Takes

Nikola Jokic has nearly as many triple-doubles as Joel Embiid has total games played since Embiid won the MVP

Jokic, since Joel Embiid won the MVP, has 87 triple doubles. Joel Embiid has played in 91 games. So Jokic has almost as many triple doubles as games that Embiid has played in since he won the MVP.

The Paris Gentle Mates Call of Duty event will be the biggest in history

Paris La Defense Arena. So it's got 45,000 seats. So they're, it's gonna be the biggest event in Call of Duty history... 45,000 seats. I that's pretty cool.

Tyler Reddick is the first driver in NASCAR history to start a season 3-0.

Tyler Reddick... he did win today. But he's won of the previous two won races as well. So he is the first driver in history to start the season three and oh. He goes three and oh after going winless last year. First guy to do the first three races of the year.

V.J. Edgecombe's NBA debut was the best since Wilt Chamberlain

VJ Edgecombe. Absolute beast. That's how, that's how you rebuild right there... Best NBA debut since Wilt Chamberlain. Wow. It's crazy. It's a crazy stat. Most points in his NBA debut since Wilt Chamberlain... 34 [points] in a win over the Celtics.

Nikola Jokic cares more about his horses winning than winning NBA championships

It was abundantly clear that [Jokic] cares more about his horse winning races than he does about winning NBA championships.

MLB is intentionally stealing home runs by making baseball seams higher

Rob Man-fraud is back. They're trying to steal dingers from you... the seams on the baseballs this year are higher than they have been in the past and it's stealing dingers away from everybody.

Jim Irsay was the first NFL owner with the 'balls' to stand up to Dan Snyder

I will never forget the fact that he is the first owner to have the balls to say fuck you to Dan Snyder when Snyder threatened to blackmail every other owner. And he goes, yeah, try me. 'cause everything that I've done is out in the open.

Kidney stone pain is worse than childbirth

Also, the doctor again for the second time told me that this pain is worse than childbirth. Which I will not be saying to any women, but it's true... I've given birth to like 13 kidney stones. I'm as tough as Philip Rivers' wife.

Jim Morrison might still be alive and faked his death in 1971.

My other who's back of the week is Jim Morrison, maybe. Oh, he might be alive. Apparently there's a documentary on Apple TV that claims that he's still alive. He says that he did not die in Paris in 1971. They said that he faked his own death and there was never an autopsy done. I think he lives somewhere in the Midwest right now. The liver king might still be alive.

Beards are causing baseball injuries because the face is connected to the elbow

My who's back is baseball injuries 'cause Garrett Cole's out for the year... Bad Tommy John. They should never change the rules about shaving your face. Like this, this would not have happened if he was clean shaven. That's true. That's your, your face. Your face is connected to your shoulder, to your elbow.

Paul George has uploaded more podcast clips to YouTube than he has made field goals since joining the 76ers.

Since joining the Sixers, Paul George has uploaded more podcast clips to YouTube—228—than field goals made—191. Respect the grind. His social guy is doing a great job. Like 228 podcast clips... you know how to generate revenue. That's pretty good. But then the field goals made, 191... that doesn't sound quite as great.

The 2024 White Sox are a historically bad anomaly, matching a dentist-managed team from WWII

The Chicago White Sox who are on a 20 game losing streak... If you just erased their 14 game losing streak and their 20 game losing streak, they would still have the worst winning percentage in baseball... Only two managers in baseball history have... a winning percentage under .333: Pedro Grifol and a guy named Dr. James Prothro, who was a licensed dentist, who managed the Phillies during World War II.

The winners of the John Deere Classic always stay in the same rental home in Illinois

For the last three years, each winner of the John Deere Classic has stayed in the same rental home in Illinois. Whoa. It's officially the trophy house. Davis Thompson, SEP Straka, JT Poston.

Tiger Woods definitely used HGH to come back from his injuries

He definitely, I think he without a doubt a hundred percent used HGH to come back from injuries. I like this. Maybe this is the summer of getting all of our goats... They all use steroids. That's fine.

Caitlin Clark currently faces ten times more hate than Duke.

I don't even know how, how people have found this much hate in their heart for [Caitlin Clark] again. She she has like Duke Times 10 hate. Yeah. It's crazy.

