Takes

The Rams will beat the Packers because of their defense

I want the Rams to win, but I disagree with you because I do think that the Rams could win. I'm feeling good just in terms of their defense. I like the Rams' defense a lot.

Bills vs Ravens will be a closely contested coin-flip game

It's truly like a coin flip game in my mind... It won't be a blowout. These two teams are too evenly matched. 40-10 [jokingly]. But that's how I feel.

The Browns are 'live' to cover +10 against the Chiefs

I have talked myself all the way into the Browns... they haven't beaten the team by more than six points. So they've been toying with teams... The Browns are too live in this game for 10 points.

The Saints will dominate the Buccaneers

I think they're going to win. I think they're going to dominate the Bucs... I don't think this is going to be close. I think this one might be a blowout.

The Rams are a lock for the Under every week

Every fucking game [the Rams] play under. I mean, obviously last week, but it still hit. I've been wise to the Rams for [unders]... two months ago.

The formula for the Browns to beat the Chiefs is a dominant run game and keeping Patrick Mahomes off the field

We have to have the absolute best running game that the Cleveland organization has seen in the last 10 years... and the Chiefs defense is like 31st against the run. If we can get out to control the clock, early start, gain a lead, and kill time, that is our best chance.

If you don't like Lamar Jackson, you're an asshole

I'm a huge Lamar Jackson fan. I am. Even though I'm a Browns guy, I feel like he's the most likable player in the NFL. If you don't like Lamar, you're an asshole. That's how I kind of feel.

Eventually there will be a QB who runs like Lamar Jackson and passes like Patrick Mahomes

Think about eventually there's going to be a quarterback who can run like Lamar and pass like Patrick Mahomes. And then our minds are going to be just blown at that point.

Jalen Ramsey is the best cornerback on planet Earth

Jalen Ramsey is the best corner on planet Earth. He really is... it takes three guys to block Aaron Donald. And Jalen can guard anybody one-on-one for the regular time, let alone a quicker tick because he has Aaron Donald chasing down the quarterback.

The Browns' offense improved when Odell Beckham Jr. got injured because Baker Mayfield stopped forcing him the ball

When OBJ went down, the offense kind of started clicking more because at that point Baker Mayfield stopped thinking, 'Oh, let me get Jarvis touches, OBJ touches'... and it was like, 'Let me just throw to the open guy.'

The Buccaneers will beat the Saints in the Divisional Round

I actually have the Bucs winning this game... Antonio Brown is starting to look like Antonio Brown... they're finally getting his rhythm. Couple that with some of the injuries on the Saints side... I'm going with the Bucs.

The Browns will beat the Chiefs by three points

I will go with the Browns will win... the Browns are going to win... win by three.

The Packers' defense is 'fraudulent'

I like the Packers defense, but I do think that it is a little bit fraudulent, could get exposed by the right offense. And I just don't know if this is the right team to do it. I think this easily could be a Rams cover defense.

Josh Allen struggles significantly when he is pressured

Josh Allen has faced eight top 10 blitz heavy teams... and he's done well against the blitz. But there's a difference between a blitz and pressure... And Josh Allen has massively bad splits when he is being pressured.

Mark Andrews will have a big game against the Bills

I think Mark Andrews is the key guy that you want to be looking at to have a big game for Baltimore. I think regardless of what Buffalo ends up doing, they stink covering tight ends. So I think Mark Andrews is going to have a big game here.

Travis Kelce will have a massive game against the Browns' linebackers

I like Travis Kelce. I think he's going to have a really big game against the Cleveland Browns' linebackers.

I am going to kick Jose Canseco's ass

I'm going to fucking kick his ass... I'm going to fuck him up. No, yeah, you are. Dude, I've hit the point in my athlete-to-weapon transition where it's like, the only way to win and to get this guy to stop punching me is I have to punch him harder to make him quit.

Nick Saban is the greatest coach to ever coach anything in any sport

Can we say in any sport, Nick Saban is the best coach to ever coach anything?

