Takes

The loser of the Eagles vs. Panthers game officially stinks

This is an are you for real game... If the Eagles win, it's are you for real? Are you going to be like one of those teams that's hanging around maybe 8-9, 9-8? If the Panthers win this game, I think they're back on track to maybe being a decent team. I'm going to come out of this game thinking the loser stinks.

The moment might be too big for McCorkell Jones in Brady's Foxborough return

The moment might actually be too big for McCorkell Jones because he's obviously a rookie quarterback and he feels like he's got a lot of responsibility taking over this franchise... getting to see it up close and personal when you're going to have every fan at the stadium that's rooting for you also give a standing ovation to the guy that was there before you.

The Washington Football Team's season is over if they lose to the Falcons

If the football team loses [to the Falcons], season done. Done. Because they have the hardest scheduling. And we just have, we have to get to December within like four games of 500.

Jalen Ramsey is the only cornerback who can physically cover Rob Gronkowski.

Jalen Ramsey is really the only person who fits Jalen Ramsey's description of a quarterback that can cover Gronk. Cause Jalen is a big dude. He's strong, he's got coverage skills and he can tackle.

Arthur Smith is one of the best-looking coaches in the NFL.

I think you know what? I'm going to throw it out there. Arthur Smith. One of the best looking coaches in the NFL, I think it's like him and Mike McCarthy one and two.

The Chiefs own the Ravens and it is a mistake to overthink it

The Chiefs own the Ravens. The Ravens know that the Chiefs own them. They've said it like out loud. Lamar Jackson has even said it. I think it's don't overthink it, Chiefs.

I will bet heavy on the Chargers this year to hedge against my own Washington expectations

I'm going to bet heavy on the Chargers. ... Because I regrettably have expectations for the Washington football team. But I'm going to bet against them because I've made the decision in my brain of how many dollars I'm willing to pay for a win.

The Seahawks are frauds this year

Seahawks, they might get my fraud stamp. ... My way too early fraud stamp goes to Seattle.

Dabo Swinney only opposes a 12-team playoff because he is afraid of Clemson being upset.

Dabo doesn't think there are 12 teams good enough for an expanded college football playoff. That was another quote... He just doesn't want to have the chance of being upset, but yeah, and he's got his spot locked up forever.

Mick Cronin wasted the 'dad hug' momentum by seeing his father in the first round instead of the Sweet 16

The whole storyline of not seeing his dad, not hugging his dad for two years... he used it in the first weekend. He should have brought his dad out for this weekend. Then they win this game. I truly believe that. They're showing Hep Cronin in the stands and being like, man, after this game, they're going to get the hug. They somehow find a way. A dad game is a game changer.

The Bills defense is good enough to prevent the Chiefs from 'flipping the switch'

If they spot the Bills 17 points, that's going to be very, very difficult. It's not the same as playing against a Texans defense that can't stop anything or a Titans defense that was slightly fraudulent.

The Rams are a lock for the Under every week

Every fucking game [the Rams] play under. I mean, obviously last week, but it still hit. I've been wise to the Rams for [unders]... two months ago.

John Elway passing on Josh Allen in the draft was his biggest failure because Allen is Elway's 'wet dream' of a quarterback

John Elway passed on Josh Allen... this [Josh Allen] was the guy that John Elway spent his entire career looking for when he was drafting Brock Osweiler. He was in his wildest dreams... And he passed. He took Bradley Chubb... This is like John Elway's wet dream of a quarterback.

Frank Ragnow should sit out the rest of the season because playing with a fractured throat for a 5-11 Lions team is a losing proposition

Frank Ragnow who played last game for the Lions with a fractured throat... Frank, Calvin Johnson retired, Barry Sanders retired. They realized that this was a losing proposition to be on the Detroit Lions. You have a fractured throat on a 5 and 11 team. You can sit there. It's a weird throat to die on. No one would blame you if you sat out for the rest of the season.

