Takes

The Patriots will win Super Bowl LI in a high-scoring game

A high-scoring Super Bowl and the Patriots win a close game in the 30s. Take the over.

NFL TV ratings are still good but need to be adjusted for cord cutters and mobile viewers

Ratings have to be adjusted. You can't go straightly off the TV ratings, which are still good enough. because now you have to try to incorporate what's on your iPhone and all that, and they don't blend right now. Once they blend, they'll find out there's probably more football fans, but it's different football fans.

Aaron Rodgers will eventually jump to the 4th or 5th best quarterback ever

I actually, well, a year ago, I put Aaron Rodgers as number 10 right above Bart Starr. And so I have him as number 10. But Rodgers is 10 right now, and I think he's probably going to jump up to, like, 5 or 4.

The Redskins will use the franchise tag on Kirk Cousins again this offseason

Kirk Cousins. He's not going to make it right now. Is he going to get paid over $100 million by the Redskins this offseason? No. He'll get the franchise tag. Again? 23-8, yeah.

Kirk Cousins is comparable to Andy Dalton and Alex Smith as a quarterback

I think you'd have to have a good running game. I mean, you kind of look at Kurt as kind of, well, I mean, He and Andy Dalton, I think, are very similar. And you put him probably in the same vein as Alex Smith.

The Raiders have a 65% chance of moving to Las Vegas and 35% chance to San Diego

I'd say right now it's probably 65% Vegas, 35% maybe San Diego. I thought it was pretty much a done deal by now. Can you come up with $650 million to get this thing to go right?

Tony Romo will play for the Chicago Bears in 2017

Tony Romo, is he going to play in Dallas or Houston next year? He'll be playing, I think, in Chicago. ... [Dak] would be the one playing. Romo would be the one sitting [in Dallas].

The Cleveland Browns will go 8-8 and Hue Jackson will be Coach of the Year in 2017

Hugh Jackson is going to go eight and eight next year. The Cleveland Browns are going to turn it around. He can build on that one-win season. Hugh Jackson, coach of the year, 2017. Book it.

I could beat up Neil deGrasse Tyson

I hate Neil deGrasse Tyson. Hey, Neil, come on this podcast or fight me. One of the two. Fight me, you nerd. You won't. I think I could beat up Neil deGrasse Tyson.

The entire city of Houston is a front for a drug operation

I think the entire city of Houston is just a front for some sort of drug operation. That's failing because I don't know what... None of these stores are... I don't know... And the drug operation itself is failing, too.

Shaka Smart having an assistant hold a paint can to remind players to stay in the paint is a good move

You know, we make fun of a lot of things and we kind of have a good time on this podcast, but I actually buy this move. Full on. That is like a literal, you know, get into the paint while a guy's flashing a can of paint in your face. You remember to get in the paint.

Tiger Woods missing the cut is actually good because he can't get injured during the final two rounds

Other spin zone, he only played two rounds because he missed the cut. So that's two less rounds you could injure himself in. Less wear and tear. Smart move getting ready for the Masters. Way to save yourself.

Alex Smith should start a business holding penises in photos so his small hands make them look larger

Alex Smith should start a business where he is like a contractor for guys taking dick pics. He's like, 'I'll hold your dick in the picture' [so it looks bigger because of his small hands].

Super Bowl babies are a myth because fans are too bloated and drunk after the game to have sex

Super Bowl is the last day that you have sex because everyone eats. You eat a million pigs in a blanket. You drink beer. You sit on the couch. You're [fat], you [fart]. You're not having sex.

Andy Reid is a better coach in Orlando than in Hawaii because he isn't drinking Mai Tais on the beach

Andy Reid [is back, he] won the Pro Bowl. It turns out Andy coaches a lot better in Orlando than he does in Hawaii when he's on a beach drinking Mai Tais for nine hours before the game.

Major League Baseball is the easiest sport to win money on

I would say Major League Baseball is the easiest sport to win. No issue about it. Because, again, think about it. The longevity of the cycle of the season gives you the advantage. Like college and pro football are the two hardest.

Sports gambling will be legalized 100% across the United States

In the near future, do you see sports gambling being legalized across the country? 100%. Oh, my God. I'll be a multimillionaire overnight because I can advertise everywhere then. I can advertise any station.

The only way to make money gambling is to bet one game a week and load up

You bet one game a week. Load up. That's the only way to make money gambling. You cannot make money gambling betting every single day. None, never, has never happened.