Nick Saban can truthfully guarantee every recruit a national title if they come to Alabama

If Nick Saban walked into your living room at any point in the last 14 years, he could say to you and your family, you will win a national title if you come to Alabama, and it is true. You can look at it, 09, 11, 12, 15, 17, 20... You are guaranteed to win a national title.

Nick Saban would eventually win a national title for West Virginia if he finished his career there

I think I would love to see Nick Saban at some point go finish his career at West Virginia. Just like maybe once he turns 75, get the end of the run for Saban, have him bring a couple titles to the Mountaineers.

Using Delta 8 THC will make you better at video games

3Chi is great. It'll make you better at video games. There, I just said it... I get more kills as a single person in Warzone when I take a 3Chi than we do as a team when I'm playing with Billy.

James Madison will win the FCS National Championship this year

JMU has a shot this year at winning the Natty. We got a second football season [in the spring].

I will 'wipe Jose Canseco off the face of the earth' and force him to retire from public life

If I beat up Jose Canseco and he loses his fight, I don't see how he can even show his face in public again. So I'm literally wiping him off the face of the earth. We're never going to hear from him again.

The Cleveland Browns will get 'clapped' by the Kansas City Chiefs in the Divisional Round

The Browns are going to get clapped against the Chiefs.

Bitcoin investors will die rich without ever spending their money because they're obsessed with being 'right' about the currency

The whole point of being rich is to spend money and do cool shit. Bitcoin people just... in the next 10 years it's going to be the only currency that exists... there's going to be at least a few people who die and they're like they're going to be on their deathbed and they're going to be worth 100 million dollars they didn't spend any of it but they're like but I I was right.

Tom Brady's Instagram post mocking Drew Brees will provide 'bulletin board material' for the Saints

Tom Brady's Photoshop that he put out was him and Drew Brees, both looking very old... Tom Brady in this Photoshop gave Drew Brees neck cancer... and it's going to be bulletin board material for the Saints. I'm calling it right now.

Deshaun Watson does not have it in him to actually sit out games to force a trade

I don't think [Deshaun Watson] has it in him, though. I really don't. I just think he wants to play football.

The PLL and MLL merger is a monumental moment in lacrosse history

I think that this is actually probably like a huge moment in the lacrosse history. This is like when the NFL and AFL merged.

Vince McMahon is the smartest person I've ever worked with

He's the smartest guy I've ever worked with. And I always tell everybody I've learned more working with Vince McMahon than I have anywhere in my life, including, you know, damn near five years of college.

I will never wrestle another match in my life

I'll never wrestle another match in my life... I'll say it. I'm done. Never's a long time [but] no, it ain't worth it... I got the wrestling bug out of my system.

My dream hypothetical match would be against Bruiser Brody

Bruiser Brody would be really high on my list. It'd obviously be in prime Stone Cold brawling years... because that's the only way a Stone Cold could have matched up with the power, force, size, and strength and wild man tactics of a Bruiser Brody.

Big Ben Roethlisberger will spend the entire offseason watching pornography

Sad Big Ben. He's going to watch so much porn this offseason.

Beating the Steelers was effectively the Super Bowl for the Cleveland Browns

These Browns just won the Super Bowl because I don't think anybody expects the Browns to go out next week and beat the Chiefs... this was the Super Bowl for the Browns, and they did it.

The 2020 Pittsburgh Steelers were the worst 11-0 team in NFL history.

This does validate our take that the Steelers were the worst 11-0 team of all time. That was bad.

The Steelers will trade for Sam Darnold and he will become the next Ben Roethlisberger

I still think they're going to get Sam Darnold, and he's going to be the new Big Ben. He's kind of fit for it. Big guy, throws some picks.

Josh Allen's elite balance and footwork are more important than his arm strength

I actually think that his feet are better than his arm... His feet are the best that I've seen in the NFL this year. He's always on balance. He's never off balance... That is actually sometimes better than having a hose attached to your shoulder.

The Colts will trade for Carson Wentz and reunite him with Frank Reich

Carson Wentz. Frank Reich and Carson Wentz. Bring them back together.

Pete Carroll is an overrated coach whose success is primarily due to elite talent masking his lack of in-game adjustments.