The Dolphins are not for real

Are the Dolphins for real? No. No, they're not.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are the most talented team in the NFL

I'm going to go to my deathbed saying this. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are the most talented team in the NFL.

I could definitely beat up Bengals head coach Zac Taylor

The only people that are on the list right now [of coaches I can beat up], I want to say Zac Taylor. I think I could beat up Zac Taylor.

I could definitely beat up Matt Nagy

I could beat up Matt Nagy for sure. I'd just be like, dude, your play calling sucks.

Michael Thomas is a terrible fit for Jameis Winston's deep-passing skill set

I can't think of a wide receiver that fits Jameis Winston's skill set less than Michael Thomas. Just running slants, just going as close to linebackers as possible. Bad, bad. Yeah, just tell him, I know that your captain slant runs straight downfield. Go deep, go deep.

The 2020 Steelers are a 'fun' offensive team, not just a defensive juggernaut

I'm starting to embrace the fact that the Steelers are fun... the Steelers are a fun offensive football team, and it's taken me probably two and a half years of them actually being electric on offense for me to accept that fact.

Keeping Adam Gase is the smartest move for the Jets because he is a 'tank' that can't be accused of tanking

Keeping Adam Gase is the smartest thing you can do is GM because... it actually Adam Gase is your tank like he is your tank but not tanking. You can't be accused of tanking, but you are tanking when you have Adam Gase there.

The 'Christian Doctrine': NFL teams are actually harder to stop when their star player is out because of unpredictability

When a good player goes out or is traded the team does better I think we called the Christian doctrine... when a defense plans and you know Christian McCaffrey out there, you know, he's going to touch the ball like half the time when he's not you don't know where the balls going.

If the Cowboys don't cover the spread against the Giants, they aren't a real team.

If the Cowboys don't cover the nine and a half against the Giants. I'm just going to cross them off as not real team. So it's like a statement game you either. Tell me that you're real or not. But otherwise, I'm moving on.

I am officially out on the Eagles

The Eagles are just, they're so sad. I'm done. I'm done. You're pulling the cord on him? Yeah, right. I can't. I'm thinking that they are the same team that won the Super Bowl and I'm just done, I'm done.

The Vikings are a very bad football team and the Colts are better than they looked in Week 1

I think the Vikings are very bad. I think they're worse than they looked last week. I think the Colts are better than they look [last week]... I still think that the Minnesota Vikings defense is going to figure out they're gonna be really good. I they're young and I know Mike Zimmer, but they're young and well, they're right now they're missing a lot of guys.

The Rams are going to be spicy this year and Jared Goff is figuring it out

The Rams I think are better even than they look last year. I think the Rams gonna be good this weekend this year. I think they're going to be spicy. I think our boy [Jared Goff] is figuring out. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah [Goff].

Tyrod Taylor is a 'rebound' quarterback who provides stability but never wins games

He is the epitome of an average Quarterback, but he's somehow worse than average Quarterback... He doesn't make the mistakes that bad quarterbacks make... He just won't do anything... Tyrod is the rebound quarterback. They take right after you get done with a crazy person that just fucked your brains out.

I will bet on any NFL team that was bad the previous year in Week 1

My week one strategy is just basically bet on the teams that sucked last year.

To be a successful NFL quarterback, you have to be an 'absolute weirdo'

To be a good quarterback in the NFL, you got to be an absolute weirdo. Okay, cool guys burn out. You can't be cool... real swag is no swag... winning multiple Super Bowls makes you weird.

The Pro Bowl needs to move back to Hawaii to feel special again

They need to move the Pro Bowl back to Hawaii. It is not nearly as special. I need to see them with leis and all that.

Russell Wilson is not good in cold weather

The only thing I'm worried about is I don't think Russell Wilson can play in the cold. I don't think he's a cold guy... his record and his stats in the cold, he's not good. He gets spooked.

