Takes

I am not retiring from the NFL

I am not retiring. I averaged 15 yards a catch last year, man. People don't retire off that shit.

If the Panthers beat the Saints, next week's game against the Buccaneers is for the NFC South

With a win over the Saints on Sunday, the Carolina Panthers can make next week's game a clinching game... If the Panthers beat the Saints this weekend in New Orleans, that makes next week's game, which I believe is in Charlotte against the bucks that would be for the NFC South.

Joe Burrow has started eight games in the last year and is 8-0 as a starter

In the last 12 months, Joe Burrow has started... He is eight and oh as a starter in the last calendar year. Since this date, December 2nd, the last 367 days.

Sam Darnold is 10-0 straight up in his career as a favorite of six points or more

Sam Darnold has been a favorite of six points or more 10 times as a starter in the NFL. He's 10 and oh straight up, eight and two against the spread in those games.

Younghoe Koo's terrible field goal attempt was a check swing, not the yips

It looked like the yips. I thought he had the yips... But when I heard his explanation after the game, I watched it again... it was his holder Gilliam, he caught it. And then the ball started to fall a little bit. And so at the last second, Younghoe pulled up... It was a check swing.

The Chiefs' 18% success rate in clutch situations is the worst of any NFL team in the last decade

If you make the criteria that if it's within eight points... in the final five minutes of regulation... the Chiefs... success rate is, I believe [Mahomes] is two for 10... That means they have an 18% success rate in those clutch situation plays. 18% would be the absolute lowest of any NFL team over the last eight years... the worst mark of any team in the last decade per the Athletic.

Wind is less impactful on football games in Denver due to the high altitude

Did you know that at altitude mile high, the wind doesn't have as much of an effect because the air is so thin. So if it's blowing 20 miles an hour, 20 miles an hour in Denver is like 25 miles an hour down at sea level.

Feral cats are a significantly larger threat to bird populations than wind turbines

Cats are responsible for an estimated 365 million to 2.4 billion bird deaths per year in the US alone. And then wind turbines are responsible for an estimated 140,000 to 680,000 bird deaths annually... Feral cats are a problem. That's my, that's, that's the conclusion I came up with.

Yamamoto is the first pitcher to win 3 World Series games since Randy Johnson in 2001

Yamamoto is not human. ... Denny comes back and pitches game six and then he comes back and wins game seven. It's insane. ... Randy Johnson in 2001, Mickey Lolich in 1968, Bob Gibson in 1967 and Lou Burdette in 1957. ... He won three games in the World Series, hadn't been done since I think Randy Johnson.

Carson Wentz suffered a dislocated shoulder or labrum injury on TNF

I'm gonna speculate that [Carson Wentz] had some sort of dislocated shoulder issue. Maybe a labrum. Maybe rotator cuff. And it wasn't staying in place and it just kept getting popped out over and over and over again.

I am donating all my 50/50 raffle winnings plus an extra $25,000 to charity

I am gonna donate all the money and then some... I'm donating all the money and then more, I'm, I, I wrote Lavante a check for 75,000, which will hopefully get them back on their feet. And I'm just doing it. I'm the 50 50 is the love of the game... it was never about the money.

Jalen Hurts is in the elite company of Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers with 18 straight wins

Jalen Hurts has now won 18 straight games that he started and finished. And the only other guys who've done that are Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, and now Jalen Hurts.

Jalen Hurts is a winner who doesn't care about anything but the final result

Jalen Hurts in games that he has started and finished. He's 18 and oh in his last 18 games that he started and finished... The, the Eagles. And he doesn't give a fuck about how they just keep winning.

A Bengal tiger would kill a Jaguar in a fight every single time

I just looked at AI and a Bengal would kill a Jaguar like a hundred out of a hundred times. A Jaguar does have one of like the the fiercest bites in the animal kingdom. The problem is the Bengal outweighs the Jaguar by like 200 pounds.

Matthew Stafford will be 6th all-time in passing yards by the end of the year

Matthew Stafford also reached 60,000 yards. He's now 10th all time in yards... If he has 3,600 yards this year, he's gonna end end the season sixth all time.