I love Pete Carroll, but I think he might not be a great coach. I think he's had some of the best talent on defense. He's had Russell Wilson and Marshawn Lynch. And Russell Wilson covers up a lot of stuff. ... As far as in-game, the most adjusting he does is just switches his gum from the left side over to the right side during the game.

Russell Wilson is to blame for the Seahawks' stagnant offense and postseason failures

There seems to be a little bit of a rumbling that Russell Wilson is more to blame than people are letting on... in those 16 playoff games, he's 25 touchdowns, 12 interceptions, 236 yards average... that's not like lighting the world on fire.

Russell Wilson does not belong in the same elite tier as Patrick Mahomes, Aaron Rodgers, and Tom Brady because he lacks their signature postseason success.

We all put him in the Mahomes, Rogers, Brady category. I don't think he is. ... When you think about Brady and [Brees] and all these other guys, they have these insane playoff games. I don't know if Russell Wilson has had that type of resume.

Sean McVay is a 'mini Belichick' due to his ability to completely change team identity to win

When people put him in the conversation as like the next Belichick or mini Belichick. This is why. Because when I look at the Rams... they basically completely changed their team to a defensive team, running team... He's not going to try to beat you just his way. He's going to beat you whichever way is best.

The Washington Football Team is just one competent quarterback away from being one of the best teams in the NFL.

We're a major, like, we get a quarterback and we could be one of the best teams in the NFL. So when I see us, if you have us listed, if you have the Washington football team listed below 16 in your power rankings, I'm going to write some fucking letters.

Tony Dungy is a poor broadcaster who should stick to being the 'warden' of sports morality on Twitter rather than providing professional analysis.

I don't really need to hear Tony Dungy anymore. He's not good. ... You're in the booth. You're supposed to be assessing the game from a professional standpoint, right? So you shouldn't be going like Taylor Heineke's a 10-year starter in this league. That's for what that's what Twitter's for.

Mike Vrabel’s fourth-and-two punt against the Ravens was the most cowardly coaching move of the weekend

Mike Vrabel cut off his balls instead of his penis... It was honestly the most cowardly punt that I've seen... Bad weekend for Mikes in their punting. Bad, sad punt weekend.

The Chicago Bears are a soul-sucking dumpster fire with no end in sight

The Bears suck... they play a soul-sucking version of football. It's exhausting... just a fucking dumpster fire of an organization. This is the opposite of the Washington football team. I feel worse because it feels like there's no end in sight.

Matt Nagy and Mitch Trubisky cannot coexist because Nagy’s lack of trust in his quarterback results in a 'handcuffed' offense that can't win playoff games.

This is exactly why they can't both coexist because Matt Nagy doesn't trust Mitch Trubisky. So he puts handcuffs on the guy and then is like, hey, go out and try to win a playoff game with handcuffs on.

Winning the Nickelodeon Valuable Player (NVP) award is a more prestigious accomplishment than winning a Super Bowl or the NFL MVP.

I know that this is recency bias, but tired Super Bowl Lombardi trophies, wired [Nickelodeon] MVP. ... Russell Wilson's never won it. You know who else hasn't? Patrick Mahomes... Deshaun Watson.

Modern college recruits are making a mistake by prioritizing the NFL over their college experience

These high school going into college, these kids are missing out on an opportunity to really make a difference in the college game... it's like they don't even really plant their roots at their college stop... they all think they're going to become Patrick Mahomes... when it doesn't happen, you need to have something to fall back on.

College football should allow players to return to school if they aren't drafted where they expected, effectively giving them a 'mulligan' for hiring an agent too early.

There should be a rule that two weeks after the draft you can go back to college. You can say, I'm going back to college. ... I hired an agent. I made a mistake. Let me go back and play some more college ball. I really do think that they should give that mulligan.

The college football Power Five conferences will likely break away from the NCAA to create their own governing body.

I believe that, you know, the Power Five, there's a good chance if you listen to a lot of the talk, the Knight Commission, there's a chance they break off away from the NCAA, create their own governing body.