Takes

I refuse to support the global expansion of the NFL because I only care about American fans

I honestly don't care if, if, if other countries watch football or not, like this whole, like global expansion of football, do not care. I watch football with my friends in America. I don't give a fuck what they watch over there.

The Celtics should give Joe Mazzulla a job for life

Signed a multi-year extension back with the Celtics. They should just give him a job for life.

MGK objectively has bangers and I'm officially coming out as a fan.

MGK Dropped an album on Friday. It's good... I really dislike how much I respect MGK as an artist... He objectively has bangers. Yeah, I agree. He's, he's got good songs... I'm out. I'm officially, I'm coming out. I'm an MGK fan.

I would literally kill a man for Mike Vrabel

I'm there, [Mike] Vrabel. I'm already there. I would literally kill a man for Mike Vrabel.

Tom Brady wearing any Raiders logo makes him look cool instantly

It basically confirms that anyone who puts on any Raiders logos look cool all the time. The silver and black, he looks cool.

Happy Gilmore 1 is the funniest movie of all time

I'm just gonna get mad. I wanna just enjoy a movie and Happy Gilmore 1 is the funniest movie of all time.

Nikola Jokic cares more about his horses winning than winning NBA championships

It was abundantly clear that [Jokic] cares more about his horse winning races than he does about winning NBA championships.

UFC would be a better sport if there were more KOs and no gloves

There should be more KOs. No gloves. Too much defense. There's too much defense. I want more. They should be standing up and just throwing fist. Be a much better sport.

Coldplay staged the viral Kiss Cam moment for publicity

I feel like Coldplay might have set this whole thing up because we're talking about Coldplay online. Coldplay's getting talked about more than they've ever been talked about so much.

Jerry O'Connell is using his separate finances as an excuse to avoid paying for the PMT fantasy league

He's throwing us a song and dance about how he only could pay for a third of the leak. He's, he's saying a lot of things about how he has to explain things to his wife. No, I I it's more I'm disappointed. Yeah. Like he, he's taken us for a ride.

The World Series of Poker should embrace its bad boy William Kass to save the game from 'robot' players

The World Series of Poker is gonna do the opposite thing that they should do. They should embrace this guy because these type of people... you need personalities. You need people that are aggravating. You don't need people who are robots who are playing by an algorithm and just going through it.

Hearing people describe their poker beats is more boring than hearing people describe their dreams

I actually think that hearing people describe their poker beats might be more boring than hearing people describe their dreams.

Brian Steele is the greatest defense attorney of all time

Brian Steele might just be the greatest defense attorney of all time... he has beat racketeering charges for his clients for the second time... Young Thug... Sean Combs.

E11EVEN in Miami is the #1 place in the world to celebrate a sports championship

Crowd surfing with the Stanley Cup at 11. If you've been to 11, it is quite something. That might be the number one place to celebrate a championship. It's, I don't even understand how 11 exists. It's a club that's also a strip club, but not a strip club.

World War III is overrated and the term is being overused

My Who's Back of the Week is World War III. We're doing it again, boys. I think this is the fifth World War III that's happened in the last four years. ... I'm so sick of everyone saying World War III just started.

Jonathan Toews signing with the Winnipeg Jets is the perfect way for him to end his career

Jonathan Toews. He's back, he signed with the Winnipeg Jets, his hometown team. ... I'm happy he's able to now play again. Hopefully end his career the right way. 'cause it really sucked the way it ended in Chicago.

The era of the 'Featured Barber' and high-priced haircuts is officially here

The barbers are up... you pull up, they only do the app appointments... they're like 60 to 80 dollars... then there's guys down a little bit further down the street doing featured spots... book your appointment now.

I would fight Marlon's Man in a Rough N' Rowdy match.

I'm not ashamed to beat up a 68-year-old man... I'll fight you in Rough N' Rowdy Marlon's Man. Balls in your court.

We have reached the point where AI-generated videos are officially indistinguishable from reality.

AI is back. 'cause I think half the pod, not just Hank this time, got got fooled with a fake man on the street video that's done using all AI. And we've reached the point where now we can't tell we, we officially can't. Sometimes we should be able to tell, but now I feel like it's just, it's, we're we're fucked.

