Takes

The Redskins botched the Trent Williams trade situation by leaking fake offers

What Bruce Allen ended up doing in this situation was he made up some trade offers for Trent Williams back in September... turns out neither one of those offers was true and he just waited until the last minute hoping that somebody would call and offer a first-round pick; didn't happen.

DeColdest Crawford is the coolest name in the history of college football

The LSU Tigers signed a wide receiver named DeColdest Crawford. Yes. So DeColdest is making his way to Baton Rouge probably the coolest name. If not in the history of college football definitely in the history of Louisiana state.

NCAA athletes being allowed to profit off their likeness means the EA Sports NCAA football game will return

Athletes are allowed now to profit off their name and likeness. Yep. DeColdest is going to make so much money profiting off DeColdest. Does that mean we get the EA Sports back? I think we do right that we get the best the conclusion everyone jump to and I'm going to say yes until proven otherwise.

Kyrie Irving and Kevin Durant's relationship will work because of their 'Jay and Silent Bob' dynamic

I kind of like that Dynamic though. It's a little Jay and Silent Bob ish, right? So you've got Kyrie that never says anything and then you got Kevin Durant that just says everything, right? Yeah, I'm fine with that.

I have a 100% capture rate in my 41-year bounty hunting career

8,000 captures over 8,000 41 years this February... it's a hundred percent. We got one right now we're chasing a million dollar Bond.

We should use truth serum to find out if Steven Avery and Brendan Dassey are guilty

You just look at the [Steven Avery] case... just give them truth serum and will fucking find out in two seconds if they were murder... There is sodium pentothal. Sodium Pentothal, yeah. Yes methamphetamine. Okay a combination. Yeah combination and a cigarette... and you can find out where the bodies are. Did they really do it?

I have the heart of a 16-year-old despite my health scares

I do this treadmill thing and I run it... then they said we want to see the girls' [ID]... because you're not this age. You got a 16-year-old heart. Dr. Oz filmed it... she goes, there's nothing wrong.

I could fight my way out of this room right now and beat everyone up

[Big Cat]: Could you fight your way out of this room right now? [Dog]: Oh, yeah all of us on you - well you think David would be there too. [Big Cat]: So he take David out. He's he goes out of the room and he's like dog they're going to fight for their life to keep you in this room. [Dog]: Well you get out. When do you get an a gang like that? And you get somebody jumps you you take one of them and It could don't quit beatin him and you just because you're going to you're getting it from the side in the back of you is keep hitting the one right there.

I would take over and coach US Soccer

I will take over US Soccer. I would be the coach of US Soccer... You automatically get to drive an Audi. That's part of the deal... I would like that.

Andy Reid doesn't understand how time works

[Andy Reid] has been one of the best coaches of all time. It's remarkable and his coaching tree all that. He does not know how time works. He doesn't know what a clock is. Like we said, he measures time in units of meat.

Aaron Rodgers is going on a 'fuck you tour' for the rest of the season.

Aaron Rodgers, like we said on Friday, I think is getting to that point where he's going to go on a little bit of a fuck you tour because he was making throws and also running. That's how you know when Aaron Rodgers is feeling good... and it's really hard to stop.

Dan Quinn will be fired by Monday morning

Dan Quinn... He'll be fired. If he's not fired tomorrow morning, then it's just stupid and they're going to wait till what, the second part of the bye?

The era of the 'Matt' starting quarterback in the NFL is coming to an end.

This year feels like the last hurrah for Matts as starting quarterbacks in the NFL, like they're starting to fade away pretty quickly. We're getting a big come up for Josh's. A lot of Josh's coming through the ranks, but this is like the Last Stand for Matts.

The 49ers are very much for real

The 49ers are very much for real and we can segue this with we were talking about it. There are two undefeated teams left the forerunners of the Patriots. Could you imagine the story lines if that were Super Bowl?

The Patriots defense will regress because of turnover luck

I mentioned that turnover luck can play a part in Defenses being really good and sometimes will regress to the mean... I was just mentioning that if your game plan is to always have four turnovers at some point. That's not going to happen.

The 2019 Patriots defense is the best of all time

The Patriots defense is going to be regarded as the best defense of all time. Not even '85 Bears defense... They're already forgotten about.

The winner of the NFC East will probably finish with an 8-8 or 9-7 record.

I'm looking at the NFC East right now. I think the winner that division is probably like eight-eight or nine and seven.

The double doink drove Matt Nagy insane and made him afraid of playing offense.

I actually think that Matt Nagy has gone insane. I think the double doink actually drove him insane last year... He's so terrified of anything ever bad happening in his entire life. He's agoraphobic... he's afraid to leave his house because of all the bad shit that might happen.

Matt Nagy is just an arrogant, cocky version of Marc Trestman

Matt Nagy is just an arrogant cocky Marc Trestman. That's what he is. He's a guy who thinks that he's smarter than he is and has over thought pretty much every big situation... the guy this year, he stinks.

Matt Stafford deserves to be on the MVP shortlist

Matt Stafford is going to start getting some MVP buzz. Have you looked at Matt Stafford's year? He has been phenomenal. 16 touchdowns for interceptions. He is passing the ball deep and not making like the classic Matt Stafford mistakes... He should be on the 5 [finalists].

The Lions are a team you wouldn't want to play in the playoffs, but they won't make it

I think that they would be a team you wouldn't want to play in the playoffs but they won't make it. I think that they could beat a playoff team. Yeah. I don't think that they will [make it].

Saquon Barkley is the GOAT of 'awesome highlights for shitty teams.'

