Takes

Jon Jones will easily beat Brock Lesnar if he stays clean

Jon Bones Jones, if he stays clean, he will kick the shit out of Brock Lesnar. I mean, he can fight with anyone. He will beat him up.

I will win the World Series of Poker Main Event again

I still think I'm going to win [the World Series of Poker Main Event] sometime, and I'll tell you why. It has the best structure of any poker tournament we have... you have a lot of time to work your chips up.

Joe Flacco's back injury will actually benefit Danny Woodhead's usage

I think that's just more touches for [Danny] Woodhead. [Joe Flacco's] going to have a great year, and I'm telling you, this is going to be good for Woodhead.

Roger Goodell skipping the Patriots season opener is a sign of disrespect that will lead to another title

Probably when [Roger] Goodell doesn't show up to game one. That's going to be a clear sign of disrespect that [the Patriots] are going to have to avenge by going to the Super Bowl and winning another championship.

Tennessee will win the SEC East this year

This is the year we're winning the... SEC East. I believe in that team until we start to blow up, but I think they're going to go all the way, man.

LeBron James' next social media move will be posting lion quotes to look like an alpha

This is going to end in a couple weeks with LeBron posting like an image of a lion that says 'lions don't concern themselves with the opinions of sheep.' His next post will be him in the gym just being like 'out here grinding, not worrying about Kyrie Irving.'

Paxton Lynch will excel in Mike McCoy's offensive system

I have the new offensive system guy. I saw this with Paxton Lynch. Mike McCoy is in Denver now. So Paxton Lynch, he's really going to excel because Mike McCoy will let him play out of the shotgun.

The Patriots might go undefeated this season

Can the Patriots go undefeated? Okay. A lot of people are saying that. Many people are saying that.

Ryan Tannehill will not be in the MVP conversation

Is this the year that Ryan Tannehill gets to the next level? He's not going to be in the MVP talk. I guarantee you that.

The Diamondbacks will defeat the Astros in the 2017 World Series

I'll say Diamondbacks versus Astros then... Diamondbacks [win].

Lucky Whitehead will sign with the Patriots and win a Super Bowl

It's very clear that Lucky Whitehead's probably going to sign with the Patriots and win a Super Bowl ring. And we're all just going to be like, 'What the fuck?' I hope that happens.

Malik Jackson claims the Jaguars will win the Super Bowl this year

Malik Jackson, Super Bowl champion Malik Jackson... two-time Super Bowl champion because he said earlier this week that he's going to win the Super Bowl this year with the Jaguars.

Kyrie Irving is going to be traded to the Knicks for Kristaps Porzingis and Carmelo Anthony

Kyrie to the Knicks today. It's happening. ... Today, sometime this week, for Kristaps. ... We are hearing that it could be for Kristaps and Melo.

LeBron James is going to break Cleveland's hearts by leaving again

It's really, though, I'm sorry, I just feel bad for the people of Cleveland because LeBron's just going to break their hearts again.

Conor McGregor is going to get 'killed' in a boxing match against Floyd Mayweather

McGregor's going to get kicked. He's going to get killed. ... McConnell [McGregor] put his dumb ass in a position where he's going to get knocked out. because this guy's [Mayweather] been doing this all his life.

Clayton Kershaw is 'hurt' but not 'injured' and will play through the pain

I'm going to go with hurt because he'll be back. He'll just ignore the pain. ... He has that special like lizard part of his brain that he can just activate where it just blocks all of his pain sensors and he can just get back in there.

I could make the pros in five years as a knuckleball pitcher with seclusion and a personal chef

I said if you put me in a cabin in the middle of the woods with a personal chef and a knuckleball specialist, I could be in the pros within five years. I think with some training, seclusion, and just a lot more training, I could make it to the double A's and then, you know, who knows what happens from there.

Lonzo Ball's terrible shooting mechanics will get stuffed in his face against real NBA competition

We could make [the NBA logo] Lonzo Ball and his terrible shooting mechanics that are going to get stuffed back in his face a million times when he plays real competition, not in the summer league.

Kirk Cousins is the product of a quarterback bubble that will eventually burst

I feel kind of bad for [Cousins] because he is the product of a quarterback bubble that we knew was going to burst eventually where teams just give these contracts out to guys like, are we sure they're good?

Conor McGregor is winning the press conferences but will lose the fight to Mayweather

If [McGregor] does go and get his ass kicked, which I think a lot of people probably lean that way... this is definitely a situation where he's winning the press conference and will most likely lose the fight.

Aaron Judge will eventually move to first base to save his career

Eventually he'll probably want to because you know your knees and your feet will get worn down over a long season... eventually he'll want to move to first base because it will save his career a little bit.

Winning the Home Run Derby will mess up Aaron Judge's swing

I'm going Aaron Judge's swing. Because everyone knows the home run derby, whoever wins it, it messes up their swing. It absolutely does... He was on track to win Rookie of the Year, maybe Triple Crown, but watch out. I already saw chitter chatter on Twitter that watched out for his swing.

The Houston Astros and LA Dodgers are on a crash course for the 2017 World Series

Probably the Astros from Houston. I think the Astros are really good. I think the Dodgers are really good. I think they're on a crash course for the fall classic.

Tony Romo will struggle with the transition to sports broadcasting

I think he and the world is going to be surprised at what this job demands. Let's just say that you can't be nice all the time. Tony Romo is a nice guy... I think it's going to be a difficult transition. This is not the most forgiving society we live in these days.

Rory McIlroy will not stay off Twitter for more than a week

He got in a fight on Twitter and he gave his Twitter password to his wife... That's going to last about a week. Rory's going to be Jones in to get those retweets back. He's going to have some tweets to fire off.

