Takes

The Washington Nationals might not be as terrible as originally thought

The Washington Nationals might not be as terrible as I thought that they might be. There you go... I'm gonna overreact a little bit, but I still think they're not gonna be very good. But it's good having young players that are playing well.

Wisconsin women's ice hockey winning 5 out of 7 national titles is a dynasty

Women's ice hockey because the Wisconsin Badgers won another national title, five in seven years. Dynasty. Five and seven years is crazy. That's a dynasty.

The Paris Gentle Mates Call of Duty event will be the biggest in history

Paris La Defense Arena. So it's got 45,000 seats. So they're, it's gonna be the biggest event in Call of Duty history... 45,000 seats. I that's pretty cool.

Tyler Reddick is the first driver in NASCAR history to start a season 3-0.

Tyler Reddick... he did win today. But he's won of the previous two won races as well. So he is the first driver in history to start the season three and oh. He goes three and oh after going winless last year. First guy to do the first three races of the year.

The current college basketball season is the best in a long time because the top of the rankings is loaded with juggernauts.

This might be the best college basketball season we're having right now in a long, long time. It is so loaded at the top. There are, you go eight deep of teams that feel like they are like juggernauts.

The Dolphins should return to their old logo and add a Guardian Cap to the helmeted dolphin

Bring back the old logo with the dolphin that's wearing the helmet. Except have the dolphin also be wearing a guardian cap. I think that would be very cool. That'd be an excellent logo.

Justin Herbert needs to finally win a playoff game to shut up the doubters

I just need Herbert to win a playoff game because every year it's the same fucking shit where it's everyone's hating on Herbert. We need the Chargers to win this shit. I just get my hopes up every year. Fucking 27-nothing lead we fucking blow it.

The Chicago area will get three inches of snow that will be gone by Wednesday morning

I'll predict right now... I think we're gonna get three inches and it's gonna be gone by Wednesday morning.

Winning against the Commanders would be the threshold for starting to take the Bears' playoff chances seriously

If [the Bears] can find a way to win this game [against the Commanders], then I'll maybe start, maybe thinking to start thinking about playoffs. Still two steps away. And if they lose, it's gonna be like, let's see what happens.

Zion Williamson looks fantastic after completing the 'Luca diet' and losing significant weight

Zion Williamson has completed the Luca diet and looks like he lost an entire Zion. He looks fantastic.

Tom Brady wearing any Raiders logo makes him look cool instantly

It basically confirms that anyone who puts on any Raiders logos look cool all the time. The silver and black, he looks cool.

Opening Counter-Strike skin cases is officially back

My who's back of the week is going to be Counterstrike cases specifically opening them... They went CS:GO case unboxings, $590,000 in cases they unboxed. Unprecedented territory is what we're approaching there.

Jonathan Toews signing with the Winnipeg Jets is the perfect way for him to end his career

Jonathan Toews. He's back, he signed with the Winnipeg Jets, his hometown team. ... I'm happy he's able to now play again. Hopefully end his career the right way. 'cause it really sucked the way it ended in Chicago.

The era of the 'Featured Barber' and high-priced haircuts is officially here

The barbers are up... you pull up, they only do the app appointments... they're like 60 to 80 dollars... then there's guys down a little bit further down the street doing featured spots... book your appointment now.

The Oilers will win the Stanley Cup in seven games

I think it's Oilers. I got Oilers in seven. I think it's Oilers.

The show 'The Librarians: The Next Chapter' looks like the dumbest show of all time

The librarians, the next chapter. They're showing these commercials in all these games. It like it. I can't believe it's a real show that is being made. It looks like this is the best whose guy ever dumb this fucking show of all time.

Brooks Koepka is my pick to win the Masters this year

I gotta pick for you guys... I'm thinking Brooks [Koepka]. I like that he's won there before. I bet Brooks every single year. I'm a loyal guy.

Borgs (Blackout Rage Gallons) are ratchet

My other, who's back of the week is... Borg. Blackout rage gallon. Foul... I've seen... people name 'em and stuff... it's so ratchet.

Bill Belichick's Hard Knocks at UNC will be a massive recruiting commercial for the Tar Heels

I'm actually excited to watch this. Yeah. I wanna see it is gonna be a giant commercial for UNC. That's the reason why he's doing it. Obviously. Smart. It's smart. It's very smart. You get a lot of publicity. Guys wanna come play for you.