The betting public is going to get crushed on basketball in the near future

Right now, we're ready to roll into basketball. I do not think that this [public winning streak] will really hold up. I think that the public is going to get killed. It's just a matter of when.

Having 700 concussions makes John Lynch more qualified to judge football players as a GM

Lynch is the GM of the Niners now. Hasn't he had like 700 concussions? But wouldn't that make him more able to judge football players? Like, 'been there, done that.'

Hiring a failed broadcaster as GM is a winning strategy

The nice thing is you always, when you're an owner of a football team, you always want to find the guy that failed at broadcasting and hire him to be the GM. Yes, exactly. That never, ever fails.

A real American stays inside on Sunday and watches the Pro Bowl

Hey, you know what it means to be a real American? You stay inside on Sunday and you watch the Pro Bowl. Yeah, you watch the Pro Bowl. You bet on the Pro Bowl. That's what an American does.

The NFL is stirring up political protests via back channels to boost the Falcons' Rise Up hashtag

A little stay woke on this. NFL stirring up controversy through back channels to get people to tweet the Rise Up hashtag. I actually completely agree with you because what's one of the storylines of this Super Bowl? Atlanta, bad sports town. Not a lot of Falcons fans. Guess what? Now we are all Falcons fans.

Atlanta is a bad sports town

Atlanta's getting dragged as we say on the internet. Everyone knows it, it's a bad sports town. It's a good sex town, but it's a bad, bad sports town. I feel like everyone's talking about how Atlanta doesn't really deserve a championship because they're a bad sports town.

Rick Pitino's NCAA defense that recruits didn't like the prostitutes is absurd

He's pleading that a lot of the recruits didn't even like the prostitutes they hired. It says at least one prospect reported that this experience resulted in his disliking the university. That guy is a fucking weirdo. Rick Pitino actually got me a stripper with 36 D's so I really didn't even want to commit to Louisville.

Winning a Masters or Daytona 500 should automatically grant you a green card and the right to vote

Langer's not even allowed to vote because he's a German national... But I think if you win a Masters, that's so American that if you have a green jacket, you should be allowed to vote. I don't care what country you're from. I want you to have a say in who our next leader is. A green jacket equals a green card. Absolutely. Or if you win a Daytona 500, I don't care what continent you're from. You're an American now.

The new 6 PM SportsCenter will be 90% conversation and only 10% traditional highlights

We have producers who enjoy and appreciate what we do... In fact, we had to give it a percentage. The six is going to be 85% to 90% of what you've seen on His and Hers and 10% some SportsCenter. And that 10% is going to feel like His and Hers. It's just going to be something that SportsCenter would have done anyway.

Kentucky basketball fans wouldn't care if Charles Manson were their coach as long as he won titles

I was like, look, let's be real about what [John Calipari's] job is, is to win basketball games and compete for national titles. And I was like, given how the Kentucky fan base is so rabid, they wouldn't care if Charles Manson was their coach as long as he won a title.

White people are technically 'people of colors' because white is a combination of all colors

White is a combination of all the colors. So we are people of colors. We're people of colors. Why y'all always got to have advantages? More privilege. There you go. You got colors.

The song 'Bad and Boujee' is overrated

That's another trash opinion, overrated movie... Speaking of bougie, she said 'Bad and Boujee' is overrated. It is. It's overrated. Just because Donald Glover thinks it's hot, all of a sudden it's become the song of a generation. Like, no.

Waffle House is garbage

I think Waffle House is garbage. It's just people go there when they're drunk, and they're like, man, Waffle House is really good.

The movie Scarface is overrated

Another trash opinion, overrated movie. It wasn't a box office flop. It was. She doesn't like Scarface.

Matt Ryan has been underappreciated for a long time

I do think Matt Ryan has been underappreciated. I thought this was a serious sports part of the podcast... No, I think Matt Ryan's underappreciated, has long been underappreciated. So I'm rooting for him because I want to see him get a bite of this apple.

Kobe Bryant will return to play for an NBA team this season

It also brings back one of my favorite segments that we haven't done in a while. And that's which team is Kobe Bryant going to play for this year? So right now, I think the Bulls, they jumped to the top of the list. Kobe to the Bulls. Let's get that topic swirling out there. If not the Bulls, then you got to think about maybe the Knicks, too. We all know that Kobe's going to play this year.

The 'Banana Boat' crew is way too old to win a championship together on LeBron James's back

I'm so excited for the moment when the Banana Boat crew gets together and they try to win a championship on LeBron's back and then they realize, whoops, we're all like way too old. It's going to be like the movie Space Cowboys.