JJ Redick will sign with the Philadelphia 76ers

My first prediction, J.J. Reddick is going to sign with it... Philadelphia 76ers. [He] bought a condo in Brooklyn, and we're connecting dots. We're getting into the realtor information.

The Bulls will sign Andre Iguodala to a massive contract that will immediately backfire

I predict that Andre Iguodala is going to go to the Chicago Bulls for seven years and $300 billion because his knees are just about to blow up... He's going to play 20 games a season for the next four years, and everyone's going to be like, oh, why are the Bulls not able to sign big guys?

The 2017 Cubs are fine and will win the NL Central

The Cubs are fine until they finish 81-81 and probably win the Central. I have decided I'm going to keep telling myself the Cubs are fine.

Bryce Harper will sign with the Cubs

Bryce Harper wants to play in pinstripes. He's going to look good in pinstripes. As first reported by Pardon My Take. And his dog's name is Wrigley, so just connect a few dots.

NBA Commissioner Adam Silver will appear in a blockbuster movie as himself within the year

The only thing Silver hasn't done yet, I don't think, I can't recall him appearing in a movie as himself, like a big blockbuster movie, but I guarantee within the next year he's going to do it.

My career-high for points in an NBA game will be 59

59? [PFT: 59 points from Malik Monk. That's right in stone.] Yep.

Tim Tebow will be in the Major Leagues later this year

The Mets have such bad injuries that [Tim] Tebow is just going to be on the Mets. He's going to be in the major leagues later on this year.

Michael Jordan will mentally break Dwight Howard

Now we're going to get Jordan playing one-on-one with Dwight and just backing him down. He's going to dunk on him. Talking shit to him, beating his ass like he did to Kwame Brown. Worked out pretty well for him.

Joe Biden will eventually run for President

The big one is Joe Biden... He said, I have no intention of running for president, but I'm a great respecter of fate. So that is, I love that line. I too am a great respecter of fate... Joe Biden is only running for president if God tells him he should. And then once God tells him he should, well, what are you going to do?

Harry Giles has the potential to be a late first-round All-Star

I could definitely cheat and say Harry Giles, the freshman at Duke, because he's done the ACL thing twice. He's probably going to go in the 20s... But he was the number one high school recruit by some rankings when he went into Duke... From a talent standpoint, [he] is the most likely one.

Luke Kennard will be drafted by the Pistons at pick 12

I don't think [Luke Kennard] gets past Detroit at 12.

Josh Jackson is a better fit for the Celtics than Markelle Fultz

Josh Jackson fits what the Celtics have more than Markelle Fultz. He's going to be able to defend a bunch of positions. He's going to be able to play a role that you guys need.

Icing Bros will inevitably make a comeback

I'm going to call it right now. Icing Bros is going to come back. That's going to suck. Take a knee and chug. That was a tough summer of 2008 or 9, whatever it was.

Michael Phelps is definitely coming out of retirement for the Tokyo Olympics

Does anyone actually think that Michael Phelps isn't racing in Tokyo? The guy can't go a year without having to get into a race with a great white shark, and this is the guy who's retired? He's definitely going to race in Tokyo.

Mayweather vs. McGregor will likely end in a disappointing decision that leaves everyone regretting the purchase

Because I've watched every Mayweather fight in the last decade, I'm going to say it's probably going to be a decision. We're all going to be disappointed and be like, damn, why did we pay $200 for that?

I am going to bet on Conor McGregor because my dumb brain will talk me into it

I'm going to break the news now. I'm going to bet McGregor because my dumb brain will talk myself into it. I'm looking forward to knowing I shouldn't bet him and knowing that he's going to lose and still doing it.

Louisville will likely have to take down their 2013 championship banner

The sanctions just came down... Five ACC games. And it looks like they might have to take down the banner for the 2013 championship team. We don't know yet.

A Labor Day fight between Mayweather and McGregor would heavily favor McGregor

I heard somewhere that it was going to be maybe Labor Day weekend. In which case... it would heavily favor McGregor. Because Irish people hate working and love getting into fights and you get into a lot of fights when you're not working.

Tapwrit is a must-play for the Belmont Stakes trifecta

I think [Tapwrit] is a must play in the trifecta. Absolute must play and maybe even must play in the exactas. Todd Pletcher has this thing figured out... They come into the Belmont, his home track. They're really rested, ready to roll.

Irish War Cry is the logical favorite to beat in the Belmont Stakes

If [Irish War Cry] runs his best race, he's a daylight winner. You can't say that about any of the other horses in the race. So even though he's the favorite, I think he's the horse to beat.

Christian Pulisic will make soccer the biggest sport in America

This guy, he is going to make soccer the biggest sport in America. This is the guy. It actually already happened with Freddy Adu, and then John Harkes, and then DeMarcus Beasley, but it's happening again before our eyes.

There is a 30% chance Alex Ovechkin gets traded this offseason

Do you think that that's [Ovechkin being traded] really going to happen? I would say it's like 30% chance of happening. But that's 29% more than last year... I wouldn't be shocked, put it that way.

The 2017 Stanley Cup Final will go to seven games

Where do you see the last three games going? I think it goes seven. I mean, you say that it looked like it wouldn't have been a long series... I think home team's going to win game five, Nashville's going to win game six, and then kind of a coin toss in game seven.

The Cavaliers are dead and have no chance in the 2017 NBA Finals

It is Monday, June 5th, and the Cavaliers are dead. They're dead... D-E-A-D, dead. I'm going to say it, and this is going to sound crazy. I actually feel a little bad for the Cavs. It's not fair. Like, what the Warriors are able to do is not fair.

The Warriors will beat the Cavaliers in a five-game 'gentleman's sweep'

I'm pretty confident... I'll give the Cavs one [game]. I want to hear the phrase gentleman's sweep again... I just really like that title.