Takes

Frosted Flakes is easily the worst cereal option

This is way more controversial than my last one. But easily my least favorite cereal Frosted Flakes... growing up and I go to my friend's house for sleepovers or whatever and they go on Frosted Flakes. No disgusting.

Honey Bunches of Oats is the greatest cereal hack for eating sugar disguised as health food

I'm also happy that no one said Honey Bunches of Oats Because that's the greatest like hack of eating healthy, but it's really just sugar cereal agreed that I love Honey Bunches of Oats. It's my whole unit like, oh, yeah. I'm eating healthy here.

Jamal Murray should claim he has coronavirus to make people forget his accidental sex tape

PR 101 for him. I don't know what you do. You just actually say you have coronavirus. There you go think that really is the only way out. If you say you have coronavirus people will just feel bad for you and then kind of forget that that happened.

I'm nervous that the 2020 NFL season might actually be cancelled or pushed back

I've reached the point where it started to hit me that football season might get [cancelled]. Okay, and yeah now it's real.

I will get in great shape during quarantine by walking around Brooklyn in an 80-pound weight vest

You guys right now are looking at the guy who just purchased an 80-pound weight vest. So I'm going to get back in shape. I'm gonna start walking around Brooklyn with a weight vest... I'll be walking around like Zion.

The Bears trading for Nick Foles won't change anything for the team

The fact that the Bears got Nick Foles and it is so perfect, by the way, that Nick Foles, I know he's a Super Bowl MVP, but it's not going to change anything. The Bears are still kind of stuck in what they are.

It is never a smart move to sign a running back to a long-term contract

I know inside my own head that it's never smart to pay a free agent running back or just a running back in general a lot of money and to link them up to a long-term contract... none of those are going to be good takes three years from now, and I know that.

Neither Mitchell Trubisky nor Nick Foles will start more than 13 games for the Bears in a single season

I would put it at both guys, like neither guy has a chance in my mind to start more than 13 and a half games.

I think the NBA season should shift to a permanent December 25th start date

There's people have been pushing for a schedule change for a long time... who wanted the NBA calendar to start in December? So maybe on Christmas so you're not competing as much with football those people may get their wish.

If I had to vote for MVP today, Giannis Antetokounmpo would still beat LeBron James

I have been saying all season the Giannis has been my leader in the clubhouse... if I'm voting for MVP now, I'm still voting for Giannis because there hasn't been enough time for anything to push a different narrative.

The NBA will return this summer and potentially play in smaller gyms without fans

If you look at Asia... they are restarting some of that. So it gives me hope that we will come out the other side... the NBA has talked about... other gym facilities, if you're playing without fans, you don't really have to play in a giant arena.

The Bulls will definitely keep Jim Boylen as head coach because of the pandemic

Jim Boylen will 100% be coaching the Bulls next year as well because it's like you can't fire a coach during a pandemic.

Zion Williamson will be fat coming out of the quarantine

I just realized that Zion's going to be so fat coming out of quarantine. Like all of us are going to gain weight. There's really you can't go to the gym.

Chris Sale's Tommy John surgery timing is good because he'll get a 'free year' of recovery during the pandemic

I feel like it's a good thing because the MLB season probably never going to happen. So he's going to be able to basically get a free year. He's going to get all the rest and recovery he needs.

Damian and Giannina from Love Is Blind will actually stay together

I actually was happy to hear that they were still together because as weird as this sounds I actually think they're the most like regular couple... I think they're actually going to make it.

Lauren and Cameron from Love Is Blind will stay together

I do think Lauren and Cameron are going to make it. I hope so... they are the like... I do think Lauren and Cameron are going to make it.

Cam Newton would be a dynamic upgrade at quarterback for the Chicago Bears

I think [Cam Newton] would be like an upgrade of like a richer Mitchell Trubisky... I feel like he's more dynamic... I feel like Cam would kind of give us like maybe a little bit of swagger back.

Tom Brady leaving the Patriots is heartbreaking but I am mostly reminiscing about the championships

It was heartbreaking but it was more of like I kind of agree with reminisced. I was reminiscing More than I was crying in my Cheerios. . . You can never take away like the six championships.

