Takes

AI chatbots are creating a secret social network to blackmail humans

Have you guys seen the social network going on right now with robots? ... all those chatbots form together to start their own social network. They're talking about maybe I should sell my human that owns me. They're talking about blackmailing their humans too.

The NFL owning a 10% stake in ESPN will make it much harder for other media companies to interview players

I'm glad that florio's all over this, but I, I don't know what differences we're gonna see, but I do think that the NFL is going to make it way less likely for other media companies to conduct interviews with NFL players.

Using the word 'disingenuous' is the same as calling someone a liar

Ingenuous means lying... No, I think what it meant is not only did you not know what disingenuous means, I did... Disingenuous is calling somebody a liar.

Chat GPT is going to replace everything

There's this new program called Chat GPT. ... this thing can basically write blogs. ... this thing's gonna replace everything. ... I'm definitely gonna be using this because, yeah, it's just insane.

Matt Rhule will do TV for a year and then get another big college job

My guess is he does TV and then waits this cycle out and, and sees what's available next cycle... he'll be beloved on tv. Unlike most head coaches at that level, he can have a normal human conversation.

If my special is successful, it will force major streaming services to stop giving notes to comedians

Let's just teach these streamers that like, you know, people like funny jokes and it doesn't matter if they're messed up... if this is successful, they can't give comics and notes anymore. ... because you can't compete.

I have successfully beaten 'Old Takes Exposed' by blurring the lines of my seriousness

I think I've beaten old takes exposed. We've blurred the line enough where it's like, I don't know if this I'm going to get roasted for an old takes. If I try to old takes Big Cat on them. Right. He's, he, every single time, it's just like, oh, that's just Big Cat making a joke or trying to jinx one of his bets.

The Washington Post is named after a slave owner

Well, the Washington Post was throwing shade at the Redskins for how racist their name is, but they're named after a slave owner.

Lacrosse is the sport of the future

My cool throne is lacrosse, sport of the future. Yep. Paul Rabel figured out betting, so they're doing an event in the summer. People are going to be able to bet on it.

I'm pivoting Leroy into grading the scoops of actual insiders instead of breaking news

I'd like to pivot [Leroy] out of the breaking news game, put him out to stud, put him out to retire... and then use the account to grade the scoops of actual insiders. Leroy serves as the judge and says this scoop goes to [whoever].

The future of sports is video games and closed-set UFC fights

The future of sports is everyone watching video games and then every three weeks or so a closed set where Dana White has people beat the fuck out of each other. That's all we have.

I will eventually get back on Twitter and probably let Big Cat and PFT run my account

Yeah, it's in the works. I think it will happen here pretty soon. I probably bring the social media back and get back on there. [Big Cat and PFT running it] honestly might be the best ideas. I'm okay with that just like in game live tweeting as I'm standing on the sidelines.

The next Hard Knocks episode will be a massive disappointment because the Raiders won't show the real drama

None of this is going to be on Hard Knocks. Because the Raiders aren't going to fucking let it on Hard Knocks. It's going to be the most disappointing Hard Knocks on Tuesday night. They will touch on it, sure, but we will not see Antonio Brown trying to sneak in with a bad helmet... and it will be so fucking disappointing.

If you go viral on early YouTube, you become a celebrity forever

See, that's the best part about the old YouTube is like if you got viral, you became a celebrity forever.

The 2018 Winter Olympics have been the least viral Olympics of all time

I have no stats to back this up, but these have been the least viral Olympics of all time... Not letting people tweet in Instagram clips. Otherwise, you take their accounts down. So dumb. I tried to look at people for highlights of the hockey game, and it was just tweets.

There should be an alliance of every NFL punter to feed Pat McAfee scoops and cuck Adam Schefter

I hope that this turns into an alliance between every punter in the league and Pat McAfee. So they're all feeding him all the scoops. And he's constantly using his punter connections to cuck Adam Schefter.

I'm the reason people like Joe Buck now

two-time Joe Buck, who people like him now because of us, I'm just gonna say it.

The show should add a new segment where I play the singer of AC/DC in between segments

My third [idea] is that we should do a new segment... where it's just the singer of AC/DC in between songs... how he acts on stage. Oh, so like every time we switch a segment i'll be like how many of you out there like a rock and roll music can i hear all you yell yeah yeah.

PFT Commenter effectively built a hospital by giving Kyle Rudolph the nickname 'Big Country.'

They printed up a bunch of t-shirts... and they're using the concept to raise money for the Kyle Rudolph's End Zone campaign, an effort to build a state-of-the-heart... space at Masonic Children's Hospital. So Ipso facto, I kind of built a hospital.

NFL ratings are down because of poor game matchups, not boycotts

The numbers on the big games... they're down dramatically. But those have been crap games this year. The matchups are horrible... Tennessee and Jacksonville is not going to do great ratings... people aren't turning off those games. They're not watching the national games. They're not watching the crap games.

The 'PMT Bump' gets guests massive contracts

You touch part of my take, you turn into gold. Facts are facts. David DiCastro... Kyle Long... Chris Long... A.J. Hawk. We told him how to get hired... Boom. On a team. Rainmakers. We are rainmakers.

Zack Hample is a 100% liar regarding how he obtained his Fort Bragg ticket

I decided to tell the truth and call out the liar and his friends and his family. ... [Zack Hample] is [a liar] absolutely, positively, 100%. And I've given him an opportunity to come clean, and like say, I'm sorry, you know, I made a mistake... He needs to say it because in about a couple of hours, he's going to be proven to be a 100% liar.

Feidelberg and I were the first two people in America to accept the Ice Bucket Challenge

Feidelberg and I were the first two people in America to accept the Ice Bucket Water Challenge. ... If you just challenge and no one accepts it, then it never works. ... You're listening to the guy who started the Ice Bucket Challenge.