Roger Goodell is gaslighting fans into thinking Thursday Night Football is a good product

Well, it's called gaslighting, Big Cat, and it's actually like a thing that works. So Goodell is gaslighting us, which is awesome. He's doing a really good job of it. He's saying, you all enjoyed watching Thursday Night Football. It was a great product. And then if he says enough, I'm like, holy shit. Thursday night football was awesome.

Losing an eye is actually a performance-enhancing drug for basketball players

I'm going to go with hurt, not injured on this one. So if you lose an eye, you don't have to worry about depth perception. It's like when you're shooting a rifle, you close one eye... Losing an eye is a performance-enhancing drug.

Jim Harbaugh's story about being hit by a mail truck as a kid is probably fake

Jim Harbaugh was Hit by a mail truck driver When he was 7 years old And he found the mail truck driver Nearly 50 years later In Iowa... This is a fake story. This is a fake story by Jim Harbaugh because this is... you can't come up with a story that's more Jim Harbaugh than this.

LeBron James' subtweet is the most passive-aggressive thing he has ever done

The big story that we have waiting for the Super Bowl week to start is LeBron with the most passive-aggressive tweet I think I've ever seen... He said, I'm not mad or upset at management... I just feel we still need to improve in order to repeat, dot, dot, dot, if that's what we want to do. That is the most ridiculous subtweet that LeBron has ever, it's not even a subtweet, it's a direct tweet. He didn't add anyone, but he's adding the management.

LeBron James is setting up a pre-planned excuse in case the Cavaliers lose the Finals

[LeBron is] also setting expectations. So, like, if they lose in the finals, like, hypothetically, if it's a 4-0 sweep, hypothetically speaking, that's definitely not me saying that's going to happen. He's got an excuse prepped right there.

The Browns will find a way to mess up the draft even if Deshaun Watson is available

Dabo Swinney basically telling the Browns, don't fuck up, even though you're going to fuck up because you're the Browns and you always fuck up.

Tell your employer you have narcolepsy on your first day so you can nap at work

A little tip for all you guys entering the workforce out there, and girls. Say on your first day that you have narcolepsy... and that you need, if you ever get caught napping, it's just a medical condition.

You are 'city rich' when you travel from New York or Chicago to Milwaukee

When you go to Milwaukee, you're city rich. You go from New York or Chicago to Milwaukee, tip people $20, pay for their mortgage. Opens a lot of doors.

Lacrosse will be a top-tier major sport within 10 to 15 years

Cool throne lacrosse. I might have been in two. I've been a little early. I said there's 30 years. It's looking more like 10 to 15... I mean, it's like the hottest thing. It's like number one thing on SportsCenter.

I hate that the NCAA is releasing top 16 seeds in mid-February

They are now going to try to drum up a little more intrigue to the NCAA tournament. So they're going to release the top 16 seeds starting mid-February... I hate that. Takes a little bit out of it. One of the great things about that tournament was I didn't have to spend any time thinking about it until that Sunday night.

Barron Trump is officially off-limits for comedy

Cool throne, Barron Trump officially off limits. Can't make fun of Barron Trump. Kids are off limits. No Barron Trump jokes. He's going to be—And the nice thing is, now that no one can make jokes about him, He's going to be a well-adjusted, normal adult. I think it's great.

Every professional swimmer pees in the pool

[Connor Dwyer] said he's peed in every pool he's been in. Are you the same? Oh, by all means... the good thing about us swimmers is we have the biggest toilet in the world.

Michael Phelps will come out of retirement to swim in the 2020 Tokyo Olympics

Michael Phelps, Tokyo. He's swimming, right? Yes. Oh, there we go. You know what? I've said this before in 2012. I said he announced his retirement. He wasn't going to come back. And I was like, you're going to come back. Come on. And guess what he did? He came back. Same thing. He's going to do it.

Ben Roethlisberger is not actually retiring; he just enjoys the attention

Big Ben's not retiring. Come on... A little pre-prediction, though. Big Ben has now reached the point of his career where he's just going to Brett Favre for this every year. Like he'll end up playing for some weird. Big Ben's destiny is to like play one weird season for the Jaguars.

DeSean Jackson should sue the Instagram model who insulted him to prove a point

DeSean, the only way you can get people to stop talking about your allegedly micropenis is to take her to court, put it in the papers, make sure that everyone knows that if anyone says DeSean Jackson's got a tiny hog, Guess what? He's going to come after you. That's the easiest way to make people shut up.