Takes

Stuffing is the greatest thing in the world

I'm going stuffing. I fucking love stuffing. Stuffing is the greatest thing in the world. Why don't we eat stuffing every day? Make the turkey out of the stuffing. It's so good.

Ray Allen needs sex and internet rehab

Because he's a repeat offender now, and he's having this many difficulties, I think therapy is the only way he can get out of this. He needs to go to rehab. He needs to go to internet slash sex rehab. It worked for Tiger. Just say you're a sex addict.

The Braves will be 'fucked' for 10 years after their illegal scouting scandal

They ended up losing 12 of their minor league players to free agency. They just ripped up their contracts. So basically, the Braves are going to be absolutely fucked for the next 10 years.

LeBron James could never be a NASCAR driver because he is too tall

It'd never happen. Why? Because he couldn't even fit in the damn car. 5'11" is the perfect height. The tallest ever has been like 6'5". That's kind of max for the cars the way they're built.

NASCAR drivers should be allowed to wreck cars during high-speed police chases

The only sweet move I've ever seen while driving on the road was literally a police chase that passed me. I so wanted to wreck him. Because I knew... I'm like, I wanted to wreck the shit out of this guy. I know how to wreck someone safely. [PFT says I should be deputized] I agree. That would be so awesome and I'm going to work on that.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. is a 'good, not great' driver

[Big Cat asks if they let him win once a year] Is that true? No. You sure? No. He's good. Good, not great.

The key to NFL chemistry is 'stalking' your quarterback to learn their habits

[I moved to California] to tell Tom [Brady] if he ever needs anyone to throw to that I'm out there. I'm stalking the guy who I want to learn from, and I want him to learn my body. Hey, when you're a receiver... I'm stalking. I was learning what he liked versus certain things and that's kind of how we learned each other.

Tom Brady is a dorky guy in the locker room

Kind of like a dorky-ish kind of guy, actually. You see him in all his little commercials and he's always James Bond up... But you get him back in the locker room, man. He's shooting the crap with us, going through Instagram, making fun... Scrolling down that thing just like us.

Bill Belichick is a genius who could be a Fortune 500 CEO

This dude like went to school and should be like a governor or like a Fortune 500 company genius type guy. That's a football coach. He is football. He's become a football. I don't know... his body is shaped like a football.

Nathan Peterman will have a long career as a backup because he looks like a quarterback

A guy like that [Nathan Peterman], for every interception you throw in your debut, you buy yourself another year as a backup quarterback in the NFL. He looks the part, right? He looks like a quarterback. He's going to stick around.

The Baltimore Ravens will make the 2017 NFL playoffs

If the season ended today, the Ravens would be a playoff team. So you have to ask, is Joe Flacco elite? And they have Danny Woodhead coming back. I have to say that the Ravens are going to make it.

The AFC Wild Card race is officially a dumpster fire

The end of the playoffs, the wild cards for the AFC are such shit. It's because the Jaguars have thrown the entire world out of order. 7-3. The Jaguars being good has created chaos theory for the wild card spots in the AFC. It is a dumpster fire.

The Washington Redskins are officially finished and won't make the playoffs

So the Washington [Redskins], I think, are officially done. You can bury them right now. After a road loss like that, it's weird... they are such a bad home team.

The Patriots and Eagles are on a crash course for the Super Bowl

The Patriots and the Eagles look like, right now, on a crash course for a Super Bowl. The Steelers and the Saints, I guess, are the only two teams that I would say... there's lurkers in the NFC.

Aaron Rodgers will return and lead the Packers to the NFC Championship

Rodgers will probably come back and the Packers will probably still make the NFC Championship.

Wisconsin will beat Ohio State in the Big Ten Championship

I think Wisconsin could beat Ohio State. I really do. Halftime of the Michigan game, I was like, oh, fuck, but Wisconsin put it on them in the second half, and I was like, this defense can play with – hey, defense travels.

I want Wisconsin to play Alabama in the college football playoffs

We want Bama, baby. We want fucking Bama. I'm saying it right now. I want Bama.

I would be able to play in any era of the NFL

I would think that I could play in any era, whether it's the old era or the new era. I would think I could play in either one. Of course, the game has changed a lot since I was playing it, and I would be hampered a little bit that you can't actually hit nobody anymore.

Rob Gronkowski is 'stealing' in the NFL because of the rules

What Gronkowski is doing is absolutely stealing in the NFL. Bill Belichick, he's a smart coach. He knows the rules and he makes sure the rules benefit him at all times. Because there's no way Gronkowski is supposed to be sitting in the slot and you're not able to reroute him. You get killed like that.