Saquon Barkley is going to go down in the Hall of Fame of awesome highlights for shitty teams. Which is very him, Barry Sanders. Like he had a highlight today where he just manned up a defender, and it was maybe an eight-yard run and then they probably didn't score.

Larry Fitzgerald is eventually going to run for Senate in Arizona.

Larry Fitzgerald seems like he's okay with [being on a bad team] because I think he's going to run for Senate in Arizona. He's just squatting. I have a take on that—future politician Larry Fitzgerald.

The Nationals aren't cursed, I just helped grow the game by popping 'official World Series beer'

I did not curse anybody... I popped a year-old Series beer. It was champagne. And I was asked to by Major League Baseball and I want to help grow the game... I've had a full day where I felt like I won the World Series... what is this for the Washington Nationals 2019 World Series champions for a day.

The Colts are going to make the playoffs.

I think the Colts are in the playoffs. No, I do too. But they've lost to the Chargers and the Raiders... I think at this point with the Colts, just take them against good teams. They're like a total 'we play to our competition' type of team.

Christian Pulisic is the 'American Juan Soto' of soccer.

Pulisic is 19. Yeah, he is. He's America's Juan Soto of soccer. He's so good. We're going to win a shitload of World Cups with Pulisic.

Stephen Strasburg will have at least 15 strikeouts in Game 6 of the World Series.

Strasburg's gonna throw 15 strikeouts minimum. They're going to win Game 6... Justin Verlander is going to get embarrassed.

Kirk Cousins will eventually break everyone's heart

I'm not ready to crown Kirk Cousins. I think he's still going to break everyone's heart. It's going to happen eventually. Of course.

The Washington Nationals are a team of destiny

The Washington Nationals. We said it on Wednesday. It rings true today. They are a team of destiny. Big time.

Barron Trump is going to be the next MLS superstar

I think [Barron Trump] is going to be like the next MLS superstar... he's at his football academy.

You don't need a bullpen in baseball; you can just use starting pitchers

I also think it'd be hilarious if the Nationals somehow stumbled their way in ass backwards to figuring out that you don't actually need a bullpen in baseball. You can just put your starting pitchers in to be your bullpen the entire time. And you don't actually need three days rest or four days rest.

A Rams, Colts, and Packers moneyline parlay cannot lose this week

Here's the can't lose parlay. The Rams, they're not going to lose to the Bengals... The Colts are at home against the Broncos. They're not going to lose... The Packers are not going to lose to Matt Moore.

Aaron Rodgers is about to return to being the best player in football

Aaron Rodgers is starting to do the Aaron Rodgers thing where he's going to be the best player in football for a while. I can feel it.

Playing Patrick Mahomes against the Packers would be Andy Reid's dumbest decision

If Andy Reid plays Patrick Mahomes, this will go down as the dumbest decision that he's ever made in a career that's been largely defined by singular dumb decisions that he's made during games.

The Texans are going to stomp the shit out of the Raiders

The Raiders and the Texans [game], and the Texans are going to stomp the shit out of them.

The Bears will kill the Chargers this weekend

I think the Bears are going to kill the Chargers. I do... They will win this game easily because the Chargers' offense has problems. Their offensive line has problems. The Chargers are a soft football team.

The Chiefs will beat the Packers outright without Patrick Mahomes

What do you think the line would be if Mahomes was playing?... I think they're going to win outright.

The Giants are a live underdog against the Lions this weekend

I think the Giants are going to be pretty live underdog there [against the Lions].

Daniel Jones is not a good quarterback

As we discovered last week, Daniel Jones does suck.

Hiring David Ross to manage the Cubs is a great idea

My stardom is David Ross. When would it ever be a bad idea to hire everyone's best friend to be the manager and boss? That's not going to be bad at all.

I would return to WWE for $20 to $25 million

I think the conversation would have to start at somewhere like, I don't know, 20, 25 [million].

WWE intentionally fired me on my wedding day out of malice

It's impossible to think that it [firing] was anything but done maliciously and on purpose... they didn't ruin my day... I talk to Triple H two days before that and he was like, hey, let's talk. I was like, can I talk after my honeymoon? My wife worked there. She asked for the day off to get married. So the idea that they didn't know that that was the date and I was getting married is impossible.

If I fight again, it will not be in the UFC

If I do fight again, I'm sure it won't be in the UFC. I don't think it should be either.

Getting tattoos is more about the experience than the actual art

It's more about the experiences and the people you go with and get bro tattoos with than it is about the actual tattoo.

The Washington Redskins should change their name

I'm especially scarred over the last two decades of Daniel Snyder's ownership of the Washington Redskins. I think the Washington Redskins should change their name.

The 7th PLL expansion team will be named the Waterdogs

The Waterdogs are going to be the name. I'm excited for it... Go Waterdogs.

Tom Brady will be the starting quarterback for the Chargers in 2020

So you can see pretty easily by those three facts that Tom Brady is going to be the quarterback for the Los Angeles Chargers next year.

Tom Brady could return to the 49ers just to 'cuck' Jimmy Garoppolo again

I was going to say how funny it would be if he just went to San Francisco and was like, I want to finish my hometown team. Jimmy, you're out. Just cucks Jimmy again.

Czechoslovakia is the original home of goulash

They say the Czech Republic or Czechoslovakia originally is the home of goulash.

The Astros tried to perform a 'karma' exorcism by firing Brandon Taubman

The karma is they're trying to win the karma back so they can win some games... They basically did an exorcism on themselves.