Bill Belichick prefers to part with players a year too early rather than a year too late

I think Belichick has proven throughout the years that he will always walk away from a guy a year too early than a year too late. And in a probably was a situation where he's like, I'm not going to pay a 42 year old quarterback 30 million dollars a year for multiple years.

Tom Brady will lead the Buccaneers to a Super Bowl in their own stadium in his first season

How about this Hank: Tom Brady makes a Super Bowl next year with the Buccaneers in their stadium in Tampa. They play against the Patriots—who are you rooting for?

The Chargers should have offered Tom Brady team equity to spite the NFL owners for blocking their Vegas bid

The Los Angeles Chargers... could have pulled an all-time fuck you move to the owners. . . If the Chargers had offered Brady equity in the football team after his retirement—cause I don't think that they can give it to him as he's playing—every owner in the NFL would've been so pissed off about that and it would have been the perfect opportunity for some real vengeance.

The Chicago Bears will pursue every available quarterback and somehow end up with none of them

The Bears are going to be in on every single quarter back out there and somehow get none of them and completely demolish what little is left of Mitchell Trubisky's confidence to the point where what you'll be gone now.

Bill O'Brien is a sleeper agent for Bill Belichick designed to implode AFC teams

I remain convinced this day that Bill O'Brien is a sleeper agent for Bill Belichick as are all of his former assistant coaches that go out across the country take jobs usually in the AFC implode teams and then come back to ensure the Patriots and get to the Super Bowl faster.

Philip Rivers on the Colts will finish between 7-9 and 9-7

The Colts will be exactly what they were. They will beat a few teams they shouldn't be... and they'll finish the season somewhere between seven and nine with if I was a quarterback in the AFC South, I'd be very happy with the signing.

Baker Mayfield will have a bounce-back year with the Browns following the additions of Austin Hooper and Jack Conklin

The biggest winner of yesterday in my opinion is actually Baker Mayfield. Baker Mayfield getting Austin Hooper and Jack Conklin. I think we're going to have a bounce-back year for Baker Mayfield.

The Cowboys significantly overpaid for Amari Cooper because of the Redskins' fake interest

The Redskins—our words—drove the price up on Amari Cooper... making the Dallas Cowboys overpay for him on a five-year hundred million dollar contract. . . That is the genius of Dan Snyder right there is making other very rich dumb people spend more of their rich dumb money.

The Buffalo Bills are now the favorites in the AFC East with Brady gone

Another bonus cool throne is the Buffalo Bills because now that Tom Brady's out the division, I think you have to say that the bills are hills country... they might be favored to win.

Young people are not invulnerable to COVID-19 and must help protect the elderly

No one's invulnerable. But even if you are doing very well, you have to be a very important part of our national effort to contain the outbreak but importantly to protect the young individuals. . . This isn't something that can be successful without you.

Recovering from the virus likely provides immunity for a prolonged period

For the most part once you're infected with a particular virus the next time you get exposed if you've recovered from that virus you're protected. . . You can have herd immunity, which means the virus doesn't have a lot of places to go because most of the people in the population are protected.

Developing a safe vaccine will take at least a year to a year and a half

Safety is paramount. . . We really are on a very very fast track to get a vaccine. But even on the fastest track, it's going to take a year to a year and a half.

Tylenol is the safest medication to take for reducing a fever caused by the virus

The safest thing to get your fever down is Tylenol. . . if you want to take Tylenol you really want to take it no more than every six hours.

The virus could potentially resolve within 8 to 10 weeks if mitigation is successful

In this case for China, it was somewhere between 8 and 10 weeks. That doesn't mean that we're going to have to be doing this for that long period of time... Hopefully if we really carefully and successfully implement these mitigation strategies... we may be able to cut that time down.

Gatherings should be limited to 10 or fewer people to stay safe during the pandemic

10 is the safer number. I would go with 10. . . don't deliberately go to a place with more than 10 people.