The Giants should not fire Ben McAdoo yet

Do you think they should fire him? Absolutely not. No, I think... look what [Bill Parcells] did. He won two Super Bowls. The reason why I say keep McAdoo on another year, something the same way with Bill Parcells, his first year when he was head coach, he was playing that loyalty stuff. He tries to keep everybody, but not all of them guys are good players. You got to upgrade your team every year. Cleaning house and starting bringing people that could work... maybe if they secure his job for one more year, that gives him the opportunity to lay down some laws.

Quarterbacks are not a threat once you dominate them

I never hated quarterbacks. Guys like Ron Jaworski, Randall Cunningham, these guys were sacked more times than any other player. They're not a threat to you because you dominated them. Why would you hate a quarterback if you just constantly dominate them?

I once showed up to a Sunday night game against the Patriots in the second quarter because I thought it was on Monday night

What was the latest you ever showed up? Second quarter. To a game? Yeah... I'm thinking the game is on Monday night... I'm riding and I see all these cars over at the stadium. I said, oh, shit, what's going on over here? Got a game man... I got in about second quarter.

Winning a match at WrestleMania was more fun than winning a Super Bowl

I love Super Bowl, but WrestleMania was a lot of fun. That was a lot of fun.

The LaVar Ball vs. Donald Trump feud will end at WrestleMania

LeVar Ball versus the President of the United States being like a real feud that's going to be going and having chapters and keep going and probably ending in – there's like at least a 10% chance this actually does end in WrestleMania.

Baker Mayfield needs to stop apologizing for being the bad guy

Baker Mayfield could be the most celebrated college quarterback, but he keeps apologizing. He apologizes so quickly that it's not fun. Baker, part of being the bad guy is you don't apologize. Before the game even ended, he had the fucking tweet that was written out. No, you don't [want to be a role model]. You want to hold your dick in front of Kansas when you put up 40 on them.

Jerry Jones doesn't care about his public image or internet leaks

I don't think Jerry Jones cares, and I actually don't think Jerry Jones needs to care how the internet works because you couldn't make me think any less about Jerry Jones than I do right now. If a tape came out tomorrow of him just stabbing a child, I'd be like, yeah, the child probably owed him money and reneged on a season ticket contract. He's more like Liam Neeson in Taken, except his particular set of skills is leveraging public debt.

Jerry Jones will die without the Dallas Cowboys winning another Super Bowl

The Cowboys stink, by the way... Jerry Jones, I think Jerry Jones is slowly realizing he's going to die without another Super Bowl for the Cowboys.

There will be over 2.5 red zone interceptions in the Bengals vs. Broncos game

How many red zone interceptions are going to be in the Bengals-Broncos game? Over under, I'm sitting at two and a half. They should actually change the rules for that game, and if you get to the 20-yard line, it's a touchdown.

Kevin Durant is currently like a divorced dad with visitation rights to the torch in Oklahoma City

So Kevin Durant did an interview today, and he said that when he hit that three in the NBA Finals, that to him felt like a pass the torch moment. But also in the interview, he says that he's still OKC. So his blood is still Oklahoma City. So the way I'm reading this is that the torch now, it belongs to Kevin Durant, but it resides in Oklahoma City. So Kevin Durant has visitation rights to the torch at his old place. He's like a divorced dad.

The Saints will beat the Redskins by 30 points

Saints are going to beat them by 30. Yeah, like I said on Larry's Picks... I have never been more wrong about anything in my life.

The wheels will start coming off for the Eagles in their game against the Cowboys

Eagles-Cowboys... this is the game where I'm going to bet the Cowboys and I'm going to be like, I don't really want to, but desperate times call for desperate measures... This would also be a classic game for the wheels to start coming off for Philly because they look so good right now.

The Chiefs are a lock to cover -10.5 against the Giants because Andy Reid never loses coming off a bye

I am taking the Chiefs. Minus 10.5 on the road against the Giants. ... Anytime you have the opportunity to bet on a 10.5-point road favorite, you have to take it. ... Also, Andy Reid coming off of a bye week. We all know about that. Always wins. Always wins big.

The Chargers will be the best team to not make the playoffs this season

I'm taking the Chargers, minus four, the best team to not make the playoffs. ... I stand by that. They have an unbelievable pass rush. Phil Rivers, they almost win every single game. They're going to be the best team that doesn't make the playoffs.

Trey Wingo is America's stepdad

Trey Wingo is America's stepdad. That's the part that he was born to play. ... Every day, Wingo should just sit down and be like, what's up, gang? Hey, chief. Hey, buddy. Hey, slugger. Hey, want to talk about puberty?