Kirk Cousins is going to look 'so short' playing in the Superdome

Kirk Cousins on the road and the Dome. He's gonna look so short. You know look so short. You know what else this is—this is also I just thought about this but Sean Payton hasn't done any weird motivational gimmicks this year.

Take all the unders in late-season NFL divisional games

I feel like late in the season divisional just take all the unders. I know that sounds crazy. I know overs are more fun. But these two teams know each other.

Ryan Tannehill is peaking and will never play better than he is right now

We're in the process of watching Ryan Tannehill as good as he's probably ever as good as his body is capable of playing football. That's how he's playing. The best will ever get it's probably not going to get any better than this.

The Cowboys are the new Falcons: high talent, low results

I finally realized what the Cowboys are: the Cowboys are the new Falcons. They are a team with a ton of talent that we say 'well, they haven't played their best game, it's coming.' You can name all these guys on the team... They're just not good. They're average to below average throughout the season.

Always bet the over when Joe Buck is calling the game

I'll tie this right into our picks for the weekend. It makes me have to take the over in the Cowboys Patriots game... Joe Buck is I'm pretty sure is going to be announcing it... you always bet the over when Buck's calling.

Playing Patrick Mahomes against the Packers would be Andy Reid's dumbest decision

If Andy Reid plays Patrick Mahomes, this will go down as the dumbest decision that he's ever made in a career that's been largely defined by singular dumb decisions that he's made during games.

Daniel Jones is not a good quarterback

As we discovered last week, Daniel Jones does suck.

The 49ers will struggle to maintain their offense without fullback Kyle Juszczyk

The 49ers lost a very key component to their attack in Monday night. They lost their fullback Kyle Juszczyk... they're going to struggle to fill that role because Juszczyk is really, really good.

The Redskins should never be favored by more than 3 points against any NFL team

The Redskins shouldn't be three and a half point favorites against anyone. And then you can make yours even if you lose and the Redskins win by 14 you'd be like: Guess what? I'd do it again.

Teddy Bridgewater can't throw the ball more than 10 yards down the field

I don't think Teddy Bridgewater can throw the ball more than 10 yards down the field. So I like that under.

Roger Federer is the GOAT of tennis

Federer is a goat. We better not be talking about Novak.

The Warriors' biggest opponent this year is themselves

The Warriors every year, it's been like no one can beat the Warriors. This year, there finally is a team that can beat the Warriors, and it's the Warriors. So I'm excited to watch the Warriors try to beat the Warriors because this is what happens at the late dynasties... I truly think they all hate each other.

Imagine Dragons has officially replaced Nickelback as the worst band in the world

Imagine Dragons has taken the worst band in the world baton from Nickelback... we have to get our boys and IDs back.

San Antonio and Memphis are the best barbecue cities in the AAF

I think overall I have the best barbecue situation, San Antonio and Memphis [in the AAF].

Colin Kaepernick will eventually get Baseball Hall of Fame votes as a contributor to the game

Colin Kaepernick hasn't been offered a job in baseball... As a contributor to the game, I think he would get Hall of Fame [votes].

Dabo Swinney is the second best head coach in the country

I think Dabo is probably the second best coach in the country. I think he's way better than Brian Kelly. I like the Clemson. I like the Rock.

Andy Reid was a 'candy ass' for praising the Raiders after beating them

Andy Reid was a candy ass last weekend after they beat the Raiders on the road. He gave him a big pat on the back and said, I love you guys. Great win. ... Andy, I don't think that it was [a good football team].

The Packers shouldn't even bother with playoff graphics if they don't beat the Cardinals by 21

If the Packers have any chance of going to the playoffs, they've got to win this game by like 21... If they don't win this game by 21, don't even do the graphics. Don't even worry about it. The Cardinals are that bad.

The Cowboys will give their fans just enough hope to break their hearts

The Cowboys can't go out in a normal way. They can't lose and not make the playoffs by just being bad. They have to do it in a heartbreaking way. So we have not heard the last of the Cowboys this season.