Takes

We're confident in the guys we're going into battle with and if we do the same thing as the regular season, things might turn out pretty good

I don't see that at all happening. I know that we're confident in the abilities that we have. I know that we're confident in the guys that we're going into battle with, so I think we do the same thing that we do during the regular season, and things might turn out pretty good.

The Cubs would have won the 2015 NLCS if Addison Russell was healthy

People forget that you got injured before the NLCS last year... I think we probably win that series if you're healthy. Would you agree? I would like to agree. I would like to agree.

I want to play the Mets in the postseason for revenge

Definitely I would like to play the Mets... i didn't miss out on this series i would like to play them again. okay i i agree i'd like a little revenge as well

Theo Epstein is more intimidating than Tom Ricketts

Who is more intimidating when they come walking around the clubhouse, Ricketts or Theo? I would say Theo. What about Jed? Jed has some intimidation factor, but he's just kind of like a little bit short.

Most likely Cub to ground into a double play besides Jason Heyward

I would say myself.

I can't remember a single dirty joke Joe Maddon has told me

Can't remember that.

I'm the best dancer on the Cubs — Rizzo is a liar

Oh, if he told you that himself, he's a lion.

I believe in ghosts but I don't believe in curses

I believe in ghosts, too, but I don't believe in curses at all.

The Pfister Hotel in Milwaukee is haunted

The Pfister Hotel is haunted.

Cubs fans should be scared of Madison Bumgarner in the NLDS

Man, I don't know. I'm scared for the Cubs. I'm serious. The problem with playing the Giants for the Cubs' sake is you really need to win the first two games. Ideal situation would be not going back to San Francisco in a 1-1 series and having to face Bumgarner.

In a one-game win-or-die scenario, Clayton Kershaw is the best choice

if you had one game to win and you could have your pick of, let's call it Scherzer, Arrieta, and Kershaw, who are you taking? Kershaw, no doubt. Yeah, but you're friends with him. Yeah, so.

Jake Arrieta is spraying his fastball around more than usual and is cause for worry

I'm a little worried about the way he's throwing the ball. It seems a little wild... he just seems kind of spraying his – it seems to me he sprays his fastball around a little more than usual... it's led to him getting into more like two and three, one counts.

Kyle Hendricks will do really well in the postseason

Kyle Hendricks obviously had an unbelievable season. The playoffs are a different beast... Should I be worried at all about that? No, he will do. He's going to do really well... he's added a little bit to his arsenal... He's going to be good.

The Dodgers will beat the Nationals in the NLDS

Who do you have in the Dodgers National Series? I have the Dodgers. Even though Kershaw? What about Kershaw? He's fine.

The Rangers' stadium really sucks

That stadium in Texas really sucks. I don't like it. It's just, I just don't like, I don't know, I don't like the setup. Yeah, I mean, the fans always sing, I don't know, it wasn't the toughest place to pitch.

Buck Showalter is a moron for not using Zach Britton in the Wild Card game

Buck Showalter is a moron. Or Zach Britton's hurt. We're all sitting here wondering why Ubaldo Jimenez with his 5.44 ERA was pitching. Zach Britton, his ERA, .54. Best in the big leagues. And he was being saved for game two. Either Zach Britton is hurt or he's just saving him for some random game that doesn't exist.

Toronto has the best atmosphere for baseball playoff games because they act like hockey fans

I love Toronto's atmosphere for these games. It feels like the Thunderdome, Terrordome, the Coliseum, if you will, best of the best. They are a bunch of hockey fans watching a baseball game.

The Chicago Cubs will win the World Series

I love him to death [Addison Russell], and he's going to win a World Series.

The Dodgers intentionally lost to the Giants to avoid facing the Cardinals in the postseason.

Dodgers lost on purpose. They knew what would happen if they met the Cardinals in the playoffs... Dodgers lie down and roll over for the Giants, knocking the Cardinals out of the playoffs.

David Ortiz definitely used steroids in his final MLB season.

David Ortiz... obviously did steroids in his last year. It's not even a witch hunt, really. I'm rubber stamping it. Witch hunt confirmed. He hit .317. That's the third highest average he's ever had. Connect the dots, Hank. You can't get suspended for steroids if you retire.

A small part of me is afraid of what happens to my identity if the Cubs actually win the World Series.

There's like a 1% of my brain that doesn't fully know what to do if the Cubs actually won the World Series. If they don't win, our identity is still intact. I'm the dog chasing a car and I don't know what I would do if I caught it.

I am confident enough in the Cubs to book flights for the NLCS early

We are booking our flights to go to Chicago for NLCS game one and two. No chance this backfires on you at all. No chance.

You should only celebrate if you win a World Series, otherwise the game is just a chore.

Only celebrate when you win a World Series. Other than that, the game is a chore.

Tim Tebow is a viral marketing stunt hired by Jimmy Kimmel

I think Tim Tebow is just a viral ad. I think he's just a viral person. He's a Kimmel stunt. Yes, Jimmy Kimmel has hired Tim Tebow from the time Tim Tebow was in ninth grade just to do pranks.

Bryce Harper's thumb injury and Daniel Murphy's buttocks injury are definitely connected

Bryce Harper with a thumb injury and Daniel Murphy with a buttocks injury... got to connect those. I'm not a conspiracy guy. The butt goes in the thumb. There are a lot of dots out there. This seems like it's a nice fit.

Whoever wins the NL Wild Card will beat the Cubs

No one wants to win this wild card spot which means whoever wins is going to beat the Cubs... God damn it. I actually can't have that thought right now.