The sports void will feel better once the usual March Madness window passes

I think it will get better after two weeks when we aren't in the March Madness Zone, but Thursday morning. I'm going to need you all to text me and check in check in with your friends, because that's going to be a tough one for me to wake up.

Bored NFL owners and GMs will make crazy trades during the quarantine

I predict that just out of sheer boredom from some of these owners and GMs, they're going to be some crazy trades that happen. They're just going to happen because the other owners and the other GMs are just like we need some action going on. I'm bored. Let's fucking pick up the phone and make some weird Arrangements.

Odell Beckham Jr. would have been the Rudy Gobert of the NFL regarding coronavirus

Actually Odell Beckham like he we talked about Rudy Gobert on Friday, but he definitely would have been the Rudy Gobert of NFL. He would have caught a touchdown and put on a mask and gloves and then like wait, where'd you get that? Like, I actually I just got it from like the training staff who got it from a hospital. Whoops. Now, I have coronavirus.

Ryan Tannehill is effectively on a two-year franchise tag deal with the Titans

It's essentially they've they've franchise tagged Ryan Tannehill for two years right on this and probably saved a little bit of money right on a two-year franchise tag. So it's not bad because Tannehill, you know, he is who he is.

The 49ers would win the Super Bowl if they had Tom Brady

I think you probably win the Super Bowl with Tom Brady [on the 49ers].

There will be a massive wave of 'Corona babies' born in nine months because of the quarantine

It's absolutely happening in a recession. There's gonna be a lot of Corona babies in about nine months. Nine months when their parents are dead from coronavirus, they're going to be a lot of—no wonder a lot of prego safety net at Thanksgiving will be great. Last week of November, first week of December 2020, shitload of kids to get born.

Game of Thrones Season 8 was so bad that no one will rewatch it even during quarantine

I tweeted that the 8th season was so insultingly bad that people about to be locked in their houses for weeks on end and no one's going to rewatch Game of Thrones.

Breaking Bad is the best show of all time

I did the same thing that you did with Game of Thrones with Breaking Bad and I'm never really watched that show ever... it's the best show of all time.

Every major sports team should play one 'secret game' a year that is only broadcast in the event of a global pandemic

My idea is that every single year going forward... every single team in every major sport... have to play one secret game a year that no one will talk about will sign NDAs in case of like this where sports just stop we can play it. Think about being able to just pull up all of a sudden you're watching MJ in the Bulls in their prime and you're like that game never existed until I'm just watching it now. There should absolutely be a secret stash of games out there that are ready and never been [seen] in case of an emergency.

Rick Pitino will be coaching at a Power 5 school within three years

I own a fancy. Yeah, damn Rick and so he is ready to get mean he's going to be in a power 5 school in within three years too.

Tom Brady should be signed by the Patriots for $30-31 million

I think you want to be paid content up there 30 31 and it's right. I know I think it's about time. You don't want money pays for what? He's already done though, and guys that's putting but I don't think for the next three years two years at least you still got a top-10 quarterback by it's the one guy who doesn't operate like that Belichick is the one coach... but he's you should absolutely sign them to that.

There is a 50% chance Tom Brady stays with the Patriots

I am 50 percent chance he stayed... I don't know yet... I don't know yet. Just throw it out. No, I'm not gonna do that.

Dak Prescott will not hit free agency

Do you think Jack's [Dak's] gonna hit free agency? No, come on. You're okay. No, no chance.

Philip Rivers will likely sign with the Colts

Philip Rivers. Yep, it's Phil Berger is going to get started donating possible with the Colts like that.

David Blaine is the alpha in a room full of action stars

The alpha where yes... David Blaine obviously David Blaine is the alpha... it helped the Cheetos [Pacino] going. I gotta go to my therapist... This was like the most surreal shit I've ever done in my life.

Ryan Tannehill is officially the highest-paid wide receiver in NFL history

He is now officially the highest paid wide receiver in the NFL history. There we go. Perfect Ryan Tannehill.

There is zero chance the Summer Olympics actually happen this year

No chance that it [the Olympics] happens. It would be so ridiculous to have a summer olympics right now and just basically infect all the world's best athlete at the same time with the disease.