Sports betting will be legalized across the United States within 12 to 36 months

When do you think, if you had to guess a date? [Big Cat asks] 12 to 36 months. ... The Supreme Court in two and a half weeks is going to hear a case that is New Jersey brought against the Department of Justice to have all of the sports betting ban overturned. It's called PASPA. ... They will rule in June. Depending on how they rule is going to have a huge impact.

The WNBA offers the biggest advantage for professional sports bettors

What's the sport with the best advantage for the gambler? [Big Cat asks] It used to be college basketball. It's getting harder and harder. Right now, it's probably the WNBA. Ooh, yeah. It's a huge one for professional bettors. They love it. The bookmakers don't pay that much attention to it, so the wise guys feel like they get an advantage.

The Giants (+10) are a lock to cover against the Chiefs in Week 11

My pick of the week was the New York Giants. Plus, I think, 10. Against Andy Reid off a bye. At home, against Andy Reid off a bye. ... This is a game with the wise guys pay attention to and feel like they have to take because of this situation... The giants are double digit dogs at home. You're automatically going to make that bet.

Peyton Manning ruined the Colts and Broncos franchises because he covered up their lack of talent

I blame Peyton Manning is what I do... I think Peyton Manning has currently ruined two franchises. At least Indianapolis and Denver. ... What has happened is like he is so advanced in understanding what you're trying to do to him as a defense that basically he takes marginal players... four and 12 talent or eight and eight talent and makes it 12 and four every year. And so you as a general manager, as a franchise, I get a little bit more enamored with your talent than you should be... all of a sudden that guy leaves and you realize we suck.

Tom Izzo is an overrated basketball coach

I've gotten some flack for starting the Coach Izzo is overrated take that we have. ... Let me tell you guys something. If you're maybe new to the show or if you're not familiar with the biz, this is what's called squatting on a take. The take might not be true yet, but it's going to be true one day.

Devontae Mays is a sleeper who will put up big numbers for the Packers through the end of the season

My sleeper is Devontae Mays. Brett Hundley stinks. Look for him to put up some big numbers to the end of the season for the Packers. ... Where does he play? Green Bay. What position? Running back slash receiver.

Crime reports should always include which sports team the criminal supports

Every time a crime's committed in America, every time there's a report about it in the news, they should just say what teams the people who committed the crimes liked. That'd be great. ... It just adds like a little bit of levity to every headline that you get. Like Steelers fan murdered his whole family. ... Classic Steelers. So funny.

I am going to love hating Grayson Allen this college basketball season

Grayson Allen is back. Hating Grayson Allen is back. He played all 40 minutes [against Michigan State]. He scored 37 points... and I am going to love hating Grayson Allen this year.

College basketball point spreads are constantly ruined by excessive fouling at the end of games

In college basketball, they will foul until the end of time, and every single point spread will be ruined. A team could be down four points with 30 seconds left... they will foul until the end of time, and every single point spread will be ruined.

Tom Izzo is an overrated basketball coach

Yes, and let's not forget it's also the start of Coach [Tom] Izzo's overrated season. We were the first ones on that bandwagon like a year and a half ago, so I'm going to restake my claim on that.

Blind resume season is going to be tough on Wisconsin's CFP chances

Blind resume season is going to be tough on Wisconsin. That's going to be bad luck. It's going to be like, here are four teams that have beaten three top ten teams, and then there's Wisconsin that has beaten a team ranked number 80.

Tiger Woods is officially back and ready to dominate again

I know it's not who's back because it's not Monday, but Tiger's back. Tiger's back. And that means Tiger fanboys are back. Because that's really what we care about. It's not really Tiger. It's that everyone else is getting their hopes up for Tiger.

Tiger Woods should start juicing heavily and transition to long drive competitions

Here's what Tiger [Woods] should do. He should just get into long drive competitions. Just start juicing heavy. Get back to your old self. Don't worry about your short game, any of the stuff that requires attention to detail. Just get out there and fucking rip it.

Evgeni Malkin is a traitor for joining a pro-Putin social campaign

Evgeni Malkin... listen to the balls on this motherfucker. He is joining a pro-Putin social campaign in America... Malkin, as far as I know, is the one who started it. This son of a bitch is basically a traitor. And he's propping up a dictator who goes after journalists.

Apple intentionally ruins old iPhones via software updates to force users to upgrade

Apple, every single time they release a new iPhone, they do something with the software and they make all of our old iPhones suck. It's fucked up. They just screw up the IOS and they make it drain your battery allegedly... theoretically I'm very woke to this.

USA Soccer is off the hook for missing the World Cup because Italy missed it too

USA Soccer is officially on the cool throne because Italy did not make the World Cup either. And that's like a big deal... we're off the hook, though. Because this is like the hottest chick who didn't make the ball... we can laugh and be like, no, those guys actually try, and they suck. It's not us.