Aroldis Chapman is officially unhittable again

I didn't know Aroldis Chapman was just like Unhittable again. ... He's like truly unhittable again. ... 0.33 ERA over his last 30 appearances. That's insane.

The Milwaukee Brewers never lose

The brewers do just never lose. I said it on Wednesday and they still haven't lost. They don't lose. They never lose. It's crazy. This team never loses.

I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before pretty much every game of my career

I would eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before the game. I started that in the minor leagues... and I stuck with that even in the big leagues... pretty much every game [for 1,937 games].

The Indiana Pacers were a physical and sneaky aggressive defensive team in the 2025 playoffs

I knew what it was going to be like Indiana, we knew how fast they were going to play and they were sneaky, aggressive defensively through the playoffs and nobody was really talking about it. But they were really physical.

Fixing blackouts is at the top of Major League Baseball's priority list

Blackouts number one are at the top of my list in terms of things we need to deal with. Ideally where you would like to be is if you have a digital home for baseball, you can go there and buy what you want to buy.

Ben Simmons hitting threes in a wide-open gym is the official sign of summer

We have the first sign of summer and it's Ben Simmons in a wide open gym hitting threes. He looked good. He looked so good... That's, that literally means summer's here.

The Celtics are rebuilt but no longer the same core

The real NBA news though, is Hank your Celtics, the championship team that you were on a duck boat with... is no more. Kristaps [Porzingis] gone. Jrue Holiday gone. Are they done?

The 2025 NBA Finals is the 'Paul George Finals'

These are the Paul George Finals. Paul George was traded for, I think it was Sabonis and Oladipo. And then Sabonis became Tyrese Haliburton. And then also Paul George was traded from OKC that became SGA. It's the Paul George finals.

NBA parity is officially back with seven different champions in seven years

Parody is back. NBA parody is officially back this now with the thunder beating the nuggets in game seven. There are going to be, it's guaranteed seven different champions in seven different years in the NBA. And we also have the chance for two franchises who've never won a title in Indiana and Minnesota.

Jim Nantz's wallet toast card was actually a prank on a reporter

So the card is a prank, but he does like his Toast Nantz style... Nantz ordered his special brand of toast... I made sure the reporter saw the card and when he asked about it, I said, well that card has saved me a lot of hours.

Duke is the only team in the country top-5 in both offensive and defensive efficiency

I have figured Duke to win it all. There's a reason I picked that. Number one, any time a team is top five in offensive and defensive efficiency, they got a great chance to win. Duke's the only team in the country that's top five by Ken Pomeroy in efficiency in both areas.

Teams are 1-7 in their next game after winning on a buzzer beater in the NCAA Tournament

Teams in the last 10 years are one in seven after a buzzer beater in the NCAA tournament in their next game. One in seven. Numbers never lie.

The Wisconsin Badgers women's hockey team is a true dynasty

The Wisconsin Badgers women's hockey team won another national title. Four outta six years, eight total dominant. Dynasty for sure. That's the Dynasty.

Tom Izzo is the God of March

Tom Izzo now 16th Sweet 16... His expected wins are 27.6. He has 39 wins... that's an 11.4 difference. The next closest on this chart is Cal with six wins above expected. Tom Izzo very good tournament coach.

Don't get cute with brackets this year; the one seeds are historically dominant

This is the year that don't be afraid to just do chalk. Only four teams since 2000 have entered the tournament [with a] plus 35 net rating... this year, four teams have 35 net rating or higher. Wow. So that's insane. Yeah. Like that, that just shows you that the one seeds this year are playing at such a high level and are so dominant... don't be afraid to just go chalk.

If Tom Brady explicitly invited Matthew Stafford to his vacation, it is tampering

I think if you can prove that Tom Brady was like, 'Hey, I'm gonna be at Yellowstone Club, come out for the weekend,' then that's tampering. Otherwise, it's gonna be hard to prove.

My Instagram algorithm is 80% golf and 20% tits

It's like 80% golf. No, there's some, there's some, there's some tits mixed in, but mostly golf.

Fifty percent of professional Dungeons and Dragons clients are Pardon My Take fans

I love running games for AWLs. I think at this point 50% of my clients are like AWLs. I mean it's so rad because what I do is now that I've run Forge of Fury, I've been running another adventure for them.

