Takes

Zelda: Ocarina of Time is the best video game ever made

We are gonna go Zelda: Ocarina of Time... widely known as the best game ever... It's like known as being the best game ever.

Quitting a job you hate is the best feeling in the world

Our last pick, we're gonna take quitting. No better feeling. Quitting is so satisfying. It's the best feeling. If you ever quit a job you don't like, best fucking feeling in the world.

Quiche is a superior breakfast food to frittata

I like quiche. I like quiche. I think [it] is superior. Superior to frittata. The pie crust, it's quiche. I like quiche.

Nobody cares about the NBA All-Star Game

NBA All Star Game. Do not care. Do not care at all. Fun to complain about, but it's just, it's the do not care at all. No one cares.

Construction workers are the groundwork of civilization and deserve more credit

So much infrastructure to the entire, everything that we do. This building, all of our homes, all, all of the establishments we go to. I mean, it's everywhere. The groundwork of civilization, all the construction workers is deserve so much credit.

Getting hit in the head with a ball is always embarrassing regardless of the situation

Getting hit in the head with a ball, no matter how it happens, is always embarrassing. Like I'm saying, you could be playing catch it hits you in the head. That's very embarrassing. But even when we're playing hoops out here and like everyone's shooting around and you're not even looking and the ball hits you in the back of the head, you're embarrassed.

Memorial Day is the best weekend of the year

Memorial Day weekend's the best is the best weekend of the year. Hank knows start of the summer.

October is the clear 1.1 pick for best sports month

I'll take October first... October's one one... October's so good. October has, I've become everything. I've become more of an October boy.

I used to think that if you dug a deep enough hole in the ground, you would eventually reach China

If you dug deep enough you could reach China. I honestly thought that I could... every kid and I I was probably is is that wrong? ... I looked this up a couple months ago. It's actually embarrassing how shallow the deepest hole ever dug is.

I used to think that kissing was the same thing as having sex

Kissing equals sex... that I thought for a long time. That's a really good one. That's how you thought babies were made... whether you say sex or go, they're kissing. I was like, oh, they're naked kissing... because you would watch a movie and they would [kiss] and then whatever.

I used to think that jumping at the last second in a falling elevator would save your life

If you're an elevator and it falls and you jump at the end, you survive... I just looked it up. It's not true. It's not true. You would die.

TV reruns are actually actors performing the exact same script live for a second time

I used to think that when you'd watch a rerun of a show on TV, that it was an all new taping of the exact same script... I thought that like, I'd be watching Saved by the Bell... They're doing the same song, but they're just taping it again for us.

I used to believe that all adults were smart and understood exactly what was going on

I honestly used to think that every adult was smart. I thought if you were grown up, you knew what was going on. And then you grow up and you're like, we're all dumb. No, we're all really fucking dumb. I was probably smarter when I was a kid than I am now.

Chocolate milk comes from brown cows

I thought chocolate milk came from brown cows... I was up north driving past a brown cow and I pointed to my cousin, I said, you know, chocolate milk comes from those things.

Nutty Bars are a top-tier snack pick

Gonna go with Nutty Bars. Love them. Love them. Yeah. You know that You'll get my vote on that. It's a solid pick.

Doritos are the best snack

I will go with Doritos. Cool Ranch Doritos are my favorite. Doritos are the best. They really are the best.

You would choose pizza over donuts for the rest of your life because you can't eat donuts every day

If it's pizza or donuts for the rest of your life, you'd have to take pizza. Like, I'm just being honest, like I love donuts, but you can't eat donuts every day. You could eat pizza almost every day.

The tennis ball is the most versatile ball for individual use

Tennis balls I think are more versatile than a baseball or a golf ball. If you had the option to be left alone with a tennis ball, a golf ball or baseball... it's tennis ball all day. You throw it against the wall, bounce it off the ground, throw it up to yourself.

Waffles are superior to pancakes in every way

I'm going to go waffles. Love waffles. Superior to pancakes in every way. Waffles versatile. You can go sweet... or you can go savory. The nooks and crannies make it.

It is almost impossible to get a bad version of a BLT

I'll go with BLT. Classic. Never fails. Some of these sandwiches, you can get bad versions of them. It's almost impossible to get a bad version of A BLT.

A Chicken Club sandwich is much better than a Turkey Club

I'm gonna go with chicken club. Much better than a Turkey club. Oh, much better.

Chicken wings are the best food and would be my number one overall pick in a food draft

Chicken wings is my favorite. It is the best food. I would take it one, one in a food draft.

CrossFit is the ultimate hobby that consumes a person's life and language

CrossFit. It consumes your life. You have to start recruiting other people to go to CrossFit. You put stickers all over your cars, stickers on your laptops... The one that they, they speak in CrossFit language. Yeah. And they, they ask each other constantly. How'd you do on the workout of the day?

Swifties are the number one hobby that becomes an entire personality

Obviously my one one or I guess one two Swifties. I mean, they're the cra they're the number one. Yeah. Right now they're the number one. Yeah. That is their hobby. That becomes their entire personality. Swifties If. you If you see a swifty online. That's all they want to talk about is Swifties.

The staple of being drunk with the boys is making aggressive plans for the next day that you won't keep

Making super aggressive plans for the next day that you're not gonna do [is a staple of being drunk with the boys]... like let's run it back tomorrow. Let's get brunch tomorrow. You know that nobody's gonna wake up before 10:00 AM.

Everyone has one friend who thinks every woman they interact with is into them

Everyone has that one friend that thinks every chick is into him. You're like, dude, that's just not possible.

