it's going to be, this whole year was so jacked up, man. I just need to decompress for a little bit.

Tom Brady's competitive stamina is unmatched by anyone

His competitive stamina is second to zero to no one. Absolutely no one. I mean, he comes in every day with a purpose, with trying to improve something. He eats, breathes and sleeps this stuff. I've never doubted him, and I don't think anyone should.

Playing in the cold or snow is much better than playing in the rain

I still pick to play in the cold, though, over rain any day... Like a 37-degree rain is the worst thing to play in when it's so cold, but it's still really cold, but it's wet. You'd rather go in the snow or have it cold.

The Houston Astros were flat-out cheating, not just looking for an edge

To have some guy on a computer and a button sitting in the video room and seeing what the catcher's putting down—I mean, that's, there's no place for that in the game. That's, you know, that's cheating. That's cheating. That's not looking for an edge. That's flat-out cheating. And, you know, I was pretty disgusted with it. I'm not going to lie to you.

Barry Bonds was easy to pitch to because the best strategy was just walking him

Barry Bonds, he was the easiest guy in the league to pitch to. I mean, because you throw him fastballs away, and if it mattered at all, you just walked him. So he was like, no stress. That dude was so easy to pitch to. It's his fault for being as good as he was.

Roger Clemens was the best and most complete pitcher of my era

For my money, I always thought the best pitcher was [Roger] Clemens coming up. The guy that I played with in my era. I thought he was a complete dominant pitcher. I think he had not only the great stuff, the great God-given ability... I thought he had really good game plans as well.

Tom Izzo will eventually be considered overrated by the general public

I'm squatting on the take. I'm not saying that he's overrated. I'm just saying people one day soon eventually will start saying that Tom Izzo is overrated.

You can tell a guy is a terrible negotiator if he is 'thirsty' and keeps calling when people won't call back

First of all, on top of everything else, obviously [Jared Porter] is a scumbag and he got fired... he's also a terrible negotiator. What do they teach you in negotiating school? Do they teach you to just look really thirsty and keep calling people when they won't call you back?

Adults need a one-month seminar on how to be normal human beings to avoid 62-text-message-type behavior

We need like a one month seminar where people can just learn to be normal human beings, because... throw out just the dick pic, which is way out of bounds... but 62 text messages over, like, a couple months with no reply... dude, you need to learn just a tiny bit of shame.

Patrick Mahomes will pass the concussion protocol and play in the AFC Championship

I'm ready to say that I think that he [Mahomes] will pass the concussion protocol test at the end of the week.

The Bills vs. Chiefs AFC Championship game could easily be a blowout for either team

I said the Bills could blow out the Chiefs. I guess I should have just phrased it the lame way and been like, it's a coin flip game... I'm saying a blowout wouldn't surprise me either way... both these teams are so fucking good that if either shows up with their A-plus game, they will blow out the opponents.

Kyrie Irving is the Tom DeLonge of the Brooklyn Nets

I think it's like Blink-182. I think that Kevin Durant and James Harden are Mark and Travis, and then obviously Kyrie's Tom. And then he's off somewhere studying aliens. And then he's going to get pushed off to the side eventually.

Novak Djokovic is a scumbag for his selfish COVID restriction requests

Australian Open, Australia has COVID under control... Djokovic sent in basically his own list of requests and suggestions on how they can actually do a better job with COVID... His suggestions were to basically lessen the restrictions, make it easier. Basically, he was selfish.

The dysfunction in the Houston Texans' front office involves things too bad for television

Dan Orlovsky was talking about the Texans GM mess... and he said that it's worse than is being reported... and it's so bad I can't say it on television... How bad could it get that you can't say it on television? ... Is it satanic orgies?

I am okay with moving the Elite Eight and Sweet Sixteen to Saturday through Tuesday

I do actually like that. They're the Sweet 16 and Elite Eight. Sweet 16 is Saturday, Sunday, Elite Eight, Monday, Tuesday. I'm okay with that because Elite Eight is, it's weird when you have the Elite Eight on that Saturday and Sunday and you're like, wait, there's only two games... Whereas now you'll work all day Monday and then you get basketball at the end of the day.

Jimmy Butler is a great teammate and the media perception of him is wrong

Jimmy Butler is a great teammate. I don't understand the media twist on what he is... he challenges people and he pushes people, and a lot of people aren't willing or wanting to maybe hear that. But in reality, it's just trying to achieve success... He's certainly had a huge impact on my career.

NBA officials might respect me more if I had a tattoo sleeve

I've thought that [getting tattoos]... from just a respect standpoint, you know, like whether it be officials or the opposition... particularly like in the playoffs, I got targeted a lot on defense. I figured maybe that would happen a little bit less if I had some [tattoos] on me.

Faking a birth certificate to seem younger would do wonders for my NBA career

I think that that [faking a birth certificate] would do wonders for my career. I think unfortunately now that they kind of break it out that I'm 26 and in my third year, which is incredibly old. But if I could retroactively go back and make that happen, I think that would really be advantageous.

If you don't look at the internet for four hours, you miss 10 years; if you don't look for a week, you miss nothing

The internet's a weird thing like that. If you don't look at the internet for four hours, you feel like you missed 10 years. But if you don't look at the internet for a week, you feel like you missed absolutely nothing.

Drew Brees is clearly washed

Drew Brees clearly looked very washed. I've been on the Drew Brees is washed train for two years now and I've said that the Saints have a Super Bowl roster and the only thing that's holding them back is Drew Brees.

Drew Brees' physical limitations cost the Saints the game

It was clear. [Brees] can't throw the ball over 15 yards. His mind is still there, but he doesn't have any of the physical abilities. And that cost the Saints the game. Drew Brees unfortunately lost them the game.