Carson Wentz is the Eagles' secret good luck charm

Do you think Max, is there anything to be said that Carson Wentz is your good luck charm? Because the Eagles have two Super Bowls when Carson Wentz is on the sidelines. You're undefeated in Super Bowls when Carson Wentz is, is a backup somewhere.

It takes two years for a wrist ligament injury to return to full mobility

Whenever you have a ligament injury, your joint is gonna take around two years to get all the mobility back and everything that you feel like you need.

No team that wins exactly 15 games in the regular season has won a Super Bowl since 1985

I got a trend. Big Cat, no team that's won exactly 15 games in the regular season has won the Super Bowl since 1985.

The winning coach of the first Super Bowl matchup has won every single rematch in NFL history.

This is the fifth time in Super Bowl history we're gonna have a rematch of coaches in the big game. The losing coach has lost all four of the rematches. Chuck Noll over Tom Landry, Jimmy Johnson over Marv Levy, Coughlin over Bill Belichick and Andy Reid over Shanahan. And this will be Andy Reid versus Nick Sirianni 2. So each time the winning coach the first time won the second time as well.

Patrick Mahomes is basically lights out in the Divisional Round

He plays in this divisional round and he's basically just, he's, I mean he's undefeated. He lights out. That's just what happens. He is six and oh. He has 1,813 total yards, 16 touchdowns... zero interceptions.

The Chargers' offense over-relied on Lad McConkey

I think the Chargers ran into an acute case of building their entire offense out of Lad McConkey. Lab McConkey had 197 yards. The other wide receivers had 45... They just couldn't do anything that wasn't Lad McConkey.

The Giants are definitively the worst team in the NFL

The Giants have been outscored 140 to 59 since he [Joe Schoen] famously said they're not far off, which was five weeks ago. They're, they're the worst team in the NFL. Would we all agree? I don't think that's up for debate anymore.

Joe Mixon is a bust whenever he plays a top-12 rush defense

Kansas City has the seventh ranked rush defense, according to DVOA Joe Mixon rushing... Anytime he's had to play a top 12 rush defense... he has been bust. And if the Texans can't run the ball, I really don't like this offense.

I will not be able to shoot 20 three-pointers in a row

I misinterpreted what the initial discussion was. I'm not gonna be able to shoot 20 threes in a row. That's it... 20 for 20, which is impossible. I think 20 for 25 is possible. Obviously that's not what we discussed.

I have a broken pinky finger that I'm just going to leave untreated

I do think I have a broken pinky. I've had it for two weeks. I don't know what to do about it. I don't think you can do anything for a broken pinky... I think I'm just like a hurt hand guy for the rest of my life.

Joe Burrow is having an elite statistical season comparable to MVP years by Brady and Rodgers

Through the first 11 games on the four and seven Bengals, Joe Burrow has 3028 passing yards, 27 touchdowns and five interceptions... entire exercise is just to prove that Joe Burrow's having an insane season and the rest of his team has let him down.

The Lions are officially Super Bowl favorites

The Lions, for the first time in franchise history, are officially Super Bowl favorites. They are plus 350 to win the Super Bowl. The Chiefs are plus 450. It's crazy. Lions are Super Bowl favorites.

The 49ers' offense is the second best in the NFL even without Christian McCaffrey

The 49ers are getting better on offense. So their offense without Christian McCaffrey for most of the season, they are plus 1.4 net yards per play, which is the second best offense in the NFL.

The Chargers' defense is legitimately elite

The Chargers are the fourth team in the last 40 years to hold opponents under 21 points in their first nine games of the season. Only been done four times. Defense is legit. Legit.

I can throw a fastball 64 miles per hour

What how fast do you think my fastest pitch was? [64]. Oh boy. That's gonna be a lot of home runs... I guess [my fastest was 64].

Wearing all-black uniforms at night in Baltimore provides an extra confidence boost

There was something about it, man, when you showed up, when you had the black jersey in your locker and it was a big game. You're like, it gave you that little extra like, nudge of confidence... we're definitely winning.

Lamar Jackson is 21-1 in his career against the NFC

Lamar Jackson now 21 and one against the NFC. He kills them. He kills the NFC.