If you are a bad gambler, gambling is a massive waste of money

Yes, you lose money gambling. And I'm very open about the fact that I'm a loser. ... If you bet within your means, it doesn't hurt.

Hosting the World Cup or Olympics is a massive waste of money for a country

Hosting the World Cup or the Olympics. ... Hosting a massive world event. I think Qatar spent like $2 trillion or some bullshit hosting the World Cup. ... At the end of the day, they're gonna have stadiums all around their country that are never gonna get used again. ... Have you seen the Chinese stadiums? They're like, I think wolves live there now.

LOL is the most used acronym in the world

LOL is pound for pound the number one most used acronym of all. Most notorious. I put notoriety in there... mass appeal. MASS APPEAL.

Beating a video game is something that is only fun once

Beating a video game. Once you [beat it], you can't go back and beat another video... like yes you can, [but] it's not as fun. If you beat Goldeneye and you go back and you know all the secrets and stuff, it does not have that same allure. The first time you beat Goldeneye, you think that you are God.

Throwing a house party in high school is only fun the first time

Throwing a house party in high school. When parents aren't there. It's fun the first time you might get away with it. You might not, but you still had that one time. But then you can't really do it again. Or if you do it again, it gets out of hand. Your first one's a banger people, the bar's gonna be so high for the future ones that like you can only go downhill.

Michael Jordan is the GOAT of basketball, shoes, and coolness

And it's Michael Jordan. Easy. Okay. Easy pick. Mike, mj, the goat. He's the goat in basketball. He's the goat in shoes. He's the goat in coolness. He's the goat.

Unsubscribing from spam emails is an S-tier easy task

Unsubscribing to spam emails. One of my favorite easy tasks. That just makes you feel awesome when you like have your entire email box... You feel like you conquered the world. Subset of this is when you find the email where they make the unsubscribe hidden and then when you find it, you're like, yes, got it! You fuckers tried to get me.

You do not want to mess with the United States Women's National Soccer Team

You do not want to fuck with the United States Women's National Soccer team. They're going for three straight women's world cups right now. And you don't wanna screw with them. They're dominant.

Without the blues, there would be no rock and roll

Without blues, there'd be no rock and roll. That's a fact. That's a stone cold fact.

Pissing in the snow and writing your name is an elite experience

Peeing in the snow. Pissing in the snow, writing your name in the snow rocks, watching it melt. ... You got your own fire hose.

Peeing on a smoldering campfire to put it out is an elite experience

Peeing onto a smoldering fire... putting out the fire. So putting out your fire rules. ... You got your own fire hose.

The Grilled Cheese Burrito is the best item currently on the Taco Bell menu

Best menu item going right now. Grilled cheese burrito... That is the best menu item they have right now... I love the grilled cheese burrito. Yes. It's the foundation.

The NFL RedZone channel is the #1 overall pick in a draft of 'Red Things'

Red zone channel... One-one. It is the one-one. There is no other.

To be a true 'Hoss,' you should be clinically obese by BMI standards

I would say that yes. To be a Hoss you should be overweight. ... You should be clinically obese by BMI. ... Your BMI should be outta whack. ... Hosses are more laid back. They lumber.

You should never mess with the IT guy in your office.

The IT guy, don't fuck with him. Don't fuck. Do not fuck with him. He knows every he can, knows everything. Get every bit of information about you. He can watch you as you surf the net.

A guy with cauliflower ear is the number one person you never want to mess with.

Guy with cauliflower ear. Done. You see cauliflower ear, you turn around. It's an absolute red blinking sign that says, do not fuck with this guy, because you know he's been in some shit.

I am in the top 1% of Max Action watchers in the world

I think I'm top 1% of Max Action. I think I would be in the world. I don't know what else I could say I'm top 1% in. But watching Max Action is there.

I've eaten way more chicken wings than anybody else in the PMT room

Chicken wings eaten. I bet you I'd be topping this room. I think I've eaten way more chicken wings than anybody else here.

Actually considering going to the doctor when you feel physically wrong is a definitive sign of getting old.

Number one on my list was actually considering going to the doctor when you feel wrong. ... It actually crosses my mind for like, as I've gotten a little older, I'm like, 'Should I go to the doctor?' And that was something I never, ever thought about.

Being excited to open the mail is a sign that you are getting old.

My first pick was going to be opening mail, but I think I should change it to excited to open mail. Because I had a stack of stuff... and I was like, 'Look at me opening this shit.'

Getting genuinely upset when a game doesn't tip off exactly at its scheduled time is a sign of getting old.

Getting actually upset when a game doesn't tip off when it says it's going to tip off. I used to joke about it, but now it's like, if it says eight-thirty and they tip off at 8:43, I'm like, 'What the fuck? Why did you fucking tell... that's another 13 minutes that I'm not going to be in bed. This is bullshit.'

Being able to nap on a couch instantly for 15 minutes is a definitive sign of getting old

The last one, this might be more of a dad thing, but I, I If you put me on a couch, I can nap like almost instantly for 10 minutes, 15 minutes. ... and now I've gotten to that point and it's like, fuck that is me.

Getting pissed off that NBA refs don't call carrying anymore is a sign that you have become your father.

Getting actually pissed off during a basketball game that they don't call carrying anymore. Calling players doing like pointing at the TV and saying, 'That's a carry.' That was a moment for me where it's like, I am my dad at this point.

Adam Sandler is a living legend because of his 100% likability rating and his tendency to go viral for playing pickup basketball

Adam Sandler living legend. Great pick. Every also just goes viral every other day for just dropping dimes in a pickup boots game. He's and also he goes viral for being a good friend all the time. Yeah. Like that. When I see Adam Sandler trending it's usually because he did something awesome.