Takes

The Michigan State starting five might be 'out' on big naturals because they don't follow Sydney Sweeney

None of the starting five players from Michigan State follow Sydney Sweeney on Instagram. Michigan State Spartans may be out on heavies. Starting five guys are just maybe out on big naturals.

Heat 2 will be a 'disgusting' (great) film starring Christian Bale and Leonardo DiCaprio

My Cool Throne: Heat 2. Christian Bale. Leonardo DiCaprio. Disgusting film. Hell yes. I trust Jake Hamilton. He reported it. Christian Bale, Leo DiCaprio, Heat 2. I'm in. Awesome.

John Cena will return to WWE within the 2026 calendar year

I would say within a calendar year [of now]. ... Next calendar year, [John Cena] will be back. If it was his final match, he would not have lost.

Jason Kelce will drink over 20 beers on the day of Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift's wedding

My prediction. I think that Jason Kelce is going to drink over 20 beers on the day of the wedding... I think he might drink over 20 before he even does the best man speech.

We are going to backflip a tractor because the engineering sketch looks like it will work.

Now we're actually gonna back flip a tractor because the sketch was so good. ... I was looking at it, I'm going over this. I'm like, this will work.

The Gallagher brothers should break up during the Oasis reunion tour to stay true to their brand

I would be disappointed if they didn't break up during the tour. That means that they've changed. And I want the same Oasis. If you're buying tickets for this, part of the rush is spending all that money... not knowing if that concert's ever gonna go.

Bill Belichick is likely having a baby with his girlfriend Jordon

If I had to give one piece of advice to Jordon, have a baby. No, no. With Belichick, with Bill. Have a—let's get a baby in this thing. Consummate this love with a baby. A baby in the mix of this would be one of the greatest stories.

The latest Blink-182 reunion is for life

This is the third iteration of Blink-182. And people still wanna buy albums and listen to our music... we can't fuck this up again. The third time is just, we will be a joke at that point. Like, if we're getting back together as the three of us, it has to be forever. And that's it.

The character we saw at the end of the Severance finale was actually Outie Helly

I feel like the real theory is that it's Outie Helly at the end of the episode. Because she brings him in back and smiled at Gemma. And Irv said Innie Helly was never cruel. And it was kind of a cruel looking smile when she looked at Gemma and was like, 'I won.'

Gemma in Severance was never a real person and has always been an innie

Gemma is an innie that they released to the real world to like, make Mark fall in love. Like she was, she was never a real person... She's always an innie.

I will play the role of Chris Farley with such love that I won't let his fans down

I love Chris so much that I'm incapable of letting Chris, and I mean, I, I can't, I'm not incapable of letting his fans down... I love Chris so much that I'm not worried about keeping his memory alive in a, in an authentic and loving way. I know I'm going to do that... some people are just supposed to play certain people.

Paul Walter Hauser will be one of the biggest actors in the world within the next 10 years

I think you will be like one of the biggest actors in the world in the next 10 years. You should be, you should be.

I would win an Oscar if I played Teddy Roosevelt

I, I have three roles I really want to inhabit in the next five years. I wanna, I wanna play Teddy Roosevelt. [Big Cat: Oscar! Hauser: Yes.] And that's another one where I just, I know I can play him. I'm not even worried about it.

It will take at least two years for my viral 'not real' moment to truly fade away

I think it'd probably be a good two years before it truly goes away. And I'll be a meme for the rest of my life. I get it. But at this point it's funny... lean into it. It is what it is.

Tyreek Hill will become a porn star after he retires from the NFL

Tyreek Hill... came out today and said that when he retires he wants to just kind of get outta the limelight and enjoys retirement in peace and also be a porn star. I would watch.

The upcoming Harry Potter TV show will suck

The movie sucks. The show's probably gonna suck too. That's my take.

Tom Segura is going to die in a car accident because he drives like a '16-year-old asshole.'

I did not wanna die in a car accident with Tom [Segura]. And that is how that guy's gonna die. Yeah. Well that is how that guy's gonna die. Well he drives like a fucking asshole, like a 16 year old asshole. He knows the pedals that he never uses? Yeah, he fucking uses them.

The breakup of Chrissy Teigen and John Legend will be the greatest day on the internet

I can't wait for Chrissy Teigen and John Legend. It's gonna be the best day on the internet. Like all these people being like, what is love anymore? ... It will be the greatest breakup of all time... Their private life must be a horror show. John legend... that's the kind of guy that cheats as he gets older. He's gonna do it like in a classy way.

George R.R. Martin is 'completely lying' about working on the next Game of Thrones book

I don't think he's written a single word. If you look at anything that he's said in the press recently, I think he's just completely lying about it. I don't think he's started the next book at all.

AEW Rampage and Dynamite will both be strong shows ten years from now

If both shows are really strong, if Dynamite and Rampage are both really strong shows 10 years from now, hopefully even stronger than now, I would be so proud.

I am one of the best in the world at predicting Dave Portnoy's pizza review scores

I feel like I'm one of the best in the world at predicting what Dave is going to rate a pizza... I'm nasty like it's just it's crazy. Like I picked this so many times... I would put money up if we want to do that one day.

Workaholics will be 12 times funnier when we are all 50

We have always been very adamant in saying that Workaholics gets 12 times more funnier when we're all 50 and or like even older and still living together, and I'm just bald on the top of my head. It's just storylines for days.

Tekashi 6ix9ine's addiction to Instagram Live will eventually lead to his downfall

this dude is so good at self-promotion... But the only downside to it is he's addicted to going live. He goes live when he's about to commit crimes. And as somebody who's on the run from people that are looking for him, I think that's going to be his downfall.

Billy Mitchell is an assistant who talks in the third person to reporters

Shawn Jones is definitely Billy, right? Talking the third person. That's absolutely it's an assistant that Billy made up like Trump made up John Baron back in the 80s to like talk to reporters and shit.

Tom Cruise would murder Justin Bieber in a fight

I still think Tom Cruise would kick his ass. Tom Cruise would murder him. Dude, he does all his own stunts. Hanging outside of a helicopter at Mission Impossible. Yes, that's him.

Sex bots will be perfected before robot umpires or doctors

I think we're going – if history has taught us anything, it's that sex is always on the bleeding edge of technology. So after we perfect sex bots – Then we'll get around to making things like doctors, surgeons. Robot umps and robot baseball players.

Predicts Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will get divorced

I saw a lot of people tweeting like, oh, my God... they love each other. I can't wait for them to get divorced. It's going to be awesome. I hope she takes them for all of Sussex.

T.Y. Hilton's son will date Riley Curry in 15 years

Also, I just want to make a prediction. Within, I'm going to say 10 to 15 years, T.Y. Hilton's kid is going to be dating Riley Curry. I just want to put that out there. I think that's the next sports power couple.

By age 70, Dave Portnoy will weigh 90 pounds and still be taking Adderall

God knows [Dave Portnoy] probably will weigh 90 pounds and be bent over. Still taking the Adderall. I agree.