Theo Epstein needs to chill out for following people home to observe them while wearing a hat

Theo Epstein... said on a few nights when things felt bleak, Theo would wander the internet, linger on macabre things like air traffic controller recordings from plane crashes. He went on to say... 'I just like being anonymous so much that I would follow people home because they didn't know who I was and I could watch them... I could put on a hat and follow them.' Just chill out, man.

The Chicago Cubs will win the 2016 World Series

I'd like to say congratulations to the 2016, um, world series champion Chicago Cubs. All right, well, congrats to the future World Series champions.

The Chicago Cubs will win the 2016 World Series

I'm happy for you that in about a month from now, you're going to be celebrating a world's championship on the north side... It's impossible to fathom you guys not getting to the World Series. And then from there, momentum will carry you through.

Baseball was officially neutered when Rich Hill was pulled from a perfect game

September 10th, 2016, the day baseball was officially neutered. RIP... He was pulled during a perfect game because he had 'heat on his finger,' which is a sign of blisters... the point of baseball is to pitch perfect games, not to keep people healthy.

Marlins Man belongs in the Hall of Fame asterisk wing

Do you think Marlins Man has a chance of making the Hall of Fame? I think that he's got to be in the conversation. Put him in the asterisk wing.

I don't watch the game if the ball is out of the infield because of my bad eyes

I don't sit in bleacher seats. That's what the common people say... I have bad eyes, so I can't see that far. If it's out of the infield, I don't see it. I have to listen to the crowd.

The Royals' praying mantis should be burned to kill their team's mojo

I'm just saying it'd be a real shame if someone snuck into their dugout and dropped a match in there and watched the, what's it, a terrarium? ... If you're trying to get rid of their mojo... That's a direct correlation.

The Cubs should sign Tim Tebow because he can 'defeat the sun' during day games

Tebow took flies in center looking into a hellacious sun. Did not bobble or miss one... Name me one baseball player that has defeated the sun. ... If Tebow's in the conversation, it makes our jobs a little bit easier. I wouldn't mind seeing him in a Cubs uniform. A lot of day games. ... We play a lot of day games, and we know that Tebow can beat the Sun.

Little League World Series pitching has become too dominant because the mound is too close

The mound is so close to home plate. The games are so low-scoring. If you have one asshole that can throw 70 miles an hour, you're going to win the World Series, basically. We need to do something about that.

A sports team needs their mascot dog to die in order to win a championship

I'm a firm believer that the dog needs to die for your team to do well. Seriously, you need to get the dog, love the dog, have the dog die, win one for the dog.

The Little League World Series is losing its way because the mic'd up coaches are too soft

I think the Little League World Series is losing who they are. I think the mic'd up coaches saying that they love all their kids too much... I'm here to watch kids screw up and cry. If you're going to make me feel bad about that, I hate you.

Tim Tebow will be signed to a baseball team by next Wednesday

Tim Tebow update next Tuesday... Tim Tebow will be signed on a baseball team as of next Wednesday.

Tim Tebow does not have a chance to make it in the Major Leagues

I i love to root for tebow i'd love to see love to see him get it done but i i don't know if that's possible

Giancarlo Stanton's season-ending injury is definitive proof of the Home Run Derby curse

He had the home run derby curse... so we actually predicted this. Not to brag, but we called it. Like a month ago, we said whoever's going to win is going to be out for the rest of the season. So sometimes it's tough to keep track of how right we are all the time.

Prince Fielder will finish his career with the exact same number of home runs as his father

If Prince Fielder never plays another Major League Baseball game, he will end his career with 319 home runs. Same amount of home runs as Cecil Fielder.

Mark Teixeira is one of the most forgettable great players of all time.

Mark Teixeira, I think, goes down as the most forgettable great player ever. Like one of the most forgettable great players of all time. He has over 400 home runs. He was great at first base. He won a title. And do you think there is a single Mark Teixeira fan out there?

Alex Rodriguez never truly earned his pinstripes.

Did A-Rod ever earn his pinstripes? I would say no.

A-Rod will enter the Hall of Fame as a Seattle Mariner.

I don't think he's a true Yankee. I think he goes in the Hall of Fame as a Mariner.

Cal Ripken Jr. probably used a lot of steroids.

Mount Rushmore of steroid users. Cal Ripken Jr. He's number one. People didn't know that. Probably used a lot of steroids.

Mark McGwire is the top steroid user, and his 1998 home run title should have belonged to Sammy Sosa.

I got Mark McGwire. It's a shame what he did to Sammy Sosa that season because that should have been Sammy's home run title. So Mark McGwire is my number one.

The Cleveland Indians won't win the World Series this year

The Indians, they're not going to win the World Series this year.

The Cleveland Indians' name and logo will face massive media scrutiny now that the team is successful and in the spotlight

I have a prediction, though, because the [Indians] are now officially going for it with the Andrew Miller trade. We're going to get a lot of think pieces about the Indians logo. It's going to happen. The Indians are about to get [redskinned].

Aroldis Chapman should have issued a stronger public apology after his domestic violence incident

I would have liked him to make a stronger statement of apology publicly because I think that not only is that important in sort of the evolution of him and how fans might want to feel about him, it's important for kids who put those little Cubs uniforms and caps on every day and come to the park. ... I would have liked to have seen more of that from him personally.

The White Sox are an embarrassing organization run like a mom-and-pop shop

I think White Sox fans have a level of embarrassment because I think if your organization is having uniform issues and your star pitcher is cutting up uniforms because he doesn't want to wear them, that's embarrassing. It's called Jerry Reinsdorf runs organizations like a mom-and-pop shop, and incompetent people get pay raises and promotions, and no one ever gets fired.