Jameis Winston's one touchdown pass against the Bucs will earn him a massive contract next year

That one pass made Jameis Winston $25 million next year. I don't know about that much, but it definitely... whoever comes in second with the Deshaun Watson jackpot, they're going to have to pony up some cash for Big J-Dog.

Saints fans will eventually regret only winning one Super Bowl with Brees and Payton

If you asked a Saints fan, like, hey, that was incredible, awesome memories, but there's definitely a small part of you that's saying to yourself, shit, how do we only win one? That absolutely exists.

In the modern NFL, good offense always beats good defense

At this point in time, it used to be the saying, good defense trumps all, defense wins championships. That's not the case anymore. Good offense beats good defense in the NFL today.

Matt LaFleur is a better coach than Sean McVay

If LeFleur gets there, gets a two NFC championship games in a row, beats his old master on the way there, I think he might be [better] because McVay got to that Super Bowl on the pass interference call, laid an egg in the Super Bowl.

The Packers will beat the Buccaneers in the NFC Championship Game

Packers are going to win. Probably. Packers are a wagon right now. And they're going to win. It's going to be boring. Nope. They're still going to score 33 points.

The Buccaneers will beat the Packers straight up

I think the Bucs are going to win straight up.

The wind is a bigger factor in NFL games when there are no fans in the stands

The wind with no fans, with less than a full house, will be whipping more. I think we saw it... enough bodies will just stop the wind.

Lamar Jackson is the second best playmaker in the NFL behind Mahomes

Lamar, to me, is... if you want to say playmaker, he's probably the second best behind Patrick Mahomes. But all-around quarterback, he is still limited as a thrower.

The Bills are a complete team that hasn't played their best game yet

The Bills are a complete team... and it's crazy to me that the Bills – I never thought I'd be sitting here saying the Bills are in the AFC Championship game... and they haven't even come close to playing their best playoff game.

The Bills could blowout the Chiefs in the AFC Championship Game

There's part of me that thinks the Bills might fucking blow out the Chiefs. I wouldn't be shocked if the Bills dominated the AFC Championship. I wouldn't be like, oh my God, where'd this come from? I really think they have that in them as a complete football team.

Baker Mayfield is definitively the 'guy' for the Browns

Is Baker our guy? Baker's your guy. Baker is your guy. It's definitive as can be. Baker is your guy. If you can get any type of defense around that offense, you guys are going to be really good next year.

Patrick Mahomes will play in the AFC Championship Game regardless of the concussion protocol because the NFL needs him

Mahomes... I think Mahomes will be fine. He's going to play. I'm not saying it's right. What I'm saying is he's going to play. Andy Reid's already planting the seed. The NFL would never allow an AFC championship game to be played with Chad fucking Henney.

The NFL's 'fumble through the end zone' touchback rule is actually good because it's the only rule that favors the defense

Everyone says it's a bad rule... I disagree. I think that it's not a bad rule. In fact, I think it's a good rule. It's the only rule that favors the defense at all. The way that the game's going, every rule change is in favor of the offense... This is the one rule that on defense, it gives you a little bit of [help].

The fumble through the end zone rule should result in the offense keeping the ball but facing 3rd and Goal from the 50-yard line

The offense should get to keep the ball, but it should be third and 50 from the 50. Third and goal from the 50. That would just be fun. That would be cool. Most of the time it will end up being a punt and the defense would end up getting the ball anyway.

Urban Meyer will get the Jaguars to an AFC Championship Game

I'm going to say that Urban Meyer won't be an abject failure. Now, what does that mean? I think Urban Meyer will get the Jags to an AFC championship game. I don't know if he'll last more than five years.

Urban Meyer won't last longer than three and a half years in the NFL

Urban Meyer, I don't think he'll last... longer than three years in the NFL. I think it's three and a half. Three and a half is the over-under.

The Houston Texans have been hijacked by Jack Easterby and it's a complete shit show

The Texans are being... they essentially, like... the owner got duped by a guy who's reading palms and being like, hey, here's what our future tells us. It's crazy. It's nuts. Jack Easterby is essentially making the McNair family pray with him for his own success.

The Eagles have a problem because Howie Roseman treats Carson Wentz like he won the Super Bowl

There was one line in it that was like, Howie Roseman treats Carson Wentz like he won that Super Bowl. It's like, well, that's a problem. They chose him. He essentially has just been like, yeah, Carson Wentz is the best quarterback of all time, even though he hasn't... played like six snaps in the playoffs.

The Houston Astros officially cursed the city of Houston

Do you think this has anything to do with the Houston Astros have now officially cursed the city of Houston? Because James Harden and now Deshaun Watson both want out of town... It all goes back to the Houston Astros and their cheating scandal.

The Houston Rockets are the winners of the James Harden trade

The Rockets, actually, I will say are a winner just because James Harden was going to eat himself to 300 pounds, was not going to try... they got anything for him, and they got a lot. They got a lot of picks.

The Nets will break the NBA scoring record

They're going to score 150 points a game... They could break the record. I think the record's like 250.

Kyrie Irving is never coming back to this planet

What makes you think Kyrie Irving is ever going to come back to this planet?... [He has] gotten farther and farther off the reservation. And it just never happened. And he's gotten farther and farther off the reservation.

The Packers will beat the Rams in the Divisional Round

In my heart of hearts, I think the Packers are going to win... I know deep down this is probably a game that Aaron Rodgers is going to win just because Jared's thumb. He had surgery 10 days ago or 11 days ago. It's going to be fucking freezing cold.