Jim Irsay lived exactly how a billionaire NFL owner should live

I think Jim Irsay is the closest to how I would wanna live my life if I was a billionaire. He had a football team... He collected sick guitars... He lived how you should live if you are a billionaire.

The show 'The Librarians: The Next Chapter' looks like the dumbest show of all time

The librarians, the next chapter. They're showing these commercials in all these games. It like it. I can't believe it's a real show that is being made. It looks like this is the best whose guy ever dumb this fucking show of all time.

The Rockies firing Bud Black won't change anything because owner Dick Monfort is the real problem.

The Rockies fired Bud Black... the owner, Dick Monfort, being like, 'we're all trying to find out how this happened.' It's you, dude. You're the piece of shit.

The Rock is the best movie ever made

The Rock is Back. And if you haven't seen The Rock it may, it might be the best movie ever made... It is the perfect movie. It's got everything. Sean Connery, Nick Cage, prisons, terrorists.

Abdul Carter is a loser for trying to take the retired numbers of Lawrence Taylor and Phil Simms

Is Abdul Carter a loser? I it's very weird. A weird tumble guy of all time... to on day one, go into your new company and be like, I want the numbers of the two most famous guys that everybody loves. Lawrence Taylor... then he's like, all right, how about Phil Simms? No, pick your own number man.

LeBron James only releases post-elimination injury reports to build a protective narrative for his legacy

With LeBron it's interesting because the, the whole like you know, build, building in your narrative. Your excuse after the fact. It's something he's done a couple times... but he always has to remind us that he's injured always. And to not play a hypothetical game, it was just so extra to be like, if game six had happened tonight, yeah. He would not be playing.

100 dedicated humans could easily defeat one gorilla in a fight

I think a hundred friends could be one gorilla. Everybody just gotta be dedicated to the shit. And that sparked a debate across the internet... I am firmly of the belief that a hundred people could easily be go a fight.

Warren Zevon is arguably the greatest songwriter of all time

Warren Zevon might be my favorite songwriter of all time. And he's, he's deserved being in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for a while. It's insane he wasn't.

Jordan Hudson is a smart marketer and the brains in her relationship with Bill Belichick

She's an incredible marketer. She is. I think she's the brains in that relationship. Jordan, if you can land us Bill Belichick on PMT, you can interrupt as many times as you want. We're a Pro-Girlfriend podcast. That's fact.

Bill Belichick may be in a 'reverse conservatorship' with his younger girlfriend

It feels like reverse. Using an older person with the younger person... you get a little older and you can't take care of yourself and then someone comes and takes care of you and then also takes everything.

Kidney stone pain is worse than childbirth

Also, the doctor again for the second time told me that this pain is worse than childbirth. Which I will not be saying to any women, but it's true... I've given birth to like 13 kidney stones. I'm as tough as Philip Rivers' wife.

Donald Trump reports his weight as 224 pounds specifically to troll the media and trigger a reaction

He's actually lost weight. He's 224... 6'3" 224. So that is that's RG3... I think that he does that now. Like at first I think he was lying about it. Now he lies about it because he knows that people are going to make fun of him for lying about it.

Ja Morant's addiction to fake guns is the best addiction of all time

Ja Morant can't quit holding fake guns. It's the, it's the best addiction of all time. I respect the hell outta that... the NBA coming down on him for his fake guns is bullshit. Just ignoring all the history of Ja Morant with real guns. I love that shit. It's behavior that like a five-year-old would do.

The Impractical Jokers are 'sex creeps'

The impractical Joker suck ass... turns out two of the four creeps. Sex creeps. Allegedly. Allegedly. It was Joe and it was Myrrh. Allegedly. Okay. So Joe alleged, well I also wanna say for Joe, he has now checked himself into inpatient treatment. Smart for being a sex creep... Joe Gato is seeking treatment for, I guess being a sex creep. So he is been hitting up high school girls, hanging out with them, touching their stomachs, doing weird shit. And then Mur was allegedly deeming a bunch of underage girls too.

Hammocks are the most overrated thing in the world.

I have a hammock take: they suck. Most overrated thing in the world. It's thinking about getting out of a hammock—getting out of a hammock sucks. I don't trust them. I get into hammocks and it's a problem.

Nice furniture does not belong outside

Nice furniture should not be outside... the maintenance is not worth the comfort. It's fucking outdoors.