The Celtics are officially 'all the way back' as title favorites

The Celtics waxed [the Knicks]... it's back on. All, all the way back on. The last five, they've won each by minimum 13.

The NFL should not change the playoff format to strip division winners of home games

NFL might change the playoff format where division winners get an automatic entry but not necessarily home field in the first round. This would suck. NFL is what makes the NFL great. Winning your division should mean a lot. Don't overreact to one year.

Rickey Henderson is the best lead-off hitter of all time

Rickey Henderson... was such a awesome, awesome baseball player to watch. All his base stealing records are just insane... Best lead off hitter of all time. All his base stealing records are just insane. They're the stats that you can look up and be like, it would, oh, it would take somebody like 30 years.

Jake Paul took mercy on Mike Tyson in their boxing match

I guess credit to Jake Paul for not knocking out Mike Tyson. ... He had no chance of winning that. And Jake Paul took mercy on his soul, which should never happen in a boxing match. ... That third round was elder abuse. That was the round where Jake Paul was like, I'm gonna start unloading. And Mike Tyson couldn't move.

I want UConn to stay in the Big East because conference realignment is ruining the sport

I want UConn to stay in the Big East. But I also realize that the Big 12 would just be so fucking good with basketball... But I don't want to happen. UConn should be in the Big East. They're home right now. Let's leave them home.

Michael Phelps ruined swimming for me because he was too dominant

Michael Phelps ruined swimming for me personally. Because he was so goddamn dominant that, and it happened so recently that I'm watching swimming and I'm like, well, Phelps would've beaten all these guys.

NFL training camp is officially back because Lamar Jackson has diarrhea

The only other thing I had was Lamar has diarrhea again. Yeah. That's how we know football's officially back. Lamar Jackson missed the first day of training camp. He had to be sent home because his butt hurt.

The winners of the John Deere Classic always stay in the same rental home in Illinois

For the last three years, each winner of the John Deere Classic has stayed in the same rental home in Illinois. Whoa. It's officially the trophy house. Davis Thompson, SEP Straka, JT Poston.

The USMNT's Copa America match against Uruguay will be their first real test

Uruguay is gonna be a good game. They're very good. We beat the dastardly Bolivians... Panama, they stink. And then Uruguay, they're always good in these tournaments.

Oleksandr Usyk was the deserved winner over Tyson Fury

Tyson Fury lost, Usyk beat him in 12 rounds. It was an awesome fight... the right fighter won... Tyson Fury's in Deep Water because I knew he's the type of guy that if you're like Tyson Fury's done. Yeah. He'll come back and he'll just knock someone else out.

The Pistons getting the fifth pick for the third straight year despite being the worst team is a sick joke

The Detroit Pistons picking fifth in the draft... two years ago, the Pistons won 23 games. They were third worst in the league. They got the fifth pick. Last year, the Pistons won 17 games. Worst in the league. Fifth pick. This year they won 14 games. Worst in the league. Fifth pick. That's insane. That seems like a sick joke against the Pistons.

The obsession with velocity is destroying MLB pitchers' arms

Everyone's obsessed with velocity... everyone just looking at the numbers being like, you gotta throw a hundred, you gotta throw a hundred. And arms are just getting pushed to this max at a early age and everyone's destroying their arms.

Michigan basketball will return to prominence quickly under Dusty May.

Recurring guest Dusty May is going from FAU to Ann Arbor... I think they're gonna be back quickly.

Ludacris should have a 'Lud Bowl' halftime show performing all his features

I think that they should do a Lud Bowl halftime show where it's Ludacris. It goes out and he performs like all of his features with all the other artists that have had him on their songs.

Robbie Avila will be a breakout star if Indiana State makes the NCAA Tournament

Robbie Avila from Indiana State. ... He's got rec specs. And he is, if Indiana State gets to the tournament, which they are the best team in the Missouri Valley right now. We could have like a, this, this guy could like, capture the hearts of America.