Flaco the Owl was likely murdered and didn't just die from a building collision

It says he didn't break any bones, but he sustained massive hemorrhaging inside his body. This seems like somebody else had a hand in it. We need to check the flight logs. Was Flaco on the list? This Owl probably had information that would've led to the arrest and subsequent conviction of Hillary Clinton.

The 'pregnant' stingray Charlotte isn't actually pregnant and is just fat

Charlotte, the pregnant Stingray has still not given birth, which makes me think this might be a publicity stunt... if a shark had relations with a female Stingray who is pregnant even though she hasn't seen a male stingray in eight years... we need a conclusion to this. Otherwise she's just fat.

Every Arizona fan is scared to play Wisconsin in the tournament

Every Arizona fan heard you say that and like, Max is the dumbest person ever. He doesn't know ball. Every Arizona fan is scared of Wisconsin. That's a fact... We whooped them twice in the Elite Eight to go to the Final Four.

Shohei Ohtani to the Dodgers is not more impactful than Jackie Robinson

Ben Verlander... said that Shohei Ohtani to the Dodgers is the most important signing in Dodgers history... Jackie Robinson? ... Pretty impactful. The word impactful was really interesting to us. Most important, most impactful.

Donald Trump is the best golfer in the United States

Rick Re says that it wasn't actually 67. I don't be a hater, Rick. He says it was more like an 86... [Trump] is the best golfer in the United States.

Jordan Spieth is wearing a cheap $500 Instagram ad suit that hides 'fat and frumpy' bodies

Jordan Spieth has a lot, a lot of money. But I think I have that same suit and I understand what happened. ... I think he's wearing a $500 Instagram suit. ... It's a stretchy material that doesn't iron well. And so it's like, it's like a, it's like almost like a, it's like an Under Armour shirt in a suit form.

Jacoby Brissett is the best quarterback in the NFL at the QB sneak besides Jalen Hurts

Jacobi Brissett is the best non-bush push [tush push] quarterback sneaker in the NFL... Statistically, I think even last, for the last couple seasons, Jacobi's been better than everybody besides Jalen Hurts.

The East River is full of prehistoric bison bones dumped by a developer

Dirty Water Don... he's found a bone. He found a jawbone of a steppe bison, which is just a prehistoric, gigantic bison. He found the jawbone in the East River. So that means that it is true. There were tons of bones dumped there.

I can hit 8 out of 10 free throws easily.

Someone said, how many free throws would you make out of 10? I was like, in my day, I was a prolific free throw shooter... I can easily hit 8 outta 10. Might have been a little ambitious. [I went] four out 10 the first time.

The James Harden to Houston rumors are true

Harden says quote, 'I don't know where you found that report.' ... He was being so wishy-washy, but it was like, 'I don't know where you found that report.' And then it's like, yep, that's it. [The rumors are true].

LeBron James is lying about when he started listening to Migos

LeBron today wore an outfit... a reporter asked him... he said 'I love Migos. I've been listening to them since I was in Miami in 2010.' The Migos didn't start putting music out until 2011 and they weren't really popular until 2013... just no reason to lie whatsoever.

Humans can outrun horses in long-distance races

Humans can outrun horses in long distances. Just it's a thing. Trust me. ... The humans were able to run farther distance over time and that's why they became the apex predators.

Earth is spinning faster and it is going to break our technology

Earth is back. There was an article that came out last Friday that said that the earth is now spending faster than it has before. Specifically on June 29th, midnight arrived 1.59 milliseconds sooner than expected. It is gonna fuck up technology.

I've officially signed a new contract with Barstool and the show will go on

I signed a contract on Thursday. So I'm coming back. The show goes on, start all the haters who are crying and weeping. This is the place... I love doing this show. There's no more fun place to work. So I'm happy to be sticking around here.

Red Bull is cheating in Formula 1

I've found my perfect niche niches that I don't watch any second of the race. And then just say someone cheated after. Cause it was great. It was like, I didn't watch a second a Monaco. And then I was like red bull cheats.

Carlos Alcaraz is making the tennis world go crazy by beating the top three seeds

Carlos Alcaraz... 19 year old, beat Rafa, Djokovic and Zverev who apparently is the number two. So he beat one, two and three on his way to the championship. Tennis is back. I mean, sports world is on fire because of this kid.

Bigfoot is currently in the state of Ohio

My last who's back is big foot. There's been pictures of a big foot sighting... I've tracked it down to Ohio. There was some Bama people claiming that they found them in Bama... but I just want to correct it and let you know that Bigfoot is currently in Ohio.