Borgs (Blackout Rage Gallons) are ratchet

My other, who's back of the week is... Borg. Blackout rage gallon. Foul... I've seen... people name 'em and stuff... it's so ratchet.

The NBA needs a Celtics-Lakers Finals for the ratings

The Lakers were scaring me. They've been, you know, they won eight straight. They were playing really well and it, you know the conspiracy of how does Luca end up in la? The NBA needs a Celtics. Lakers NBA finals for ratings. Yep.

Bill Belichick's Hard Knocks at UNC will be a massive recruiting commercial for the Tar Heels

I'm actually excited to watch this. Yeah. I wanna see it is gonna be a giant commercial for UNC. That's the reason why he's doing it. Obviously. Smart. It's smart. It's very smart. You get a lot of publicity. Guys wanna come play for you.

If the Bears had drafted Patrick Mahomes, he would look as bad as he did in Super Bowl 59 every single game.

I saw an insult tweet tonight that hurt me, but also was very accurate. It said, if you ever wondered what it would look like if the Bears had drafted Patrick Mahomes, [this is what it looks like]. So that was an insult tweet. I think he was just stating the fact that this is what it would look like.

The Mavericks are only making their internal situation worse following the 'worst trade ever' of the Luka and Kyrie era.

It's still crazy that they're somehow making it worse. The worst trade ever. They're making it worse. [Context: discussing Mavericks governor Patrick Dumont's statements about team culture and Luka's work ethic].

Madison Keys' victory over Aryna Sabalenka proves that America is once again a dominant force in professional tennis.

Ariana Sabalenka, notorious best women's tennis player. Got number one seed... Got smoked by Madison Keys, American 19th seed in the tournament. Major upset. USA Aussie Open Champion America's back.

Duke is a formidable team, but their dominance is skewed by the fact that the ACC is currently a weak conference.

Duke is a problem, but the ACC fucking sucks. So I'm just gonna tell myself that they're good only because they're killing everyone in the ACC.

College basketball needs 'asshole' coaches like Dan Hurley to be interesting.

College basketball needs asshole coaches. That's what it was built on... I need a coach K, I need a like as much as I hate Coach K, he has that that like, ah, I hate him. I wanna root against him. Dan Hurley is that if you hate him, that's good for college basketball. So I want him to do whatever he wants to do.

Everyone complaining about Cam Ward sitting out the second half of the Pop-Tarts Bowl is a loser

Anyone who was upset about Cam Ward is a loser and they're just basically looking for something to be angry about. ... He's also got millions of dollars on the line if he gets hurt. I don't understand it. ... Bowl games don't really mean anything and it's entertainment and it's kind of stupid but it's also fun.

Bernard Langer is a 'hustler' for using the senior tees to win the PNC Championship

This guy's a hustler, but yeah. Charlie Woods sick hole one. He gets an initial like 120 yards on every drive. I'd have too much pride to do that. I wouldn't hit from those tees.

Rickey Henderson is the best lead-off hitter of all time

Rickey Henderson... was such a awesome, awesome baseball player to watch. All his base stealing records are just insane... Best lead off hitter of all time. All his base stealing records are just insane. They're the stats that you can look up and be like, it would, oh, it would take somebody like 30 years.

LeBron James' absence was extremely odd and under-reported

He left the Lakers a few days ago... there was, you know, internet rumors circulating that he was maybe getting arrested. That he was disappearing... it was weird the way it was, you know, he left and with LeBron and the media, they, you know, will talk about him nonstop and it kind of got swept under the rug.

Analytics and the three-point shot have made the NBA tough to watch

It's analytics. I blame analytics... That too. Three point shot. That too. Dunk should be three... Imagine if they made dunks threes. Everyone was just trying to fucking yam on each other constantly. That would be sick.

Mets fans can no longer complain about Steve Cohen now that he is signing Juan Soto.

Mets fans, I, I envy Mets fans... I feel like Mets fans, you can't complain about Steve Cohen. No, at all. Like you, you've lost, that's not an option for you now.

Eliminating NBA conferences and seeding the top 16 teams regardless of geography would suck

This would fucking suck... I want you winning your conference. I don't know, there's the teams that you play all year getting to play them in the playoffs, fighting through them. I like the idea of the finals [being] the West and the East.