My 'Pretty Much Dry January' rules allow drinking on Fridays, Saturdays, Monday Night Football, Sunday brunches, and any night I want a beer

I am going to be doing pretty much dry January again this year. The rules are as follows: no drinking unless it's Friday. If there's football on a Monday, you can also drink on a Saturday and you can have brunch on a Sunday and then you can have a beer during the week any night. But besides that, no heavy drinking whatsoever.

Shohei Ohtani to the Dodgers is not more impactful than Jackie Robinson

Ben Verlander... said that Shohei Ohtani to the Dodgers is the most important signing in Dodgers history... Jackie Robinson? ... Pretty impactful. The word impactful was really interesting to us. Most important, most impactful.

Tyson Fury was embarrassingly out of shape for the Ngannou fight

Tyson Fury always looks a little bit outta shape, but he looked so outta shape next to Ngannou. Just like they look like different species... he was the heaviest he's ever been was he? That's what they said. Which bullshit for the announcers to say that.

Blink-182's new album 'One More Time...' is a banger

I'm just gonna put Blink-182 as being back. They dropped a new album on Friday. It sounds like it was recorded in 2005. I mean that in like the best way possible... It's a good album. I give it four balls out of five.

I only eat chicken tenders and don't like seafood

I have [had shrimp] but seafood's not really. Not really my thing. ... Chicken tenders. ... [Shirley Temples] I can get a Sprite whenever I want, but if I go to a restaurant or something, get a Shirley Temple. Class it up a little bit.

The Celtics are back to being the favorites to win the NBA championship

The Celtics today acquired Jrue Holiday... And they're back to being the favorite to win the NBA championship. It's an elite defensive back court with him and Derrick White. Tatum, Brown, it's gonna be exciting.

Modern bunk bed technology with built-in staircases is incredible

My son has a bunk bed and I did not realize bunk bed technology has gotten insane. He has bunk beds with like a legit staircase on the side of it. I got jealous of something that my four-year-old has that I bought with my own money. It used to be a ladder where you were basically going to get hurt. Now they just fucking rock. There's bunk beds with slides, legitimate slides. I want one.

The Vegas Sphere is the coolest thing ever and the future of advertising

It's maybe the coolest thing I've ever seen. Like, I feel like it's gonna be everywhere all the time now. Like it's the, it's the future. ... However much it costs to advertise on it is like it's better than a billboard.

"Girl dinner" is just a new name for the way I've been snacking for 20 years

I've been eating girl dinner for the last 20 years of my life. ... Charcuterie bro. Dude, I've been eating girl dinner forever. I just accidentally eat a full sleeve of crackers and a block of cheese while I'm standing in front of my fridge.

I would never take a job that requires waking up at 3:30 AM

I am officially taking my name out of the hat... because of the early wake up time. I actually don't think that there's a single job in the world that I would do if it meant that I had to wake up at three thirty in the morning every day.

Parents having multiple children should buy a 'big gift' for the older siblings to keep them occupied when the new baby arrives

The only tip I'd give is I bought a big gift for my first son and my daughter and I saved it for when the baby came. So when the baby came home, I was like, 'look, here's a gift.' And it was like a toy they could play with for four hours, which was a lifesaver.

I am officially done having children now that I am a father of three

I'm done. Three's easy, I'm done. Four's... I mean, three's already a lot. Snip snip. I think I'm done.

The NFL season opener will be either Eagles vs. Jets or Chiefs vs. Cowboys.

I think I'm gonna put my pin in this one. I think it's gonna be the Eagles and the Jets to start the season. Either that or Chiefs Cowboys.

I am officially 100% all-in on the World Baseball Classic

On Thursday we talked about Edwin Diaz and my take was simply like March Madness is going on, I'm not gonna watch the World Baseball Classic... Now that we're in the final, I'm fucking all in.

Adding Kevin Durant to the Phoenix Suns would make them a major threat to win the Western Conference

The Phoenix Suns are prepared to pursue Brooklyn Nets star Kevin Durant... that scares me a little bit because I do think that the Suns with Kevin Durant would probably become a significant threat... the West is crazy. The West has every team could win it right now.

Duke is officially back after snapping their losing streak against North Carolina

Who's back is Duke? They snap their losing streak. Their two game losing streaks [against] North Carolina over the weekend... they're one and oh in the post coach K era against North Carolina.