Malik Willis threw the ball 73.72 yards at the NFL Combine

Doing some Pythagoras theorem on Malik Willis' absolute gigantic throw. So he threw it 60 yards down the field. But if you [calculate] the hypotenuse of how actually far you threw in a straight line, it got out to 73.72.

Five years is the official amount of time for a meme to become funny again

It's the perfect time for it to come full circle. Cause we've, we've predicted, we've had this conversation off air many times. Like when do you think Harambe jokes are going to be funny again? I think five years is now officially the amount of time when something can become fun again.

The Manning Cast curse is officially undefeated on the year

The Manning Cast curse, it is officially undefeated on the year. Aaron Rodgers went on week 17 and the Packers lost to the Lions. Week one Travis Kelce, Russell Wilson, they all lost the week after they appeared.

The Manningcast curse is real

Everyone who's appeared on the Manning broadcast has lost [their next game]. Curses are back.

Pablo Escobar's hippos have been legally classified as 'persons' by a US court.

Pablo Escobar's hippos have been classified as humans under the court of law... verbal meme: people like cocaine, big domino Pablo Escobar's hippos get classified as humans, human rights.

Forearm tattoos make you faster

They also forearm tattoo on the guy that won the a hundred meter dash [Marcell Jacobs] this year. Forearm tattoos make you faster. Absolutely.

There are more complete-game one-hitters than no-hitters in MLB history

I'll bet that there's more [complete game one-hitters]. I'm not a math guy, but I'm rolling with math on this one.

The keto diet is 'neuroprotective' and can help ward off diseases like Alzheimer's.

I read this study that when your brain runs on ketones, it's neuroprotective. So it wards off stuff like Alzheimer's.

Passively taking five Airborne tablets a day is likely what caused my kidney stone

So I overdosed on vitamin C, apparently taking like four to five tablets of Airborne every single day for a week because we were traveling last week... and Saturday morning, just pissed out a little pebble.

Kim Jong-un faked his coma to test the loyalty of his inner circle

Kim Jong-un is back from the coma... His sister has now disappeared. So I think that he did a little switch to make sure to see who's loyal to him.

A unified Yugoslavian Olympic basketball team would be one of the best in the world

Doncic, Bogdanovic, Bojan Bogdanovic, Jokic, Vucevic, Dragic... If Yugoslavia remained today, their Olympic team national team would actually be pretty good.

Swag Kelly is the second-fastest quarterback in the NFL

Swag Kelly thinks he's the second fastest quarterback in the NFL, which I agree with... I think he's going to be like a sleeper that's just going to come out of nowhere and get thrown into a game.

I survived COVID-19 because my immune system is strong

My immune system's pretty strong, not to brag. I body diseases pretty easily. You did survive Coronavirus. I did. Yeah.

African bullfrogs are the only frogs with teeth

African bullfrogs, too, called pixie frogs on the market... Can we let it loose in here? They're the only frog with teeth. They have teeth, yeah. It's awesome.

Leaked Wonderlic scores are a smokescreen designed to hurt Tua Tagovailoa's draft stock

They were also incorrect leaked Wonderlic scores all that which tells me it's smokescreen season for someone out there. Like someone wants the rest of the NFL to believe that Tua is dumb because they gave Tua a 13 in the first Wonderlic score. It's not true at all. That's not what he got.

Global dimming will cause a short-term increase in global warming this summer

There's something called global dimming which is the effect that aerosol and all those little particles have... It actually protects us a little bit from the sun's rays and makes the earth a little bit cooler because we put so much shit into the atmosphere now that all that's dipping down. It's actually going to increase the short-term effect of global warming, so we're doubly fucked.

Britney Spears set a world record by running the 100m dash in 5.97 seconds

Britney Spears set a world record in the 100 meter dash. She ran a hundred meters in 5.97 seconds on a treadmill which is four seconds faster than Usain Bolt... no one's gonna break that record.

The NFL has audio from the Miles Garrett/Mason Rudolph incident but is refusing to release it.

The NFL should just they have to have they've got out here. Now, they know they've got audio... I think the NFL had audio because you'll remember they have audio that they play like every Tuesday on Showtime... and their excuse was they have a guy who pushes a button to stop recording in between plays. That doesn't exist.